I'm sorry. It seems like it has been a difficult battle, and I'm sure many will be full cliches about the suffering being done, etc. but it still sucks.
Like some others, I went through years of illnesses with my dad. While people can feel sympathy, you really don't understand the loss of a parent until it happens. Take care of yourself, be patient with yourself. You are going to have good and bad days. You may not realize it and you may think you are fine but it may be a very long time until you are really "living" again. A friend warned me of this, it took her a year after her mom died. It took me 18 months after my mom died. I don't think it is as dramatic for most people but I was looking out my office window one morning and it literally was a like a stage curtain lifting and as it did I really saw the colors in the sky, the trees, the grass. I didn't realize until then how muted everything was. My heart felt better. It's not that I don't still have sad days but they are much fewer and farther between. This week has been a bit sad, my dad's birthday was 2/22.
But my point is, take it easy. Do what you can, when you can and don't worry about what you aren't up to. Be patient with yourself, love yourself.
I'm so sorry, Tamb. I understand not wanting to see him. My dad didn't look like 'dad' to me by the time he passed away, and I was worried that the memory would be tainted by seeing him at the wake, but that isn't the image I have of him, if it makes you feel any better. Do what you need to do to get through this. Losing a parent is super painful. Over time the pain isn't as sharp, but it still there. You and your family are in my thoughts right now.