Very, what are you going to school for, when are your classes and when do you finish?
You need a real plan here, not a bandaid. Staying with your parents really isn't a solution here. How much is a studio Apr in your area?
AAS in IT/web design. If I continue full time I should finish next fall. This semester I had classes Monday and Wednesday until 4. There is also a certificate program that would take considerably less time for the same thing- just without all the extra classes that have nothing to do with the major. I should also hopefully be getting my A+ certification in July.
The cheapest apartment in my target area is $750+utilities. There are some that are slightly less outside my target area, but they are so far away from work and school that all the driving (in my less than reliable vehicle) would negate the savings. Also, most apartment complexes will allow 2 pets, max.
What are the realistic prospects for this degree getting you a job that will support you? How many pets do you have?
I know this isn't the life you wanted, but it is what it is and you have to deal with it. Get your tail on craigslist and find a roommate. Get to your academic advisor and see what your options are for part time. And what is your part time job? See if you can find one waitressing, they tend to make decent money for college students. How are you paying for these classes?
All i have to add is that plenty of people work full time and go to school full time. I'm one of them, working on an AAS. It sucks to have to do, but it's completely possible.
Post by daisyheadmaizie on May 4, 2013 11:52:03 GMT -5
I am going to sound like a bitch here. If the major thing holding you back from moving in with your parents or finding an apartment is the number of cats you have, maybe you need to find a new home for some of the cats. I realize pets are important, but they are not more important than moving on with your life and getting out of a really shitty situation.
I know things suck right now and it is going to be hard, but you need to quit coming up with excuses and start making major changes.
You wont like this, but you need to hear it. You have got to stop making excuses. You aren't helping yourself here.
When I was in undergrad, I worked up to 4 part time jobs at the same time, all while attending school full time. I could not take out loans, so I did what I had to do to pay for school, keep a roof over my head, and survive. It's what we all have to do when times get tough. I was a nanny, I bartended, I waitressed, AND worked at a video store. You can suck it up and do something similar too.
So, for what it's worth, you need to stop with the pity party, work more, and GTFO.
AAS in IT/web design. If I continue full time I should finish next fall. This semester I had classes Monday and Wednesday until 4. There is also a certificate program that would take considerably less time for the same thing- just without all the extra classes that have nothing to do with the major. I should also hopefully be getting my A+ certification in July.
The cheapest apartment in my target area is $750+utilities. There are some that are slightly less outside my target area, but they are so far away from work and school that all the driving (in my less than reliable vehicle) would negate the savings. Also, most apartment complexes will allow 2 pets, max.
Okay. Staying in school full-time for another full year is likely not a realistic option. You know this, right? There is no way a court is going to order your husband to pay for your full-time schooling for another year. What does your attorney say?
You need to operate as if you're not going to get any money from your husband at all. Because you may not, and if you do get anything it's sure as hell not going to pay for tuition and rent and your current standard of living.
Secondly, apartments "outside your target area" are likely going to be your only option, and you're probably just going to have to deal with that for the time being. You need to check with them about pets, because I'm presuming you haven't really looked into that and are just guessing because you don't like to look outside the target area.
Thirdly, forget your target area anyway in terms of work; because you're likely going to have to find a full-time job instead of your p/t one, so where your current job is located is probably going to be moot anyway.
I've talked to 3 different attorneys, all of which have been pretty confident I can get a decent amount of spousal support, taking into consideration my full-time student status and current limited income. Apparently the military has spousal support guidelines that vary slightly from command to command but are pretty standard. It's not a ton of money, but it's enough that I could stay in school and while I'd still need a roommate, I wouldn't have to live in the ghetto.
This semester I had to pay for out-of-pocket, I'm applying for scholarships to pay for the fall semester since my grades were awesome this time around, and after that I will be able to qualify for federal grants/student loans.
you're not going to be getting spousal support, even if it's AWESOME, tomorrow. or anytime soon. STOP TALKING/THINKING/PLANNING based upon it. seriously.
so just go. go now. get out. live outside your "target area" and get a roommate.* your options for life aren't target area or "ghetto," ffs. you are self-handicapping here because you're scared of what will happen when you leave this person who is holding you back and truly enable yourself to become who you really want and deserve to be. lots of people do this, it's normal. but now everyone is telling you that you're doing it. you're not doing it in ignorance anymore. so stop. this is the collective foot of ML up your ass. get out. go. it will be better, eventually.
*or, ffs, at least TRY telling your parents that putting up with two damn cats short term will enable you to get away from a manipulative abuser and continue your college career. it may not work, but try. and if it doesn't work, you'll find a way.
I'm not sure where you live, but around this time a year a lot of subleases open up around here when college students don't want to stay in town after the semester is over. Even if you don't live near a major university, there may be some openings for relatively cheap price because people get desperate. That can buy you a few months at least.
Oh this is a good point. Vet bills for 3 cats plus rent and bills and school. You need to prioritize here. And make some changes. Difficult changes.
Even food and litter can break an already tight budget. These cats very well may be better off elsewhere. Even if temporarily.
Honestly, if I had to give up my animals while going through divorce I think I would be in a mental ward right now. This is not a cat collection, these are her pets and part of her family. She can find a living situation that will take them, and cats really are not that expensive.
Have you talked to a DV hotline? There are often a ton of resources for someone in your situation. waiting until your divorce is final and you get spousal support is not an option. Pick up a job waiting tables, pick up a roommate, find a shelter (they almost always take pets) there are options-look for them. be active not passive.
1. Monday, go to your school's financial aid office. If the school can get you emergency aid, great. Use it to move out and continue in school. If not, then either take finals and then drop out for awhile (if you are close to the end of the semester) or just drop out now if there is more than a month left.
2. Move out. This weekend, start looking at Craigslist and postings at your school for roommates. Find a roommate if you don't have first and last months rent. If you do, then look for studio apartments. Take the cats, you will be able to find somewhere that will allow them. Look in other (cheaper) areas if you think you may not be able to finish the sememster at school. Get a credit card and a cash advance if that's what you have to do so you can afford to move out. But get yourself out of that house by next Saturday. No excuses.
3. Get a full time job. If you can get emergency aid at school do that, but if not, start applying at Starbucks, temp agencies, everywhere. Even if you finish the semester you can still work full time and go to school full time for a month or two. It won't kill you. If you are leaving school, then look for jobs in low cost of living areas where you won't have a big rent payment.
4. If you must drop out of school, then start applying for financial aid and classes for next fall. If you have to work for another 9 months and go to school in spring semester, do that. Make sure your degree is marketable. I would be looking for a BA or BS in computer sciences, not just an AA (though getting an AA and then transferring to a 4 year school is a good plan). Make sure you are at a state school, not a for profit college. Those things are scams. If you are at a for profit college, then now is the time to leave and go to a state school. Financial aid is your friend, as long as you are at a state school and getting a marketable degree. Remember, do not put school off forever, just until you can pay for or finance it.
5. Thank god you do not have children. Know you can support yourself and your cats. Then thank god again you don't have kids.
This is manageable. You don't need parents or your ex to rescue you. You can take care of yourself. You will be proud of yourself for doing so. I know it might feel unfair, but it isn't unfair at all. You are an adult. You deserve to be treated with respect, and not abused. But you also have a responsibility to care for yourself and your pets. So do it. Make lists, ask questions, but get in gear, get out of that house, and save yourself.
1. Monday, go to your school's financial aid office. If the school can get you emergency aid, great. Use it to move out and continue in school. If not, then either take finals and then drop out for awhile (if you are close to the end of the semester) or just drop out now if there is more than a month left.
2. Move out. This weekend, start looking at Craigslist and postings at your school for roommates. Find a roommate if you don't have first and last months rent. If you do, then look for studio apartments. Take the cats, you will be able to find somewhere that will allow them. Look in other (cheaper) areas if you think you may not be able to finish the sememster at school. Get a credit card and a cash advance if that's what you have to do so you can afford to move out. But get yourself out of that house by next Saturday. No excuses.
3. Get a full time job. If you can get emergency aid at school do that, but if not, start applying at Starbucks, temp agencies, everywhere. Even if you finish the semester you can still work full time and go to school full time for a month or two. It won't kill you. If you are leaving school, then look for jobs in low cost of living areas where you won't have a big rent payment.
4. If you must drop out of school, then start applying for financial aid and classes for next fall. If you have to work for another 9 months and go to school in spring semester, do that. Make sure your degree is marketable. I would be looking for a BA or BS in computer sciences, not just an AA (though getting an AA and then transferring to a 4 year school is a good plan). Make sure you are at a state school, not a for profit college. Those things are scams. If you are at a for profit college, then now is the time to leave and go to a state school. Financial aid is your friend, as long as you are at a state school and getting a marketable degree. Remember, do not put school off forever, just until you can pay for or finance it.
5. Thank god you do not have children. Know you can support yourself and your cats. Then thank god again you don't have kids.
This is manageable. You don't need parents or your ex to rescue you. You can take care of yourself. You will be proud of yourself for doing so. I know it might feel unfair, but it isn't unfair at all. You are an adult. You deserve to be treated with respect, and not abused. But you also have a responsibility to care for yourself and your pets. So do it. Make lists, ask questions, but get in gear, get out of that house, and save yourself.
Elle is wise. And she's right. You can do this. It won't be easy and it won't be fun for a while, but you'll come out a stronger person.
I think you should print her advice and reread it whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. You can do this.
If you are banking on getting an IT/Desgign job right out of school in this market making more than $12 then you are going to be in for a quite a surprise.
If you get the A+ you have a better chance finding a support desk job making that a lot sooner.
1. Monday, go to your school's financial aid office. If the school can get you emergency aid, great. Use it to move out and continue in school. If not, then either take finals and then drop out for awhile (if you are close to the end of the semester) or just drop out now if there is more than a month left.
2. Move out. This weekend, start looking at Craigslist and postings at your school for roommates. Find a roommate if you don't have first and last months rent. If you do, then look for studio apartments. Take the cats, you will be able to find somewhere that will allow them. Look in other (cheaper) areas if you think you may not be able to finish the sememster at school. Get a credit card and a cash advance if that's what you have to do so you can afford to move out. But get yourself out of that house by next Saturday. No excuses.
3. Get a full time job. If you can get emergency aid at school do that, but if not, start applying at Starbucks, temp agencies, everywhere. Even if you finish the semester you can still work full time and go to school full time for a month or two. It won't kill you. If you are leaving school, then look for jobs in low cost of living areas where you won't have a big rent payment.
4. If you must drop out of school, then start applying for financial aid and classes for next fall. If you have to work for another 9 months and go to school in spring semester, do that. Make sure your degree is marketable. I would be looking for a BA or BS in computer sciences, not just an AA (though getting an AA and then transferring to a 4 year school is a good plan). Make sure you are at a state school, not a for profit college. Those things are scams. If you are at a for profit college, then now is the time to leave and go to a state school. Financial aid is your friend, as long as you are at a state school and getting a marketable degree. Remember, do not put school off forever, just until you can pay for or finance it.
5. Thank god you do not have children. Know you can support yourself and your cats. Then thank god again you don't have kids.
This is manageable. You don't need parents or your ex to rescue you. You can take care of yourself. You will be proud of yourself for doing so. I know it might feel unfair, but it isn't unfair at all. You are an adult. You deserve to be treated with respect, and not abused. But you also have a responsibility to care for yourself and your pets. So do it. Make lists, ask questions, but get in gear, get out of that house, and save yourself.
Elle is wise. And she's right. You can do this. It won't be easy and it won't be fun for a while, but you'll come out a stronger person.
I think you should print her advice and reread it whenever you're feeling overwhelmed. You can do this.
I work 20 hours a week at Starbucks, have 2 kids and help run my dh's real estate business.
I'm lol'ing alot in this post.
VC, you can support yourself and have the life you deserve.
You want to get a+? Bit a book, study for a few hours, take the test. Really, its super easy. Although I took it many years ago, before the minimum # of questions standard, it literally took 5 minutes to pass. Warning, though, that it doesn't necessarily translate to jobs since it is so easy to pass.
Also, get out of the relationship. He's exhibiting classic abuse signs. Of course easier said than done, but please yet to listen to outside perspectives.
He's horny and getting busy with you is less work than pursuing another option. Don't let him decide your future.
If your parents can't take you in, find a room or apartment share on Craigs List. If you aren't being paid to watch your nephew, stop and devote your efforts to more paid hours.
Look into bartending or waitressing as a PT gig. You'll get money quickly and the hours are somewhat flexible.
Regarding the spousal support-- he does not seem like the type of guy to pay it, even if it's awarded. He's military correct? Is there someone on your base to contact about divorce?
I understand that you're entitled to spousal support, but whether you actually collect it or not is not in your control. He could get himself fired tomorrow. You need to focus on being able to support yourself on your own. If you wind up getting support, great. Save it, put it towards your next semester at school, whatever. But you need to think of it as a bonus, not as guaranteed income.
Perhaps this question has already been asked, but since he's such a douchebag, why in the heck are you even engaging in conversations with him? Change your phone number. Block his calls. SOMETHING!
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny