I have no idea. I didn't match the thank you card list with the door roster.
It isn't matching the thank you card list to the door roster.... If you already had a list of all invited guests with addresses, why would you create another one for thank you cards? I know I just added the gift they gave in the next column, to assist in thank you card writing.
We did receive a gift/card from everyone who attended and the majority of those that couldn't attend (and a few from some who weren't invited).
That's what we did too -- I had a spreadsheet where we kept track of addresses and RSVPs, but also used it for engagement, shower, and wedding gifts (which is handy because you need the addresses to send thank you notes, and could check off when I had written those thank you notes). I definitely wanted to keep track of who gave what because I wanted to be able to say things like "We use the wine glasses you gave us all the time!" to people in the future. If we hadn't made a list like that, no way would I be able to remember that.
I just remember one person/couple. They didn't even bring a card, got completely wasted on my dime and didn't send a thank you when we have them a gift at their wedding a year later. Klassy couple.
It isn't matching the thank you card list to the door roster.... If you already had a list of all invited guests with addresses, why would you create another one for thank you cards? I know I just added the gift they gave in the next column, to assist in thank you card writing.
We did receive a gift/card from everyone who attended and the majority of those that couldn't attend (and a few from some who weren't invited).
That's what we did too -- I had a spreadsheet where we kept track of addresses and RSVPs, but also used it for engagement, shower, and wedding gifts (which is handy because you need the addresses to send thank you notes, and could check off when I had written those thank you notes). I definitely wanted to keep track of who gave what because I wanted to be able to say things like "We use the wine glasses you gave us all the time!" to people in the future. If we hadn't made a list like that, no way would I be able to remember that.
Us too. I didn't do this with baby gifts and I seriously regret it because I truly can't remember who gave us some of the things we have. It's really too bad.
I didn't know cards were so important. Dead serious. Having a guest show up & celebrate with us awesome. Running into CVS & grabbing a card off the rack doesn't make them seem more thoughtful.
I guess I am approaching it from the point of view that weddings are gift giving occasions, and attending w/o a gift or card is something that I never would do - would you?
This is pretty irrelevant IMO. I am a giant prude, so I could give you a long list of "things I would never do." Doesn't mean I give two shits if someone else does them.
We had this, and I remember who because they were people I was irritated with beyond the gift scenario.
One family (aunt, uncle, cousins, cousins' SOs, and cousins' kids) RSVPd 2 days before the wedding. I had tracked them down and asked if they were coming since they didn't send back response cards. They said they couldn't come, until deciding 2 days before the wedding that they were all coming, including 5 little kids who weren't even invited. I had to redo all the seating arrangements, and get food for 12 more people. Then they didn't even give us a card.
Yes, most of DH's family, including MIL and all 5 of his siblings. I was somewhat annoyed, especially given how much DH has done for all of them, but not as annoyed as I was by the no-shows.
We just had our wedding last October and probably a little less than half of our fifty something guest list got us a present or card. I figured it was because a lot of our friends and family traveled from out of town, but it was mostly all local friends and coworkers who did not give. Some people gave gifts months afterwards though.
There were a couple. I wasn't hurt or upset, but I did think it was weird. I can't imagine not at least bringing a card too. I'm not sure why you wouldn't, though I might feel even worse giving a card WITHOUT a gift than I would just skipping a card entirely (maybe they won't notice?).
That said, I'd never not give a card or gift so I guess it's hard to say how I'd feel lol.
put me in the camp that a wedding is primarily NOT a gift-giving occasion. it is a celebration of love. gifts are nice and often shared during that celebration, but I want the people I love to be there.
FWIW, you mentioned money being tight for these people. it isn't completely honest, but I can see someone not buying a card because then that automatically creates possible alternative scenarios - B/G might always think that the card was lost, forgotten at home, etc. If you are too broke to write a check and you place an empty card in the box you might feel it draws attention to the fact that you cannot offer a real gift. cut them some slack.
I'm pretty sure we got something from everyone who came. Actually, we even got a few gifts from people who weren't invited but wanted to give a gift, which was a huge surprise (one of my BM's mom and my SIL's parents).
As others have said, technically my parents didn't give us a gift but they paid for a lot of the wedding so that was their gift.
We had a few, but almost every one who gave us nothing was in the WP, and I just can't get mad about no gift when they have already spent so much on being in the wedding, and in my case, they also offered to host a shower and b-party for me and spent money on that. It's expensive being in a wedding!
We always bring a card and a check, and I would personally not show up without a card at least, even if I couldn't afford the check, but it doesn't bother me that some people gave us nothing.
We just got married last month. There were a few people who didn't get us anything, but we had a DW so I was touched that many of them made the trip for the wedding. As we had such a small wedding (35 ppl). I'm sending a thank you for coming letter to everyone as our wedding was on a pretty pricey island.
Post by wanderlustfoodie on May 5, 2013 10:16:17 GMT -5
We had a few. Some I think just forgot and would be mortified to know they never gave a gift. Others not so much, including DH's boss at the time. My husband didn't even really like him but because he was inviting everyone else in the small group felt obligated to invited him. He came without his wife, hit on my law school friends, and never gave a gift. Classy.
My SIL was the only one. I was a little bothered that she couldn't even sign her name to a card but I wasn't really all that surprised considering she was always a part of the family gift exchange at Christmas but whoever she drew never got a gift because 'she couldn't afford it'.
Ok I need to hear more. Does she still expect that the person who drew her should give HER a gift? This person sounds charming.
I don't usually give gifts at weddings because I end up being a musician in most of them (I am a flute player). I don't consider that as "in the wedding". I always give shower gifts though.
I guess I don't see weddings as a gift-receiving occasion. Yes the gifts are nice, we got a nice chunk of $$, but it was not necessary.
We actually had a decent amount of people that didn't give anything. Although there could be 2 reasons. First, my mom was pretty terrible at keeping track of the gifts. Instead of making one list or keeping all the cards together, she put some of them back in the bags and didn't tear off the little tags on the bag if there wasn't a card. So unfortunately it's possible that something got missed and they really did give us a gift (I hope that didn't happen!). Second, we had a few friends that forgot their gift at the hotel or at home and still haven't had the chance to send it or drop it off. I'd love to see what they got us but if we never get it that's ok, haha. But the stuff we did get makes up for the things we didn't IMO
And a few (including FIL and my brother and sister) give no card and no gift. My sister gave us a basket of household items a few months later as a belated gift.
Yes, several. I could actually tell you who they are, not because I'm bitter and jaded, but because I kept a spreadsheet of all our guests to make sure we sent thank you cards.
One of my favorite gifts was actually a non-monetary gift--it was a card with a couple of old photographs in it of that person and me when we were growing up. They were hilarious and so unexpected. I loved it.
I'm sure we had several, but I don't recall specifically. Totally fine with me. I had a great time celebrating with my friends and family.
I know I didn't get anything for my college bestie when she got married last year. I think I forgot to get a gift or card for the couple I was MOH for. I'm a really loyal friend, but I'm not perfext and sometimes I drop the ball on things like that. I go to bat for my friends when it counts, and I don't think they hold it against me.
If you're upset a wedding guest didn't get you a card, methinks you should reevaluate why you invites said guest.
I'm afraid we did this. We brought the card with a check in it, but the check was never cashed. I don't know if the card got lost before we gave it to them, after, or if they just haven't cashed the check. I've asked, but never got a response
I'm afraid we did this. We brought the card with a check in it, but the check was never cashed. I don't know if the card got lost before we gave it to them, after, or if they just haven't cashed the check. I've asked, but never got a response
But you brought it. It's not your fault if they lost it or didn't cash it.
I should have known this would turn into a "omg I don't know nor do I care and if you do something is wrong with you" fest. Just because I recall that (we thought) someone didn't give us a gift doesn't mean I cared or was offended. Contrary to some people's belief, it is actually possible for the human brain to recall events that don't have strong emotion attached to them. Either MM's pendulum is swinging really strongly toward "typical MM-ness" lately or I'm more sensitive to it, but good lord.
I should have known this would turn into a "omg I don't know nor do I care and if you do something is wrong with you" fest. Just because I recall that (we thought) someone didn't give us a gift doesn't mean I cared or was offended. Contrary to some people's belief, it is actually possible for the human brain to recall events that don't have strong emotion attached to them. Either MM's pendulum is swinging really strongly toward "typical MM-ness" lately or I'm more sensitive to it, but good lord.
Exactly. The question was, "Did you have any guests who attended your wedding but did not give a gift or a card?" Not, "Are you mad that someone didn't bring you a gift?"
I should have known this would turn into a "omg I don't know nor do I care and if you do something is wrong with you" fest. Just because I recall that (we thought) someone didn't give us a gift doesn't mean I cared or was offended. Contrary to some people's belief, it is actually possible for the human brain to recall events that don't have strong emotion attached to them. Either MM's pendulum is swinging really strongly toward "typical MM-ness" lately or I'm more sensitive to it, but good lord.
I didn't take your response that way at all. I don't think it's weird to remember. And you didn't seem offended at all.
But the OP was clearly offended by the fact that her SIL didn't get them a card.
I was offended that my husband's uncle decided the day before our wedding that he wasn't coming just because he didn't feel like it. I seriously can't imagine being offended that someone didn't get a card.
I should have known this would turn into a "omg I don't know nor do I care and if you do something is wrong with you" fest. Just because I recall that (we thought) someone didn't give us a gift doesn't mean I cared or was offended. Contrary to some people's belief, it is actually possible for the human brain to recall events that don't have strong emotion attached to them. Either MM's pendulum is swinging really strongly toward "typical MM-ness" lately or I'm more sensitive to it, but good lord.
I didn't take your response that way at all. I don't think it's weird to remember. And you didn't seem offended at all.
But the OP was clearly offended by the fact that her SIL didn't get them a card.
I was offended that my husband's uncle decided the day before our wedding that he wasn't coming just because he didn't feel like it. I seriously can't imagine being offended that someone didn't get a card.
Yup. All of this. Remembering is one thing. Being upset it another. I truly truly truly don't get being upset over not getting a CARD. I've seen people make it about "It's about making an effort to show they care!". I still don't get it. I feel setting aside that day for you and being there is what shows someone cares! And you know that for many women, a wedding means a new outfit. So it does involve $$ in many cases too. People are still spending their time and money to be there.
But brides boil it down to a $2.99 card w/ someones name in it. "If you don't do that, you don't CARE!".
I'm seriously surprised that some of you remember these silly details of your wedding. There is So much more to hold onto than no shows and people who didn't give a gift.
I don't remember anyone not giving at least a card. My aunt did give us a $50 check which I remember thinking was especially generous given her financial situation. It bounced and cost me $25 in fees. Gee thanks!! My husband wanted me to send the bounced check back to her in the TY note.
I didn't know cards were so important. Dead serious. Having a guest show up & celebrate with us awesome. Running into CVS & grabbing a card off the rack doesn't make them seem more thoughtful.
I guess I am approaching it from the point of view that weddings are gift giving occasions, and attending w/o a gift or card is something that I never would do - would you?
It's not about the actual card or gift - it's about the sentiment behind giving it. When my SIL can't even be bothered to do that (among other things, like not even officially RSVPing for the wedding), it's hurtful.
How long ago was the wedding?
I still owe a friend a wedding gift. He got married in September and I had to travel to it and my H couldn't come. I fully intend to send him a check but then big stuff keeps coming up that I end up paying and put it off to the next month.
My understanding is that technically you have until a year after the wedding to send a gift - so I assumed I was still in the clear, etiquette wise.