So, last night, little neighbor boy (3rd grade maybe?) brought his 1 year old sister (call her B) across the street to meet our kiddo when dh was out w/ her. I came out too, just to meet them. I should have stayed hidden!
It was cute, they played together a little, just kind of did that stand around and wave and bring ea other stuff thing that little kids do. Neighbor 1 yr (B) old wouldn't go on the grass b/c apparently she doesn't like to get her shoes dirty (?), so they stood on the sidewalk.
TOday, I pulled into the driveway after my appt and grocery shopping. 3rd grade boy came over and said, "Can she come over and play? B hasn't stopped crying all day."
I said no, C's napping.
He said, "Hey, maybe B needs a nap!" (that alone kind of made me think WTF, where's the parent in this? However, who knows, maybe kid did nap and older kid is just doing that kid blurt thing)
But I'm like GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR dh accidentally put out the open invite to our house for the summer by making us the friendly peeps.
Things that kind of disturb me in our neighborhood, and these neighbors follow this example:
1. Many young kids play in the front yards, totally unattended by adults. I'm talking 2 and 3 year olds out on big wheels and stuff like that along the sidewalks with nobody watching.
2. Slightly older kids often play in the street.
This is not every house, but quite a few, inc the one across the street & these kids. I've NEVER seen the parents of the kids from a few of these houses. And dude, it's a nice neighborhood, but this is still Detroit. I honestly can't imagine me letting a 1 year old cross the street to a random neighbor's house who I never met with just a slightly older sibling.
Personally, I like to play in the back yard where it's safer AND more importantly, I don't want to feel like i have to mom/babysit other kids in the neighborhood. I don't mind being social, and there are kids next door to the house we bought to rent that C has played with a lot, and I"m comfortable w/ all of them but there are other parents watching and involved. I'm accidentally too friendly usually and kids always want to hang out w/ me. I don't want to feel obliged b/c of safety for the other kids or b/c the kid seems lonely.
Now, be honest with me. Does this sound legit to be slightly standoffish/slightly wtf about, or is this only because I didn't grow up in a neighborhood at all. There were like 6 houses in a mile on our street and I think 1 other kid where we lived. Dh said this was more normal around him (a tiny fishing town in Australia). I'm still not sure you'd see a 1 year old out w/o parents there either, but I feel like that was a different environment AND it was nearly 40 years ago.
** Sorry I couldn't find a way to condense and shorten this**
I know. It was way long. I needed to try to explain why I felt so ick.
I thought that about school, too, but then realized it was 3:10 when he asked me and could have perhaps been out of school by then? I can't remember elementary hours.
This would be my nightmare. I'd be thinking "what if they start ringing the bell?". We specifically looked for a house with a really private yard so I didn't end up with some kid hanging over the fence (or worse - their parents) wanting to come over.
I know. It was way long. I needed to try to explain why I felt so ick.
I thought that about school, too, but then realized it was 3:10 when he asked me and could have perhaps been out of school by then? I can't remember elementary hours.
Elementary hours in WA state are 9am-3:30pm as far as I know.
I would be pissed that the parents aren't out watching their kids. However, front vs back yard... we have a GREAT backyard that i love, but DS can't ride his bike back there. So we spend a LOT of time out front. A LOT. To the point I want to put a bench out there so that I can sit down!
But he's 4 and never ever would I let him play out there w/o me. Tha'ts our rule. He can be in the backyard but not out front.
And when the kids start coming over and wanting to "play"? w/o the parents? Ugh.
This would be my nightmare. I'd be thinking "what if they start ringing the bell?". We specifically looked for a house with a really private yard so I didn't end up with some kid hanging over the fence (or worse - their parents) wanting to come over.
OMG.
I was thinking, "is he going to start knocking on our door?"
I think adults often have more boundaries than kids, and I feel worse about turning down a kid than an adult.
Kid also thought it was weird i was taking our 1.5 yr old in for dinner/bed at 8:30 b/c they were so far from going to bed. Granted, she doesn't go to bed til 9 or 9:30 sometimes, but it was time for her to go in.
Funny, the house (that we rented out, didn't move into) down the road - I want to be friends w/ the neighbor and we've already hung out a bit. But they interact w/ their kids, it's not just kids alone.
Mush-Yes! It's on our "want to see" list for our next Ireland trip in March. So it's worth seeing?
Yes, it's like a fairytale. And I had never even heard of it before we went. It's one of the most interesting castles I've ever seen. The surrounding woods made me feel like Robin Hood. Are you staying in Killarney? We stayed here Ross Castle and it was lovely.
Too soon to tell if they're unattended hell spawn or you're the crab who hates everyone. Could go either way.
Kids from that house are polite and nice so far. Just glomming on a bit.
2 doors the other way - THEY seem more like unattended wild children. Apparently the neighborhood assn ppl talk to the dad a lot about courtesy. Fucker got a new vehicle this year that had fucking car alarm go off about once an hour for 2 weeks. It still goes off, but the guy down the road spoke to him so it's less now. (he also has shady characters show up and argues loudly on his phone in the front yard.) I kept meaning to go over and politely speak to him, but I really only thought about it when C was napping or when I was too busy w/ company to head on over.
I guess I worry that one set of unattended kids coming over means a 2nd will join them. And hell, I worry about the kids safety in the road all the time.
Everyone here has driveways that lead into back yard. I can understand the older kids biking street-side, but I"m surprised when the parents don't get up them for being on the street, not on the sidewalks. Then again, I didn't grow up in a neighborhood at all.
I'm sure we'll just play in the backyard a lot anyway and we go for walks and go to parks and stuff.
Last house we lived at in a city, the kid who lived behind was lonely and always tried to hang out w/ me in our back yard (no fences there). I brushed him off sometimes, but it breaks my heart to see a super lonely kid who just wants attention. But I don't like that I can't say no to them easily and I feel obliged to respond and carry on conversation. Stupid former teacher trait. lol
I was thinking, "is he going to start knocking on our door?"
I think adults often have more boundaries than kids, and I feel worse about turning down a kid than an adult.
Kid also thought it was weird i was taking our 1.5 yr old in for dinner/bed at 8:30 b/c they were so far from going to bed. Granted, she doesn't go to bed til 9 or 9:30 sometimes, but it was time for her to go in.
Funny, the house (that we rented out, didn't move into) down the road - I want to be friends w/ the neighbor and we've already hung out a bit. But they interact w/ their kids, it's not just kids alone.
LOL. I think it's strange that he's 'in charge' of a 1 year old. I also think it's kind of sad, but not your problem! People think their kids are fine out taking care of themselves, but he's obviously in need of some attention if he's discussing bedtime rituals with the new neighbors.
ETA - read your next post. My husband had a row house when we were dating. I was so excited to have a backyard because I had always lived in an apartment. We planted pots of flowers, got a swing. And 2 houses down was this neglected child. The kid would be in the backyard and the mother on the front steps smoking. I swear to you that every time I cracked that door I would hear "Hi, Hi!". We'd go out after she went to bed - and sure enough the mother moved to the backyard to smoke. Attached homes were off the list for me after that!
Most of our neighbors play in their front yards, and I actually like it that way because it encourages the kids to play together more. Like, if we go for a walk and see friends in front of their houses, we'll stop and play, but we won't go to their backyards looking for them. The same goes when friends walk by our house, and most of the time I'm happy to watch the kids when they come over just because my kids enjoy it so much.
It's usually only the elementary-age kids that are unsupervised, though; if younger kids are out, there's usually an adult outside too.
We live at the center of a cul-de-sac, and just this spring I have started letting the girls play out front without me when they want to watch the older kids playing street hockey, but they understand that they need to stay in front of our house, not go past the sidewalk, and come inside if the other kids go home. If there aren't other kids outside, I limit them to playing in the backyard without me. I check on them frequently and always leave the door and/or windows open so I can hear them.
I grew up in a neighborhood with lots of kids, and we've lived in this one for four years and have come to know the neighborhood kids well, so it's normal to me. That said, I'm still more wary than my parents were about letting the kids play outside alone just because it's a different world and all that.
Oh, mushmouse - that's so sad. Yeah. I'd have a hard time not giving that kiddo attention too.
That does make sense about the family neighborhood. It's just such a city neighborhood here. I'm probably going to be the over protective mom, aren't I?
Don't take yourself or your little 1 yr old sister over to meet strangers!
And some shady-ass kidnapper van pulled up shortly after. They guy came over and gave me his shady ass plumber's card, but still, I was like, "omg, red flags for parent watching in the house!" I know, this is slight over reacting and doesn't mean they'll be camped out her,
lol, the neighbor girls down the road by our rental house are fine w/ me even though we've only met a few times, but a guy was looking for his remote controlled helicopter the other day and he told them their mom said he could go look in the backyard. They looked suitably nervous/concerned, and I told them I stand by on watch for them. Then the mom showed up a split second behind. I was impressed to see them show that concern and they basically walked off w/ a wagon so they didn't have to be by the guy.
I know. It was way long. I needed to try to explain why I felt so ick.
I thought that about school, too, but then realized it was 3:10 when he asked me and could have perhaps been out of school by then? I can't remember elementary hours.
Elementary hours in WA state are 9am-3:30pm as far as I know.
For the whole state? How does that work? Even within our district we have several different elementary start/end times, otherwise we'd have to have twice as many busses.
Post by sawyerthedestroyer on May 8, 2013 15:44:43 GMT -5
I grew up in a neighborhood with a lot of kids and we generally played in front yards, in the retention pond, or in the cul-de-sac. I think this started when I was in 3rd grade and my sister, who tagged along with me, was in 1st. Whoever's yard we were playing in was the one whose parents kept an eye on us; I think it was just a tacit agreement amongst the parents. Keeping an eye on us didn't necessarily mean that they were right there, outside with us the whole time though. We weren't allowed to play at a friend's house if the parents weren't home. There were also two houses we weren't allowed to go to ever (trashy people whose parents wouldn't watch us at all) and we didn't.
So I'd say it's normal for elementary-aged kids to just be running around with minimal supervision, younger than that isn't a choice I would make for my kid, but not really my business if other people let their kids do it. I'd just be friendly with the kids and cross the street at some point to introduce myself to the parents.
Elementary hours in WA state are 9am-3:30pm as far as I know.
For the whole state? How does that work? Even within our district we have several different elementary start/end times, otherwise we'd have to have twice as many buses.
Or something very similar (starting between 8:30-9am and ending between 3-3:30pm). As far as I know.
I was specifically thinking of the town I grew up in (which had two different school districts in it) so I miss-typed. I should've written that. Now I live in a different part of WA state and am still learning all the ins and outs of it in regards to the schools.
The point I was originally trying to inadvertently make was I don't think a elm school aged kid would be out of school, to his house (via bus) and over to the neighbors by 3:10pm unless they start school by 8-8:15am. Elm schools usually start later because the middle and HS students start between 7am-8am in my experience.
Who knows, maybe the neighbor kid is home-schooled or someone picks him up via car or he lives close enough to walk home by himself.
It's pretty standard in my neighborhood for kids to be running around unattended, popping in and out of each others houses. At the moment, there are 5 little girls in my house and only one is mine. I live on a culdesac in a very family friendly neighborhood, fwiw. Asking if a one year old can come play is weird though. That seems like a thinly veiled request for babysitting.
Also, I'm in actual Detroit, not in a suburb or cul-de-sac type neighborhood.
It's a nice collection of streets that makes a neighborhood, but still very city, and has rougher streets bordering it on some sides. Other side of our neighborhood is land of fancy suburb, so it is a lot safer than many Detroit areas. We have a neighborhood association, but it's not like an HOA. This is more just a collection of caring people who try to be proactive and board up abandoned/broken into homes and do clean up days to try to keep this a nice neighborhood and not fall into blight.
Believe me, I love Detroit and am a champion for it. We chose to buy (several) houses in the area b/c we do believe it's a great place to be. However, I could see my attitude being different if we were in a culdesac style neighborhood where motorcycles and cars didn't ZOOM through on a regular basis. (not everyone, but we get some who absolutely FLY through) And if my kids were going to play over in someone else's yard, I sure as hell would be marching my butt over to meet them or telling them to stay in our yard if I was too busy. BUT, again, that's me being new to this whole neighborhood thing (esp w/ kids) and maybe that means I'm kind of helicopter, I don't know.
papie - most of her little buddies have been ages 5 and up (to high school age, I think) so far. She likes to play ball and bike with the big kids. They've been so cute w/ her.
Post by coribelle26 on May 8, 2013 17:23:06 GMT -5
I might be a bad person to ask because I'm totally weird about people coming to my house. (Like I feel like it's a violation to do anything other than wave and say hello while I'm outside. I love having invited people over but that's it.) Our street is pretty quiet and isolated because of the lake on the one end, but we still don't have a ton of kids playing in the front yard or especially not the street. I have one kid on the perpendicular street that likes to come and talk to me, but he shovels my snow so I indulge it, lol.
When I was growing up, we usually played in people's backyards (or at the school fields, there was an elementary school at the end of my street), but kids definitely did knock and ask for other kids to come out.
To me it seems like C and the kid's little sister are SO young to be involved in that, though. I don't remember kids going and like hanging out with neighbors, parents present or not, until they were at least 4 or 5 in my neighborhood.
Bottom line, I don't think there's anything wrong with saying, "C's having some family playtime/a walk/a nap right now but maybe later!"
We live in a very small community, and my 4th grader is allowed through out the neighborhood by himself. In Detroit? Hell no.
That said, with kids you have to learn quickly how to say, "it is time to go home now" or "C can't play now, maybe tomorrow". If you don't, your home will eventually become drop-in central to all of C's friends, and you will go insane.
ehhh... I grew up in a house where my parents allowed all the kids to come over, and I'd go over to the neighbor's houses. my H grew up in the same kind of neighborhood. we would LOVE if our future kids brought all their friends home. I'd want to meet all their parents first, but yea, I probably wouldn't mind the neighborhood kids asking "can [pooh's kid] come out and play?"
I don't want to become that house either. Our neighbor's daughter is ringing our bell all the time. I've started telling her flat out DS can't play sometimes. I have no interest in him going outside at 7:30 after he's had a bath, no matter how many times she rings our bell. She also ditches DS like a bad habit if one of the other kids in the neighborhood comes out to play. He's her last choice playmate. Last year they'd invite him out so they could use his bike. Her mom never watches her outside, her dad will though. When it's just her mom at home the girl will just wander around the condo complex waiting for someone to get home to play with. I don't think 5 year olds should be wandering around unsupervised but it is status quo for our complex.
I can understand why this would bother you. No child should be the caretaker of another child and that would bother me! My daughter is 2.5 and I would never let my 2nd grader take care of her (apart from "hold K's hand while I run inside and grab my sunglasses off the counter," which I did today and he was holding her hand in the garage!) For the parents to be nowhere in sight is definitely concerning.
Honestly the things that you mentioned would bother me - big time - if we still lived within city limits. We moved almost a year ago from a neighborhood that, while it was technically the suburbs of a city, was still on the city grid (ie: block to block). There were 3 other houses on my block that had kids and we would let our kids play together in the front. We usually chose the front instead of a backyard because the kids loved to ride their bikes/scooters or big wheels and they can't do that very well on grass in the back. The ages ranged from 1 year to 8 years. There was ALWAYS an adult outside - come to think of it, the parent of the child(ren) playing were always outside so children were never unattended and sometimes there would be 4 of us gabbing while the kids played up and down the sidewalk.
We now live well out of any city and in an actual neighborhood. There is a lot less direct supervision but the kids are still being watched. Much like what KristinKD and Sawyerthedestroyer described - that pretty much sums up how my neighborhood is now and I love it.
My brother and SIL live in Novi and have some similar neighbors. The neighbors have 4 or so kids all under 10, 2 are under 4 and they live on the corner of the entrance to the neighborhood (where cars are constantly coming in and out from a busy street). They live in a subdivision. The kids are always out playing in the street with no supervision and have on many occasions come and rang the doorbell to get SIL to come out and play with them or glommed on when SIL or B is out playing with niece. They'll also come over when they are outside loading up the car to go somewhere and the garage door is open. It's awkward for the adults and sad that the kids don't have someone watching them, not to mention dangerous because they are around a corner where cars can't easily see them in the street. We played outside all the time when I was little, but we generally always had an adult outside with us and we knew better than to just sit and play in the street.