Grandparents and babysitting offers

[catbus]

My mom has offered babysitting a few times. Specifically, she wants to pick up E from daycare (early) and says H and I can go to happy hour or something. That might work, but we haven't done it yet. Anyway, my company's anniversary party was tonight. BIG to-do; the parties are always awesome. The party was starting just after E's bedtime. A friend was originally going to watch E tonight, but a death in the family called her out of town. So I called my mom Wednesday afternoon to see whether she'd be up for babysitting. At first she jumped at the chance--but then I said, "OK, the thing is this would be after he's gone to bed..." and she said, "NO!" I thought she was kind of kidding, but then she was kind of whining about how that would be "no fun," etc. 

So I just dropped it. I said I know it wouldn't be fun, I just thought I'd check since she'd offered before. I said I understood if she didn't want to, but to call me if she decided she did. Well, she didn't, so here we are at home instead of at the party. 

I'm trying not to be pissed, but I am. When I told a coworker why we wouldn't be at the party, she said my mom should want to babysit to help us, not just so she can play with her grandson. Which I do agree with, and now I'm totally dwelling on it. Ugh. Would you be mad? I'm trying to let it go, especially since it's Mother's Day weekend.

[speckledfrog]

I see both sides. I'd be bummed, too. When my MIL does things like this I just remind myself that's the luxury of being a grandparent.

[redheadk]

It's her right to say no but, yeah, I'd be pretty miffed if my mom pulled that.

[Deleted]

Yes, I would be mad. I think it's pretty crappy of her to jump at the chance and then say no because it would be no fun. If she said no because she didn't realize it would be that late and that would cause problems for her, that's a different story. But still sucks you had to miss a party because she wasn't willing to watch him.

[mie]

I'd be annoyed. Granted, if anyone agreed to watch my kid before their bedtime, I'd be shocked if they were actually able to get them down and they stayed asleep.

[ellipses84]

That is annoying! My parents always dangle the "free babysitting" carrot to try to convince me to move closer to them. My sister said not to believe them, lol. She said it was great when she had the first and only grandchild, but now that they have several, they are usually too busy.

We also took a trip where my mom was supposed to come and babysit, but at the last minute, my dad came along, so they wanted a night out, too. To be fair, I said ok, we'll alternate. We got totally screwed on our night out, which didn't even start until 10pm when DS was asleep and I was up with him at 7am the next morning. Their night out started way earlier and they ended up getting tired and watching tv in their hotel room for the rest of the evening.

[fakejew]

She doesn't want to babysit.  She wants to play with him without you around.  Those are two very different things.  (And honestly, that in and of itself would give me pause.  What does she want to do so badly when "babysitting"  that she doesn't want me around?)

So now you know you can't count on her.  It sucks and I would be highly annoyed but it is her perogative.

[pugz]

That is shitty

[Deleted]

I get being annoyed. I probably wouldn't ask her again.

[barefootcontessa]

Yes I would I be ticked. I would start lining up other sitters you feel comfortable with for the future. Sorry you had to miss the party.

[rex]

I would be pissed and would not ask her to babysit for a LONG time, if ever.

[rosebud]

Annoying

[carolinagirl831]

Yeah I'd be mad, in the future if you really need her I'd say , I know you really want to see him but can you do this for me as a favor? We are really in a bind and won't be able to attend otherwise.

But it's hard for me to understand parents doing that, because ours will come at the drop of a hat

[lindyanne]

I would be really upset - especially since this is something important. I probably would have explained that a little more but I also might have been so taken aback that I wouldn't have. I would just look for several babysitters. I have three and I can usually find one that is available. We have friends that would watch DS in a bind but our closest family is 45 minutes away and they're too old and slow to take care of DS now.

[bunch]

I think I've posted about it before, but my mom has done similar things. It wouldn't bother me as much, but she's always big on how she want to "help" and she really doesn't. So the Ils get to babysit more (which they love) and I ignore my mom when she complains about it. I suppose you could have had her come over earlier, but the stubborn part of me wouldn't have wanted to do that just because she's being a pain.

[allin]

I'd be mad too. Though my MIL would probably say ok and end up waking up my LO so they could play anyway. I agree with finding some other "backup" babysitters. Some of DD's previous teachers babysit for us and we've found a few others on care.com who are fabulous and usually will come with little notice if we're in a bind. Sorry you had to miss the party

[Deleted]

I'd be mad. She would have been doing you a favor

[Deleted]

I'm sorry catbus, that is really shitty. She should want to help you out, which is what babysitting is. I'm sorry you had to miss your party, that sucks. The next time you talk to her, I would tell her how you're feeling. Maybe she'll come around?

[Deleted]

I would be annoyed, too. I'm sorry she bailed.

[jackpackage]

I'd be mad too. My MIL watched DS after bedtime once, and it was because we had her over about 1.5 hrs before so that she could spend time with him. MIL is the only family we have locally and she's manipulative about babysitting (guilt trips about how often we spend time with her, how often we take her out to dinner, etc). It sucks!

[Willis Jackson]

That sucks. I'm sorry.

[ECB]

May 11, 2013 8:20:34 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

Ok, so I definitely agree that it was a jerk move of her to be all excited but then back out as soon as she found out that E would already be asleep. But could you have asked her to come over earlier to play with him before he went to bed, and then she could have stayed while you guys went out?

YOu beat me to the punch!  I was about to ask this.  I don't understand why you couldn't just ask her to come over earlier to see your LO before bed.

I agree that it sucks that she totally bailed, but I would think having her come early would have been a good compromise.

[Marmee]

If be annoyed & totally bummed. My Mom is like that--only wants to babysit on her terms...which is basically the opposite if your mom. My mom would do it if she can sit & watch news the entire time or if my sis comes too & does all the "work". My 80 yr old Dad is a better babysitter. My MIL moved 1500 miles "to help us out with the kids" & she is wonderful. It weird to have to totally different grandparents.

[cosmowife]

This would make me so angry.  My parents are similar.  They are good grandparents to the kids, but they are so selfish about it.  The other weekend, while they were visiting (they don't live near us and we only see them a few times a year), they wanted to take DS#1 out to dinner.  She said, "oh, you won't be able to go," assuming that I would be busy with the newborn.  I ended up having the baby all fed and relaxed right as they were about to leave, so I said, "Oh, we can go with you now!  Baby is ready."  She said that no, she wanted this to be a grandparents-only dinner.  She always sees grandparents out with their grandkids and she wants to do the same thing without me there.  So, meanwhile, I had to stay home, starving because I had been nursing non-stop, and had to wait for them to have their dinner and bring back food for me (which I then had to wait until 9PM to eat because baby was fussy by the time they got back).  It was awesome.  

[CloudBee]

My mom pulls this stuff with my sister. Thankfully we live out of state because I could not deal.

[niq]

I'd be bummed, but I imagine watching a kid who's sleeping or should be sleeping is less fun. Maybe next time you can offer to have her come over at 5 or 6 and then stay until you get home?

[asoctoberfalls]

That would really bother me, too. You'd like to think your parents would be there when you need them...

[bronxgirl]

I would be angry and hurt. I would be angry that she told me one thing and then bailed and I would be hurt that as my mother she wouldn't want to help me out. I also think the "no fun" comment is BS. If he's asleep she won't get to play with him, but she can do whatever she wants instead while at your house. I'm sorry, catbus, that sucks.

[whitemerlot]

I think it's unfortunate, but it's her choice to make.

My own mother has never, ever watched my kids, even for 10 minutes and we live 20 minutes away from her. My oldest is 3 1/2.

[mollybrown]

I would definitely be annoyed that my mom wouldn't do me a favor. Did she realize that you wouldn't be going to the party if she couldn't help you out? I would have told her that explicitly, and also allowed her to come over earlier so that she could play with LO before bedtime. We do that all the time...it gives us more time to shower and get ready without watching the kids.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to spend quality time with the grandchildren without inviting the parents. That sounds pretty normal to me.