have your parents gotten ridiculously slow at life?

[Deleted]

not because they're older and move slowly.  but because they've become like a child wandering into the middle of a movie  all the damn time and get distracted by shiny objects like raccoons?

my parents have. 

they're taking the subway from the airport to my office today because i have a call.  from their gate, it should take them no more than 35-40 minutes to make it door to door.  walking at regular pace, with a bathroom break.

last time they did this, it took them almost 2 hours.  because they were thirsty.  and then had a snack.  and then they were checking out the ENTIRE public transit map just for the hell of it (all they have to do is get on one train and then sit there.  no changes!), and missed the first train.  and my dad stopped at the information booth to ask about weekend events (HINT:  i live here, dad) and got into a loooooong conversation with whoever was working there (who suggested a museum located in a suburb IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF MY HOUSE.  and also is for kids like 8 and up.).

they're like this for everything.  no lie, leaving the house takes them over an hour (like, to transition from post-breakfast pajamas into regular clothes).  even if my mom does NOT have to hotroll her hair into martha stewart perfection.


anyway, they should be here at 4:45 if they act like normal people.  i'm hoping they're here by 5:30.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2013 14:11:17 GMT -5 cjoy said:

"Hurry UP, you're going to DIE SOON."

ha ha ha.  this actually made me lol.

when they visit, this always re-surprises me.  i've gotten myself and my kid dressed and brushed and washed and my dad is like "oh, i was finishing this sudoku and then looking at the crown moldings you have so i could offer suggestions for improvement.  do you have a nail gun?!?!?"

[papie]

LOL, no.

My mom is still always late everywhere as she always was, but it isn't because she is slow. She just likes to crap a million things in her days and doesn't understand why it doesn't add up to the proper amount of hours. So she will tell me she will be to my house for lunch and will stop in the city on her way here to 5 different greek stores, and will call me from a greek restaurant (30 minutes from my house) at 1:30pm to let me know she is picking up a grilled chicken for lunch. Um, I ate an hour ago, mom.

My dad is the opposite, he is obsessed with being early. Especially when travelling. I live 10 minutes from the airport. He will leave my house 5 hours before his flight, because he doesn't want to be late.

It is a miracle they are married.

[papie]

May 17, 2013 14:14:34 GMT -5 @booby said:

lol.

i think it's just what heppends when you have a lot of time? can i share a story? i am takig a finance class this semester and it's HARD. i was wigging out at my first individual assignment and my dad was like, salivating. he loves finance! he has a lot of time on his hands!

well, he couldn't figure it out either. but then, a few days later, he was like, 'oh i was working on your assignment and i figuerd out all of it except for one question. i even have the excel formulas on my computer'. my dad doesn't even know what excel is. something is fishy.

yeah, turns out my dad called his financial advisor and those two yahoos, did the assignment together. my entire assignment. and then for a while, my dad was trying to pass it off as his own work. and i think they did #3 wrong.

anyway, sounds like you would appreciate this lol story, given your story about your paretns. CHILDREN. seriously.

I'm dying at this.  Especially the trying to pass it off as his own, lollollol

[flex]

Are they retired? If so, they don't have to hurry, hurry to everything. Now they can take their time and really EXPLORE things. I'm looking forward to that--only 1,200 of working hours left for me. lol

[eddy]

OMG I love all of these stories. Could we please put Mom and Pop Papie, Boobie and Cville in a room together. that would be the best!

[Deleted]

May 17, 2013 14:17:21 GMT -5 flex said:

Are they retired? If so, they don't have to hurry, hurry to everything. Now they can take their time and really EXPLORE things. I'm looking forward to that--only 1,200 of working hours left for me. lol

my dad is, my mom retires next month.  but they've been like this for 3-4 years now, before either of them retired. 

they're like the honeybadger.  they just don't give a shit about time.

[TrickyBob]

I admit, my parents are pretty speedy people. It's my Husband and I who tell them (when we visit), "we're just going to run out for a moment" - a few hours later "So Mom and Dad, what'd you want to do?"

I'm lucky they love us.

[eddy]

My dad has become more impatient with old age. He can not even wait a minute for something. He gets all huffy and storms off if he dare have to wait in line somewhere. Reeeelaaax Doug!

[Deleted]

May 17, 2013 14:18:25 GMT -5 eddy said:

OMG I love all of these stories. Could we please put Mom and Pop Papie, Boobie and Cville in a room together. that would be the best!

my dad and mom papie might pass out from trying to out-talk each other.  my dad got a hearing aid a couple months ago so he's back in the game, full force.  for awhile there he couldn't participate as much as he liked.

[BunnyMacDougal]

No.  My mom has gotten a second wind in life.  She and all my friends parents live like college co-eds these days.  Traveling like its their jobs and taking all kinds of lessons and shit.  Super focused on enjoying life while they can and definitely not distracted by shiny objects!
Haha!

[ECB]

OMG. My ILs are like this. It's painful, to be honest. It's not so much about "hurry hurry", it's about "Oh- there are other people involved". They just do what they want to do when they want to do it - w/ NO thought to how it affects other people.

However, as we have a 4 year old, our lives work on HIS schedule, not theirs. We went to the beach w/ them for a long weekend last year and we gave them PLENTY of warning every day "we're leaving for breakfast at __". EVERY day they'd be at least 30 minutes behind. They'd show up and we'd be finishing up.

Shockingly- this year, they were only 5 or 10 mins behind us. I think they realized "Oh- they aren't going to wait. If we want to eat WITH them, we actually ahve to go when they are ready".

These are also the people who leave their house at 3:10 when they are supposed to be at OUR house at 3, and they live almost an hour away.....

I could go on. I'll spare you.

[juliagoulia]

Lol!

Mine aren't slow but omg. Listening to them try to talk is like watching two monkeys hump a coconut sometimes. A few weeks ago they were over and my Dad stood up from the living room and walked to my kitchen. He yells, "Hun, where are the car keys?" Mom says, "What are you doing with the car?" "I have to get my glasses!" "Well either they're in my jacket on the table or in my purse in the car." "Where's your purse?" "In the car!" "SO WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR JACKET??"

Lol. Wtf. Neither of them had any idea what the other was talking about.

[rupertpenny]

I've definitely noticed that my mom is turning the corner and becoming an actual old person. She isn't necessarily slow, but she cannot handle anything outside of her normal routine. We went to Moe's the other day an she almost had a nervous breakdown because it wasn't chipotle. She cant handle learning how to order tacos at two different Mexican places.

She also won't use any of the "new" roads in town, ie anything built in the last 10-15 years, and calculates travel time in 1970s speed limits. She isn't even old! She turns 54 next month.

[papie]

May 17, 2013 14:24:39 GMT -5 @beagle said:

My parents are still pretty good, but I'm pretty sure my H is ready for retirement.

We'll need to leave at 5 to go somewhere, and at 4:55 he'll decide it's time to make a few phone calls, sort the mail, and straighten up around the house. And we could be OUT THE DOOR and he needs to go back in for a glass of water.

THEN, when we finally get in the car, he has to stop for gas. And he needs to drop something off.

AND he drives slowly. He's 29 going on 75.

Apparently there is something called Greek Time, which operates 37 minutes behind standard time. It is designed to make everyone else CRAZY.

It's a real thing, lol.

[sawyerthedestroyer]

H describes trying to go anywhere with my parents or his, "It's like herding cats!"

He's so very right.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2013 14:19:31 GMT -5 eddy said:

My dad has become more impatient with old age. He can not even wait a minute for something. He gets all huffy and storms off if he dare have to wait in line somewhere. Reeeelaaax Doug!

My dad was like this for three years when I was in high school.  He called himself Zero Tolerance and would give himself a "pin" of his forefinger and thumb put together like a zero on his chest.  We left places a handful of times b/c he "wouldn't put up with their shit."

IN HIGH SCHOOL.  In restaurants, at the grocery store with bitchy clerks, etc.  EVERYWHERE.  I wanted to die, I"m getting douchechills just remembering it.

Now he will huff and groan and sigh and ask us a million times "Is this taking too long? I think it's taking too long, should we bail?  Let's bail.  Oh no there are the fries, we'll stay."  2 minutes later "Is it taking too long for our burgers?  I think it's taking too long........"

*slams head on desk*

[fuckyourcouch]

my mom has just become the slowest. eater. ever.

every time we eat with her my h and i are seriously sitting around for 15-20 min extra while she slowly eats. and i thought i was a slow eater before. NO.

[luckyval]

My mom's early everywhere and super obsessed with time management. She has a ton of stuff going on and, really, it all boils down to the fact that the woman just needs to get laid

My dad and ILs have become super chill in early retirement - cocktails at the drop of a hat and always off on one trip or another. I'm not a regimented person myself, so I find myself living vicariously through them

[nomad100]

OMG at all these stories.  I am dying.

I am just glad I am not the only one.  My Dad operates in his own time space continuum.  He will say stuff like, I am going to get a paper from the local grocery.  He will return 4 hours later with a million bags wondering why mom is pissed at him.  Mom on the other hand will take f.o.r.e.v.e.r. to get ready to go somewhere because in addition to getting herself ready she has to get Dad's clothes together, straighten up the house, make sure there isn't any laundry in the dryer, etc., etc., etc.  And then doesn't understand why my Dad is pissed at her.  We live less than 5 minutes from them and they are always 30-45 minutes late for anything at our house.

MIL will call and say I wanted to drip something off to you.  I will be over in 15 minutes.  So we wait, and wait, and wait.  She will roll up a couple of hours later.  Why?  Oh, she decided to run some errands on the other side of town from where she (and we) lives.

[mbcdefg]

My dad liked to take detours and explore things. My mom is the type to insist that everything be as simple as possible - to her, the fact that I have a dishwasher and a driveway somehow makes me a really fancy, high-class person. Neither of them would ever be particularly late to something, but they'd laugh when they'd tell my grandmother that dinner was at 6 p.m. and then she'd be ringing the doorbell exactly at 6. They did/do act like I'm insane if I ever act even the slightest bit annoyed at something. *shrug*

My FIL is very nice, but he's useless - not because of a disability or anything, he just cannot manage to function as an adult.

Literally, the only things he can do in life are go to the grocery store, cook meals, watch TV, and feed his cat. Everything else - calling someone on the phone, paying a bill, going to a new place, talking to his doctors, whatever - just makes him stand there silently and look to MH to do it for him. It can be very frustrating because MH constantly has to tell him what to do, and oftentimes just does things for him. And then winds up bitching to me because of it.

[ijack]

my ILs are like this. When they came to visit after #1 was home from the hospital we went to the zoo (mind you she was barely term at this point) and we were there for SIX hours. THE ZOO. FOR SIX HOURS. Because they had to stop and read every fucking sign and then comment on it. I lost my mind and refuse to go to the zoo with them ever again.

[cleo29]

I grew up with a mom that was always running late at least to things like parties.

My inlaws can be pretty impatient. This should not be surprising at all. The other night we went out for dinner and admittedly, our waiter was not the greatest, but my MIL was getting a bit crabby about her coffee. He came by and explained that they had to make a fresh pot and it should be just a few minutes and this made no difference to her. FIL made a joke about it which went over her head. what's the rush? where are we hurrying off to?

[textbookcase]

My parents are kind of the opposite. Thy have every single second of their life scheduled. They also do literally EVERYTHING with each other these days - haircuts, grocery shopping, dr apts, everything!

[mrs.jacinthe]

My MIL is like this. When they come to visit, we have to tell them we're leaving for things a good HOUR before we want to actually leave, or we'll never get anywhere. She has a morning routine that takes HOURS. Dude, on Sunday I overslept and woke up at 8. We have to leave for church at 8:15. In that 15 minutes I showered, got dressed, fed the critters, and took the dog out. MIL would still have been sitting on the edge of the bed or something.

Also, my dad is like Mario Andretti when he's travelling cross-country. He and my mom will be coming out to visit and mom will call "we're driving through Truckee!" and I'll be all "Great, see you in an hour!" and they'll pull into our driveway 30 minutes later (Note: we live an hour from Truckee, depending on traffic). WHAT? I don't understand how that happens, because it takes this SAME man 15 minutes to drive half a mile to the grocery store.

[Monica Geller]

My parents are both still working so they have not yet begun to do this. They're typically very laid-back though and just go with the flow. Sometimes it makes me insane.

My ILs however! Both retired...they are like this. "Oh look at the pretty subway map! Now where do you think the blue line goes?" And "I just want to stop in this antique shop for a minute just to see if anything catches my eye".   I love them though!

[melodramatic26]

May 17, 2013 14:27:49 GMT -5 rupertpenny said:

I've definitely noticed that my mom is turning the corner and becoming an actual old person. She isn't necessarily slow, but she cannot handle anything outside of her normal routine. We went to Moe's the other day an she almost had a nervous breakdown because it wasn't chipotle. She cant handle learning how to order tacos at two different Mexican places.

She also won't use any of the "new" roads in town, ie anything built in the last 10-15 years, and calculates travel time in 1970s speed limits. She isn't even old! She turns 54 next month.

omg this is my mom too. We have tried SO MANY times to get her and my dad to go to dinner downtown, they refuse. They just keep going to the same stupid chain restaurants. WHY? WHY? Other bread is just as good as Texas Roadhouse.

And they thought they were super cool by getting a Garmin. Except, my mom still will  mapquest and print directions out. And they NEVER go anywhere they haven't been. Never.

[simplyinpenguin]

May 17, 2013 14:24:39 GMT -5 @beagle said:

My parents are still pretty good, but I'm pretty sure my H is ready for retirement.

We'll need to leave at 5 to go somewhere, and at 4:55 he'll decide it's time to make a few phone calls, sort the mail, and straighten up around the house. And we could be OUT THE DOOR and he needs to go back in for a glass of water.

THEN, when we finally get in the car, he has to stop for gas. And he needs to drop something off.

AND he drives slowly. He's 29 going on 75.

Apparently there is something called Greek Time, which operates 37 minutes behind standard time. It is designed to make everyone else CRAZY.

Yes, this is my H too. It's so aggravating. Especially going to dinner, he has to make a "quick" snack before going to dinner. And it's not a quick snack. He has to toast the bread, add the cheese, oh and it's a good time for a glass of milk. When we're going out to dinner! The gas thing. Every. Time. We. Leave. My H is ready for a retirement home more so than retirement itself.

[lintscreen]

May 17, 2013 14:24:39 GMT -5 @beagle said:

My parents are still pretty good, but I'm pretty sure my H is ready for retirement.

We'll need to leave at 5 to go somewhere, and at 4:55 he'll decide it's time to make a few phone calls, sort the mail, and straighten up around the house. And we could be OUT THE DOOR and he needs to go back in for a glass of water.

THEN, when we finally get in the car, he has to stop for gas. And he needs to drop something off.

AND he drives slowly. He's 29 going on 75.

Apparently there is something called Greek Time, which operates 37 minutes behind standard time. It is designed to make everyone else CRAZY.

OMG, this is my husband.  I'm walking out the door with DS and he decides he's going to put a load of laundry in or take out the trash or any number of stupid things that don't have to be done when we're on our way out the door.  He doesn't understand that "let's go, are you ready?" means NOW, not 20 minutes from now. 

[CurlyQ284]

Yes, my mom will say she wants to bring lunch over and visit with LO. She will show up around 2 or 3. They also like to surprise you with extras. They say "we need help with X" but then they rope you into doing Y and Z. Lately she and my dad have both needed help getting to doctors appointments so I will take off work to drive them (my dad is VERY sick and weak and my mom had surgery on her arm). I have to work 8 hours so any time off, I have to make up or use PTO. My dad goes "Your mom would like to stop at Bob Evans for breakfast" JFC people I have a JOB. I have to WORK I cannot miss work so mom can get Bob Evans. Then they get all huffy.