Intro & ? for anyone doing DE IVF

[ktothej]

Hello ladies... 

I've been on GBCN for a while but tend to participate more on my local board and didn't know this board existed until a couple of days ago.  I've been reading your posts and was thrilled to read so many great outcomes and comforted a bit to know that there were others sharing the difficulties that they have had/or continue to have.

DH and I got married when I was 35 and I went off the pill immediately and we assumed that nature would take its course.  When it didn't after about two years we started seeing a RE and went through all of the testing, etc.  DH was good to go, but our RE was concerned with my FSH numbers.  About 2.5 years ago (I'm 40 now) we thought we would move to IUI but my FSH numbers deteriorated so quickly that our RE basically said it was futile to try, and we went straight to DE IVF.

We have just completed our fourth unsuccessful cycle with our third donor.  Our first donor we had a fresh and a frozen cycle, great looking embryos, put one back each time, no success, no frozen embryos left.  We moved onto a second donor and had one fresh cycle (cycle #3), transferred two nice - not perfect - embryos, no success.  We did a second HSG, additional saline ultrasounds, etc - no uterine issues - chose a third donor - the first that we have used that was a repeat donor and had a proven record of success, and just completed a fresh cycle (cycle #4) with two embryos - one grade 1AA and one grade 1AB.  Again we were unsuccessful.  We have two frozen embryos from donor #3 on ice and can complete a frozen transfer in the next 5-6 weeks if we choose to.

We are enrolled in a shared donor, shared risk program and we can do up to two more cycles before we choose to throw in the towel.  We've got the two on ice, and would choose to transfer both at once, but if that is unsuccessful we will have to move to the lengthy process of selecting a 4th donor and all that entails.

Are you still with me?  Thanks for reading so looooong if you are.  

My RE agrees that statistically, with 4 tries and 3 donors, he would have expected us to be pregnant by now.  He can't seem to give me stats on the average number of tries that this generally takes (which is kind of crap - they must exist) and we are meeting with him a week from Wednesday to discuss changes in protocol, if there are any additional tests, options, etc.  He mentioned adding steroids to the next cycle or possibly doing some sort of uterine biopsy where they scrape the uterus.  I don't know much more than that and am wondering if anyone has had a similar experience, or gotten this far with DE IVF and been successful in subsequent cycles.

There is a huge part of me that wants to say ENOUGH and close the book on this chapter.  We had intended to pursue adoption if this does not work, but kind of feel like with two attempts left, I may always feel like "what if, what it, what if???".  The other part of me doesn't know if it is worth committing another 6-8 months to the next two tries only to be unsuccessful.  DH is on board with whatever I want to do, but I just can't wrap my head around continuing or moving on.  I feel completely indecisive and paralyzed to make this decision and just feel like time is wasting every moment I can't make a decision.

I've talked to a lot of women who have done IVF either successfully or not yet successfully, but I do not "know" anyone online or IRL who has done donor egg IVF.  

Anyone have a similar experience that they care to share?  Thanks for reading this far and I hope to get to know you all and participate a little more regularly.  I'm really in awe of the strength and perseverance that you have all shown.

[mae141]

I'm so sorry you are having so much trouble. I pop over on the local board you are on from time to time and was really sad to read your post. I did IVF, but was able to use my own eggs. Are you with SG? I was not, but I know many people go there from our area.

I don't really have much advice for you, unfortunately. You are part of a shared risk program though, so shouldn't you at least finish out the program and be able to get your money back if it doesn't work? And then you'd at least be able to say you tried everything you could. I know that's easier said than done.

Could you get a consult with another RE and see if there's anything your RE hasn't thought to try? You could always bring those suggestions back to your regular RE and see what he says. FWIW, I was on steroids during my IVF cycle and I had the uterine biopsy- it was a hysteroscopy and endometrial biopsy- before starting any of my treatments, in addition to the tests you listed.

There is a girl back on TN GP board that did DE with SG. I haven't seen her around lately, but I think that might be because she's due soon.

Good luck with your decisions.

[Deleted]

If you don't get responses here, you might try the resolve message boards. They're dedicated to IF and I think there might be a specific DE board on that. I don't post over there, but MH likes it.

[azurely]

I don't have any personal experience with DE, but my aunt and uncle used one to conceive my cousins (twin girls who are now almost 10). I believe they had success on the first cycle, but I was in college at the time, so I can't remember all of the details. They had another daughter via IVF a few years before that, but had a few m/c and a baby with a fatal genetic condition that was born early, which led them to use a donor. My aunt was about your age (40 when she got pg, 41 when twins were born).

I think that if I were you, I would do a FET with the last two, and if those don't work, I would pursue adoption.

Welcome to the board! I hope you find some success soon.

[KaraOrNot]

I haven't dealt with this, so no advice, but welcome!

[G22]

I have no advice but welcome to the board!

[electricmayhem]

I am not sure how much traffic it gets, but there is "Third Party Reproduction" board on The Bump now, which covers those who are using donors. 

[ktothej]

Thanks for the info & the welcome!

Mae - we are using Shady Grove. I know that they're really popular and well thought of in this area but due to a couple really stupid nurse screw ups and some other annoyances, I am definitely not their biggest fan. DH and I have discussed seeing someone else as well, but the whole idea just overwhelmed me. I have an appt with my dr. in a little over a week and definitely plan to ask some hard questions. I am most frustrated that all of the sudden after a fourth failure that we are hearing about other things that we may need to try - such as the scrape, etc, which you said you had right away. Each time I have asked they have basically said that we just need to be patient and follow the same protocols, and perhaps we could have been successful earlier if we utilized some of these things after our second failure, rather than waiting for our fourth.

Thanks for the recs for the other boards as well. I'll definitely go and check all of them out.

I look forward to participating and wish everyone the best of luck through their unique challenges!!