Stolen from MM: what are you judged for?

[ilovelamp]

It made me sad to see 100 people on MM and 4 on here. So here's a post to liven it up! What are you judged for (IRL or on here)?

We live with DH's mom right now
We married young
We are both in school
I quit smoking ciggs, but now use dip (flavored pouches not like actual chew dip)
I pick my hangnails until they bleed

I will stop now because I'm sure I could keep on going...

[amaristella]

I think that this is something that people probably have really mixed opinions about. We're not real vocal about it, but we answer honestly to those who ask.

We started TTC again just as soon as it was medically advisable after we lost Leslie. We did not want to wait at all.

[G22]

We have 5 animals.
We are getting fertility help to get pregnant.
We trying to get pregnant.
We live off base.

[ilovelamp]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Leslie. And I would give a big fuck you to anyone who thinks something like that is their business to judge.

[poppet]

I'm a SAHM with 2 college degrees and working on my Masters...I have no plans to go back to work in at least 5-10yrs. I like learning.

I bite my nails

I enjoyed a beer and small glass of wine the day I found out I was pg. I was only 3.5wks and we were on vacation. I don't drink now and won't until late 3rd tri when I'm ok with a small amount of wine occasionally.

[basilosaurus]

I don't usually wear makeup, hardly remember to brush my hair, and wear sandals every day and have only ever had 1 pedicure. Also, I think wearing my good tank tops and good flip flops is dressing up. Heels are a once a year occasion, if I'm forced to go to a ball or something. These seem to come up the most on MM.

I drink pretty much every night.
Vocal atheist
Don't want kids
Am fine with a messy home

And you know what? I couldn't care less. I'm proud of these parts of me

[meltoine]

I'm religious. (side note: I find it fascinating that both observant religious people and "vocal atheists" feel judged. I often feel that atheists and agnostics are the only people who don't get judged, though I'm sure this is not correct.)

I'm a SAHM with a very expensive degree from a private school.

I'm a hardcore introvert.

[basilosaurus]

meltoine, in a recent survey, atheists were the least trusted group in America, below even rapists. There are still states that have laws against atheists running for office.

So, no, I don't think they're less judged than Christians by the average American, unless you're referring to the manufactroversy war on christmas.

[sookie]

Before I was laid off I was judged by other wives here because I work. When a few found out I was laid off they said "at least you'll have time for S when he's home." Sigh...

Not having kids yet, even though we're 25/26 and we've been together over 6 years.

Owning a house because we could move at any time.

[basilosaurus]

Wait, people judge a 25 year old for not having kids? That's crazy!

[meltoine]

Jun 11, 2012 21:45:45 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

meltoine, in a recent survey, atheists were the least trusted group in America, below even rapists. There are still states that have laws against atheists running for office.

So, no, I don't think they're less judged than Christians by the average American, unless you're referring to the manufactroversy war on christmas.

I'm curious to read this. Do you have a link?

My opinion is heavily influenced by th fact that I have spent 98% of my life in NYC and WDC, probably the two most atheistic cities in the country, and by where I went to college. 78% of the people at my university self-identify as atheists, not including agnostics.

[prettyinpink]

We are also 25/26 with no kids and no plans for them soon and get judged for it all the time.

I have a college degree and work as an optician. I have more education than half of my patients but 75% of them have better jobs than I do.

My need to have EVERYTHING planned.

[sookie]

Jun 11, 2012 21:47:51 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Wait, people judge a 25 year old for not having kids? That's crazy!

"Why are you waiting? They're FREE!" (Um, no.. no they aren't.)
"You've been together for so long though. Do you not like kids?"
"You don't want to wait too much longer though. You should be young when you have kids, not old." (I'm 25 fucker! I'm not old!)

FWIW, we're going to TTC soon after the current deployment is over (because you know, with him being gone now isn't a great time to start baby making since he might get angry). That means at youngest I'll be 26 when we have a baby. Again, NOT OLD!

[sookie]

Jun 11, 2012 21:51:56 GMT -5 prettyinpink said:

My need to have EVERYTHING planned.

I don't judge you for this. I'm the same way. I ALWAYS have my planner and like knowing what's going on. Surprises suck IMO. I want a plan.

[basilosaurus]

This discusses the study.

www.publicaffairs.ubc.ca/2011/11/30/ubc-study-explores-distrust-of-atheists-by-believers/

And I was incorrect. Atheists are distrusted as much as rapists, not more than. Phew

What university is 78% atheist? Is it in the States? 15% of America is non-religious, but that includes a lot of categories. Younger people are more likely to be non-religious, but still not anywhere near those numbers. So, that's hugely different from the rest of the country. I'm not doubting you; I've just never heard of a place like that. But I completely understand if you don't tell me. I'm untrustworthy like that

[ilovelamp]

Wtf with the rapist & atheist study?! Seriously people?

[prettyinpink]

Jun 11, 2012 22:03:01 GMT -5 sookie said:

Jun 11, 2012 21:47:51 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Wait, people judge a 25 year old for not having kids? That's crazy!

"Why are you waiting? They're FREE!" (Um, no.. no they aren't.)
"You've been together for so long though. Do you not like kids?"
"You don't want to wait too much longer though. You should be young when you have kids, not old." (I'm 25 fucker! I'm not old!)

FWIW, we're going to TTC soon after the current deployment is over (because you know, with him being gone now isn't a great time to start baby making since he might get angry). That means at youngest I'll be 26 when we have a baby. Again, NOT OLD!

We get a lot of " why are you waiting to be financially ready, no one ever is just go for it". It makes me crazy that people don't understand that we have certain goals we would like to meet before we have children.

My BIL told a mutual friend to tell us to get busy and have kids already. I told mutual friend to tell B if he would like to pay my student loan payments or pay for daycare he was more than welcome to but until that time we plan on waiting.

[Dumbledork]

My husband has to ask permission before he spends anything more than his allowance.

We live paycheck to paycheck. We shouldn't be by next summer, but for now we are.

The only reason I'm going to my hometown this summer is because my gpa is dying. People from there think I'm stuck up because I don't want to go back for every graduation, county fair, and baptism.

Oh, I got married midway through my junior year of college. I thought I could hack it out, but went all beebee, left school and moved across the country to be with H. I've been a college student for 6 years, 7 if you count the year I took off after Bean was born, and only have my AA. I'm not quitting, I'm a good student, and I'll get my BS. Some people judge me because I'm not quitting. Some people judge me because it's taking so long.

Almost all of Lilly's clothes are secondhand consignment. Twice a year I sell her old clothes and buy her new ones at a local consignment sale. What I make almost always covers what I spend, and, at this age, she's outgrowing clothes with the seasons anyway. Her clothes are always nice, you wouldn't know they're secondhand, but when I recommend the sale to friends with kids Bean's age, they always act appalled that I would even consider consignment. When she's older, I'll buy her new clothes, but right now, there's just no point imo.

And to basically ditto Sibil, I rarely wear make-up, heels, or jewelry (including my wedding rings) and haven't had anything more than a cut done to my hair in over 5 years.

[twoslicehilly]

we got married young, 19&21.
Had our first DD young, 20&22
And we're pregnant again, pretty young- 22&25

We get judged for having a pit bull.
H's family judges me a lot... thinks I'm a hippie, smart ass, and snob because my parents do well, and didn't raise me to be a tactless redneck.

I get judged for wanting to encapsulate my placenta.

[Jam]

I prefer hanging out with single women than married ones. They're way more fun.

I don't want children and I'm married ("like what's the point in getting married if you're not gonna have kids?" yes some have said this to me LOL)

I'm not voting this year

I hate wearing heels. If I ever "go out" I wear them til I get where I'm going and then switch into chucks or flip flops

I'm totally THAT wife that goes to the commissary and PX in her PJs.

[sookie]

Jun 12, 2012 0:45:26 GMT -5 killercupcake said:

I struggle with my faith.

I think that's normal. I've been that way a lot lately.

Also, I've been living in yoga pants since I was laid off. I haven't work makeup or put on real pants since the 25th, except when I went to the grocery store and that was just pants.

[JakJak]

Jun 12, 2012 1:33:48 GMT -5 killercupcake said:

Jun 12, 2012 1:26:48 GMT -5 sookie said:

I think that's normal. I've been that way a lot lately.

Also, I've been living in yoga pants since I was laid off. I haven't work makeup or put on real pants since the 25th, except when I went to the grocery store and that was just pants.

It's mostly because the people around me are "solid" in theirs and can't understand where I'm coming from.

I'll also go out in sweats. It's not like I'm dirty or sloppy. My clothes match, my hair is done, and my makeup is done. I just feel like being comfortable sometimes.

I get what you're saying. That's how I feel too, especially since both of our families are really religious.

I guess I get judged because we were young to get married and young to have a kid. I know that I get judged every time I take my kid out because he was born with a limb difference, and it really sucks to get the looks and whispers. I'm incredibly proud of who he is and wouldn't change a thing about him, but people are so mean sometimes.

[ESquared423]

Jun 11, 2012 22:49:14 GMT -5 prettyinpink said:

Jun 11, 2012 22:03:01 GMT -5 sookie said:

"Why are you waiting? They're FREE!" (Um, no.. no they aren't.)
"You've been together for so long though. Do you not like kids?"
"You don't want to wait too much longer though. You should be young when you have kids, not old." (I'm 25 fucker! I'm not old!)

FWIW, we're going to TTC soon after the current deployment is over (because you know, with him being gone now isn't a great time to start baby making since he might get angry). That means at youngest I'll be 26 when we have a baby. Again, NOT OLD!

We get a lot of " why are you waiting to be financially ready, no one ever is just go for it". It makes me crazy that people don't understand that we have certain goals we would like to meet before we have children.

My BIL told a mutual friend to tell us to get busy and have kids already. I told mutual friend to tell B if he would like to pay my student loan payments or pay for daycare he was more than welcome to but until that time we plan on waiting.

Ughhh, I get this ALL. THE. TIME. We are both just about to turn 26 and the baby thing is nonstop from both friends and family (his family, mostly). The only debt we have is student loans and it's only about $20K, we'll have it paid off next summer if we stick to our current snowball plan (we've followed it about 6 months now and have paid off about $10K!). And one of our big goals is to be completely debt free with at least $10K in our liquid savings before we TTC. I don't know how many times I've heard "We didn't have anything saved when we had DD/S!" or "Everybody would like to be debt free when they have kids, but it's just not realistic" ...ummm, maybe not for you! But it is important and completely doable for us, so everyone else can just suck ittttt.

I also get judged for how quiet I can be, especially when meeting people for the first time, it tends to come off as me being a bitch.

[basilosaurus]

Aw, I feel sad for people. I don't have anyone in my life who (at least outwardly) is actually judgey about my lack of kids. Society may judge, but no one I associate with. And certainly no one would tell me not to worry about finances. I wish everyone had people as supportive of their choices.

Similarly, while I'm an atheist now, I grew up in the church, and questioning was always supported and encouraged. Even my far more conservative friends in college will openly admit to have crises of faith. If you can't admit to it, how can you seek out the support you need?

[kcd0531]

I'm judged for working for a religious organization.
I'm judged for having a loud ADHD child who may or may not have Asperger's.
I'm judged for having a 2nd child.
I'm judged for not having 1st child in more organized sporting activities.
I'm judged for not always having my financial house in order.
I'm judged for deciding to have a glass of wine because I'm BF.
My DH is judged because his job doesn't pay enough to allow me the CHOICE of being a SAHM.
Blah. People can go mind their own damned business.

[sookie]

Jun 12, 2012 15:59:03 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Aw, I feel sad for people. I don't have anyone in my life who (at least outwardly) is actually judgey about my lack of kids.

My best friend doesn't want kids, and people can be really mean to her about it. At best she'll get the "oh, you'll change your mind one day - hope it's not too late" but I've heard people tell her MUCH worse. She's never wanted kids, but loves them. Her husband doesn't want kids either, but he also loves them. They'll make an amazing aunt/uncle to my future kids, but they just don't feel the need to be called mommy/daddy. They've already decided if they do get to that point, they want to adopt and/or foster because there are other kids who need them.

[brandienee]

I hardly ever feel judged for being Christian, but I feel judged by my Christian friends for being a Democrat and being pro choice and pro gay marriage. It does stir some pots, so I usually leave it alone.

[JakJak]

Jun 12, 2012 16:04:06 GMT -5 sookie said:

Jun 12, 2012 15:59:03 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

Aw, I feel sad for people. I don't have anyone in my life who (at least outwardly) is actually judgey about my lack of kids.

My best friend doesn't want kids, and people can be really mean to her about it. At best she'll get the "oh, you'll change your mind one day - hope it's not too late" but I've heard people tell her MUCH worse. She's never wanted kids, but loves them. Her husband doesn't want kids either, but he also loves them. They'll make an amazing aunt/uncle to my future kids, but they just don't feel the need to be called mommy/daddy. They've already decided if they do get to that point, they want to adopt and/or foster because there are other kids who need them.

This is exactly how my sister in law feels. She has made it very clear she has no desire to ever have kids, and you should hear some of the comment she gets from family! They are mostly "Oh you are going to be so lonely" and "Why would you do that to your mom?". I can't believe people sometimes.

[basilosaurus]

I used to get the "you'll change your mind" a lot, usually with a "wait until you're 30, you'll see." I'm 31 now, and the comments don't happen as frequently

Funny thing is, I accept that people can/do change their mind. I bristle when they condescendingly tell me it will definitely happen, but I accept the possibility. However, a conversation with my parents recently went like this:

Parents: People from church keep asking when you're going to have kids. We tell them we're not holding our breath. Also, they need to mind their own business.
Me: Well, it's possible I could change my mind. H loves kids.
Parents: We're not holding our breath. No, really, no pressure from us, don't feel like you have to defend yourself
Me: But, um, people do change?
Parents: Yeah, we know you. Don't worry about it.

LOL. My parents are awesome. Either that or they think I'd be a terrible parent

[sookie]

Sibil, that makes me laugh. I probably would've asked them if they were hoping I didn't procreate. Haha.