UUUUUGGGGGHHHHH

[pantsparty]

So I am trying to plan this anniversary party for my parents, an evening event. Today they toured the space. I called my mom to discuss booking the place, and she said, "So...we've been thinking about this...about not having any alcohol at the event."



My mom is definitely one of those people who thinks a person that has A drink a few days a week, not at an event, not on a weekend, is an alcoholic. She and my dad don't drink (my dad stopped a few years ago, mainly because of my mom). My brother got out of rehab about a month ago, and alcohol was involved with my older brother who died.  She kept saying several times, "I just don't understand why people can't have a good time without alcohol!" I told her they could, but it is typically expected to be served at an evening celebration. I said, "Mom, it is as expected as food and cake."

Do you know how hard it is to argue this without sounding like an alcoholic?

We ended by resolving nothing and me saying, "Well, maybe we need to plan a lunch or a different type of event where it won't be expected."

BLAAAAAARGH.

[Deleted]

What about just beer and wine? Those are sort of with-food drinks that might have less stigma?

[soozy87]

If the party is in your parent's honor and they don't drink that should be a large factor in your decision. I am sure that their friends and many people coming to the party know that they don't drink so not having alcohol is probably somewhat expected.

Good call on suggesting a lunch!

[rex]

I can understand why she has a problem with alcohol, as it has impacted her life very negatively.

That being said, you can't have an evening event without drinks. What if people just have wine with the dinner?

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 14:42:05 GMT -5 ninjabridemom said:

What about just beer and wine? Those are sort of with-food drinks that might have less stigma?

No, she just doesn't like alcohol at all. It's not hard liquor vs beer/wine, unfortunately.

[winnied]

Think of how I feel going back to W. MI for Dutch weddings. There is NEVER any booze. I think H and I's wedding was the first one I heard of booze being present at. The same arguments of "I just don't see why it's necessary." Because it is, people! It is what it is!

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 14:44:18 GMT -5 rex said:

I can understand why she has a problem with alcohol, as it has impacted her life very negatively.

I do understand this. I mean, those things have also affected me. But I guess I don't plan events around the 5% of people that it could possibly negatively impact, especially as we're all adults.

I really don't know what to do. It is super awkward. I'm not going to throw out, "I'M PAYING FOR EVERYTHING!" and she hasn't thrown out, "IT'S MY PARTY!" Lots of awkward silences on the call, LOL. I finally said, "Well, we're not going to resolve this. Let's talk about it later. Bye!" 

Avoidance FTW.

[AHappierHour]

I kinda think you should do as your mom requested and not serve alcohol. The party is for them. She does have valid concerns considering what you posted about your brothers. Anyone at that party should understand why too.

[agnes]

Jun 14, 2013 14:44:18 GMT -5 rex said:

I can understand why she has a problem with alcohol, as it has impacted her life very negatively.

That being said, you can't have an evening event without drinks. What if people just have wine with the dinner?

Um, yes you can. It may not be everybody's first choice, but it's quite possible to have one.  And a decent one at that. 

[vanillacourage]

Jun 14, 2013 14:47:56 GMT -5 AHappierHour said:

I kinda think you should do as your mom requested and not serve alcohol. The party is for them. She does have valid concerns considering what you posted about your brothers. Anyone at that party should understand why too.

Agree with this, and I'm a huge drinker.

But, I'd try to compromise and just have a lunch/brunch/whatever so there's not the same level of expectation on the part of your guests.

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 14:50:29 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Jun 14, 2013 14:47:56 GMT -5 AHappierHour said:

I kinda think you should do as your mom requested and not serve alcohol. The party is for them. She does have valid concerns considering what you posted about your brothers. Anyone at that party should understand why too.

Agree with this, and I'm a huge drinker.

But, I'd try to compromise and just have a lunch/brunch/whatever so there's not the same level of expectation on the part of your guests.

I think I might end up doing this. I refuse to pay for an evening event without alcohol. If that makes me an alcoholic, fine. 

Now I'm irritated that I've already done all this research and calling on venues and vendors.  Have to start from scratch, I suppose.

I have to be honest, I might not have come up with the idea to have this event if I knew this was the direction it was going to go. Lolz. 

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 14:53:19 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

 Surely your parents' friends and family know about your brothers.

No, actually, they don't. My parents are pretty tight-lipped about these things. But that's beside the point, I suppose.

[snickers]

Jun 14, 2013 14:43:48 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

If the party is in your parent's honor and they don't drink that should be a large factor in your decision. I am sure that their friends and many people coming to the party know that they don't drink so not having alcohol is probably somewhat expected.

Good call on suggesting a lunch!

Ditto this.

[cleo29]

I think there is middle ground here. no hard liquor and maybe cut it off at a certain point. I realize you want to make your guests happy, but you also want your mom to be comfortable at a party held in her honor.

And, while I don't drink and never really needed to make myself like it in order to have a good time, I get why people do enjoy it, especially in social situations.

[pantsparty]

I am laughing at the conversation, replaying it now.

Pants: "No one is making you drink at a party."
Mom: "Well, no one has to drink!"
Pants: "No, no one has to drink. But it's typically expected at an evening event."
Mom: "Well, I'M not stopping anyone from drinking."
Pants: "So you're cool if people bring their own drinks?"

Looooooooooolz. I am annoyed and feeling very petulant. My parents did not help to pay for our wedding (and I didn't expect them to), but I did not expect to run into anything like this when trying to plan a party in their honor. I should have seen it coming knowing how different we are.

FINE MOM PIZZA AND SUBS IT IS.

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 15:38:14 GMT -5 @champagna said:

I don't have any advice about how to deal with your mom on this issue, but you are a nice daughter for throwing this party for your parents. It's very sweet!

Apparently, though, my money comes with strings attached to liters of vodka.

[bugandbibs]

I'm confused. Is this party for your parents or for you?

Honestly, you should honor her wishes and make the event alcohol free. You are making way too much out of this.

[livinitup]

We are big drinkers and I wouldn't be horrified if I went to an evening anniversary party without alcohol. One if us always stays sober to drive anyway. People have all kinds of horrible issues with alcohol. I don't care if they don't want to serve it. I get it.

[cleo29]

I seriously die at all the Robin yelling at Patrice scenes. I wonder how many takes it took because I would have been cracking up.

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 16:23:14 GMT -5 tillie said:

Jun 14, 2013 16:15:38 GMT -5 bugandbibs said:

I'm confused. Is this party for your parents or for you?

Honestly, you should honor her wishes and make the event alcohol free. You are making way too much out of this.

I think she is also considering her guests.

I am considering our family. The same people who tailgated at our rehearsal dinner, because we didn't have alcohol served there. LOL!

So yeah, I foresee my family tailgating this event, which will take place in Detroit. At night. YAY!

[sonrisa]

I'm an alcoholic according to your parents and would usually expect alcohol to be offered at an evening party. However, I wouldn't expect an alcoholic in recovery to serve alcohol at their party nor some one who lost one child to alcohol with another recently out of rehab. I'm sure their friends know their history and will understand.

[bugandbibs]

Jun 14, 2013 16:42:22 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Jun 14, 2013 16:15:38 GMT -5 bugandbibs said:

I'm confused. Is this party for your parents or for you?

Honestly, you should honor her wishes and make the event alcohol free. You are making way too much out of this.

Really?

Not really. I was being sarcastic. 

I've been to lots of alcohol free evening events for various reasons. People were able to have a good time anyway. Her mom has very good, clear reasons for not wanting alcohol. She should respect that since she is essentially throwing a party in her honor. 

[pantsparty]

Listen people, I am not going to steamroll my mom's request. I just think she's being STUPID. I know my family, I know there will be plenty of "water bottles" at the event and I, frankly, think it's safer if there's a bartender.

This is like her position on abstinence all over again!

[sonrisa]

Jun 14, 2013 16:55:24 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

Jun 14, 2013 16:50:52 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

I'm sure their friends know their history and will understand.

pants already said they do not know. her parents keep it private. 

I just saw that and was going to edit.

[starlily]

Jun 14, 2013 16:56:49 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

I know my family, I know there will be plenty of "water bottles" at the event and I, frankly, think it's safer if there's a bartender.

You're related to Farmer?!?

[wannabe]

Dude, I would totally come to a party at Subway. 6" all around! Heh.

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 17:16:08 GMT -5 wannabe said:

6" all around! 

[sparkythelawyer]

I hate to say it, but its her party.  If she wants no booze, honor her wishes.

And tell your friends to bring a flask :-)

[pantsparty]

Jun 14, 2013 18:14:59 GMT -5 luckydog said:

Jun 14, 2013 14:53:19 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

You can most certainly have an event in the evening without alcohol. And your mother, who is one of the two guests of honor, should be able to say no alcohol; and I get precisely why she does not want it.

If you were planning an open bar, take all that money and give it to your parents in the form of a cruise, or a really nice cash gift. Don't make her miserable over something that has such horrible connotations for her, and that is NOT necessary in the slightest. Surely your parents' friends and family know about your brothers.

I agree. One of my brothers couldnt have alcohol because of his job for a while so they had zero alcohol at their wedding. No one was surprised. Instead they had fun punches. You know the cheezey sherbert in soda and sparkling punches. You could also do a punch with dry ice. Corny but fun.

Theres always pre partying.

I DRAW A LINE AT "FUN PUNCH."

I have standards to uphold here.

[Deleted]

Jun 14, 2013 17:16:08 GMT -5 wannabe said:

Dude, I would totally come to a party at Subway. 6" all around! Heh.

Sounds like my last date.  :/