And have H check with MIL to make sure she has good financial planning advice etc...
She actually does. I am really proud of my SIL for stepping up and getting her set up with a trust and a financial planner. My DH knows nothing about this sort of thing and neither does my MIL.
I think it's weird that she split is 5 ways instead of just splitting it in half between her two children - who then could split it any way they wished.
What's supposed to happen to the future grandkids? Are they represented more in the will? Are they out of luck?
Yeah, it's odd. And yes, your DH should ask. It's not greedy, it's just logical. I can imagine the awkwardness, but really - you can find a way a broach the subject.
As a parent, I would find it weird to have one child funded so much higher than the other. Can you move the money around without consequences? If it is a 529 - I'd leave it because siblings can use each other's money.
What's supposed to happen to the future grandkids? Are they represented more in the will? Are they out of luck?
To the original question- I would split it as you propose and redistribute later should another gift come your way.
To the point above, I don't think it's weird at all not to plan for future grandkids. I am much younger than my siblings or my cousins on my dad's side. My paternal grandparents were both deceased by the time I came around and anything they had to give had long before been distributed. Such is life. I have never thought I "deserved" anything from them and have only been sad that my oldest siblings and cousins have distinct memories of a grandmother whom I never even got to meet.
I should also add that this inheritance was completely unexpected. My MIL had NO idea that her mom was sitting on that kind of money. DH's grandmother was very very frugal and had lived in the same home for over 60 years. It was wild when her will came out. DH had just lost his father to cancer that same year and while FIL was smart with his money and she would be financially secure this was a big WOW. She probably hasn't even thought about giving DS anything to keep it fair because she just doesn't think about money at all.
I think it depends on the relationship, but I think your H could talk to her and mention your plan to split the original amount between the two children and ask her if she's okay with that. Not that she'd say no you can't do that, but it may just not have occurred to her to gift money to the younger child after the fact.
I think it depends on the relationship, but I think your H could talk to her and mention your plan to split the original amount between the two children and ask her if she's okay with that. Not that she'd say no you can't do that, but it may just not have occurred to her to gift money to the younger child after the fact.
I kind of like this approach - based on the way she gave the gifts in the first place (equally to the 3 then-existing grandkids) I don't think she'd had a problem with it and it's actually kind of nice to ask (if you phrase it correctly and not as a "hey, we had an extra kid, we now want an extra 13K).
Post by definitelyO on Jun 17, 2013 15:04:58 GMT -5
I would do as you suggested. it was VERY generous of her to gift that money and she should never be expected/obligated to do the same continually. it would be in very poor form for DH to approach his mom asking for $$ for DS. it's looking a gift horse in the mouth and just rude.
Post by mollybrown on Jun 17, 2013 15:11:03 GMT -5
I guess I'm in the minority, but I wouldn't split it. We've kept gifts that the children received completely separate. I would even it out by contributing more over the years to the younger child's account, if necessary.
I think it depends on the relationship, but I think your H could talk to her and mention your plan to split the original amount between the two children and ask her if she's okay with that. Not that she'd say no you can't do that, but it may just not have occurred to her to gift money to the younger child after the fact.
I kind of like this approach - based on the way she gave the gifts in the first place (equally to the 3 then-existing grandkids) I don't think she'd had a problem with it and it's actually kind of nice to ask (if you phrase it correctly and not as a "hey, we had an extra kid, we now want an extra 13K).
Exactly. You could even go with something along the lines of "It was so generous to do that for child 1, we'd like to keep it fair and just wanted to make sure it was okay with you if we went ahead and split the amount between both children." I feel like you really should ask her before splitting it anyway since her intention was that the full 13K would go to your first child. My ILs are wealthy and generous and if they give us money for a specific purpose we make sure that it gets used accordingly. I would feel weird splitting it without checking first.
Well I'm kind of in a weird place because DH does NOT want to talk about it with his mom nor does he want to split the money. He just wants to leave it alone. This is his family so I guess I should just respect that right? Although, when he makes comments about wanting his mom to be fair I get irritated because you either care or you don't.
We are not planning on having any other children and neither is his sister. And Yes, DH did get $13K himself and now that I am thinking about it, maybe he could just open DS's account with that money. I am going to suggest that. Not a bad idea h.