Post by mellimel19 on Jun 21, 2013 10:36:50 GMT -5
Update: So I just wanted to truly thank everyone for their kind words and support yesterday. I told H last night and his reaction was, "Yay for us and holy shit!" lol. While we're both still nervous and there's lots to figure out, as many of you pointed out, we have 9 months to get it all together. And once I told H, I felt a lot of my initial panic fade away- while we have lots of huge and scary changes ahead of us, we make a great team, and we'll figure it all out somehow. In the meantime, I am really starting to get excited, and it warms my heart to see H so excited about it too. ************************************************************************************************************************* I know that most of you don't really know me as I'm mostly an occasional poster, but as this just happened this morning and I'm not ready to talk about it to anyone IRL yet, I thought I'd give it a shot here.
So, I think I am pregnant. I took two pregnancy tests this morning. I thought I may have screwed the first one up cause I sort of peed all over it (lol, gross, sorry). So I took a second, digital one, went with the dip it in a cup method, and it was also positive. I will be going to the doctor this afternoon to confirm.
Part of me is terrified, part of me is excited. Honestly I don't know what to feel. I am on the pill and H and I were not planning to start trying for a baby until next year. We are currently trying to save for our first home. Naturally I am excited because we want children, and seeing as I'm 34, I've been concerned that we'd have difficulty getting pregnant once we started trying. At the same time, I feel like we're not ready yet. I don't know anything about pregnancy, I haven't been taking care of myself as well as I should be in preparation for a baby, and a small, selfish part of me is a little disappointed because I felt like the rest of this year was supposed to be our last hurrah before we started trying for a baby. Plus we live in a crap apartment we wanted to have a home, or at least be close to buying one when we had a baby. I'm worried that having a baby now will derail us financially from buying a home in the time that we had planned. Please tell me this is all normal. Because I feel sort of guilty and selfish thinking these things when we are being blessed with a child.
Also, next week is our first wedding anniversary, so I thought if I am indeed pregnant, that would be a great day to tell him. But I don't know if I can hold it together and just act normal for a full week. All of a sudden next weekend sounds like it's SOOO far away, and I'm just a bundle of nerves right now. I don't know how I can even function through the workday, let alone get through a whole week. Did you all tell your H's right away? Did any of you wait, and if so, how were you able to stand keeping it to yourself?
Not really sure what I'm looking for here, I think I just needed to get it out, since I haven't spoken to H yet, and therefore don't feel right talking to anyone else about it. Thanks to anyone who made it through this jumbled wall of text.
I became pregnant with my first about 7 or 8 months before my H and I agreed we'd start TTC. At the time, that 7 or 8 mos. seemed so significant. I didn't feel ready AT ALL! Then, while obviously very pregnant, the month where we initially agreed to TTC came and went. And during that time, I thought - huh, I guess it didn't really matter that much, did it.
TTC was on your radar. It happened sooner than you thought it would, but that's great thing! You wanted a house and a baby. The fact that those things may happen out of order doesn't mean they won't happen. Congrats!!
Post by sunshineray on Jun 21, 2013 10:43:07 GMT -5
Congratulations! Even when it's a very carefully planned pregnancy, you still experience all of the emotions you're feeling right now. ((hugs))
I don't think I could wait to tell H. If you had already discussed having a baby then it would seem that you're both on the same page. Are you worried he won't be excited? He's likely to experience the same jumbled reaction you're having, so don't stress about that!
Take a deep breath. Everything is going to work out. There's a good reason babies take 9 months to arrive. ;-) You've got plenty of time to make plans.
And also, don't feel guilty for feeling a little angry/disappointed that you aren't 100% excited yet. It's a shock. Be kind to yourself.
Post by Ohhmm(bligo) on Jun 21, 2013 10:46:14 GMT -5
I was on the pill and ended up pregnant after our 1-year anniversary trip. I feel you.
You're okay. Absolutely everything you are thinking is normal. Even women who plan their pregnancies get terrified that they've messed their lives up once they get the BFP.
I told my husband right away both times. I told EVERYBODY right away both times. I can't hold that stuff inside.
"You. You and your crazy life. You and your geographic anomaly. You and your drunken lesbianic ways and terrible navigational skills." - ProfArt and her holy baby
And terrifying. And scary, And exciting! It's all normal, and everything will be okay. Kids certainly throw a monkey wrench into our lives, even if they are planned. It's okay to feel doubt mixed in with the excitement.
Post by rupertpenny on Jun 21, 2013 10:49:56 GMT -5
Congrats, my pregnancy was also unplanned, and I had similar feelings. I think it's normal. Anyway, despite the fact I was neither physically or mentally prepared my pregnancy has been 100% healthy and normal so far. We are also renters, and are nowhere close to buying, but that's ok. The baby wont know the difference.
I also wouldn't wait to tell your husband. With all the emotions that come with an unplanned (or any) pregnancy, you will probably need someone to talk to.
Congratulations! How exciting (and all the other things you're feeling too!).
If you're able to wait a week to tell your H you will be my HERO. I swear I can't even test w/o my H at home or he'll be finding out over the phone. lol.
Post by mellimel19 on Jun 21, 2013 10:59:25 GMT -5
Thank you all SOOO much. You have no idea how much your kind words and congratulations are helping right now. I am so relieved to know that many of you went through the same crazy mix of thoughts and emotions, even when already actively TTC. And yes, children were certainly part of our plan, so in the grand scheme, as many of you pointed out, it probably doesn't make that much of a difference to have a baby 7 or so months before we planned. Plan as we might, sometimes life has a different plan for us
suesue, you're right. I should remind myself that this is just more incentive to work that much harder at saving and reaching our goal of owning a home.
sunshineray- no, I'm not concerned that H won't be excited. The thing is that generally he is such a mellow, even keeled person. He doesn't really get upset or excited. He just takes everything in life in stride. It can be a little infuriating sometimes! lol
But I know that I've been more gung ho about kids than he has been, and he's kind of put the ball in my court as far as when we would start trying. I'm the one who has put it off because I haven't felt ready. But to be honest, I don't know that I ever would feel totally ready. I mean at 34 there are still days that I don't even fully feel like a mature grownup! So maybe life has given us the little nudge we needed.
Congratulations! What you are feeling is normal. It took me a good three or four weeks to switch from shocked, panicked, "but we were preventing! and I had so many other things to do and so much more weight to lose first! and what about our vacation?!?!" mode to excited mode, which is think is pretty commonplace for surprise pregnancies. We're also renters of a small, crappy apartment at the moment (though we never had any intentions of buying before ttc), and now we'll just be moving to another rental when I am heavily pregnant vs. what we thought would be newly pregnant. I completely understand freaking out, but things really do have a way of working out; you pretty much have no choice but to adapt! As for waiting to tell H, if you think you can wait until next week, I think it would be a nice anniversary surprise... and I will greatly admire your willpower. I could never have waited beyond the three and a half minutes I managed, ha.
Take a deep breath. Everything is going to work out. There's a good reason babies take 9 months to arrive. ;-) You've got plenty of time to make plans.
Congrats! The baby won't remember whether you moved into your first home before he/she was born or when he/she was a toddler. Both our kids were planned and I still had that "OMG what have we done?" feeling each time. Heh.
Congrats!!! Becoming a parent is scary, but the anticipation is the scariest part. It's the most fun thing ever. The finances and "being ready" stuff just seems to work itself out somehow. Try to keep the secret until your anniversary because that would be soooo cool to tell him then!!! (this is coming from someone who can't keep a secret for the life of me, but do love the idea)
Post by underwaterrhymes on Jun 21, 2013 11:18:15 GMT -5
First, congratulations!
Second, totally normal feelings. We were NOT trying when I found out I was pregnant. In fact, we had been actively TTA for almost four years and had made the decision that if we were going to have kids, we would adopt.
I cried when I got those two lines and I wasn't sure if they were happy or totally terrified tears. (They were both.) H was right there when I POAS and his exact word were, "Holy shit! Is this real? Holy shit!"
I have a beautiful baby boy trying to fall asleep in the Ergo right now. It's fucking amazing and hard and beautiful and exhausting and wonderful and trying and incredible all at the same time.
Sleepless nights notwithstanding, he is the absolute best accident we have ever had and we are already talking about a second.
Congrats!!! Becoming a parent is scary, but the anticipation is the scariest part. It's the most fun thing ever. The finances and "being ready" stuff just seems to work itself out somehow. Try to keep the secret until your anniversary because that would be soooo cool to tell him then!!! (this is coming from someone who can't keep a secret for the life of me, but do love the idea)
I really want to try my hardest to wait. Not only do I think it would be an incredibly cool thing to celebrate on our anniversary, but also we are huge Star Wars geeks and I happened to see this card on Etsy the other day with Darth Vader on the front that said "You are my father." I bookmarked it because I thought that would be such a fun way to let H know he'd be a dad. That said, like you, I CANNOT keep a secret. It is likely I will just act totally weird all week and H will be like WTF is wrong with you?
Post by sawyerthedestroyer on Jun 21, 2013 11:26:56 GMT -5
My pregnancy was also unplanned, on BC. I hadn't been taking care of my body and was really worried about the baby, but he's totally fine. He's the best kid and like underwaterrhymes said, he is the best accident.
Everything you're feeling is normal. I could have written your post last year. I took a pregnancy test just to make sure I wasn't pregnant before I called my doctor to see if I was ill or something was wrong.
And then that pregnancy test had the audacity to say "Pregnant". I lost my shit. We were planning on starting to try in December, I was already pregnant in June, wtf were we going to do? We had a trip planned to New Orleans, and I wanted to drink my face off and suddenly couldn't. I hadn't been taking care of myself either. AHHHH!!
But, like everyone has said, it really does work itself out. You were planning for a baby in the near future, and you're not exactly where you want to be, but you're also not without desire.
And if you want to wait to tell him, understand that you'll have had a week or so to process you being pregnant, and he'll just be finding out. So, his reaction will be what it will be. For me, when the stick said "Pregnant," I walked out into the living room, showed him the stick, said, "HOLY SHIT" and we drove to Walgreens to get 900 more tests to prove that one wrong.
I now have a 4 month old, so there's that.
licia, thank you for sharing your story. You're right, you're story is so similar to mine. Like you, I was actually taking the test "just to make sure I wasn't pregnant." I didn't actually think that I would be. We also have a trip planned for the fall, which included tours of several breweries, which probably won't be as fun to visit now
You also bring up a very good point about my having a week to process if I wait to tell him. I thought it might be a fun idea to tell him at dinner, but after further thought I'm not sure that's a very good idea, as there's no way to know how he'll react. I mean my initial reaction was holy shit, WTF? And then my mouth just hanging open, followed by a flood of happy/freaked out tears. I definitely would not have wanted to have that reaction in public! And even if I did it at home on that day, again, there's no way to know what his gut reaction will be, and I don't want to ruin our anniversary with my being upset at a reaction that's anything less than "That's the awesomest news I've ever heard, now let me wait on you hand and foot for the next 9 months"
Like other posters, our DD was a huge surprise- I was on BC, we had had sex all of once in the couple months before since we were both out of town a lot, getting ready to get married, etc. I was also skipping the sugar pills so that I wouldn't have my period on our honeymoon and had had some spotting, and so didn't know I was pregnant until I was about 12 weeks. It was a huge shock, and keeping it together for the two days until H got home from a trip was hard, but it didn't seem like news to share over the phone! Don't wait to tell him next week, tell him now so that you're in it together from the start.
Anyway, you don't have to know how to feel right now, just feel what you feel and know that whatever it is, it's ok. I know I went through cycles of being really upset, really excited, guilt that my first reaction wasn't one of complete and utter joy, etc. All normal, and it was just how I processed what was a huge, unexpected change in our lives. In the end, our daughter was the most amazing gift that we didn't even know we wanted, and we wouldn't change the how and when for anything.
Congratulations! Everything will work out for you and your H. Your plans may be out of order but you will get there. Have a happy ams healthy 9 months!
Congratulations Everything will be fine, it will never be the "perfect" time! Happy and healthy 9 mos!
Oh and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to wait to tell DH either. It can still be an anniversary gift even if its a few days early. Pinterest probably has some cute and simple ideas about how to tell him (if that's your thing).