What do you think of this

[bigmamma]

Person is invited to party for family member out of state

Response to invite is: "Navy isn't giving leave this summer"

Um... HE is in the Navy... YOU are a housewife. (and yes... in the actual reality of the situation I am referring to that is their demographic)


Do you travel WITHOUT your DH?

[softspot]

Of course. I am visiting home right now for 19 days sans my husband.

[ilovelamp]

Absolutely. He couldn't get off work so I am going to San Diego without him. We love traveling together, but sometimes you have to go alone. And IMO I think it's weird if you refuse to go OOT without your SO. But to each their own.

[prettyinpink]

I would totally go alone. I do it fairly often.

[meltoine]

Jun 17, 2012 17:25:25 GMT -5 @ojo said:

We vacation and travel separately far more often than we do together.

This.

We've been invited to 10 weddings since we got together. I've been to all of them, he has been to one - ours.

Also, I just got back from visiting our parents without him.

[sookie]

I'll travel without S, but is this a party for H's family or for her family? That would make a difference. I'd RSVP no to an out of state party for S's family if he couldn't go, but I'd say yes if it was my family and I was able/wanted to go.

[bigmamma]

Jun 17, 2012 18:15:53 GMT -5 sookie said:

I'll travel without S, but is this a party for H's family or for her family? That would make a difference. I'd RSVP no to an out of state party for S's family if he couldn't go, but I'd say yes if it was my family and I was able/wanted to go.

Her family... in fact... her sister.

Good - I am not some sort of uber-independant-psycho military wife who "leaves her husband".

Cool Beans Yo.

[basilosaurus]

I travel on my own a lot. I've been to many countries for vacation on my own. However, I'd totally use H as an excuse if it was for somewhere I didn't want to go. Or if I was saving money for a trip for the 2 of us together. I'd rather skip some shitty family obligation in order to afford a trip to somewhere awesome. Thankfully, my family is 100% in agreement on this prioritization.

[bigmamma]

Jun 17, 2012 20:21:54 GMT -5 basilosaurus said:

I travel on my own a lot. I've been to many countries for vacation on my own. However, I'd totally use H as an excuse if it was for somewhere I didn't want to go. Or if I was saving money for a trip for the 2 of us together. I'd rather skip some shitty family obligation in order to afford a trip to somewhere awesome. Thankfully, my family is 100% in agreement on this prioritization.

I am fine with that. Its a complete 180 since she got married. She just SITS at home and does nothing. We know HIM really well. he is too busy with work to be impeding her life like this.

My issue - if you DON'T want to go OR are saving $$ for something else.... just say that. Don't say "the navy is granting leave this summer".... umm My H is Navy he is taking cummulative 6 weeks this summer, older sisters BF is Navy... taking 6 weekends off over the summer. I know PLENTY of Navy families taking leave. Don't blame the Navy when other people can call your bullshit.

[letsbeawkward]

Yeah I travel without my husband all the time.

What's the occasion for the party? If it was a big deal and I could easily get away then I would be there. If it's just a birthday or something no big deal like that then I probably wouldn't.

[bigmamma]

Jun 17, 2012 20:30:47 GMT -5 letsbeawkward said:

Yeah I travel without my husband all the time.

What's the occasion for the party? If it was a big deal and I could easily get away then I would be there. If it's just a birthday or something no big deal like that then I probably wouldn't.

It a housewarming, first house and the one who is blaming the navy hasn't seen the family in over a year. The last time we saw her was when WE all traveled to Michigan for her vow renewal. NOT a wedding.

For me it isn't the occasion its the new found co-dependence. Like I said earlier if you don't want to/cant make it just say "Sorry, can't make it. Have fun."

Maybe I'll make her a:
"Have Husband Will Travel.... but only if he's with me"
Tshirt. :-)

[letsbeawkward]

In that case I would definitely be there if I could. A year is a long time to go without seeing my family.

[dancingpanda]

Honestly, I wouldn't travel out of state for a housewarming party.

I get she hasn't seen them/you(?) in a year but really, not a big deal. We go home (Wyoming, live in NC) once a year usually. We go home but that doesn't mean we get to see all of our family. We saw E's brother and family for the first time in 3 years, and his sister and her family it was the first time in 2 1/2 years. Did we not want to see them? No, it's just with moves and deployments with us, and his siblings have their reasons we weren't able to meet up till then. It's a part of life for us, and we know we might not be able to see them when we go home because we all live all over the country. When we were overseas, we didn't didn't go home. Used his leave to go places we wanted to see. Trust me, we got flack for that, but we didn't care.

Maybe it is a money issue, and your sister was trying to use the "not giving leave" excuse because she doesn't want to say money is tight.

I don't know I think you are being a dramatic about a housewarming party. And it was your choice to drive to Michigan for the vow renewal.

[amaristella]

I'm perfectly willing to travel alone/without him. It just doesn't happen that way very often.

[brandienee]

If it was my family... Yes. I've made a rule to stay away from the in laws if he isn't with me. Life is less drama that way. :-) I do travel frequently without him. Nature of our life, unfortunately.

But I would NOT go to my sisters house warming party. I love her, but not enough make a whole trip for a new house. The "Navy won't let us go" is an easy excuse to give without taking responsibility, which it seems she doesn't want to do.

ETA: I must have a different family dynamic, because seeing them one or more times a year seems like a lot to me. We generally see each other at Christmas, and that works.

[letsbeawkward]

I agree with Panda. I would Go if I were able because a year is a long time, but do I think you should be upset if she doesn't? No. It's just a housewarming. Maybe money is tight, maybe they have plans or maybe she just doesn't feel like making the long trip alone.

[housegeek]

The other post makes so much sense now

[basilosaurus]

No way would I travel for a housewarming party. And I don't think a year is all that long.

And ditto to now understanding the origin of the other post.

[G22]

Jun 17, 2012 18:05:15 GMT -5 meltoine said:

Jun 17, 2012 17:25:25 GMT -5 @ojo said:

We vacation and travel separately far more often than we do together.

This.

We've been invited to 10 weddings since we got together. I've been to all of them, he has been to one - ours.

Also, I just got back from visiting our parents without him.

This. But unsure if I'd go home for a house warming party. It would depend on the situation and the person throwing the party. And I wouldn't use that excuse. I'd just decline like I would any other invitation.

[softspot]

Panties are in a wad over a housewarming? Come on, that's ridiculous.

[audette]

Jun 17, 2012 20:38:42 GMT -5 bigmamma said:

Jun 17, 2012 20:30:47 GMT -5 letsbeawkward said:

Yeah I travel without my husband all the time.

What's the occasion for the party? If it was a big deal and I could easily get away then I would be there. If it's just a birthday or something no big deal like that then I probably wouldn't.

It a housewarming, first house and the one who is blaming the navy hasn't seen the family in over a year. The last time we saw her was when WE all traveled to Michigan for her vow renewal. NOT a wedding.

For me it isn't the occasion its the new found co-dependence. Like I said earlier if you don't want to/cant make it just say "Sorry, can't make it. Have fun."

Maybe I'll make her a:
"Have Husband Will Travel.... but only if he's with me"
Tshirt. :-)

Certainly, I have and will travel without DH (and not just when work is sending me places!), but I'd be hard pressed to bother going to a sibling's housewarming. A wedding, yeah, I'd try to make the effort to go. There's not much else that would be a sufficient pull that I would feel obligated to go to the effort of going home. Not saying I wouldn't still go (I'm toying with visiting for my nephew's first birthday soon, but I'm not entirely sure I'll be able to make it due to work complications), but I'm not going to feel bad if I don't go.

You say "out of state", too, which is highly variable. Are we talking about a two hour drive? A ten hour drive? Something that basically requires flying? Has this person ever roadtripped on their own? Some folks aren't as capable of driving long distances on their own...

[drunkpeggy]

Jun 17, 2012 22:17:30 GMT -5 @ojo said:

I wouldn't travel for a housewarming party, regardless of how long it'd been since I was home. It's a housewarming. The house will still be there next time she visits.

Same here. I'm guessing she's using it as an excuse to decline without seeming like she doesn't care about the new house.

I'll be honest...I use the Army as an excuse from time to time.

[NomadicMama]

I travel without DH frequently. When he was deployed in 2009-2010, LO and I travelled frequently--and continued after he returned. My plan is to continue to travel--especially since he's deployed again, and we now live in Germany. By the time he was 2.5 years old, LO had been on over 30 flights.

That said, I would very likely not travel for a housewarming party. If I had not seen my family in over a year, I would not choose such an occasion for the purpose of my visit. I would prefer a non-party/event weekend when I could spend time with my family, relaxing and catching up. Party weekend you will be cleaning and prepping. You'll be busy and she may very well not want to have to help (or hear you complain that she didn't do more).

Since she does not want to come for the party, perhaps you could invite her to come another time--so you can spend quality time together. I understand having a housewarming party--buying a house is a bug deal. But it is not the same as a wedding/vow renewal/milestone birthday (like 50 or 60)/retirement party. IMO, it is much like a bridal or baby shower.

And, like others have said, this thread makes the other thread make sense.

[nsl]

I absolutely travel without H, especially since I have entire summers off to take extended trips to see family. I *might* travel for a housewarming, but only if I was already planning a longer trip to the area and could tack it on to the party.

[letsbeawkward]

Jun 17, 2012 22:12:21 GMT -5 housegeek said:

The other post makes so much sense now

:Y:

[bigmamma]

Jun 18, 2012 11:15:21 GMT -5 letsbeawkward said:

Jun 17, 2012 22:12:21 GMT -5 housegeek said:

The other post makes so much sense now

Nope, like I said in the other one - my sister is a Nanny and write curriculm. Sorry I wasn't here to answer that.

It really isn't about the party there have been many other events over the year that her absence was blamed on the Navy.

It was a "choice" to go to a vow renewal. It isn't a reciprocal issue. Its a -- sudden inability to travel anywhere without your husband which is weird because before you married him you were a WORLD traveler -- issue.

Again - like the "other thread" you've discussed different points of view. Although, most of you say you would travel with out your H (if circumstances allowed). Maybe it is money... or the dog... or she's gone loco and is now scared to fly alone.

I told her to bring the dog and take a road trip - I'd pay for her gas/ticket. She can stay at my house, and doesn't have to do anything but hang out with our Mom (I'll even make her pina coladas). My Mom would like to see her and our house is basically half way between Mom and Her. We'll see if she comes down.

[bigmamma]

Jun 17, 2012 22:17:30 GMT -5 @ojo said:

I wouldn't travel for a housewarming party, regardless of how long it'd been since I was home. It's a housewarming. The house will still be there next time she visits.

Have you traveled to see her in the last year?

ETA: Doesn't her H have a high OPSTEMPO? Is he between deployments and such?

Yes, went to visit her, but couldn't bring the hellians. Its not about who's been where/ how often. Also NOT about the event.

No - her H is on "shore duty" and works decent hours (now). He is in his window for orders so he's slowly beginning turnover. Not PCSing til Next May, but his replacement is there; next month he'll be heading to the head shed to manage training docs til they ship out.

My other sister's BF is EOD he is the high OPTEMPO/deployment. We UNDERSTAND the duty requirements which is why we don't quite get this current use of the Navy.

I told her I'd pay for her to come, and that we are family she will be fine without M. She can bring her dog - stay with us - chill out and have some fun. We shall see.

HA!!! As I was typing this it all came to light - she and I have been burying the hatchet since last year... trying to build the bridges that were burnt to ashes... this is typical of her. She pulls me in then tests my limits.

Glad I vented here and didn't take it out on her. I didn't get it, wanted to work it out in my brain - and y'all turned it around on me. She knows I hate it when people use Military Service as a scapegoat. I've been pretty volatile with her in the past. A will push family away when she feels out of control - if we can't get close we can't see that somethings wrong. By blaming the Navy she knew she'd piss me off. This time I just said "Kiss the man, pack up the dog, jump in the car and come on down you'll be back before he knows it - and I'll pay for gas"

I asked the question here because I wanted to know if I was strange because I travel without B - seems the NORM to travel without your H if/when you feel like it.

My last point is this. It is NOT about MY party. It is NOT about her coming to see me. There have been some big events over the last year that she missed because of "the Navy". After thinking this over, reading your posts, realizing it might be something bigger ---> Now I'll have a very calm, gentle ---- "hey sis is everything ok" ---- chat with her.

Thanks Ladies!