Vent (I'm an angry, whiny bitch today)

[sonrisa]

My mom is fantastic. She rose to the occasion and babysat DD on no notice when MIL called midday yesterday asking us to come down ASAP because FIL's breathing was shallow and he was unresponsive. I wasn't home until late and she completely came through for us.

Now for the vent. I've been very careful to tell DD that grandad is dying, not sick. Sick is something you get better from but you can't get better from dying. (We've each been sick lately, plus my morning sickness, and I'll be bed ridden with pain after the c-section in December. It is really important that she knows that is something different and doesn't fear mommy is dying.) My mom doesn't like to talk about death, which is normal. But she keeps telling DD, and other people in front of DD, that grandad is sick. It's confusing DD and raising her anxiety. She keeps wanting to "help make grandad better." Ugghh.

This all fucking sucks.

[sonrisa]

Hey, I can get in the randoms now. I should have posted there.

[TheSeaward]

not sure I can really give you any advice here, but here is something to think about. grandad IS sick, he is just so sick he won't recover from it. how do you relay that to a child I have no idea. I don't know how old the child is, so I don't know what to tell you. but maybe the hospice people can help you explain to her what is going on. that is what they are there for, not just for the dying, but those he is leaving behind.

[wowhead]

((((hugs)))) You're right, it fucking sucks!!

[sonrisa]

Aug 1, 2013 10:47:31 GMT -5 TheSeaward said:

not sure I can really give you any advice here, but here is something to think about. grandad IS sick, he is just so sick he won't recover from it. how do you relay that to a child I have no idea. I don't know how old the child is, so I don't know what to tell you. but maybe the hospice people can help you explain to her what is going on. that is what they are there for, not just for the dying, but those he is leaving behind.

She's two and a half. She doesn't understand subtlety nor trust strangers. That's why we changed how we talk about this and let my mom know. But she just won't get on board. 

[TheSeaward]

at 2 and a half, she won't remember this, NOT saying that your mom is right. it is a tough spot for you to be in. do you take a firm stance with your mom who is losing her father, to shelter your baby, or do you let your mother deal with this in her own way? I don't envy your position

[TheSeaward]

Aug 1, 2013 10:52:54 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Aug 1, 2013 10:47:31 GMT -5 TheSeaward said:

not sure I can really give you any advice here, but here is something to think about. grandad IS sick, he is just so sick he won't recover from it. how do you relay that to a child I have no idea. I don't know how old the child is, so I don't know what to tell you. but maybe the hospice people can help you explain to her what is going on. that is what they are there for, not just for the dying, but those he is leaving behind.

She's two and a half. She doesn't understand subtlety nor trust strangers. That's why we changed how we talk about this and let my mom know. But she just won't get on board. 

I didn't mean have hospice talk to your dd, I meant you and even your mother talk to hospice about how to approach a toddler about this situation.  I am sure they have experience and training and maybe they can convince your mother to abide by your wishes

[sonrisa]

Aug 1, 2013 10:56:34 GMT -5 TheSeaward said:

at 2 and a half, she won't remember this, NOT saying that your mom is right. it is a tough spot for you to be in. do you take a firm stance with your mom who is losing her father, to shelter your baby, or do you let your mother deal with this in her own way? I don't envy your position

My mom isn't losing her father. My husband is. I talked with MIL and DH about what language we would use to be sure this wouldn't hurt them. They are both on board and relieved that I'm not asking them to use euphemisms (MIL hugged me and thanked me when I suggested it).

[sonrisa]

Aug 1, 2013 10:57:35 GMT -5 TheSeaward said:

Aug 1, 2013 10:52:54 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

She's two and a half. She doesn't understand subtlety nor trust strangers. That's why we changed how we talk about this and let my mom know. But she just won't get on board. 

I didn't mean have hospice talk to your dd, I meant you and even your mother talk to hospice about how to approach a toddler about this situation.  I am sure they have experience and training and maybe they can convince your mother to abide by your wishes

Ah, yes.  My addled very, very grumpy brain didn't understand.  That makes perfect sense.

[Deleted]

that's such crap. i'm sorry.

whoever seaward is (newbie? old person new name? enemy? friend?) is probably right that your girl won't remember this in the future, but she's scared NOW and you want to avoid these problems NOW, and you know how to do that NOW. if everyone would just get on board and stop the nonsense because death is scary and squicky, it would be aces.

[TheSeaward]

Aug 1, 2013 11:15:45 GMT -5 cville said:

that's such crap. i'm sorry.

whoever seaward is (newbie? old person new name? enemy? friend?) is probably right that your girl won't remember this in the future, but she's scared NOW and you want to avoid these problems NOW, and you know how to do that NOW. if everyone would just get on board and stop the nonsense because death is scary and squicky, it would be aces.

agreed

[Deleted]

alrighty, seaward. i used to row port.

[bania]

I'm so sorry Sonrisa

[tdk2]

Oh sonrisa, I've been thinking about you a ton. You guys are going through too much.
I wish I could ease it for you.

What a rough rough time. I hope you are taking care of yourself as well.

[molldoll71]

My Dad died when my son was 2.5. He was pretty much in and out of hospitals/rehab for all those 2.5 years. We told my son that Grandpa was very sick and very old! Emphasis on old part. He has never worried about anyone else dying. He's 6 now.

[molldoll71]

Tons of hugs and I am so sorry.