Making the jump to two kids

[matildasun]

We have made the decision to do it and it will be happening soon, and I am both excited and terrified. I have no advice yet, but also look forward to reading the responses. Although hopefully no one will tell me I have ruined our lives .

[cvillern]

We have 2. I have to say the first 3 months was rough. Our doctor gave me great advice when DS2 was born. She said as long as we were all breathing and had managed to brush DS1's teeth a few times at the end of 3 months, we should consider ourselves successful. And she was right, there was something magical about 3 months and everything started getting a lot easier.

It's definitely hard managing 2. But as the baby gets older and is able to interact with DS1 more it just gets more and more fun.

We thought we were one and done for a long time. It wasn't until DS1 turned 2 that I realized I would regret not having another. Now we are finished though!

[IrishBelle]

We waited longer than most between our two DDs. Partly by choice and then it took a lot longer than expected to get pregnant with #2. They are 5.5 years apart.

The longer we waited, the more I worried about the exact same thing. Things were really good as a family of 3. We had our routines and things really worked. After an ectopic pregnancy and the surgery required because of a ruptured fallopian tube, we really questioned ourselves again. Actually I was doing more questioning than DH give what my body went through but we decided to try again.

For us the biggest adjustment is getting back into the baby stages again. Oldest DD is almost 7 and is fairly independent - can dress herself, brush her hair, make herself a snack, buckle herself in the car. All things that we have to do for DD2 who is now 15 months. The best part about their spacing is that DD1 is a great helper. I can take a 10 minute shower and leave her "in charge".

[MrsAxilla]

Our initial plan was to try for #2 when Ben was 2-ish, but we both flipped the fuck out and we decided to wait. Ben is four and a half now and honestly, we're still not sure. We finally feel like we can do more as a family - hiking, skiing, and other things we put on hold while Ben was a baby, and DH and I like being adults. How the fuck do you decide?


That probably wasn't very helpful...

[ijack]

Ours are 3.5 years apart. I'm not going to lie - its definitely harder, you don't have the down time that you do with one and it's just more chaotic. But it's also awesome. #2 is really chill and now that she's a little older the girls get along great. I will say the long you wait the harder it is to pull the trigger to want to do it again.

[IrishBelle]

May 13, 2012 19:26:47 GMT -5 ijack said:

I will say the long you wait the harder it is to pull the trigger to want to do it again.

I agree with this 1000%

[my4girls]

We have three and I can honestly say its been way easier then I ever expected. Much louder, but much easier. The hardest transition by far was none to one, it was a whole different world. Withdd2 though it was like she just fit right into our lives. DH, who always wanted just 2 kids, said to me when she was about 2 months old- do you think we can afford 4? Dd1 was 3 when dd2 was born and was able to do a lot by herself and was fully pt, dd2 is only 2 with dd3 being an infant and that's harder, especially since dd2 is quite "spirited"....

DD1 has always been pretty fantastic with her sister which helps, watching them play now is really pretty awesome. And watching them both love on the baby melts my heart

[Deleted]

Ours are 2 years almost to the day apart. But we ended up with 2 & 3. There were and still are tough times but I'm so glad we just went for it. The best advice I was told was if older child and newborn need something at the same time as long as it's not life threatening to the baby help older child first, they will remember, baby will not.

[MrsAxilla]

May 13, 2012 19:30:10 GMT -5 IrishBelle said:

May 13, 2012 19:26:47 GMT -5 ijack said:

I will say the long you wait the harder it is to pull the trigger to want to do it again.

I agree with this 1000%

Totally. We really wish we could magically have a two year old right now.

[oregonpachey]

It is hard but I really think the key is how old your first LO is when the new baby comes. Our first son was almost two and still needed a ton of help and still had a lot of "baby" in him. He was very jealous of his brother but like PP said something just clicked around three months. I still am hesitant to take both of them out by myself because my older son is super high energy.

You can do it. We have managed ok and still are married so that is saying something.

[ijack]

You should get pg before your oldest is 3, because once they hit 3 you'll never want another

[whitepicketfence]

Mine are only 18 months apart so that factors into my response.

I personally thought that having two kids was exremely easy from the beginning. DD2 slept almost all of the time and only woke up a few times each night to eat. Because DD1 was so young when DD2 was born, we were still in the baby groove where diapers, bottles, and sleep deprivation weren't anything new - we were totally used to it. It took a few weeks to figure out a new routine that worked for all of us, but afterward I just incorporated DD2 into all of DD1's activities (I'm a SAHM so we have something going on outside of the home each morning) and now it's hard to remember what it was like with just one kid.

I will say, however, that it has become MUCH more challenging now that DD2 is teething and fully mobile. She is into everything and her nighttime sleep can be practically nonexistent at times. I feel like I'm constantly chasing after someone and they're usually going in two separate directions. DD1 is currently going through the terrible two's and the tantrums are outrageous. I sometimes feel like between her yelling and the baby not sleeping, I might lose my mind, LOL.

There are some really good times though now that they're starting to play together somewhat. DD1 gives her sister hugs all the time and really shows an interest in her. I know that in a few years the girls will be best friends and my job will start getting easier the more they can entertain each other.

[Jem]

May 13, 2012 19:54:39 GMT -5 ijack said:

You should get pg before your oldest is 3, because once they hit 3 you'll never want another

This is what I'm afraid of happening to us. We really aren't sure about having #2. We always thought we wanted 2, but we are in a major transition point in our lives right now and don't feel it's a good time to add to the family. Plus DS was a terrible sleeper and the thought of doing that again makes us want to .

I know if we wait until we are through these transitions then it will be even harder because DS will be 3 and I just imagine us being able to do so much more at that time - but of course, not with a newborn.

It's such a tough decision!

[pierogigirl]

DS1 was 28 mos. when DS2 was born (he's 5 mos now) and it was much easier than I expected it to be. I wish I were getting a little more sleep and that my house was cleaner (and bigger), but we're happy we had another. We were on the fence about having a second, and when DS2 was about 2 mos. I told my husband I wished we were younger so we could have a third <-- It would be possible to have a third, but I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 40 and having three is daycare at once would be too big a hit on our budget.

[h]

We have two kids, 32 months apart. Aside from sleep deprivation, the first few months were pretty easy, because I basically just wore the baby all the time while we went about our normal routine with DS1. From the time the youngest was mobile (8-9 months) until the time he was maybe 18-21 months was really tough. The kids were always running in separate directions, basically no one in our house was sleeping though the night, and I felt like I never got a break because it stressed my DH out to watch them both for any length of time. Our kids are 4.5 and 2 now, and things are getting easier and more fun by the day. We have even reached the point where having two can actually be easier than having one at times since they play together so well. And DH and I have started doing a better job of giving each other breaks and getting out without the kids now and then.

For us, the bottom line is that having two kids resulted in a 9-12 month stretch that was pretty tough for us, but that is such a tiny fraction of our lives in the end. We are definitely glad we had a second, and we still toss around the idea of a third.

[annieh2]

These responses are really helpful. We have a 20 month old son and are expecting #2 in Nov. I'm a bit scared of the transition to 2, but hearing your experiences is both scary and helpful. Thanks!

[zeewifeandmama]

May 13, 2012 19:54:39 GMT -5 ijack said:

You should get pg before your oldest is 3, because once they hit 3 you'll never want another

AHHHHHHH the one in my belly will be here approx. 6 weeks before my oldest turns 3!

[Deleted]

DS is 2.5 years older than DD. we get less sleep bc thy don't sleep at the time and it's a lot busier but it is fun. Also DD doesn't like to be left alone so when I'm cooking dinner DS will sit next to her in the adjoining room and talk to her so she can see him. I assume it will only get easier.

[mrstee]

My two DD's are 33 months apart and are now 4 years and 18 months old. I have to agree with other posters that the first 3 months were pretty tough. And for me, the first year altogether was tough. My husband had a pretty demanding job at the time. He mostly worked nights, and even during his time off he was constantly dealing with work. That by itself put a huge strain on us.

DD1 was a much more mellow baby and a great sleeper. DD2 was much more fussy and was not a good sleeper at all. DD1 was also still in pull-ups and in the middle of potty training when DD2 was born. It was challenging having two kids in diapers. Even more challenging when DD1 needed help going to the bathroom at moments when I was tending to DD2 (breastfeeding, changing diaper, etc). Also...since DH wasn't around most nights, I frequently gave them baths on my own and it was not a fun event. Bathing my youngest was no problem since DD1 could easily keep herself occupied while I bathed DD2. However, bathing DD1 was stressful since DD2 didn't like to be left alone for long or would often wake up from her naps during DD1's baths.

BUT...it has gotten SO much easier. My girls can entertain each other and it is the best thing seeing them make each other laugh. Baths are a lot easier as well since I can now bathe them at the same time...and they love playing together during that time.

DH and I are now tossing around the idea of having a 3rd. We both know we want one more, but are unsure of when. But I am thinking I would like to start TTC #3 next year already when DD2 is about 2.5-3 years old....that way we can get that newborn/infant stage over with asap (but would like to have DD2 out of diapers first)!

[Deleted]

To be honest, it was a lot easier than I had anticipated. For us, the transition from 0-1 was much more difficult. But that is probably because our second son was, and is, much easier going and more laid back than our first (who as a baby had acid reflux issues, would scream for hours on end, and didn't sleep for longer than 2 hour stretches until he was 4 months old. We always joke that it's a wonder we had any more children after that, lol). So with that comparison in mind, everything else seemed like a cake walk

The other thing that made our transition from 1-2 easier was that we had them relatively close together (they're about 21 months apart). Once DS2 grew out of the baby stage and became more interactive and mobile, he started to become more interesting to DS1. And now that they're almost 2 and 4, they've become little buddies who play together for hours. They do fight occasionally but on the whole they play together well and each asks about the other when he's not around. It's really cute to see.

Now that everything is so easy, we're throwing a third one into the mix. Not sure how that'll go!

[Deleted]

May 13, 2012 19:26:47 GMT -5 IrishBelle said:

I will say the long you wait the harder it is to pull the trigger to want to do it again.

I agree with this 1000%[/quote]ITA as well. Things with the boys are SO easy for us right now. If I wasn't already pregnant, I highly doubt we ever would have decided to have a third. It's hard to deliberately rock the boat when things are going so well.

[Mrs.Syntax]

These responses are fascinating to me I'm 100% nervous about having 2, but there's no going back now. We actually wanted them closer together but it didn't work out (I'm on the "lets get this done while we're in baby mode" train). They'll be 2 years and 9 months apart in age, so I hope they can still play together well after a year or so.

[frlcb]

I think it depends on the personality of your kids as well. My kids are 3 years and 1 month apart and I have found it not anywhere near as difficult as other people have but my 4 year ds is very easy going and my 13 month old dd was a super easy baby.

[brit1017]

Not going to lie, there are times it is really hard. DD was overall a pretty easy baby- she slept well from almost the get-go, so sleep deprivation wasn't as bad as it was with DS. I wore her a lot as an infant so that DS and I could still go to the playground/ go on walks a lot. The hard part was once she got mobile and could follow DS around. They are both strong willed and are difficult to take out in public alone, b/c they will run in opposite directions given the slightest change. They can get along well for short periods of time (usually when they are being destructive), but also physically fight a lot- biting, hitting, pinching, hair pulling. Some days I feel I spend half my day putting one or the other in time out. That said, I would have had the second anyway, and we are still undecided on a third. It might have been easier if we had waited longer (they are 22 months apart), and if we do have a third, it will not be until DD is at least 4.

[mrstee]

May 14, 2012 6:47:28 GMT -5 frlcb said:

I think it depends on the personality of your kids as well. My kids are 3 years and 1 month apart and I have found it not anywhere near as difficult as other people have but my 4 year ds is very easy going and my 13 month old dd was a super easy baby.

I completely agree. If DD2 was as mellow as DD1, it would be easy peasy. We call DD2 our "moody baby". She is soooo a mini-me. Ha!

[megs193]

May 14, 2012 6:19:06 GMT -5 Mrs.Syntax said:

These responses are fascinating to me I'm 100% nervous about having 2, but there's no going back now. We actually wanted them closer together but it didn't work out (I'm on the "lets get this done while we're in baby mode" train). They'll be 2 years and 9 months apart in age, so I hope they can still play together well after a year or so.

This is us exactly. We wanted our kids 2 years apart but had a little bit of a hard time so they will be 2 yrs and 9 months apart. I am so nervous about how this will work out. I am not ready to be sleep deprived again and my DH travels 4-5 days per week. I am trying to focus on how close they will be in a few years.

[RoryGilmore]

May 13, 2012 19:30:48 GMT -5 my4girls said:

We have three and I can honestly say its been way easier then I ever expected. Much louder, but much easier. The hardest transition by far was none to one, it was a whole different world. Withdd2 though it was like she just fit right into our lives.

This is exactly how I felt. Zero to 1 rocked my world. 1 to 2 just made sense and DD folded into our family with such ease. It helped that she was amazing baby!

[satama]

We are only 7 weeks in and I am still considering having a third, so I guess I has not been too bad so far. The first day dh went back to work I did think "oh no, what have we done???" but it got much better once we got a routine down. I am a SAHM so I have been trying to still get out of the house and at this point the logistics of carseats/strollers/baby carrier has been the hardest part. Nursing a newborn with a toddler is also a pain at times. For example, the other day when we were out running errands I had to drive through at mcdonalds to get Ds1 a yogurt parfait to eat in the car while I nursed ds2 in the parking lot. If was either that or go home because I would have had no other way to contain ds1 while I nursed and I knew a snack would keep him happy sitting in the car for a while.

Ds1 was 27 months when ds2 was born and I has a rcs so it was also a challenge because I could not lift him for quite a while.

[sweetnsour]

My kids are 2 years and 9 months apart. It was rough at the beginning but as the youngest gets older, it is getting easier. It was hard having a baby and a 2 almost 3 year old who was very active. I struggled with juggling her naps with his outside time. They are 4 and 18 months now and they do very well together. He always enjoys having her around. He calls her "my baby". He tells me "I like having a baby mom." lol Now they play together and that is awesome.

[whereintheworld]

May 14, 2012 8:00:23 GMT -5 RoryGilmore said:

May 13, 2012 19:30:48 GMT -5 my4girls said:

We have three and I can honestly say its been way easier then I ever expected. Much louder, but much easier. The hardest transition by far was none to one, it was a whole different world. Withdd2 though it was like she just fit right into our lives.

This is exactly how I felt. Zero to 1 rocked my world. 1 to 2 just made sense and DD folded into our family with such ease. It helped that she was amazing baby!

0 to 1 was really rough on me and my marriage, 1-2 has been a breeze in every sense of the word. We are TTC#3 right now and I think once we're in a routine, it'll be manageable.