Be nice to your kids, or else your obit will be horrifying.

[reider19]

I had an awful childhood, an awful father. Would I ever do this? No. But I totally get it.

[tulip]

Good for them.

[pedanticwench]

I wish H's grandmother's obituary read like this--she was a sack of shit human being and I hope she's rotting in some kind of hell.

[tulip]

Oh, and it was SIX adults who it seems wrote this jointly. Again, good for them.

[Deleted]

If they wanted to dance on her freshly dug grave and sing "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead" I wouldn't judge them.

My mom was subjected to horrible abuses of all kinds by her parents and I am amazed that she was able to forgive each of them before they died. It took an enormous amount of strength for her to do that. Unfortunately, long before that happened she married a man no better than her father and the cycle of abuse continued. And unfortunately for me I have carried on the tradition, just against myself. Its taking a lot of work to move past all of it.

I have no tolerance for abusers or people who wish to keep the abuse hidden.

[goaskalice]

Sept 11, 2013 13:31:09 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

look, people deal with abuse in different ways. i'm irritated that there's the whole "man, they should just LET IT GO" attitude up in here. who knows, maybe they've spent the last 15 years of their lives never even speaking to this horrible woman. and then one day she up and dies, and it all comes flooding back. so they share it with the world. if that helps them, and spreads a little awareness, good for them. looks like their anger wasn't such a bad thing, huh?

Amen. I see nothing wrong with the obit, and I feel for those poor children who've probably prayed to be free of her their whole lives. 

[mrsbro]

Wow :-#

{goes to read article}

[onomatopoeia]

Sept 11, 2013 13:19:58 GMT -5 jamich said:

If it's true, I don't have a problem with it. Some people suck so hard. Although, if it was me, I would have cut her out of my life long before this and wouldn't even have bothered with the expense of an obit.

I looks like part of their goal was to call attention to the issue of child-abuse, so from a purely financial and public attention perspective this is probably pretty cost-effective.

[themoneytree]

Sept 11, 2013 13:28:45 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Sept 11, 2013 13:26:44 GMT -5 @josiemarcus said:

For me, it was the strangest thing ever.  So many emotions at once.   Many of them conflicting.  My mom died less than two months ago.  We hadn't spoken in 4 or more years.  Still trying to process it. 

Do you have siblings or extended family that notified you?

I'm an only child and my entire extended family is in South Africa. I don't have contact with them because my Mom isolated me from them and wouldn't "let" me communicate with them, or them with me.

I have tried to find them, but have no idea where to even start.

I am so sorry, this must be so very difficult. : (

[pixelpassion]

I wonder how cathartic it must have been for the children to publish this and also the relief they feel that this woman is not in their lives. I was just saying to FI that if I had to read a eulogy at my Father's funeral, it would read something like this.

[Deleted]

Jesus.

[gretchenindisguise]

And apparently rape victims aren't the only ones we shame in this country. We also shame child abuse victims. Nice.

[pedanticwench]

I sometimes wonder if those who respond to something like this with, "Sheesh, they need to get over it" have never experienced a loved one truly harming or hurting them in a profound way.

I wonder this because my brother seems to have a hard time with empathy and I think it's for this very reason. He's never had to deal with being abused emotionally or physically by someone he thought truly loved him.

[jax373]

Holy.crap.

[cleo29]

I bet that felt good.

[margarita]

Sept 11, 2013 13:18:09 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

Eh. I don't judge this.

I can't really judge it either. It does shock me a little, mainly because "don't speak ill of the dead" is the norm and what's expected in our society. I'm sure there are people who think of writing obits like this, and have never done it for fear of being judged, or because they just don't have the balls to do it.
So, they go ahead and sort of do what's expected of them. I can see how that might be the right decision for some people, but honestly, I can also see how it would feel like you were perpetuating a lie/the abuse after the person's death. Idk...it's just sad. 

[karmasabiotch]

Wow.

[pantsparty]

Sept 11, 2013 13:15:18 GMT -5 ax2 said:

Wow. What everyone else said. It must be exhausting to hold on to so much anger.

Yeah, why can't victims of child abuse just LET IT GO already?

FFS.

[Yankees21]

I do agree that the mom sounds like a monster, so good for the kids for not buying into the ridiculous "don't speak ill of the dead" thing.

[iamali]

Sept 11, 2013 13:31:09 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

look, people deal with abuse in different ways. i'm irritated that there's the whole "man, they should just LET IT GO" attitude up in here. who knows, maybe they've spent the last 15 years of their lives never even speaking to this horrible woman. and then one day she up and dies, and it all comes flooding back. so they share it with the world. if that helps them, and spreads a little awareness, good for them. looks like their anger wasn't such a bad thing, huh?

This exactly. My father beat the shit out of my and the rest of my siblings for years. Do you have any idea how embarassing it is to be sitting at the eye doctor, getting the eye exam and having the doctor grill you about why you have so much scar tissue on your eyeball and how an injury of that magnitude could only come from excessive tramua to the head? WHY SHOULD **I** HAVE TO BE EMBARASSED? WHY SHOULD **I** FEEL SHAME FOR SOMETHING THAT WASN'T MY DOING?

Some of these attitudes sicken me. I'm glad the old bitch was called out. I don't care if it hurt her friends' feelings.

[Deleted]

This is hitting a little close to home obviously but for the people whose sentiments include getting over the anger etc...

I had finally gotten to a point in my life earlier this year where I felt like I could forgive my father for the pain he'd caused our family due to emotional and psychological abuse... until I found out that he'd been physically abusive to my mother for at least a year, and I took the pictures of her bruised body so she could show them to the police.

I WANTED to forgive and move on. Now I don't know that I could.

[pedanticwench]

I'm so sorry to everyone that has experienced abuse that are posting here. And everywhere, really.

[Wrath0fKuus]

Sept 11, 2013 13:39:43 GMT -5 gretchenindisguise said:

And apparently rape victims aren't the only ones we shame in this country. We also shame child abuse victims. Nice.

YES.  Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking.  Fuck all the pressure to stay silent.

[Deleted]

Sept 11, 2013 13:56:14 GMT -5 @josiemarcus said:

Sept 11, 2013 13:52:14 GMT -5 @fucksticklegit said:

This is hitting a little close to home obviously but for the people whose sentiments include getting over the anger etc...

I had finally gotten to a point in my life earlier this year where I felt like I could forgive my father for the pain he'd caused our family due to emotional and psychological abuse... until I found out that he'd been physically abusive to my mother for at least a year, and I took the pictures of her bruised body so she could show them to the police.

I WANTED to forgive and move on. Now I don't know that I could.

FWIW, my intention is not to suggest that anyone should get over their anger.  It's heart wrenching that, even as an adult, people still suffer so much due to their parents' abuse/neglect. 

Not sure how to really type out what I'm trying to say. 

I understand, and even though it probably seems like it, I'm not trying to pick on you at all. I just want people to understand that often it isn't so easy and there are sometimes many other factors that influence the situation which they probably don't know about.

[julez]

A family member recently passed away and she was someone who allowed the physical, emotional, and sexual abuse of her own children, nieces, and nephews for YEARS. She pled ignorance until the bitter end, and I don't know that anyone will ever fully forgive her. She was a vile, horrible woman.

I give this obit a sincere thumbs up. I wish that someone would have published the same for aforementioned family member.

[aussiecrush]

I hope writing this brought them even just the smallest measure of comfort. I own every ounce of the anger I carry from my abuse. Sometimes that anger has kept me alive and reasonably sane. My father took control over my body but my feelings about what happened to me are mine and mine alone and I won't apologize for them.

[runforrest]

Holy crap. Those poor kids

[redheadk]

I had a wonderful childhood with loving parents. I can't even fathom what these people went through that led to this. No way will I criticize them for doing what they felt they needed to do. They certainly drew attention to the problem of child abuse so I hope they are able to take some comfort in that.

[snickers]

Ouch!

[bluelily]

Sept 11, 2013 13:52:50 GMT -5 @josiemarcus said:

Now that both my parents are dead, I've had relatives come out of the woodwork saying they knew what was going on in my childhood and feel bad they never did anything to help.  Not sure what sort of response they're looking for, so I just don't reply.

They want you to say, "It's okay, I understand," or "No hard feelings," or "I'm stronger because I got through it." Something life-affirming and forgiving. They're telling you this to relieve their own guilty consciences, and they're hoping you'll absolve them.

You have no obligation to reply. I don't think I would, either.