Background: Stbx and I were TTC last year. In the process, because I was paying close attention to my body, I noticed recurring pain in my side. Ultrasound found a 10cm cyst. Surgery to remove it diagnosed stage 4 endometriosis. Sent to an endo specialist, who put me on hormones for 3 months to suppress the endo, followed by extensive surgery in January. During this process, my H decides that not only does he not want children with me, he doesn't want to be married to me at all.
I recover from surgery fine, I'm feeling great for several months. Then I start having pain again. Ultrasound shows another cyst. Birth control pills are not controlling enough.
Went back to the surgeon yesterday. Due to the changes in my TTC plans, he now wants me to consider freezing some eggs and then undergoing 6 months of Lupron to obliterate the endo that's still causing cysts/pain. (This treatment is effective for severe endo, but has the potential to damage egg reserves.)
My insurance probably won't cover any of it. My mom is willing to consider paying for it, but we don't know how much it will be.
I'm fucking terrified of the thought that getting pregnant will almost certainly require IVF.
I want kids, but I've never had a super strong urge. If I was childless, I'm sure my life would be ok. But I wanted to make that decision for myself.
I'm so tired and frustrated with all of this. Why do I have to be broken?
*hugs* You are NOT broken. You are an awesome, funny, delightful, beautiful person just as you are, and one way or another you will get through this stage of life and move on to the next, hopefully happier, stage.
I'm so sorry. From the bottom of my heart. Endometriosis is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. All I can say is between my two cousins and I, one of us has five kids, one has not tried yet, and one is effectively sterile, but was able to get pregnant. I'm sure you know endo varies so much between people. They wanted to put me on Lupron about six months ago. I declined. I haven't had a strong urge to have kids, but I know when they told me I really just didn't have the option, I broke down and cried.
You are not broken. You are wonderful. Please, don't ever think of yourself that way.
I just want to add that it is a battle and you can win it. If you'd like a link to a support group forum, I can give you one. They are very nice.
Post by miniroller on Sept 11, 2013 13:20:27 GMT -5
So many hugs berbles. Although its already been stated: YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. (I'm yelling in a nice, uber-helpful, encouraging tone!!) I hope that you get the support you need to help guide you through this. ((Berbles))
Post by shostakovich on Sept 11, 2013 13:20:52 GMT -5
Major, major hugs, berbles. You are not broken. In fact, reading everything in your OP about what you've been through just made me think, "holy shit, she is so strong."
Thanks everyone. I'm still shocked, I think. But I definitely trust this surgeon's opinion. He and his brothers basically invented laproscopic endo surgery. I'm very very lucky that he practices in my area; even if he is out of network. But I am going to see my in-network fertility specialist and get more details.
In addition to all that yesterday, I pinched something in my back while I was moving and I've been in agony all week. Today is my first day in the office and I'm literally in tears just from sitting.
Post by FastHands on Sept 11, 2013 13:40:33 GMT -5
Ughhh, sorry berbles. Try to look at the positive side -- thanks to your mom and proactive docs, the child decision IS still in your hands. Sure, it might not happen the ideal way if you do decide to have kids, but you still have the option. And maybe you never want kids and it's a non-issue. Or you decide to donate and help someone who desperately wants kids (hell maybe someone with endo whose doc wasn't so proactive or couldn't afford it).
I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but you are not broken. You are a tough cookie and you will get through this.
Thanks everyone. I'm still shocked, I think. But I definitely trust this surgeon's opinion. He and his brothers basically invented laproscopic endo surgery. I'm very very lucky that he practices in my area; even if he is out of network. But I am going to see my in-network fertility specialist and get more details.http://www.homedics.com/health/rapid-relief.html addition to all that yesterday, I pinched something in my back while I was moving and I've been in agony all week. Today is my first day in the office and I'm literally in tears just from sitting.
I am so sorry. Your mom sounds wonderful.
As for your back, try this. It is about $30 and you put it where you pinch the most. It doesn't make it go away, but it feels like it scrambles the pain signal to your brain and reminds the muscles to relax. I used it with a heating pad on low and fell asleep so hard. Try a chiropractor if you can. Or acupuncture or massage. It sounds like you could use a massage!
(Wth. Sorry the link is in your quote, I can't put it somewhere normal. But it seriously has saved me lots of anguish.)
Thanks!
And thanks to everyone with kind words. I'm at my therapist's office right now; luckily I already had an appointment scheduled for today.