Wedding money usage etiquette?

[crimsonandclover]

I know that once I give the money it's theirs and I can't say anything about it. I wouldn't, either. But I can think whatever I want, and I would think it's strange that she spent it on a trip by herself. In the future I'd probably give them something other than cash.

[Deleted]

Jun 29, 2012 15:35:20 GMT -5 crimsonandclover said:

Jun 28, 2012 11:36:05 GMT -5 ninjatofu said:

The point of money is that they get something they like and not to add it to their retirement fund. Spending it on a vacation alone I also find a little strange, since it was intended as a gift to the couple.

I don't think there's a "point" to money that you're gifting. Gifts in general don't come with "points". They're supposed to be selfless. Besides, it's a bit petty to be making distinctions between different ways that the money is used. (no offense! I mean generally). We all like different things so to be preoccupied with what will become of one's gift is a lost cause.
I actually think that putting it towards retirement is very smart. But that's another story.

[Deleted]

Allow me to add that worrying about the use or point of one's gift I think gives away that the gift wasn't given in the right spirit.
If something I receive has to cause the giver to obsess about it instead of simply enjoying the gesture thoroughly for what it is, then I don't want it.
If such persons exist then I think they should stick to what they can manage to do selflessly, and if that means they will just wish me good health or something, then that's all I'm happy to get.

Edited for typos.

[crimsonandclover]

Jun 30, 2012 21:04:30 GMT -5 @jewels6711 said:

Allow me to add that worrying about the use or point of one's gift I think gives away that the gift wasn't given in the right spirit.
If something I receive has to cause the giver to obsess about it instead of simply enjoying the gesture thoroughly for what it is, then I don't want it.
If such persons exist then I think they should stick to what they can manage to do selflessly, and if that means they will just wish me good health or something, then that's all I'm happy to get.

Edited for typos.

I don't know if this was directed at me, but I wanted to clarify that I have never given a second thought about a gift I have given. Well, no, not true. I wonder if my BFF and her DH use the gift we got them, but I'm not going to ask them because it doesn't really matter and I don't want to embarrass her if they don't use it. I only stated my opinion here because it was asked and it seemed that everyone was disagreeing with Tofu while I agreed with her. The only way I would ever get into a situation like this would be if we gave money and then the bride or groom told us on their own what they had done with the money. I don't worry about it, and I certainly don't obsess about it.

[Deleted]

Not at you - I should have mentioned I was speaking generally in my PP!!

[GilliC]

I don't see much difference between choosing how to spend the money and choosing what to do with a physical gift.

You know what? The 5-pound sand-filled stuffed snowman wearing a yellow sweatshirt from my alma mater? Yeah, he went to the Goodwill. Because I don't want to haul 5 pounds of snowman-encompassed sand around the world with me. The givers (because oh, yes, this was a gift from a group of five people - one for each pound of snowman sand) can raise their eyebrows all they want. Just as I can raise my eyebrows back at the gifting of said sand snowman in the first place. I figure they're happier with my quietly passing it on to the Goodwill than handing it back and politely saying, "No thanks."

In the end, if you care that much about what happened to your gift after you gave it? Don't ask. It can only end badly. And the alternative is the person refusing it in the first place, which would probably feel even worse.