s/o of women having it all...

[KateAggie]

Do you know anyone that has it all?

My DH has a really good work/life balance, and still misses a lot of family stuff. Part of that is due to his drive/sense of responsibility, but on the other hand, if he lacked that (or didn't listen to it), he wouldn't be as successful in his career.

If you do know anyone that has it all, what does their spouse do? Do you think they have it all at the expense of their partner?

[2vermont]

You know what I think of when I think of "having it all"? Making it to Heaven. Life here is fleeting and we won't have any of it when we drop dead.

Which reminds me that I need to do a better job of getting myself there.......

[Deleted]

I know a few female partners at large firms who do, but they all have only 1 kid. A few of DH's female colleagues do, but they have SAHD husbands

[ering1115]

Between the ages of 25 and 45, no.

Over the age of 50, yes. One partner owns a small, boutique accounting firm while the other helps at the firm very part time, manages the care of elderly parents, and has loads of time with grandchildren. They go for a beach bike ride together every morning and walk after dinner every night, vacations, concerts, etc. I am hoping that by not "having it all now" when I am in that age bracket I will.

[Deleted]

The people I know who come closest are judges. They work hard but have more flexibility than law firm life and the billable hour permits.

[wawa]

How are we defining "has it all?" Like...leadership track career+awesome family life? Or just happy with work life balance and can pay the bills?

[marie427]

No. Even the ones who seem to "have it all" really don't.

[NitaX]

Jun 22, 2012 10:34:01 GMT -5 2vermont said:

You know what I think of when I think of "having it all"? Making it to Heaven. Life here is fleeting and we won't have any of it when we drop dead.

Which reminds me that I need to do a better job of getting myself there.......

Amen. *nods*

I don't think I have it all, but I'm happy. My kids are healthy. My kids are happy. My marriage is wonderful. I'd love to win the lottery, but right now, I'll settle for the money we currently earn, and try to do better saving. But really, if a genie asked me what else I wanted, the only thing I'd want is to refi or pay off my house. LOL

[brookles]

Jun 22, 2012 10:40:50 GMT -5 wawa said:

How are we defining "has it all?" Like...leadership track career+awesome family life? Or just happy with work life balance and can pay the bills?

That's what I'm wondering.

Also, I don't think we can ever really say, because we don't know the whole story of anyone's lives.

I can think of one person -- a friend of mine who's high up at her company, goes on a ton of trips, has a beautiful daughter and nice husband. But they have sex literally once a year (or less!), so....

You never know what goes on in anyone's marriage, job, or relationships.

[cookiemdough]

I know people that based on outside appearances have it all. Me included. While I have made some career sacrifices, I still have achieved a great deal in my current place of employment, I have a great salary and work / life balance, yet I still struggle. That is why I think the article really resonated with me.

[laurenpetro]

i don't think there is such a thing to begin with, so no.

[meg]

Im doing OK. I dont think I 'have it all' in part becuase for ME I would prefer to just be a SAHM. But given that isnt really an option for various reasons I have a pretty good deal. I have a good job with a lot of flexibility for appts etc. Im in 'succession' position so to speak. I work from home 2 half days a week (wiht my kid fwiw. He plays pretty independently then naps, and on days I dont get enough time logged in, Ill pop back online after he goes to bed). He is only in day care 1 days a week and has a combination of my mom, me, and DH watching him the rest of the work week. A retail schedule allows DH to take on some of the child care while still working full time. I would like to be able to do more SAHM stuff with him - but he has family watching him a lot and has a great relationship with DH and my parents as a result. DH got much more comfortable with him early on than he would have otherwise I think.

[meg]

Jun 22, 2012 10:44:44 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

I know people that based on outside appearances have it all. Me included. While I have made some career sacrifices, I still have achieved a great deal in my current place of employment, I have a great salary and work / life balance, yet I still struggle. That is why I think the article really resonated with me.

Ditto exactly. I think I have it the best I could, though I still hate leaving every morning.

[meg]

oh and my house is pretty much always a mess. I cant keep on top of the laundry, and I definitely dont vacuum as much as I should. Something always has to give.

[wawa]

And if we're talking has ideal career, enough money to pay the bills without stress, and happy with home life - then nope, not a single one.

The closest I know is a friend who is has traded a much lower career ceiling than she would otherwise have (think in-house counsel vs. big law. that kind of thing) to get consistent and reasonable hours, but is the youngest person in her company in her position by several years and is in a management, so it's not like she's just wasting away as a lowly cog somewhere.

But she has the resume of somebody 10 years older. She could have an aboslutely killer career path in her field - really sky's the limit. But it'd require a shitton more than 40 hours a week and/or travel, and right now with young kids she just doesn't want to do it. So it's not like she's not sacrificing something just because her job situation is actually pretty good. It could be amazing.

[dylanite]

People (up to a certain age?) can't genuinely tell themselves they have it all because that's equal to being complacent to a potentially harmful degree. I think if people are satisfied with where they're at and where they're going, they probably have a hard lesson coming their way.

Of course, there are degrees of satisfaction, but my being at work right now doesn't allow me the time to elaborate on it right now.

[curmudgeon]

Jun 22, 2012 10:41:47 GMT -5 marie427 said:

No. Even the ones who seem to "have it all" really don't.

:Y:

And also life changes, so having it all one day doesn't mean things can't change fast. I have a general idea of what my life would look like that I would consider myself to "have it all" and it would include neither H or I staying at home nor a fast-track career path. I consider "having it all" to be finacially stable, relatively healthy, and happy.

[taratru]

I don't know anyone. I know a few women who seem to be happy with what they do have, and I think that's pretty damn impressive.

[eclaires]

I think my husband is pretty close to having it all w/ regards to a work life balance. His job is really flexible and he can work from home pretty much as much as he wants. On top of that, they operate under a business quarter schedule where he has to get 40 hours x # of weeks in during that quarter and if he gets a lot in one week, he can take some time off (work load allowing, of course). And if at the end of the quarter, he has a bunch of hours, he can take a few days off. It's really a nice perk. With that flexibility, he also doesn't miss out on really anything the kids do (yet, at least). I mean, if he wants, he can take a morning and go into Jackson's preschool and teach the kids about non-newtonian fluid. Plus, it means he can come home in the afternoons and be here for dinner, even if he has to work more later. Then, there's a lot of opportunity for advancement for him and he's well respected at his job.

But really a lot of that is based on our perception... the flexibility of his job makes it more desirable to him (and me) than a potentially more high powered career (even though it's a good career). It's definitely the career he wants, though. IDK. If I had to pick having it all w/ a job, I'd want one like his.

And I'm a SAHM... which adds to his flexibility. He can use his time and flexibility for the fun stuff and I deal w/ all the sickness, doctor's visits, and non-fun stuff. He does occasionally come home to help if needed, though. Like when we thought Jackson had that fracture. He came home early and took him to the doctor and then the ER. But most of the time, I do that stuff and the routine visits, which means he can save his flexibility for the fun/important things.

[ttt]

I hear Gisele has a pretty good work life balance.

[heightsyankee]

I agree with "it depends on the definition." Can I "have it all" if I don't work?

I have a wonderful, loving husband who works really hard and puts in long hours, but has a much better work/life balance than many in his field. He makes really good money but prioritizes family whenever he can. I left a job, not a career, behind and it has allowed me to be very active in my community. We support my drug addict sister's 2 kids, help my SIL out as often as we can (she's a single mom), give a lot to our parents for being there for us, and have enough left over to give liberally to causes we believe in. Our kids kick major ass. For me, that's having it all.

[pescalita]

Jun 22, 2012 10:47:22 GMT -5 laurenpetro said:

i don't think there is such a thing to begin with, so no.

This. I very strongly believe in trade-offs. I am never going to be CFO or even a VP. I'm also never going to complete 90% of my pins on pinterest and need to hire a housecleaner. That puts me in a place that I'm very satisfied with, but only because I recognize that it is a physical impossibility to do both.

[heliocentric]

Wow. This makes me sad that people don't know anyone. I know several woman at work who have it all. That's if you consider having it all being satisfied with their careers and balancing home life. These are women who are respected at the office, but not necessarily management. (My company is very "flat" though, and doesn't have much management.)

Just yesterday one asked me to please schedule our meeting next week for after 9:30am so she could take her kid to day camp. I didn't even think twice about it. Men and woman here often make those kinds of requests. Admittedly, my employer is fairly progressive in this regard.

Another anecdote. We were trying to plan a conference call with a group of coworkers that are hard to coordinate (different parts of the world). There was a time that everyone could make it except me because I was on vacation. I offered to call in anyway. My boss said I shouldn't because vacation is important and we would make it work another time. The business has been successful for decades, so clearly this method of treating people well is working. (We are always ranked in the top 100 companies to work for.) I really don't understand why other companies don't get it.

It helps that our CEO is a woman. She started at the company shortly after college and worker her way up. She has several children. She is very adamant about creating an environment that is balanced for all workers, although this idea was in place even before she was CEO.

Also, has anyone read "Womenomics" by Katy Kay from the BBC? I have the book, but haven't read it yet. It deals with this topic and how women need to understand their value to the company and demand more flexibility.

ETA: if your idea of "having it all" means having every single thing you want without compromise, then I don't know anyone and never will. That's a totally unrealistic goal.

[mishap]

I feel like I have it all.

I have a senior position in a field I want to work in. I telecommute, so I don't have many of the commuting problems that others do, and I can dash to pick up my son from school if he's sick. We have a nanny for the baby, and I can still interact with him throughout the day. Sometimes she's not here, and I take care of the baby and then work during his nap times, so I get to be a "full-time mom" those days (although I loathe that term's connotations). Yes, I have to make up the work on the weekends sometimes, but I like my job so I don't mind.

I have a supportive DH who works just a few miles away, so he can pitch in if necessary (although his job is a lot more demanding). We have a modest house in a good neighborhood. Sure, I wish we had a little more money, but who doesn't? We have savings, retirement, health insurance, and a tiny bit extra for fun things.

Take away my ability to telecommute, though, and I'm sure I wouldn't feel this way. I'm very thankful for the position I have.

[earlgreyhot]

I think there seems to always be something that throws us off from having it all, but I think we're close. DH is similar what KA described, but at a company that isn't very flexible and has some serious issues with management that cause him quite a bit of stress which is affecting his health. But there are some great perks to working at the org for him as well as other factors that keeps things in balance.

ETA: It's hard to imagine that we'll ever really have it all. It's always money vs hours worked vs location vs space vs flexibility. And it's always a juggle to figure out how to prioritize to get it all just right.

Maybe if I was rich....

[noodleoo]

Yes, I have friend who owns a beautiful home, has 2 great children, and a good career. She works 3 days a week and is home with the kids for 4 days. She also lives in a much lower COL place than I do. I think she has a great balance and hasn't had to sacrifice very much. But she made choices to get herself there: she and her H chose to live in a cheaper part of the state and she chose an academic career that is much more flexible.

I'm happy for her and a bit jealous at times because I know I will never have that kind of flexibility, but what can you do?

[Deleted]

Depends on how you're defining it I guess. I know quite a few female teachers and nurses who seem very satisfied with their work/life balance. But then they don't make anywhere near the kind of money or have the kind of power of the women cited in the article, which I thought was kind of the point. Why aren't there more female CEOs, SCJs, senators/congress women, Biglaw partners, ect.

[otowngirl]

Jun 22, 2012 10:34:44 GMT -5 @septimus said:

I know a few female partners at large firms who do, but they all have only 1 kid. A few of DH's female colleagues do, but they have SAHD husbands

My boss has 3 kids (1 in MS, 1 in ES and a toddler) and seems to have it all. Successful partner, yet still leaves at 4:30 to pick up her kids / help out with their activities / cook dinner etc. I want to be her. LOL.

[lys]

Having it all depends on your definition. My choices in life are based on what makes me happy and what works best for our family. For me that works.

[emmybean]

"Having it all" is a ridiculous and dangerous construct, and not something I ever even consider because it is not and should not be a life goal or something to strive for by anyone.