Catholics? Another Baptism question

[Deleted]

Wait what? I'm catholic, and your church commented on your lack of donations ? That is absurd. I never ever have donated in the envelop. I donate in cash only.

Only one godparent needs to be catholic. And our church didn't even check.

Although to me, there would be no point of godparents if they weren't catholic, and I'm an agnostic catholic, lol. You can have different people specified to watch over your kids if you die. Guardians are not the same as god parents.

I would find a different Catholic Church. Yours sounds douchey.

[ladystardust]

Whether you want to change religions Isa personal decision so I can t really comment on that. But are either of your parents Catholic? We chose my Dad to be DD's Godfather. We have other Catholic males in the family but I wanted to ask my Dad.

I think it is only required that at least one Godparemlnt is Catholic, at least at my church. We chose my SIL as the Godmother and she isn't Catholic. Wasn't an issue at all.

[Deleted]

Also you can do multiples. For ds, we had one godfather and two god mothers. So you don't have to exclude people if you end up picking one catholic.

[bonquiqui]

All i know is my godmother, my aunt,is not catholic and my godfather is. I am baptized catholic but i am now atheist

[Deleted]

Sept 26, 2013 5:16:09 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

We can only pick 2 people. One has to be Catholic, the other just has to be Christian. The Catholic one has to be an active member of their parish. My church didn't comment on our lack of donations, but they said for us to show we are active members we need to use our envelopes to show we are attending mass. Our church is huge so its hard for a priest to get to know/remember ever single person.

Lol so they would be fine if you turn in empty envelopes?

I would be out of there so fast.

find a new church.

seriously. There are many many open and accepting catholic churches.ones like yours make me angry.

[ladystardust]

I've never heard of the godparent having to be a member of that parish. That's very odd. So if you live away from all Catholic family and friends you're just out of luck? That's dumb.

[Deleted]

The area you live in sucks because we had none of these problems.
Have you talked to the priest? Sometimes the baptism coordinator is a different person and a stickler for rules but the priest knows which can be flexible.

Maybe ask if someone can stand in for a godparent who is unable to travel?

[Deleted]

I fail to see how a stranger who attends church is better than someone who knows and loves your child. Our godparents aren't actively practicing but we know they would do the right thing for our child if she needed them.

[hisno1girl]

Sept 26, 2013 4:44:22 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

I called our church today to figure out what we needed to do to Baptize our first child. Since we are active members of our parish that is fine, but we don't donate in our envelopes with our names so we need to start doing that I guess. Our biggest issue is choosing Godparents. Since I am an only child and H's family is split and his half/step siblings aren't Catholic none of them qualify. Of course ideally we would want to choose Catholic Godparents, but our closest family and friends do not fit that need. We had several people in mind that would be perfect except they aren't Catholic. I hate the idea of choosing a less close family member of mine (who probably wouldn't even travel to us for the baptism) or having the church choose someone we don't know who is Catholic. I understand the whole purpose of Godparents in the Catholic church is to have them help guide our children in the Catholic faith when we cannot, but the thought of choosing a random stranger over H's stepsister or my best friend/cousin does not feel right. Neither mine or H's Godparents provided any Catholic guidance to us while we were growing up. H is pretty upset with this and wants us to consider possibly changing religions to somewhere that is more open and welcoming (not just this issue, but we had issues when we got married as well and he is fed up). I'm not 100% closed to that idea, but being Catholic is all that I have known and it is very important to me to follow those beliefs. 

Is there really no one at your church that you are friends/acquaintances with? Maybe one of them can act as Godparent to your child?

I'm sorry your parish is putting up such roadblocks to this sacrament for your baby.

What about your parents? Can one of them do it?

Also, if you're truly considering changing religions, perhaps you should postpone the baptism? It doesnt' make sense (to me - a devout Catholic) to baptize your child if you aren't sure you're going to remain Catholic, especially if your husband seems to be against it.

My church has requirements too but it's mostly about attendance. They have to have a little pocket calendar signed by the priest every week, and at least 1 godparent must be Catholic (in good standing, with a letter from their parish) BUT we aren't rigid about it. Different circumstances come up and our priest knows that.

Good luck.

[roo54]

Try a different church, or a different priest/deacon. I know a deacon who would allow godparents to not be catholic. It all depends on where you go/who you know. Ask around, someone should be able to point you to someone who will help. I agree that it should be someone who you know/care about/trust over a stranger.

[hisno1girl]

Sept 26, 2013 5:45:04 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Sept 26, 2013 5:39:27 GMT -5 @randomcdn said:

I fail to see how a stranger who attends church is better than someone who knows and loves your child. Our godparents aren't actively practicing but we know they would do the right thing for our child if she needed them.

This is what I am having a really hard time with. It took us awhile to come up with two people we felt would be right and would be actively involved in our child's life forever and would do the right thing for our child if necessary. We could just pick a cousin or something on my side of the family that I know goes to church, but that just seems pointless. 

Being actively involved in your child's life isn't a role of a godparent. (I mean it's nice, but it's not automatic) Godparents are there to provide Catholic instruction if you and your husband are unable to do so.

None of my godparents were an active part of my life. I know them and they are special to me, but I rarely see them outside of church or church related functions. 

Good luck.

[aprilsails]

I have had so many problems with the Catholic church in recent years that I have stopped attending mass there and now go to my Step-family's United church. There are too many rules and most of them are absolute nonsense. It's like they are trying to drive people out for no good reason. Drives me crazy since I love attending mass and was in the choir at my hometown church for 13 years. I am waiting anxiously for the day that the current priest moves on. I have hope that the next one will be more welcoming.

Do you have any devout Aunts or Uncles? Parents? I would probably look for an older family member since they are more likely to be a Catholic in good standing with their parish. Since you are new to this church, I would push back hard against them saying it has to be someone from their community.

[ghost]

Have you looked into the Episcopal Church. DH and I switched to this church while we were getting married. The catholic church was making it way to difficult. (DH's catholic annulment was granted on the day of our rehearsal dinner, even though we started the paperwork 15 months before). So we switched. We love it. It is Catholic lite. Not so many hurdles, many of the same traditions. In fact the only difference we see at mass is the Our Father and Sign of peace are reversed.
Not going to try to convert you but it would be worth a look, if you are interested in changing.

I think it is important to have someone you know be the god parents. Unless of course, you choose not to really play that relationship up.

[hisno1girl]

Sept 26, 2013 6:01:02 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Sept 26, 2013 5:49:02 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

Is there really no one at your church that you are friends/acquaintances with? Maybe one of them can act as Godparent to your child?

I'm sorry your parish is putting up such roadblocks to this sacrament for your baby.

What about your parents? Can one of them do it?

Also, if you're truly considering changing religions, perhaps you should postpone the baptism? It doesnt' make sense (to me - a devout Catholic) to baptize your child if you aren't sure you're going to remain Catholic.

My church has requirements too but it's mostly about attendance. They have to have a little pocket calendar signed by the priest every week, and at least 1 godparent must be Catholic (in good standing, with a letter from their parish) BUT we aren't rigid about it. Different circumstances come up and our priest knows that.

Good luck.

I mean, my neighbor goes there and an ex coworker, but we aren't close with them at all and it just does not feel right to us to pick them. I would never expect someone we are just friendly with to fulfill the godparent roll for our child. I guess we could have one of my parents do it, but they haven't been very active in their home church since they aren't a fan of the new priest we had a few years back. 

I'm not sure if we are truly considering changing religions, but we don't have anything set for a baptism or anything and the baby isn't due til March. We are just starting to look into it. I just wish we had more family and friends who were active Catholics. I know this is going to cause a lot of drama in H's family since none of them are active. 

We have active Catholic members in my family, but we would solely be picking them because they are active in a Catholic church and not because we feel they would be the best god parents for our children and that's doesn't feel right. 

I totally get what you're saying. If your choice doesn't feel right, then they probably shouldn't be the godparents.

Is all this coming from the priest of the Director of Religious Education (or someone else)?

[hisno1girl]

Sept 26, 2013 6:05:06 GMT -5 marie3246 said:

Sept 26, 2013 5:58:13 GMT -5 hisno1girl said:

Being actively involved in your child's life isn't a role of a godparent. (I mean it's nice, but it's not automatic) Godparents are there to provide Catholic instruction if you and your husband are unable to do so.

None of my godparents were an active part of my life. I know them and they are special to me, but I rarely see them outside of church or church related functions. 

Good luck.

For us it is more than just having someone who is Catholic to provide instruction. Honestly, we have family members who would do this who are not catholic more than the members who are catholic. Both H's and I's godparents were very active in our lives and that is what we are looking for as well. 

I hope you can find someone

[lilafowler]

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. We didn't have any issues choosing godparents because H picked his bro and I picked my BFF-both lifelong Catholics. MIL forced BIL to get some kind of letter but all they asked was if at least one was a practicing catholic-they didn't ask to see any proof.

The only thing they needed from us was our baptism records.

I know what you mean about wanting the baby to be baptized even if you don't remain catholic-I think we have that drilled in our heads from when we're little that babies must be baptized "in case".

I'm not 100% aligned with all the church teaches (but Pope Francis is giving me hope!) but I still wanted Eleanor baptized because I think it's an important social construct (for US) to "formally" introduce her to her family and community and also...I'm superstitious.

[Deleted]

Talk to the priest about your concerns.

Would you be willing to travel to the godparents for the baptism. We did our prep with our parish and they gave us a letter for my moms parish to perform the baptism

[lilafowler]

Oh! You can have someone stand in as a proxy if a "qualified" godparent candidate can't make it. H and I both stood as proxy for a friend because she is here in Mass and the G-parents are in Louisiana.

[chia]

(stumbling in from the app...)
Definitely check out the Episcopal church.

Sent from my SPH-L900 using proboards

[Captain Serious]

First, for those of you questioning the envelope thing, this is common. The parish I grew up in, went to CCD through, attended every week, had my first communion and confirmation in (and possibly my baptism, I'm not sure), was so large, it had an average of 7 priests assigned to it and they didn't know us from Adam. Our family also gave money every week, but not in envelopes, and when my mother asked priests to see my grandmother in the hospital to bring her communion and offer her confession, they also brought up that we don't tithe in envelopes, so they had no record of our contribution or membership in their church. In the end, they refused to go because my grandmother only spoke German, and since they wouldn't understand her, it would be a waste to hear her confession. When we found a German priest at from a neighboring diasise, he wouldn't go either, because we were members of a different parish. Both priests had weekly rounds at the hospital, and we had to beg and plead before one would stop by to see her. It was the one whose parish we belonged, presumably because we could prove our history with the church.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but the Catholic Church recognizes the Baptism into other Christian faiths. Lutherans (and several other Christian faiths who baptize infants) are only too happy to baptize anyone who comes to them wanting to practice a Christian life, with very few questions asked. They seeing it as saving a person through Christ from death, and they wold do that with joy as often as they can. You could have your baby baptized in a different faith, and then bring her into the Catholic Church and raise her to receive the other Catholic sacraments.

[Captain Serious]

And, since I now see you were married by a Lutheran pastor, I should tell you that Lutheranism is Catholicism without the Church law. There are many different kinds of Lutherans, ranging from more liberal to more conservative. I belong to a Lutheran Church, Missouri Synod, which is fairly conservative, and the services are very much the same as the Catholic masses. The main difference is that they don't tell you how to interpret the Bible, but help you do it for yourself.

[hisno1girl]

Sept 26, 2013 7:10:57 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

Sept 26, 2013 6:53:56 GMT -5 Captain Serious said:

First, for those of you questioning the envelope thing, this is common. The parish I grew up in, went to CCD through, attended every week, had my first communion and confirmation in (and possibly my baptism, I'm not sure), was so large, it had an average of 7 priests assigned to it and they didn't know us from Adam. Our family also gave money every week, but not in envelopes, and when my mother asked priests to see my grandmother in the hospital to bring her communion and offer her confession, they also brought up that we don't tithe in envelopes, so they had no record of our contribution or membership in their church. In the end, they refused to go because my grandmother only spoke German, and since they wouldn't understand her, it would be a waste to hear her confession. When we found a German priest at from a neighboring diasise, he wouldn't go either, because we were members of a different parish. Both priests had weekly rounds at the hospital, and we had to beg and plead before one would stop by to see her. It was the one whose parish we belonged, presumably because we could prove our history with the church.

The envelopes are common around here and I do understand their purpose of them.  My church is 100% okay with them being empty, but they are really used to track attendance.  However, it is ridiculous that not one priest would go see your grandma.  It is bullshit that they refused because they wouldn't understand her language.  I am so pissed for her.  I know my grandma would be so upset if she couldn't see a priest in the hospital, regardless of the language.

I can't believe any priest would refuse to hear someone's confession, even with a language barrier.

Did you report their actions to the Diocese where they're assigned? I hope so.

If a priest did that here, he would be in big, huge, effing trouble.  

[Deleted]

Well thank god I go to compassionate churches. My priests don't know me from Adam. I prefer to keep to myself at Church. I have never used an envelope. Yet I have NEVER been denied counsel or service. Since, crazy thought, the Church should be about helping people and encouraging participation at any point...not just those who toss an envelope in every week. 

Its churches like these that make outsiders hate Catholicism. And it makes me sad. 

[Captain Serious]

Sept 26, 2013 7:34:53 GMT -5 @irishbride said:

Well thank god I go to compassionate churches. My priests don't know me from Adam. I prefer to keep to myself at Church. I have never used an envelope. Yet I have NEVER been denied counsel or service. Since, crazy thought, the Church should be about helping people and encouraging participation at any point...not just those who toss an envelope in every week. 

Its churches like these that make outsiders hate Catholicism. And it makes me sad. 

It's churches like those that make Catholics turn away from Catholicism.

My experience wasn't all bad, though. My parents moved and joined a new church while I was in college. I lived the priest. My parents drove 30 minutes to his church rather than go to the church right in their town because of him. When I needed guidance about my ex boyfriend and possible marriage, he agreed to see us, even though I lived

ET Finish: two hours away and my exbf lived more than 6 hours away and my parents weren't even supposed to members of his church. He helped us figure things out, and said he would marry us if we decided to go that way, with only the assurance that we would raise any children in whatever faith we chose as a united front (my ex was Jewish, and most priests won't perform interfaith marriages unless the couple promise to raise the children Catholic).

So not all my experiences were bad. I just brought that first situation up to show that the reliance on envelope giving to determine eligibility for church services isn't uncommon. In fact, that first church (the one I grew up I ) refused to marry me to my husband, even if he got an annulment (even though his first wedding wasn't a Catholic wedding), because I moved away.

ETA: that's when I decided to leave the Catholic Church.

[CrazyLucky]

Come join the Lutherans! We're based on Catholicism, but we're pro birth control, we let women get ordained, and we have kick ass potlucks! Also, it's totally up to the parents who is the godparents. No restrictions. AND, there is no requirement to turn in an envelop every week. We give online and are encouraged to NOT use envelopes because it's environmentally friendlier.

[Deleted]

Sept 26, 2013 7:42:33 GMT -5 CrazyLucky said:

Come join the Lutherans! We're based on Catholicism, but we're pro birth control, we let women get ordained, and we have kick ass potlucks! Also, it's totally up to the parents who is the godparents. No restrictions. AND, there is no requirement to turn in an envelop every week. We give online and are encouraged to NOT use envelopes because it's environmentally friendlier.

It's funny because the only person I know ever kicked out of church for not using their envelops was a Lutheran.

[cc]

I had DS out of wedlock and wanted him baptized in the Church. I was afraid they would turn me down so I wrote a letter to the Deacon. He wrote me back a very loving response saying that they would welcome my son and I with open arms.

We did have to have one godparent who was Catholic, but they never asked for proof for it. They didn't have to be active members of the church either.

I hadn't been to mass in years when I had DS baptized, but I was intending on starting again. The only record they had on me was my sacraments that I made growing up.

[sparkythelawyer]

And this is why I love my laid back parish that my family has nicknamed "St. Honey badger's." my parish doesn't jerk folks around about this stuff. but we got a new pastor so I will have to see how that goes.

[Deleted]

The donation thing is crap. Man, some of these churches are ballsy...

You can have one non-catholic god parent as long as they attend their own church regularly. I'd suggest one of the people you want and one more distant relative.

[Booze Raccoon]

1.  You can hold off on the baptism if you need more time to reflect, or find another Godparent, or whatever.
2.  My DD was Christened in the parish I grew up in, we lived in another state at the time so I don't think you're right about the envelopes.  Also, as a kid, my parents never used those envelopes.  I remember my Dad always letting us toss dollar bills into the collection basket. 
3.  Check with your diocese.  Someone yesterday said that you only need 1 Catholic.  Maybe you could use a non-Catholic family member/friend.


If your H is questioning his faith, that's a whole different ballgame.