A coworker's husband just lost his job. They recently bought a house and apparently don't really have much/any savings and are way short on paying all their bills without his income, even with unemployment. They have a baby at home as well. I'd like to do something to help them out, but I don't want her to feel weird around me, so I would like to do it anonymously if possible. Any ideas on the best way to go about this? I don't know their address, but could probably figure it out if mailing a gift card or something would be the best solution...
Also, we have a couple things around the house that need to be done. The biggest one is painting the nursery. Her husband does/did manual labor type work. Would it be weird to ask if he wants to paint for us to make money? UPDATE:
So, our office manager and several coworkers were one step ahead of me on this. Last week, they had announced a HR contest for guessing the number of candy corns in a jar to win a gift card. Unbeknownst to coworker, a collection was taken up for the giftcard. Well, the contest was rigged so that she won yesterday. She was so happy that she cried when she found out she won a $500 giftcard. I'm happy I work with such a sweet group of people and will continue to look for ways to help coworker out until she and her family can get back on their feet.
Post by twodogsandababy on Oct 20, 2013 11:41:52 GMT -5
In the past when we have been in a position to help our friends we have either sent grocery/walmart giftcards with no return addresses or we just ask if we can help pay bills and they can pay us back when they get a chance, both knowing that if they never pay us back it will not be a big deal.
I was thinking about a grocery gift card, and maybe a gas card or something...even though I'd really prefer to just give $$ so they can do what they need to with it. A check is out because it is identifying and I feel unsafe sending a bunch of cash. Are the Visa gift cards pretty much the same as cash? Could they use it to pay bills and things...
Our friend who is the local postmaster said to never mail gift cards. There is a high rate of theft with that. Can you order something and have it shipped? Diapers, wipes, something like that?
Since you work together, would it be possible to slip an envelope with cash in it into her desk or mailbox? I'd put a note in it saying you know things are rough, you wanted to help out, and ask them to pay it forward when they can.
Post by MixedBerryJam on Oct 20, 2013 12:15:18 GMT -5
I say this all the time and I am going to stop saying this, but I'll say it one last time. It would freak me right the heck out if I got anonymous gift cards in the mail, or in my mailbox, or under my door, or whatever the means of delivery is, right after a financial setback. I would wonder who knows what details about my life. I would freak out that they (whoever they are) know where I live. It would likely affect my day-to-day relationships because I'd wonder who knows I'm in trouble, how they know I'm in trouble, what kind of trouble they think I am in, and who else might be gossiping about me. I'm honest to God not even sure I'd spend gift cards I got anonymously. All this anonymous helping would not help me.
Frankly, I love the idea of hiring the husband to do handyman-type work and paying him cash. Also, just saying "I made too much stew, can I bring some over?" or "I saw a wicked sale on diapers and used coupons and they were practically free, so can I drop some off?" would be much appreciated.
Since you work together, would it be possible to slip an envelope with cash in it into her desk or mailbox? I'd put a note in it saying you know things are rough, you wanted to help out, and ask them to pay it forward when they can.
I could do this, I guess I just felt like maybe it would embarrass her somehow? I don't know... I'm sort of awkward about this sort of thing. I want to help her, but I don't want to make her feel bad in any way.
Post by ellipses84 on Oct 20, 2013 12:55:05 GMT -5
Check to see if she still has a baby registry set up, order diapers and maybe some other necessities the baby could use at this age. Registries ship directly to the recipient without showing the address to the buyer. Include a gift note that you wanted to help out and she can return the stuff for store credit if there's something else she needs more (this is more practical if it's a Target registry).
As far as using him to paint, I would suggest to be kind of casual about it. If you tend to chit chat w/ her, just bring it up that you're looking to paint your nursery but you hate painting, you want to pay someone to do it. Does she know anyone, or if her DH has done it, would he be interested?
When my brother was in a bad place financially, due to an accident, my aunt went to the utility company and made a payment on their bill. They weren't behind but then didn't have to pay for a couple months. If you could find her address you could do something like that.
I would go the "I bought too much" "I made a double batch of X" "I saw this on super clearance and grabbed a couple for me and you" route, personally.
Ditto ECB about bringing up the painting job casually. "We need our nursery painted and I know your H is in the business. Can he recommend someone or is he free himself?"
I say this all the time and I am going to stop saying this, but I'll say it one last time. It would freak me right the heck out if I got anonymous gift cards in the mail, or in my mailbox, or under my door, or whatever the means of delivery is, right after a financial setback. I would wonder who knows what details about my life. I would freak out that they (whoever they are) know where I live. It would likely affect my day-to-day relationships because I'd wonder who knows I'm in trouble, how they know I'm in trouble, what kind of trouble they think I am in, and who else might be gossiping about me. I'm honest to God not even sure I'd spend gift cards I got anonymously. All this anonymous helping would not help me.
Frankly, I love the idea of hiring the husband to do handyman-type work and paying him cash. Also, just saying "I made too much stew, can I bring some over?" or "I saw a wicked sale on diapers and used coupons and they were practically free, so can I drop some off?" would be much appreciated.
I agree with this. When my husband lost his job a few years ago I would have been so embarrassed to get a gift card or cash from anyone, anonymously or not. I'm sure some people would love it, and the thought is honestly very nice, but I think casually offering baby supplies (or something similar) in the way that Mixedbery Jam suggested is a better idea. Asking if he could do some work for you would be nice as well, as long as it's done professionally and not in a "I feel sorry for you" sort of way, and paid what it's worth. (Not saying you'd do this at all, but a friend of mine has an electrician husband who was out of work, and people thought they could get a $300 job done for $50 because well, wasn't he desperate?).
I would go the "I bought too much" "I made a double batch of X" "I saw this on super clearance and grabbed a couple for me and you" route, personally.
Ditto ECB about bringing up the painting job casually. "We need our nursery painted and I know your H is in the business. Can he recommend someone or is he free himself?"
I agree with this. Also, how do you know how much they have in savings? If she talks freely to you about what she has in savings then I would just give her an envelope with a gift card or cash. No need to do it anonymously.
I have given friends money in time of need such as paying for car repair or a new washing machine. These were close friends and both were very thankful. If you aren't close to her I'd slip her an envelope with a note or just mail a card with a note. I'd also put in the note something to the affect that we all have hard times and pay it forward when you are in the position to do so. I think this makes the person feel less ashamed.
I had a friend in a similar position, she was pregnant with twins and her DH got laid off. I posted on Facebook "anybody want to rent their husband to me for a weekend, I need a handy man!" And she replied. I ended up hiring him for odd jobs over the course of a year. He put together our big Christmas presents, painted a few rooms, did work in the bathroom, laid sod in our backyard, and built a few retaining walls in the yard. I paid him $10 an hour, cash. It worked out to $60-$80 per day, which was waayyyyyyy cheaper than any other handyman I could have found.
I had a friend in a similar position, she was pregnant with twins and her DH got laid off. I posted on Facebook "anybody want to rent their husband to me for a weekend, I need a handy man!" And she replied. I ended up hiring him for odd jobs over the course of a year. He put together our big Christmas presents, painted a few rooms, did work in the bathroom, laid sod in our backyard, and built a few retaining walls in the yard. I paid him $10 an hour, cash. It worked out to $60-$80 per day, which was waayyyyyyy cheaper than any other handyman I could have found.
This actually sounds pretty mean, why did you underpay him?
I would go the "I bought too much" "I made a double batch of X" "I saw this on super clearance and grabbed a couple for me and you" route, personally.
Ditto ECB about bringing up the painting job casually. "We need our nursery painted and I know your H is in the business. Can he recommend someone or is he free himself?"
I agree with this. Also, how do you know how much they have in savings? If she talks freely to you about what she has in savings then I would just give her an envelope with a gift card or cash. No need to do it anonymously.
Well, she didn't outright say they didn't have anything in savings, but I assumed that if they had money in savings then they would use it to pay their bills (and thus, she wouldn't say that they couldn't pay the mortgage, etc).
I would definitely try to be sensitive about the way I brought up the painting and, if anything, we would "overpay." I certainly wouldn't be using it as an opportunity to get cheap labor-- we'd just do it ourselves in that case.
I had a friend in a similar position, she was pregnant with twins and her DH got laid off. I posted on Facebook "anybody want to rent their husband to me for a weekend, I need a handy man!" And she replied. I ended up hiring him for odd jobs over the course of a year. He put together our big Christmas presents, painted a few rooms, did work in the bathroom, laid sod in our backyard, and built a few retaining walls in the yard. I paid him $10 an hour, cash. It worked out to $60-$80 per day, which was waayyyyyyy cheaper than any other handyman I could have found.
This actually sounds pretty mean, why did you underpay him?
I didn't underpay him, at all. He's an unskilled laborer. He makes $10/hr at his job, and has taxes taken out of that. He's a pot head. He is also handy. My husband isn't handy at all, and works 70 hours a week, he doesn't have the time or desire to hang up towel racks, paint the playroom, or put together a 5' tall dollhouse.
Anyway, I asked him how much he wanted, and he told me he's paid $10/hr at work. If he would have told me $20/hr, I would have paid him that.
I had a friend in a similar position, she was pregnant with twins and her DH got laid off. I posted on Facebook "anybody want to rent their husband to me for a weekend, I need a handy man!" And she replied. I ended up hiring him for odd jobs over the course of a year. He put together our big Christmas presents, painted a few rooms, did work in the bathroom, laid sod in our backyard, and built a few retaining walls in the yard. I paid him $10 an hour, cash. It worked out to $60-$80 per day, which was waayyyyyyy cheaper than any other handyman I could have found.
This actually sounds pretty mean, why did you underpay him?
I'm right here, too ... And I'm not making an ae to say it. Unless this was years, ans I mean YEARS ago, firm the sounds of the jobs and the hourly rate, it sounds like you took advantage of someone else's bad situation.
This actually sounds pretty mean, why did you underpay him?
I'm right here, too ... And I'm not making an ae to say it. Unless this was years, ans I mean YEARS ago, firm the sounds of the jobs and the hourly rate, it sounds like you took advantage of someone else's bad situation.
Guys, there are parts of this country where $10/hour for basic handyman type stuff (not talking carpenter, or professional whatever, but basic odd jobs) is not unreasonable.
Heck, when we were in Missouri, I knew folks who worked full time and would have jumped at the chance to earn $10/hour at a side job - it was quite likely as much as they made at their regular job...
This actually sounds pretty mean, why did you underpay him?
I'm right here, too ... And I'm not making an ae to say it. Unless this was years, ans I mean YEARS ago, firm the sounds of the jobs and the hourly rate, it sounds like you took advantage of someone else's bad situation.
Seriously? Read my post please. He set the cost. He made more working for me than he did when he worked at his regular job. This was 2-3 years ago. If he wasn't happy with what we paid him (and I'm sure he didn't report the income to the unemployment office), then he had no reason to keep coming over and doing stuff for me. He was always happy and appreciative. In fact, his dad helped him do some stuff in our yard, and his dad will be remodeling our kitchen in 2 months. Also, I'm good friends with his wife. I know they/he were very happy that we helped them through that rough patch.