Would you let your 12. y.o. DD ++

[mudslide]

Absofreakinglutely not!

[drrn04]

Not a chance. I'd give her a number of chaperoned options, but there's no way in hell my kid would be going anywhere alone w/ this kid for a long, long time.

[speckledfrog]

Jun 26, 2012 18:36:47 GMT -5 mypunkinpie said:

Jun 26, 2012 18:19:27 GMT -5 housegeek said:

I was allowed group/ double dates at that age, so I'll probably raise similarly. Although singles at a pizza place really doesn't seem that awful to me either.

So how many years in between when you were allowed to date and when your "kid" will be able to date?

What I'm trying to say is IT'S NOT THE SAME THING NOW AS IT WAS THEN.

No to all of it. No to riding bikes alone a mile away. No to them being just the two of them. No. At 12? Jesus, people.

No to riding your bike a mile away? It's too far? Why bother having a bike?

I'm not saying to let her do this, but I am seriously side eyeing not letting a 6th/7th grader not ride her bike a mile away.

[housegeek]

Jun 26, 2012 18:36:47 GMT -5 mypunkinpie said:

Jun 26, 2012 18:19:27 GMT -5 housegeek said:

I was allowed group/ double dates at that age, so I'll probably raise similarly. Although singles at a pizza place really doesn't seem that awful to me either.

So how many years in between when you were allowed to date and when your "kid" will be able to date?

What I'm trying to say is IT'S NOT THE SAME THING NOW AS IT WAS THEN.

No to all of it. No to riding bikes alone a mile away. No to them being just the two of them. No. At 12? Jesus, people.

Dude, I'm not that old. And I'm in the nearly empty boat that believes it is the same as it always was, you just hear about more negative shit now easier. The location also matters in this scenario, I grew up in nowheres-ville and Ill be raising my kids in even more nowwheres-ville.

[kellbell191]

Jun 26, 2012 20:21:44 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Jun 26, 2012 18:36:47 GMT -5 mypunkinpie said:

So how many years in between when you were allowed to date and when your "kid" will be able to date?

What I'm trying to say is IT'S NOT THE SAME THING NOW AS IT WAS THEN.

No to all of it. No to riding bikes alone a mile away. No to them being just the two of them. No. At 12? Jesus, people.

Dude, I'm not that old. And I'm in the nearly empty boat that believes it is the same as it always was, you just hear about more negative shit now easier. The location also matters in this scenario, I grew up in nowheres-ville and Ill be raising my kids in even more nowwheres-ville.

I'm a prosecutor in nowheresville and my answer is no. My twelve year old will not be hanging out alone with boys I haven't met. Especially not with boys who maybe have brought a gun to school or maybe lie and say they brought a gun to school to impress someone.

[housegeek]

Good for you different strokes and all that.
In reality it doesnt matter anyway, my husband won't let our girls date until they are 30

[rex]

Hell no. Forget the shady boy part, she's only 12! There is plenty of time for that nonsense.

I would invite him over with other kids too, not just him. Maybe I'm a prude.

[phoeny]

I didn't see a proble with it till the gun thing. Id go eith supervised @ your house.

[studytime45]

I wouldn't even have him over at our house if he said he brought a gun to school. She doesn't need to socialize with people like that.

[rhiannon]

No.

[Cayl]

Jun 26, 2012 21:17:57 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Good for you different strokes and all that.
In reality it doesnt matter anyway, my husband won't let our girls date until they are 30

So you'd be okay with your 12 year old daughter going out alone with a kid who brought a weapon to school? And not a weapon in the sense of "my kid brought nail clippers to school and in today's no questions asked, no common sense climate that's a weapon" but an actual GUN?! Even if he's lying, that's pretty messed up and like someone else said, what else would he lie about?

[partiallysunny]

Nope.

[emjacobs]

Jun 26, 2012 20:21:44 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Jun 26, 2012 18:36:47 GMT -5 mypunkinpie said:

So how many years in between when you were allowed to date and when your "kid" will be able to date?

What I'm trying to say is IT'S NOT THE SAME THING NOW AS IT WAS THEN.

No to all of it. No to riding bikes alone a mile away. No to them being just the two of them. No. At 12? Jesus, people.

Dude, I'm not that old. And I'm in the nearly empty boat that believes it is the same as it always was, you just hear about more negative shit now easier. The location also matters in this scenario, I grew up in nowheres-ville and Ill be raising my kids in even more nowwheres-ville.

I grew up in about as bumpkin of a place you can get. I still live in bumpkin-ville. My mom is an 8th grade teacher at the only middle school, my year the "problem" students were kids that accidentally brought their hunting knife to school (since they went hunting that morning) and brought fire crackers to school.

This year they had 4 kids expelled for getting drunk at school, 5 kids expelled for dealing drugs at school, and one kid suspended for trying to sell knives out of his locker. She also had a 15 yo 8th grader that has been expelled 3 previous times from the 8th grade and will be repeating the 8th grade again next year.

I'm still in my 20's so it hasn't been that long. Things change. The world changes. If you don't believe that you might live under a rock.

[mrsjuleshs]

NO WAY! My 12 year old has her guy friends over to our house as a group or a bunch of them hang at a someone else's house, whom I know. My kid is not going anywhere with some kid I don't know and whose parents I don't know. There is no "just the 2 of them" in our house. DD has a "boyfriend" but they do not go on dates. It's more just a status in jr. high.

[housegeek]

Jun 27, 2012 7:50:37 GMT -5 Cayl said:

Jun 26, 2012 21:17:57 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Good for you different strokes and all that.
In reality it doesnt matter anyway, my husband won't let our girls date until they are 30

So you'd be okay with your 12 year old daughter going out alone with a kid who brought a weapon to school? And not a weapon in the sense of "my kid brought nail clippers to school and in today's no questions asked, no common sense climate that's a weapon" but an actual GUN?! Even if he's lying, that's pretty messed up and like someone else said, what else would he lie about?

Going on a bike ride, eating at a public place, assuming I trusted my daughter.
As for the gun, I'm not taking that into consideration. I grew up going to the shooting range with my dad so I can see how it could be something said to impress and not meant to induce some columbine freakout.

[sb]

I would hypothetically let my kid ride a mile to a pizza place with A FRIEND (stress FRIEND). If the word date came out of their mouth it would be a fun family outing.

But I wouldn't let my kid hang out with someone who got expelled for bringing a gun to to school, OR someone who thought it was cool to get expelled for bringing a gun to school. So no.

[kellbell191]

Jun 27, 2012 10:08:32 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Jun 27, 2012 7:50:37 GMT -5 Cayl said:

So you'd be okay with your 12 year old daughter going out alone with a kid who brought a weapon to school? And not a weapon in the sense of "my kid brought nail clippers to school and in today's no questions asked, no common sense climate that's a weapon" but an actual GUN?! Even if he's lying, that's pretty messed up and like someone else said, what else would he lie about?

Going on a bike ride, eating at a public place, assuming I trusted my daughter.
As for the gun, I'm not taking that into consideration. I grew up going to the shooting range with my dad so I can see how it could be something said to impress and not meant to induce some columbine freakout.

I have a case with a 14 yr old who was raped by an acquaintance while walking from her house to another friends house. I think anyone who thinks they live in a place too safe for shit like that to happen is doing themselves a disservice. My kids will be allowed to go places by themselves but closely monitored. And even in a public place, I would not be ok with my 12 yr old riding on her bike with a boy I don't know.

I'd rather be overprotective than having something awful happen to my child.

[housegeek]

Jun 27, 2012 8:30:07 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

Jun 26, 2012 20:21:44 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Dude, I'm not that old. And I'm in the nearly empty boat that believes it is the same as it always was, you just hear about more negative shit now easier. The location also matters in this scenario, I grew up in nowheres-ville and Ill be raising my kids in even more nowwheres-ville.

I grew up in about as bumpkin of a place you can get. I still live in bumpkin-ville. My mom is an 8th grade teacher at the only middle school, my year the "problem" students were kids that accidentally brought their hunting knife to school (since they went hunting that morning) and brought fire crackers to school.

This year they had 4 kids expelled for getting drunk at school, 5 kids expelled for dealing drugs at school, and one kid suspended for trying to sell knives out of his locker. She also had a 15 yo 8th grader that has been expelled 3 previous times from the 8th grade and will be repeating the 8th grade again next year.

I'm still in my 20's so it hasn't been that long. Things change. The world changes. If you don't believe that you might live under a rock.

Or I might just have a different view of the world. But either way, a few problem kids don't make up the whole world of kids. There have always been those kids, even when I was in school. Drugs, knives, alcohol, I feel those are more reflective of parenting than the kids themselves, it doesn't make them bad 12 year olds who are going to stab someone or steal my kid.
Anyway, like I said it won't matter, H would follow behind in his car before he let them go alone

[housegeek]

Jun 27, 2012 10:22:30 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

Jun 27, 2012 10:08:32 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Going on a bike ride, eating at a public place, assuming I trusted my daughter.
As for the gun, I'm not taking that into consideration. I grew up going to the shooting range with my dad so I can see how it could be something said to impress and not meant to induce some columbine freakout.

I have a case with a 14 yr old who was raped by an acquaintance while walking from her house to another friends house. I think anyone who thinks they live in a place too safe for shit like that to happen is doing themselves a disservice. My kids will be allowed to go places by themselves but closely monitored. And even in a public place, I would not be ok with my 12 yr old riding on her bike with a boy I don't know.

I'd rather be overprotective than having something awful happen to my child.

There are shitty people out there. My dad has babysat them all my life. I grew up with strict parents, but they still trusted me to make decisions, even young. I made good grades, they knew the friends I had, and if I had wanted to go hang out with a new one, they prefers double dates, like I said in my first post. Its not about living in a safe place, it's about knowing my community. My parents knew someone everywhere. I found out later they used to get play by plays of places us kids would go. The couple times they didn't my dad would stealthily follow in his truck. I never knew that, of course, but it helped me grow up with a lot of confidence knowing my parents trusted me to make decisions. I fully plan on raising my girls the same. I refuse to be a shut in because there are fucked up people in the world, and I refuse to pass that on to my kids.

Rape is also said to be by someone you know a majority of the time right? How is your recent case comparable to the subject?

I hope this is read conversationally ( and not like, defensively or something) I think its a fairly interesting conversation

[kellbell191]

Jun 27, 2012 10:35:36 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Jun 27, 2012 10:22:30 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

I have a case with a 14 yr old who was raped by an acquaintance while walking from her house to another friends house. I think anyone who thinks they live in a place too safe for shit like that to happen is doing themselves a disservice. My kids will be allowed to go places by themselves but closely monitored. And even in a public place, I would not be ok with my 12 yr old riding on her bike with a boy I don't know.

I'd rather be overprotective than having something awful happen to my child.

There are shitty people out there. My dad has babysat them all my life. I grew up with strict parents, but they still trusted me to make decisions, even young. I made good grades, they knew the friends I had, and if I had wanted to go hang out with a new one, they prefers double dates, like I said in my first post. Its not about living in a safe place, it's about knowing my community. My parents knew someone everywhere. I found out later they used to get play by plays of places us kids would go. The couple times they didn't my dad would stealthily follow in his truck. I never knew that, of course, but it helped me grow up with a lot of confidence knowing my parents trusted me to make decisions. I fully plan on raising my girls the same. I refuse to be a shut in because there are fucked up people in the world, and I refuse to pass that on to my kids.

Rape is also said to be by someone you know a majority of the time right? How is your recent case comparable to the subject?

I hope this is read conversationally ( and not like, defensively or something) I think its a fairly interesting conversation

But just because you grew up safely in a small town where everyone knows everyone doesn't mean that everyone grows up safely in a small town where everyone knows everyone. My example is actually very relevant to your situation; we are a small town, everyone knows everyone, she knew this kid but wasn't hanging out with him that day, as she was walking by he stopped her and convinced her to go into the woods, then raped her.

Relevant to the OP because of the ages and because "just a mile" with a boy who is known isn't necessarily a safe scenario.

[Cayl]

Jun 27, 2012 10:25:40 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Jun 27, 2012 8:30:07 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

I grew up in about as bumpkin of a place you can get. I still live in bumpkin-ville. My mom is an 8th grade teacher at the only middle school, my year the "problem" students were kids that accidentally brought their hunting knife to school (since they went hunting that morning) and brought fire crackers to school.

This year they had 4 kids expelled for getting drunk at school, 5 kids expelled for dealing drugs at school, and one kid suspended for trying to sell knives out of his locker. She also had a 15 yo 8th grader that has been expelled 3 previous times from the 8th grade and will be repeating the 8th grade again next year.

I'm still in my 20's so it hasn't been that long. Things change. The world changes. If you don't believe that you might live under a rock.

Or I might just have a different view of the world. But either way, a few problem kids don't make up the whole world of kids. There have always been those kids, even when I was in school. Drugs, knives, alcohol, I feel those are more reflective of parenting than the kids themselves, it doesn't make them bad 12 year olds who are going to stab someone or steal my kid.
Anyway, like I said it won't matter, H would follow behind in his car before he let them go alone

I 100% agree that when young kids get involved with drugs and alcohol or show up at school with weapons it's the parent's fault (at least to some degree). But honestly when it comes to who my kids will and won't be allowed to spend time with - especially ALONE without direct supervision (as in just being in public doesn't cut it) - I don't really care why a kid is a "bad" kid. I can feel bad for the kid and still not let mine hang out with them unless they're at our house or being supervised by us. And even if in your area you could see a kid thinking it's "cool" to say that he brought a gun to school, a) I wouldn't want my kids hanging out with kids who think shit like that is cool and b) it could be a good lesson for that kid to realize that it ISN'T cool and that now he can't hang out with someone who he wants to because of that lie.

A few problem kids certainly doesn't mean that we should judge all of them. But when one gives us a reason to judge them I think as responsible parents we have to take that into consideration and not just laugh at something as serious as a gun in school and say "oh, kids will be kids!".

[Deleted]

Nope. Group dates until at least 15 just like when I was a kid. I was able to go in the car with one boy at 14. I ended up dating him for years and he basically taught me how to be naughty.

Mom should have not made an exception for him, lol.

[housegeek]

Jun 27, 2012 10:47:56 GMT -5 kellbell191 said:

Jun 27, 2012 10:35:36 GMT -5 housegeek said:

There are shitty people out there. My dad has babysat them all my life. I grew up with strict parents, but they still trusted me to make decisions, even young. I made good grades, they knew the friends I had, and if I had wanted to go hang out with a new one, they prefers double dates, like I said in my first post. Its not about living in a safe place, it's about knowing my community. My parents knew someone everywhere. I found out later they used to get play by plays of places us kids would go. The couple times they didn't my dad would stealthily follow in his truck. I never knew that, of course, but it helped me grow up with a lot of confidence knowing my parents trusted me to make decisions. I fully plan on raising my girls the same. I refuse to be a shut in because there are fucked up people in the world, and I refuse to pass that on to my kids.

Rape is also said to be by someone you know a majority of the time right? How is your recent case comparable to the subject?

I hope this is read conversationally ( and not like, defensively or something) I think its a fairly interesting conversation

But just because you grew up safely in a small town where everyone knows everyone doesn't mean that everyone grows up safely in a small town where everyone knows everyone. My example is actually very relevant to your situation; we are a small town, everyone knows everyone, she knew this kid but wasn't hanging out with him that day, as she was walking by he stopped her and convinced her to go into the woods, then raped her.

Relevant to the OP because of the ages and because "just a mile" with a boy who is known isn't necessarily a safe scenario.

You are absolutely right. I answered how I would in my hypothetical situation. Not how the OP should in hers. I could and might change my mind depending on how I feel in the community 7 years from now.

Out of curiosity was the rapist 13?

[quorra]

At 12? No. My daughter is almost 12 and I wouldn't let her do it.

She goes roller skating at the skating rink with her friends and I am the parent that sits at the concession stand - I don't want her there alone. And I will probably be that parent until she's 14.

And if the person she wants to hang with was expelled (with proof) for a gun, then hellll no.

[emjacobs]

Jun 27, 2012 10:25:40 GMT -5 housegeek said:

Jun 27, 2012 8:30:07 GMT -5 emjacobs said:

I grew up in about as bumpkin of a place you can get. I still live in bumpkin-ville. My mom is an 8th grade teacher at the only middle school, my year the "problem" students were kids that accidentally brought their hunting knife to school (since they went hunting that morning) and brought fire crackers to school.

This year they had 4 kids expelled for getting drunk at school, 5 kids expelled for dealing drugs at school, and one kid suspended for trying to sell knives out of his locker. She also had a 15 yo 8th grader that has been expelled 3 previous times from the 8th grade and will be repeating the 8th grade again next year.

I'm still in my 20's so it hasn't been that long. Things change. The world changes. If you don't believe that you might live under a rock.

Or I might just have a different view of the world. But either way, a few problem kids don't make up the whole world of kids. There have always been those kids, even when I was in school. Drugs, knives, alcohol, I feel those are more reflective of parenting than the kids themselves, it doesn't make them bad 12 year olds who are going to stab someone or steal my kid.
Anyway, like I said it won't matter, H would follow behind in his car before he let them go alone

Sorry perspective would have been better this is 10 kids that were severely punished out of a total class size of 100, 10% in my mind does not constitute "a few problem kids" imo. Yes I think that it is reflective on the parenting and in some cases things are a lot worse than they were when I was a kid. Why? The internet.

[emjacobs]

Also hypothetically here, if they went on their bikes to the pizza place alone with a "Be back at dark" rule, who is to say they actually went to get pizza? Who is to say they stayed at the pizza place the whole time?

I already feel bad for my unborn children with how many rules I have in my head. When will my daughter be allowed to date? I'm thinking 28 sounds like a nice age. After she has received her masters degree and is comfortably earning a steady income.

[lurkergirl123]

My kid is 14 and I'd still say no to this. The gun thing just screams "RUN AWAY!" to me.