I don't even know WTF this is

[Alyssa]

"I'm making an evening gown for the one on the right because right now it's too much of a sausage party and no one wants mouse sausage."


Conversation between me and Victor:

me: Hey, just FYI? I just bought myself a celebration mouse instead of steak.

Victor: I already regret asking for clarification.

me: Well, I got a good review in Oprah’s magazine so I thought I deserved a steak dinner to celebrate, but I don’t really like steak so instead I thought to myself “Well what do you like?” and I realized that I like ethically taxidermied Victorian mice dressed in people clothes.

Victor: You just realized that?

me: Well “remembered” is probably more accurate. But here’s the deal, they were CRAZY CHEAP.

Victor: “They”?

me: I may have bought five.

Victor: Motherfucker. THIS IS WHY YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED ON THE INTERNET.

me: Yes, but they were practically buy one, get four free because they were only $150 for the whole set. That’s like $8 bucks each.

Victor: Using what kind of fucked up Algebra?

me: 8 bucks a leg.

Victor: That’s not how math works.

me: It does with mice, plus they’re fancy mice.

Victor: Why? Because they’re white?

me: No, racist.

Victor: Dude. At the pet store all the “fancy mice” are white. Don’t blame me.

me: Fine, Victor. I’ll just blame the system. But no, they’re fancy because they’re all in black tie. AND THEY’RE IN AN ORCHESTRA.

Victor: Hang on. These mice are 150 pounds.

me: No fucking way. They’re MICE. They’re like 3 pounds COMBINED.

Victor: No, I mean the price is in British pounds. AND THIS IS WHY YOU AREN’T ALLOWED TO BUY CELEBRATION MICE ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT SUPERVISION.

me: You know what? You are ruining the whimsical celebration of these dead mice. Plus, I don’t understand the pound conversion. Is it 150 pounds of American cash? Because if I pay in wheelbarrows of pennies those Brits are screwed.

Victor: Please stop buying dead animals without asking me first.

me: You should have put that in our wedding vows.

Victor: You should stop buying dead mice playing instruments.

me: You should start making tiny coats and tails for these dead mice. Also, I need 150 pounds of money. I’m raiding your change drawer.

Victor: I don’t even feel safe in my own house anymore.

thebloggess.com/2012/04/mice/

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SHFNUUUUHHH

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I NEED THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

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Wut. 

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Dec 10, 2013 15:19:13 GMT -5 @gabasaurus said:

Dec 10, 2013 15:11:16 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

Where did they get the googly eyes? At the dollar store?

Hahaha. Probably. I mean...it's not exactly professional. Lol. 

[sharknado]

I can not believe there were more pictures to add! This thread wins the internet.

[cuddlyevil]

I lost it at the googly eyes.

I CAN'T STOP GIGGLESNORTING! IT'S ALL FUCKSTICKS FAULT!

[bluetopaz]

OMG. Thank you, thank you, thank you for bringing this post back.

[ooglie26]

RAWR

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[iamgrace]

Omg I'm trying to get the baby back to sleep but I keep laughing. Poor animals.

[mrsukyankee]

[hisno1girl]

Dec 6, 2013 16:19:01 GMT -5 polka said:

His little chanclas (sandals) are killing me!

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[Deleted]

I feel it is apropos to drag this back out today.

[Stingyshark]

Dec 6, 2013 17:03:28 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

Pew pew

Rofl. Oh man. That one brought the tears.