1. The Workaholic The Workaholic They corner you at children’s parties and tell you all about their latest business venture, that is when they’re not scrolling through work emails on their phone.
2. The Wine Lover They bring wine to play dates and even drink it out of sippy cups. You’re a bit worried about them.
3. The Hipster They dress their kid in skinny jeans, oversized glasses, and a Sex Pistols’ T-shirt even though the kid has never heard a note of their music.
4. The Parenting Expert They ask you how you feed/potty train/discipline your kid, then explain at length why what you’re doing is totally wrong.
5. The Social Media Addict They can’t let a minute go by without posting a selfie with their kid to Facebook, tweeting a “funny” kid quote, or instagramming a video at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Those with the biggest problem even post stuff on Google+.
6. The Overwhelmed They talk about showers the way most people do vacations.
7. The Maniac They rough-house with their kids everywhere they go including Sunday church services.
8. The Baker They can’t attend an event of any kind without bringing dozens of homemade goodies.
9. The Certifiably Insane They scare you, and unfortunately their kid is best friends with yours.
10. The Recliner They somehow manage to raise their children without ever getting up from their La-Z-Boy.
11. The Prematurely Old They’ve cut their hair, wear waist high jeans, and can’t wait to tell you all about the interesting things they learned on NPR this morning.
12. The Oblivious They never notice when their kid is about to fall off a ledge or needs a booger wiped off their face.
13. The General They treat their kids like they’re in the military, and expect full compliance to their rules. Their kids are scared of them and so are you.
14. The Health Nut They’ve somehow convinced their kids to love tomato wedges, and totally judge you for giving yours Doritos even if they’re too polite to say so.
15. The Big Kid They feed their Peter Pan complex by spending hours climbing the jungle gym, watching cartoons, and playing tag with their kids.
16. The Helicopter They spend all day within arms reach of their kid in case they fall down, pick up something dirty, or need a hug.
17. The Free Ranger They rarely have any idea where their kids are and like to say, “They’ll be home when they’re home.”
18. The Effortlessly Cool The Effortlessly Cool They make parenting seem totally awesome instead of a series of dirty diapers, tantrums, and PTA meetings.
19. The Try Hards They’re desperate to show that they’re still every bit as cool as they were before kids, but they’re not very convincing.
20. The Creeper They view every school event, trip to the park, and Little League game as an opportunity to pick up on the opposite sex, ring or no ring.
21. The Braggart They want to tell you all about how their youngest just skipped a grade and their oldest is being scouted by UCLA.
And did you hear about their daughter, the singer? And then there’s you…
Who is totally nailing this parenting thing, of course.
Post by onomatopoeia on Dec 15, 2013 16:47:52 GMT -5
lol. Maybe Oblivious? Not that I don't notice, I just can't keep up with the boogers. And well, if they fall off a ledge once they'll learn their lesson and won't go near the ledge again, right?
I'd like to think I'm effortlessly cool. And I know people who fit into every category, one guy especially who is a creeper, a maniac, certifiably insane, a braggart and a general all rolled up into one. Of course, DS just looooves his kid.
Well, I've had numerous people tell me they cannot believe L is my first because I am so calm. I'd actually agree with this. I don't really stress about baby stuff.
So effortlessly cool but I also post pictures of my kid on FB nearly everyday so social media addict too.
I'm not a parent yet, but I can imagine I will be the prematurely old (but without the high-waisted jeans), the health nut, and a bit of the general (though I really hope my kids aren't actually scared of me).
Obviously, me saying this means I am going to be the overwhelmed and probably the certifiably insane.