Moms: Daycare Choices

[2vermont]

Hi Moms,

I am privy to some information that I think, if I were a Mom, I would want to know. Please let me know what you would think/would want to know/would do as a result of knowing this information.

You have decided to send your child to another's home for daycare this summer. I happen to know that the husband drinks, has a temper, and can be violent (or at least this is what I have heard through the wife). Even though chances are this man will not be in the house with your child during the day, he will probably be there in the morning before leaving for work and I suspect that there is always a chance that he could stay home at times when the mother is still at work and the babysitter is still there. Even f the mother was home too, this could be a problem.

Would you want to know this information ....or is the chance for problems so remote that you'd still be okay with your child going to this home?

Thanks!

And I may DD this.

[Deleted]

Since you heard it directly from the wife, yes, I'd want to know. I'd probably want to know either way but since you have it on good authority, definately disclose what you know to the mother. I'd probably shy away from every gory detail and say something like, "I think X is a good person but given what she's told me about her husband in confidence, I don't think you'd be comfortable leaving your child in that situation."

[One Girl In All The World]

I would DEFINITELY want to know

[h]

Would I want to know that my child is being cared for in the home of a man whose own wife characterized him as violent? Yes.

[GailGoldie]

uh- yeah- of course i'd want to know.
but this is yet another reason i don't trust in-home daycares... b/c often you would NOT know.

[2vermont]

Yeah, I know. It seems so obvious to me too.

[cookiemdough]

I would want to know definitely.

[curmudgeon]

I would certainly want to know. All the details are not necessary, but just that you were told in confidence that he does have alcoholic/violent tendencies. While I would want to know, that would not necessarily change my decision to send my kid there, given the limited timeframe and unlikelihood of husband being around. Since the wife did tell you this in confidence I would not use it to deliberately impact her income, but the mom does need to know so she can make a fully-informed decision.

[JLN]

I'd be pretty upset if that info was withheld from me.

[twotrue]

Ditto. You should pass along the info.

[meg]

Of course I would want to know... but this is reason number 85,849 why I am not comfortable with home daycares.

If you do say something I would try to be non-specific as it isn't fair to betray a confidence either.

[Irish]

Considering my neighbor, who had a history of anger issues and alcoholism, just shot and killed his wife in the front lawn the other day, yeah, I'd sure as hell want to know. Thank god their grand kids were not there.

[myst]

I'd want to know. It seems crazy to me that someone with a spouse like that would have an in-home day care. I mean, I get it...I'm sure she feels that it won't impact the kids...but from the outside, I just can't imagine any mom being comfortable if she knew, and it disturbs me to think of a provider hiding something like that.

[pixy0stix]

Yes.

[pig's eye]

Absolutely.

[pamela]

Absolutely. I wouldn't go broadcasting it, but if you have a friend/family member considering this place, they definitely should know.

[curmudgeon]

May 10, 2012 20:10:56 GMT -5 myst said:

I'd want to know. It seems crazy to me that someone with a spouse like that would have an in-home day care. I mean, I get it...I'm sure she feels that it won't impact the kids...but from the outside, I just can't imagine any mom being comfortable if she knew, and it disturbs me to think of a provider hiding something like that.

IDK, my uncle is a lying pieceoshit sexual molester (for some unknown reason my aunt didn't divorce him) but I would let my cousin babysit, with very specific stipulations, which is why it is important for the mom to know, but not necessarily not use the wife as a provider. BTW, the wife should absolutely leave his ass, but that was not the question.

[Deleted]

Yes.

[laurenpetro]

2v, after what my friends went through unwound absolutely tell people about this. Information is always a good thing. Always.

[KB]

I would absolutely want to know. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't.

[2vermont]

May 10, 2012 20:10:56 GMT -5 myst said:

I'd want to know. It seems crazy to me that someone with a spouse like that would have an in-home day care. I mean, I get it...I'm sure she feels that it won't impact the kids...but from the outside, I just can't imagine any mom being comfortable if she knew, and it disturbs me to think of a provider hiding something like that.

To be clear(not that this should change your feelings), she is not providing for the kids (it's a babysitter...mom works outside the home too) and it's actually just her kids and the one other child.

[2vermont]

May 10, 2012 21:39:47 GMT -5 asdfjkl said:

I would want to know. I mean, really, really, really, I would want to know.

Just wanted to let you know that I replied to your post in the User names thread.

[lyssbobiss, Command, B613]

I would say absolutely. Actually, I'm curious, is there a reason you are hesitant at all to share this info? Are you afraid of losing a friend or starting some problems or something?

[lishie]

I'd want the information, and use it to decide for myself whether or not I still wanted to send my child there. As long as I wasn't told in a way that implied "you're a moron for deciding to send your child there" I wouldn't shoot the messenger.