We haven't told that many people about my pregnancy yet, but I've gotten two questions repeatedly that I think are super weird.
1. "Were you trying?" Both my mom and my MIL asked me this. Why would I want to discuss my birth control habits with you??
2. "Do you want a boy or a girl?" Let's see...my mom's friend, and two people at my dentist's office have asked this. I guess it's a common question, but WHY? Am I supposed to have a preference? I don't...
I've also been asked if it was planned--really? Seriously? Are you really asking me this? Holy none of your f-ing business! It's been people I'm not close to that have asked that and I just can't believe the nerve!
I am always asked about if I want a boy or girl. I always reply I just want a HEALTHY, FULL TERM baby. And yes, the "Were you trying?" question is so odd. Yes, I know how birth control works. Is that what they want to hear? My SIL was the weirdest about this because I guess she expected me to talk to her about it before we started trying? I don't know why, we aren't that close.
My in-laws, who we told at 13w with everyone else, asked if I was getting prenatal care... They knew we'd been trying a really long time and they knew we're a same-sex couple so obviously using fertility treatment.... but then we stopped going to the doctor after we got pregnant???
My grandma was the best response though - she pretty much asked a dumbfounded "how?" Discussing donor sperm with your 89 year old grandmother is a funny thing.
We've only told my family and I did get asked if it was planned, but I kind of expected it since we've been together a long time and aren't married. I know I'll get tired of hearing it once everyone knows though.
Post by timorousbeastie on Jan 11, 2014 21:09:30 GMT -5
We waited a while before trying, so I've gotten: "You must have been trying for a while, right?", "Oh, I thought you were infertile," and, my personal favorite, "But don't you hate kids?" Apparently not ccnceiving on your honeymoon means you have serious issues in one way or another.
I also had several people ask if I was going to quit work while pregnant, because as a scientist, that's clearly not work I should do while pregnant.
Post by catsarecute on Jan 11, 2014 21:29:55 GMT -5
It honestly surprises me that people get asked if it was planned. I've never heard of anyone getting asked that!!! I haven't had any weird questions but I get the standard 3 in a row: When are you due? What are you having? Do you have a name? I might make a shirt to wear for the next 3 months.
Count me in as another one who gets asked if we were trying. Do you want to discuss my sex life? Really?
My personal favorite - "Were you pregnant at your wedding?!?!" 1. Try some basic math on your own. 2. Even if I was, who the fuck cares? It's 2014, the morality police have been disbanded.
Oh, and, "What are you going to do with your dogs?" Uhhh, feed them, walk them, love them. They are members of our family genius.
Oh I just remembered another one--my MIL asked me if I was still going to be wearing makeup now that I'm pregnant. WHAT? Umm yes? The she said "well I was just wondering because now everything you put on your body gets to the baby..." Thank you, I have an immune system.
We keep hearing these two over and over and over again. Along with...Are you considering the name XXX? My family has gotten so repetitive on the names that I finally starting telling them that we are naming the baby Pomegranate Martini for a girl and Armageddon Xanadu for a boy.
Oh, and, "What are you going to do with your dogs?" Uhhh, feed them, walk them, love them. They are members of our family genius.
That's annoying!
And also reminds me.... one of my number one questions has been "are you moving?" Because we live in an apartment near NYC. And obviously when you become pregnant (especially with twins) you abandon your jobs and entire lives and move back to the Midwest so you can have a house in the suburbs (and probably no jobs???)
I can't get too mad because we've discussed job hunting and moving post-babies, but I think it's a funny thing for people to jump to.
"Are you going to keep working after the baby comes?"
Um, I'm the sole breadwinner right now (until H finishes up his masters, then I'll still probably be the primary breadwinner for a while). Why on earth would I quit my job, with amazing benefits, that I LOVE???
"DID you want a boy?"
No, I wanted a unicorn that shits snickers bars, but I guess a boy is okay...
This wasn't so much a question but a weird statement. We decided shortly after I got pg that we'd move back to Michigan where I'm from since my family is way more supportive than H's and it was best for us there. We told our IL's that I was pregnant and that we were moving at the same time and my MIL's first reaction (after the silence and continued chewing of her food) was along the lines of "Oh, I was wondering when you'd force H to move back closer to your family. The wives always get to be around their family no matter where the husband's family is." ^o)
Uh. No. H and I made this decision ourselves. There was no forcing going on lady.
Post by winemaker06 on Jan 12, 2014 1:03:54 GMT -5
It evolves to new questions later on - 'How are you feeling?' and 'is he kicking?' and 'How are you sleeping?' People just don't know what else to say, I guess?
The 'was it an accident' questions really weirded me out though. Especially from coworkers.
"Are you going to keep working after the baby comes?"
Um, I'm the sole breadwinner right now (until H finishes up his masters, then I'll still probably be the primary breadwinner for a while). Why on earth would I quit my job, with amazing benefits, that I LOVE???
"DID you want a boy?"
No, I wanted a unicorn that shits snickers bars, but I guess a boy is okay...
I'm the sole breadwinner, too, while H finishes up his PhD (should hopefully submit just before the baby comes). No one knows yet, aside from our parents and very close friends, but I'll prepare myself for this ridiculous question.
This wasn't so much a question but a weird statement. We decided shortly after I got pg that we'd move back to Michigan where I'm from since my family is way more supportive than H's and it was best for us there. We told our IL's that I was pregnant and that we were moving at the same time and my MIL's first reaction (after the silence and continued chewing of her food) was along the lines of "Oh, I was wondering when you'd force H to move back closer to your family. The wives always get to be around their family no matter where the husband's family is."
Uh. No. H and I made this decision ourselves. There was no forcing going on lady.
What a weirdo. :-#
Anecdotally, both my parents and H/I live near the H's family and hundreds of miles from the W's family.
It evolves to new questions later on - 'How are you feeling?' and 'is he kicking?' and 'How are you sleeping?' People just don't know what else to say, I guess?
I've gotten lots of "how are you feeling?" It doesn't bother me; I think it's thoughtful.
Post by chickadee77 on Jan 12, 2014 8:58:26 GMT -5
We got a few, "Was it planned?" the first time around, I guess because we're older and have been married awhile. But still, STFU. Also, not a lot of people know yet, but a couple of the ones that do, upon finding out it's a girl, have said in a sympathetic tone, "Well, maybe H will get his boy next time. I'm sure that's what he really wanted." Um, actually, after what we've been through, we'll take healthy and happy, TYVM.
Oh, and a couple of acquaintences (some that didn't know about our losses, but some that DID, wtf), have said things along the lines of, "Well, it's about time. We were wondering if you were ever going to have kids." Huh? Like, you sit around your dinner table and discuss our family planning? How very odd.
I hate these questions and I feel like people are so totally clueless. A few of my close friends asked if it was planned and I said "no, actually, I slipped and fell on my H." Now that I'm having a second and he is a boy too I get a lot of pity comments, LOL! I always say that gender doesn't determine what your child likes or how their personality will be. I could have boys who love dolls and the color pink or girls who love trucks and blue. I've realized with my first that they have their own tastes and gender absolutely does not define my child. He tries to nurse his Wiggles doll while racing trucks around the living room. I will happily be a mom of boys only... no pity necessary!
Also, not a lot of people know yet, but a couple of the ones that do, upon finding out it's a girl, have said in a sympathetic tone, "Well, maybe H will get his boy next time. I'm sure that's what he really wanted."
OMG. I will DIE if we have two of the same sex and get this shit. No, I'm not going to pop out six kids so H can get "his boy."
Also, not a lot of people know yet, but a couple of the ones that do, upon finding out it's a girl, have said in a sympathetic tone, "Well, maybe H will get his boy next time. I'm sure that's what he really wanted."
OMG. I will DIE if we have two of the same sex and get this shit. No, I'm not going to pop out six kids so H can get "his boy."
Lol. Funnily enough, while a boy would certainly be fun, I think H kind of secretly was hoping for a girl - after all, you can do the same stuff with a girl that you can with a boy, right (and vice versa, of course) - and let's not forget the father-daughter bond. But, again, after losing two, we're just ecstatic to be having a healthy baby, period!
Post by hokiegirl82 on Jan 12, 2014 9:43:41 GMT -5
From a coworker who I'm not very close with I've gotten "were you trying or was it unplanned" and "how preggers are you?" I HATE the word preggers - it grates on my nerves for some reason.
We've been married for 7.5 years, so I expect lots of inappropriate comments when we tell my extended family. :-#
Yes, brace yourselves. We've been married 6.5 years and the amount of crazy comments from extended family has been.... Interesting. Some assume we had problems (no), some ask if it was an accident (no), and if we're happy about it (yes). It's boggled my mind the amount of inappropriate questions ppl ask.
My sister got married in September. I was on my period at the time but got pregnant about 2 weeks later. Everyone thinks I was pregnant at the wedding and I've had to bite my tongue with family I'm less close with on setting them straight. Apparently I was "glowing". In actuality, I had professional hair and makeup and a nice dress. But everyone comments that they "just knew" I was pg then.