Barney Frank got married

[Deleted]

I'll admit that I find the 30-year age gap a bit weird, but I hope they're happy. And the vows are cracking me up.

Barney Frank Weds Jim Ready

IT was perhaps fitting that Representative Barney Frank met his future husband, Jim Ready, at a political fund-raiser in 2005.

“I told him I had a crush on him for 20 years,” said Mr. Ready, recalling that as a teenager he was inspired by Mr. Frank’s public declaration that he was gay.

And what did Mr. Frank make of that? “That I’m being rewarded for coming to this fund-raiser,” he said with a laugh.

Mr. Frank, 72, and Mr. Ready, 42, were married in Newton, Mass., part of Mr. Frank’s district, on Saturday in a low-key ceremony on the banks of the Charles River. Gov. Deval L. Patrick of Massachusetts officiated. The guests included Representative Nancy Pelosi, the House minority leader, as well as Senator John Kerry and Representatives Dennis J. Kucinich and Steny H. Hoyer.

Mr. Frank, Democrat of Massachusetts, became, in 1987, the first sitting member of Congress to volunteer that he was gay. He is now the first to be married to a partner of the same sex. Both bridegrooms said they recognized the historical significance of the ceremony, which lasted less than five minutes. Gov. Patrick told the guests that Mr. Frank had requested that the service “be short and to the point.”

And in vows written by the couple, Mr. Frank and Mr. Ready pledged to love each other “on MSNBC or on Fox” and “in Congress or in retirement,” a reference to Mr. Frank’s decision not to seek another term.

It was yet another signal moment for Mr. Frank, born into a blue-collar family in Bayonne, N.J., whose debating skills and legislative prowess made him one of the most powerful lawmakers in Washington. He maintained that stature despite a 1989 scandal that threatened to derail his career when an ex-boyfriend’s activities led to an 11-month ethics investigation.

In October 2005, Mr. Ready — a carpenter and welder who specializes in awnings and runs a small shop, Jim of Most Trades, in Ogunquit, Me. — had been dragged to a local fund-raiser by his longtime partner, Robert Palmer, who knew Mr. Frank from his days as an adviser to former Gov. Michael S. Dukakis.

At the time, Mr. Ready was acting as a full-time caretaker: Mr. Palmer had been struggling with serious illness, and both men knew that he was dying.

The meeting that night was not entirely coincidental. Mr. Palmer “wanted someone to be there for me,” Mr. Ready said. “He was looking for somebody to look out for me when he was gone.” After meeting Mr. Frank, he recalled his partner saying: “He could take care of you.”

The congressman, for his part, was deeply affected by Mr. Ready’s devotion.

“I had never really seen that up close between two guys before,” Mr. Frank said. “I was envious in some ways of what Bob and he had.” He remembered thinking, “I could have the same wonderful relationship with this great man.”

The two struck up a friendship, but Mr. Ready felt guilty spending more than a few hours away from his partner. Mr. Palmer died in January 2007.

“I called, and he was distraught,” Mr. Frank said. He flew to Maine to console Mr. Ready.

Their dinners turned into dates. “I was really just drawn to him,” Mr. Ready said. “It was platonic, but I didn’t want it to be.”

Still, it soon became clear that dating a congressman was not like dating other men. Mr. Frank had just been appointed chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, where he played a central role in creating legislation to increase transparency in financial markets.

Weekends in Maine turned into Washington sleepovers, with Mr. Ready eating takeout outside a conference room as Mr. Frank hammered out a bank bailout with figures like Henry Paulson Jr., then the Treasury secretary.

“Hank Paulson would call on a Friday afternoon and say, ‘Well, such-and-such a bank is failing,’ “ said Mr. Frank, recalling broken dates. At one point, Mr. Ready confronted his boyfriend: “I was like, ‘You know what? You spend more time with flight attendants than you do with me.’ “

But for Mr. Frank, who described his husband as a “natural caregiver,” Mr. Ready was a supportive and calming presence in a trying time. In past relationships, Mr. Frank had enjoyed carving out time for himself; with Mr. Ready, the reverse was true. “It immediately made me feel very unhappy” to contemplate spending time without him, Mr. Frank said.

Lawmakers on Capitol Hill said they began to see changes in their usually cantankerous colleague. “I should’ve known you were here,” said one leading House Republican after bumping into Mr. Ready in a hallway. “Barney was nice to me today.”

Mr. Ready, who surfs and skis, can be blunt with his partner, nagging Mr. Frank about taking better care of himself. On days they are apart, they watch sitcoms together while talking on the phone.

They had long discussions about marriage; Mr. Frank wanted to be married while still serving in Washington. Mr. Ready was worried about the public scrutiny. But he remembered how he felt in high school in Tewksbury, Mass., when Mr. Frank came out publicly.

“The kids that are going to see us, and feel strong enough to be able to come out and be who they are. That gives me more encouragement that I’m doing the right thing,” he said.

Their wedding bands were made of black diamonds set in tungsten, a metal used in welding. Mr. Ready picked the material. “It helps keep me grounded, after going to lunch with the president,” he said.

The wedding took place at a no-frills Marriott hotel in Newton. (Mr. Frank said he chose the location for ease of access.) The bridegrooms planned to wear tuxedos by Joseph Abboud, which Mr. Frank noted is a union shop.

Ms. Pelosi said at the reception on Saturday that it was appropriate that a landmark same-sex wedding take place around the Fourth of July. “It’s about expanding freedom,” she said. “This opportunity was a long time coming.”

[Deleted]

Will Mr. Ready be banned from federal benefits under DOMA?

[Deleted]

Remind me about gay math again. Something about it being okay as long as he's half your age plus five? hmmm

[bqbride]

I'm so grossed out by anyone having a crush on Barney Frank for 20 years.

Barney fucking Frank, people!!!!!

[llama]

Jul 8, 2012 11:43:51 GMT -5 @septimus said:

Will Mr. Ready be banned from federal benefits under DOMA?

Yes.

[IIOY]

Well, if this was a hetero couple, I'd be skeeved by the age difference, so yeah.

[ESF]

My favorite part of the article is the choice of the word "volunteer" in this sentence:

Mr. Frank, Democrat of Massachusetts, became, in 1987, the first sitting member of Congress to volunteer that he was gay.

[decemberwedding07]

Jul 8, 2012 13:15:58 GMT -5 @bqbride said:

I'm so grossed out by anyone having a crush on Barney Frank for 20 years.

Barney fucking Frank, people!!!!!

LOL. I thought the same thing.

[Deleted]

Katie Holmes had a crush on Tom Cruise as a teenager and look how that turned out

[dylanite]

Good for Barney. A cougar in his own right.

[princesscal]

He's gross

[charminglife]

The only thing that bothers me is that the NYT spelled Dennis Kucinich's name wrong when they first posted the article. C'mon - proofread!

[dylanite]

Jul 8, 2012 15:26:17 GMT -5 princesscal said:

He's gross

I have a feeling I'd feel exactly the same about you. Wait nevermind, I already do.

[ringstrue]

No I'm giving it the side eye. Anyone who looks for

[ringstrue]

Fuk I hate this ap.

Any 40 year old who is looking at 70 year olds for someone to "take care of them" has issues. But they have been together for a while, yes? So whatevs.

[msmerymac]

If you're over 35ish, I'm not squicked out by you dating/marrying someone with a large age difference. 50, 60, 70. The 42 and 72 don't really bother me. I'm more bothered by, say, 18 and 35.

[emmybean]

Are you people kidding me? The only thing more ridiculous than judging an age difference like this is pre-defensively claiming you'd do it if they were straight too.

Fucking gross.

[llama]

I agree. There are so many reasons to judge Barney Frank... why choose the freaking age difference of all things? They are both WELL into being full-grown adults and are capable of making their own choices.

I'm not exactly in love with the man, but I'm glad they are finally getting married and even more glad they have the legal right to.

[stephiehun]

Jul 8, 2012 17:43:46 GMT -5 ringstrue said:

Fuk I hate this ap.

Any 40 year old who is looking at 70 year olds for someone to "take care of them" has issues. But they have been together for a while, yes? So whatevs.

Read the article again, because I think you missed the context. His dying partner said that.

[jillboston]

I'm generally squicked out by power imbalances in romantic relationships. But I've learned to try to mellow on these things. Good for Barney and for the Commonwealth for making his marriage as legitimate as mine.

[dev22]

Jul 8, 2012 17:47:56 GMT -5 msmerymac said:

If you're over 35ish, I'm not squicked out by you dating/marrying someone with a large age difference. 50, 60, 70. The 42 and 72 don't really bother me. I'm more bothered by, say, 18 and 35.

Yup.

[laurenpetro]

Jul 8, 2012 20:48:46 GMT -5 jillboston said:

I'm generally squicked out by power imbalances in romantic relationships. But I've learned to try to mellow on these things. Good for Barney and for the Commonwealth for making his marriage as legitimate as mine.

isn't power imbalance pretty common? DH and i aren't completely equal in every way. he can't cook for shit and i can't fix a computer. so what?

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2012 20:38:53 GMT -5 emmybean said:

Are you people kidding me? The only thing more ridiculous than judging an age difference like this is pre-defensively claiming you'd do it if they were straight too.

Fucking gross.

I'm not sure what makes you think I wouldn't do it if they were straight.

I'm pretty sure I spent quite a bit of time bitching about how jacked up it was that Tom Cruise picked himself a nice, young, naive little Robobride to play Offred to his silly little church messiah.

[emmybean]

Jul 8, 2012 21:59:00 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Jul 8, 2012 20:38:53 GMT -5 emmybean said:

Are you people kidding me? The only thing more ridiculous than judging an age difference like this is pre-defensively claiming you'd do it if they were straight too.

Fucking gross.

I'm not sure what makes you think I wouldn't do it if they were straight.

I'm pretty sure I spent quite a bit of time bitching about how jacked up it was that Tom Cruise picked himself a nice, young, naive little Robobride to play Offred to his silly little church messiah.

You have got to be kidding me.

How about you stop for a second, re-read what I wrote, then erase the bullshit celeb/cult gossip. It is completely irrelevant to my point.....

....But at the same time so beautifully makes it.

[msmerymac]

Jul 8, 2012 20:48:46 GMT -5 jillboston said:

I'm generally squicked out by power imbalances in romantic relationships. But I've learned to try to mellow on these things. Good for Barney and for the Commonwealth for making his marriage as legitimate as mine.

Right, but my thoughts are that a 40 year in a relationship with someone much older isn't in a relationship with a power imbalance. How on earth would someone much older prey on someone middle-aged, who likely has assets and an established career? Of course, you can make the argument that Barney Frank has a lot of power due to his position and reputation, but that doesn't have anything to do with age. Unless you're saying that the imbalance is the other way and the 42 year old has power over the 72 year old, due to the fact that he's past his prime. But this is Barney Frank we're talking about, so I doubt that.

[Deleted]

Jul 8, 2012 22:18:11 GMT -5 emmybean said:

You have got to be kidding me.

How about you stop for a second, re-read what I wrote, then erase the bullshit celeb/cult gossip. It is completely irrelevant to my point.....

....But at the same time so beautifully makes it.

How about you actual contribute to the conversation instead of merely showing up for the sole purpose of scolding everyone.

Oh look, it's a day that ends in Y and Emmy has appeared to tsk tsk at us.

[Deleted]

Well, this thread took a turn for the interesting.

[emmybean]

Jul 9, 2012 1:23:06 GMT -5 @habbsies said:

Jul 8, 2012 22:18:11 GMT -5 emmybean said:

You have got to be kidding me.

How about you stop for a second, re-read what I wrote, then erase the bullshit celeb/cult gossip. It is completely irrelevant to my point.....

....But at the same time so beautifully makes it.

How about you actual contribute to the conversation instead of merely showing up for the sole purpose of scolding everyone.

Oh look, it's a day that ends in Y and Emmy has appeared to tsk tsk at us.

Lol yes HaB, please, tell ME what I should be posting on an Internet message board. If I tell everyone what a douche John Mayer is again, opine meaningfully on what a cult Scientology is and threaten to shank someone "acting a fool" it will be enough for you to call off the posse you so obviously feel you need to back up the disproportionate reaction you and you alone voiced to my valid fucking critique of the bullshit tossed around this thread?

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2012 7:41:05 GMT -5 @angryharpy said:

Well, this thread took a turn for the interesting.

Totally not a bad thing.

[dylanite]

For whatever this thread may or may not turn into, I hope people step aside and butt the fuck out of business that isn't theirs.