WOW! I am so lucky that I have an awesome MIL who knows her boundries and is extremely helpful and generous with her time. These stories make me appreciate her even more. Sorry Sue that you have to deal with this.
Ugh, your story hits close to home. I wonder if her plan is to start a shit show with you and your H so she will have him back. I give you all the awards for allowing her to stay around you and your boys. My MIL is CO, I'm just not made of stronger stuff.
I thought it couldn't get any worse than the TV tray table thing.
I could go on all day, Moe. The shit she's pulled would astound you. It helps me to know that she does this to EVERYone, not just me; it's not personal, oddly enough. She is a bullet maker. She stirs up fights, and runs back and forth between the people hannding out ammunition. She would love for dh and I to be fighting over this again.
The fact that you haven't completely written her off, and "allow"* your husband and sons to visit her demonstrates more grace that I can ever fathom to possess.
*I honestly think that I'm petty enough to say that if your shit ever happened to me, I'd pull the "It's me or her" shit with my husband, and would deny visitation. Again, I'm petty and not proud of it. But mostly it is meant to highlight that you're way more tolerant than I am. CHRIST, I'm still vilely irate for you.
@cse1960 I hope it's o.k. - I found your telling of the story:
"Ok, the kids were maybe 9 and 11, maybe 10 and 12. We went to MIL's for Xmas dinner.
She has never, ever liked me.
Dh was sure she liked me, she just didn't know how to show it .
So we were all sitting around the living room, having opened our Xmas gifts. There were about 14 people there, all dh's relatives. MIL comes in and announces it's dinner time, and we all start to get up and go in to the dining room, where she had two tables set formally, china/silver/crystal etc, for us to sit around. She says no, no! Let me call you in one by one.
Which she did. Everyone came in, one at a time, as she called them in, and filled their plates in the kitchen where she'd set up a little buffet, and then she pointed out where everyone was to sit. She called me in last, out of 14 people; she'd even filled her own plate. She and her spouse, and my dh, and my two boys were at a table, and the others were all around another table, and I fllled my plate and came in to sit down.
There was no place for me. I stood there looking for a minute, kind of nonplussed, and MIL pipes up "Your place is in the hall". I looked at her, and she smiled, and said 'you sit in the hall'. I took a couple of steps and looked into the hall and there, a few feet down the hallway, well away from the door, was a formally set metal tray table. Silverware, crystal, etc. For me, alone. Nobody said a word, they were all just chewing their food and passing stuff etc.
I got pretty mad pretty fast, but could not think of a single thing to say. So I was standing there holding my food, looking at dh, and looking at MIL, and dh, and MIL, and then ds2 pipes up HEY I WANT A LITTLE TABLE TOO! and got up and grabbed his plate and I looked at MIL and asked her for another tray table. Ds1 realizes that ds2 is going to get to eat in the hall, so HE wants a tray table, and dh realizes omg my mom just put my wife in the hall and HE gets up and HE wants a tray table, so FIL gets three more tray tables and dh, ds1 and ds2 and I all eat in the hall."
@cse1960 I hope it's o.k. - I found your telling of the story:
"Ok, the kids were maybe 9 and 11, maybe 10 and 12. We went to MIL's for Xmas dinner.
She has never, ever liked me.
Dh was sure she liked me, she just didn't know how to show it .
So we were all sitting around the living room, having opened our Xmas gifts. There were about 14 people there, all dh's relatives. MIL comes in and announces it's dinner time, and we all start to get up and go in to the dining room, where she had two tables set formally, china/silver/crystal etc, for us to sit around. She says no, no! Let me call you in one by one.
Which she did. Everyone came in, one at a time, as she called them in, and filled their plates in the kitchen where she'd set up a little buffet, and then she pointed out where everyone was to sit. She called me in last, out of 14 people; she'd even filled her own plate. She and her spouse, and my dh, and my two boys were at a table, and the others were all around another table, and I fllled my plate and came in to sit down.
There was no place for me. I stood there looking for a minute, kind of nonplussed, and MIL pipes up "Your place is in the hall". I looked at her, and she smiled, and said 'you sit in the hall'. I took a couple of steps and looked into the hall and there, a few feet down the hallway, well away from the door, was a formally set metal tray table. Silverware, crystal, etc. For me, alone. Nobody said a word, they were all just chewing their food and passing stuff etc.
I got pretty mad pretty fast, but could not think of a single thing to say. So I was standing there holding my food, looking at dh, and looking at MIL, and dh, and MIL, and then ds2 pipes up HEY I WANT A LITTLE TABLE TOO! and got up and grabbed his plate and I looked at MIL and asked her for another tray table. Ds1 realizes that ds2 is going to get to eat in the hall, so HE wants a tray table, and dh realizes omg my mom just put my wife in the hall and HE gets up and HE wants a tray table, so FIL gets three more tray tables and dh, ds1 and ds2 and I all eat in the hall."
I could go on all day, Moe. The shit she's pulled would astound you. It helps me to know that she does this to EVERYone, not just me; it's not personal, oddly enough. She is a bullet maker. She stirs up fights, and runs back and forth between the people hannding out ammunition. She would love for dh and I to be fighting over this again.
The fact that you haven't completely written her off, and "allow"* your husband and sons to visit her demonstrates more grace that I can ever fathom to possess.
*I honestly think that I'm petty enough to say that if your shit ever happened to me, I'd pull the "It's me or her" shit with my husband, and would deny visitation. Again, I'm petty and not proud of it. But mostly it is meant to highlight that you're way more tolerant than I am. CHRIST, I'm still vilely irate for you.
With understanding to SueSue's method of handling her own MIL, I will say this. I really do not see the above as being petty, AT ALL. I see it as protecting yourself, and subsequently your spouse's and children's mental health. It has to be such a mind eff to know that grandma has such disdain for your wife (from her DH's POV) and mother (to the kids). I just could never be the 'bigger person'. I more of a Nugget-style type. DO NOT CROSS ME OR I WILL BURN THIS MFER DOWWWWWWWWWWWN.
And in Sue's case with the hallway dinner, I would FOREVER make grandma a tray table for the hallway spot. EVERY. FREAKING. VISIT. With ZERO explanation or apology.