Any success stories after SO

[missbetty1]

I really want to believe that there is a light at the end of this tunnel...Are there any members on this board that have eventually found the right person for them and are now happily in a relationship? Can you please share your story?

[Deleted]

Some people do, some people don't. But IMO you need to rethink what defines your "light at the end of the tunnel." That should be a wonderful relationship with yourself and I think that's what's important to work for. A relationship with someone else is just the icing on the cake really.

[housegeek]

^ I agree with that. The best "light at the end of the tunnel" you'll find is when you like yourself. I think most people have had to start over at one point or another, though. Figure out what did and didn't work for you in prior relationships and grow with that.
But overall, loving yourself is pretty big. Find things you enjoy to do and do them, try new things, be independent, dont rush. There are way too many people out there to ever think there is no-one who will get you.

[missbetty1]

I can honestly say that I feel more at peace and happier now that I am single but that is because I'm not arguing with somebody I'm not compatible with every other week. I would like to one day find that icing, though. Honestly, I don't want to be a cake without the icing for the rest of my life.

[bkhokie27]

Ditto pp. For me, I went to therapy, worked on myself, and took time to figure out who I was post-marriage. When my SO and I met, I was a completely different (better) person and our relationship is nothing like (thank goodness) the one I had with XH.

[leahmel]

Don't wait for someone else to "complete" you. Fulfill your own desires and do the things you've always wanted to do, spend time with good fun people, explore new hobbies, work on being content and happy with yourself. After all of that, a relationship would just be icing ont he already delicious cake.

I have not had a long term relationship since my divorce almost 5 years ago, and I have never been happier in my life. The "light at the end of the tunnel" should come from inside yourself.

[cutter21]

I spent time working on myself, enjoying new hobbies, growing as a (single) person, building good relationships with family and friends. I now have a great BF and we've been together a little over 1.5 years.

I do agree with pp's that you need to be ok being alone and learn to be independent without a significant other. If you are happy with yourself and you take the time to learn about your role in the end of your relationship, you will find someone who is right for you. But, finding your "icing" should not be your end goal... you will continue to end up in bad relationships if you are just looking for someone to give you attention or fill the void so you're not bored.

[achase123]

I don't look at wanting a relationship as not being happy with yourself. I love my life. I have a great job, I'm so happy to be a mom, I have great friends, and I am really happy with myself. I'm stronger and more confident than I ever have been and it's taken me almost three years out of a shitty marriage to get to this point.

That being said, I think it's unrealistic to assume that we'll never want another relationship or another marriage. I don't expect it at all. But I do want it, someday, when the time is right. I'm willing to wait until the right person comes along and not settle, but the prospect of never being in another relationship again for the rest of my life seems pretty bleak and definitely lonely.

Am I going to wait around for someone and not be happy until I'm in a relationship-absolutely not! But I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be in love again, someday.

[kaylalalala]

I made my own success story. I married my now ex husband three years ago despite warnings from multiple people not to go through with it. They were right-- he was a douche nozzle from planet Dickface. He was emotionally, sexually and physically abusive. It took me a year to recognize I deserved better and 9 additional months to get out. Our divorce was finalized just before Christmas.

I went to therapy and concentrated on myself a lot. I became very involved on meetup.com to meet new people around my age with similar interests and gained a multitude of friends that I love to death. I said I was going to stay single for all of 2012, but met my boyfriend on January 4. He's a really great guy and we agree that we do have a future together.

There is a life post-divorce, but finding love shouldn't be your goal. Finding happiness for yourself is far more important.

[missbetty1]

May 14, 2012 17:19:37 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I don't look at wanting a relationship as not being happy with yourself. I love my life. I have a great job, I'm so happy to be a mom, I have great friends, and I am really happy with myself. I'm stronger and more confident than I ever have been and it's taken me almost three years out of a shitty marriage to get to this point.

That being said, I think it's unrealistic to assume that we'll never want another relationship or another marriage. I don't expect it at all. But I do want it, someday, when the time is right. I'm willing to wait until the right person comes along and not settle, but the prospect of never being in another relationship again for the rest of my life seems pretty bleak and definitely lonely.

Am I going to wait around for someone and not be happy until I'm in a relationship-absolutely not! But I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be in love again, someday.

Yes! You understand what I'm saying. I am very happy with myself, I love myself, I go out by myself and with my girlfriends, I laugh often because I am genuinely happy. I have hobbies and overall I enjoy my life. But I would be lying if I said that I'm okay with never finding that "icing".

[leahmel]

I definitely understand wanting a relationship. I just mean that it doesn't have to be the "light at the end of the tunnel" because relationships fail and self fulfillment can't be taken away. I think that if it is the right one and it is meant to be, it will happen for you in time and when it is supposed to.

[missbetty1]

May 14, 2012 17:29:14 GMT -5 kaylalalala said:

I made my own success story. I married my now ex husband three years ago despite warnings from multiple people not to go through with it. They were right-- he was a douche nozzle from planet Dickface. He was emotionally, sexually and physically abusive. It took me a year to recognize I deserved better and 9 additional months to get out. Our divorce was finalized just before Christmas.

I went to therapy and concentrated on myself a lot. I became very involved on meetup.com to meet new people around my age with similar interests and gained a multitude of friends that I love to death. I said I was going to stay single for all of 2012, but met my boyfriend on January 4. He's a really great guy and we agree that we do have a future together.

There is a life post-divorce, but finding love shouldn't be your goal. Finding happiness for yourself is far more important.

I joined meetup.com a little while ago hopefully I'll meet some great new people too.

[housegeek]

May 14, 2012 18:34:38 GMT -5 @missbetty1 said:

May 14, 2012 17:19:37 GMT -5 achase123 said:

I don't look at wanting a relationship as not being happy with yourself. I love my life. I have a great job, I'm so happy to be a mom, I have great friends, and I am really happy with myself. I'm stronger and more confident than I ever have been and it's taken me almost three years out of a shitty marriage to get to this point.

That being said, I think it's unrealistic to assume that we'll never want another relationship or another marriage. I don't expect it at all. But I do want it, someday, when the time is right. I'm willing to wait until the right person comes along and not settle, but the prospect of never being in another relationship again for the rest of my life seems pretty bleak and definitely lonely.

Am I going to wait around for someone and not be happy until I'm in a relationship-absolutely not! But I would be lying if I said I didn't want to be in love again, someday.

Yes! You understand what I'm saying. I am very happy with myself, I love myself, I go out by myself and with my girlfriends, I laugh often because I am genuinely happy. I have hobbies and overall I enjoy my life. But I would be lying if I said that I'm okay with never finding that "icing".

See thats awesome It was just the phrase "light at the end of the tunnel" that seemed a bit bleak and pitiful. I met my husband on craigslist, actually. I was in an ok place, but a single mom and lonely, then I watched "Must Love Dogs" and got the bright idea to post an ad on craigslist. I got a handful of bads, a few goods and a couple greats Including my husband hah. It was kinda nice, I really let myself be nitpicky and if I didn't get a great vibe, I'd move on. And if nothing else it was flattering to be able to email/chat with nice guys all day/night while I was nearly an insomniac hah.
^just realized thats kinda an overshare. But yeah, it'll happen.

[bowies]

May I ask how long you've been divorced? The reason I ask is that I asked this very same question (repeatedly) when it was still very fresh for me. I feared that I would be the one person doomed to walk the earth alone, which, frankly, was ridiculous. That fear was borne out of a raging insecurity. Many others have been in that place too and that's why you're getting the responses you're getting.

Dating is hard enough without adding vulnerability to that mix. I was happy after kicking my XH to the curb too, but I needed to truly heal before I could be a good partner for someone else. When I stopped caring about finding Mr. Right was when I was at my best. The best advice I can offer you is to live like Prince Charming isn't going to show up. That way you're living a complete life of your own making, and if he does happen to show up, he'll merely enhance what you already have.

[freddyisready]

I am very happy with my new husband :heart: after my divorce I vowed not to let that experience make me bitter towards men or love. I joined meetups, made a ton of awesome friends, and met my husband online. I am so much happier now and know all the heartache and trama was worth it.

I am sure I would be happy even if I had stayed single. I sleep so much easier without all the negativity and the emotional roller coaster. I made the decision to make my life better and to never settle for the wrong man again.

It does get better! Good luck ;D

[doriswe]

May 14, 2012 19:48:26 GMT -5 bowies said:

May I ask how long you've been divorced? The reason I ask is that I asked this very same question (repeatedly) when it was still very fresh for me. I feared that I would be the one person doomed to walk the earth alone, which, frankly, was ridiculous. That fear was borne out of a raging insecurity. Many others have been in that place too and that's why you're getting the responses you're getting.

Dating is hard enough without adding vulnerability to that mix. I was happy after kicking my XH to the curb too, but I needed to truly heal before I could be a good partner for someone else. When I stopped caring about finding Mr. Right was when I was at my best. The best advice I can offer you is to live like Prince Charming isn't going to show up. That way you're living a complete life of your own making, and if he does happen to show up, he'll merely enhance what you already have.

Bowies is beyond wise!!

[BookLover]

I will say, that I thought I found someone I wanted to be in a relationship with, but I realized while in that relationship, I honestly didn't want it after all. I broke it off and I have been focusing on things I need to do for me and my kiddo and I'm happier then I've ever been.

I thought a relationship was what I needed at the time, it wasn't, so I found my success in being by myself.

Right now, I like the idea of going on dates here and there and making friends, but I'm not in a rush to go and be in a relationship. I felt smothered and I'm happy to have the ability to do and think about things I want to do with out asking a SO his opinion right now.

[lovelybb]

I understand what you're saying and I agree with Achase too. I finally got to the point where I was happy with my life and I honestly never thought that I could create such a wonderful life for myself after I left my exH, and then I met D. He truly is the icing on the cake... if we were not to work out, I know I would be ok. I think that's the place you need to get to but there's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to share your life with another person.

[udscoobychick]

I agree with Bowies and Achase.

Also, yes, it is very possible to be in a happy relationship after having had to start over. BF and I have been together for almost a year and a half (he is divorced x2, and my engagement ended, so that's why we were both starting over), and we have a very happy, healthy relationship with no end in sight. There are lots of ladies on this board who are in good relationships after having been divorced.

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 8:40:26 GMT -5 samalamma said:

I'm new to starting over but I know it's possible to have a success story and have seen it many times. I think people learn and grown from every relationship so it just has to get better from here. Have patience and faith that something will come along.

YES!

[roselis]

I agree with the above.
I am happier now than I have been in a very long while. I am still working on my confidence.
But you can still want to be in a relationship, yet be happy with yourself single. It's not an either/or situation.
I know that I am not ready for a LTR yet. I'm fresh out of a divorce and this is the longest time I have been single since I started dating at 16 (Only 3 relationships in all of that). One day I do hope to find someone to share the rest of my life with. But for now, I'm going to work on myself, enjoy life, and let the right person come find me.

[missbetty1]

May 14, 2012 19:48:26 GMT -5 bowies said:

May I ask how long you've been divorced? The reason I ask is that I asked this very same question (repeatedly) when it was still very fresh for me. I feared that I would be the one person doomed to walk the earth alone, which, frankly, was ridiculous. That fear was borne out of a raging insecurity. Many others have been in that place too and that's why you're getting the responses you're getting.

Dating is hard enough without adding vulnerability to that mix. I was happy after kicking my XH to the curb too, but I needed to truly heal before I could be a good partner for someone else. When I stopped caring about finding Mr. Right was when I was at my best. The best advice I can offer you is to live like Prince Charming isn't going to show up. That way you're living a complete life of your own making, and if he does happen to show up, he'll merely enhance what you already have.

We never married...we were together 6 years (engaged for 2 years) and I finally decided to break it off because the little voice in my head and the feeling in my gut telling me to leave was getting too loud to stand.

[missbetty1]

Thanks everyone for sharing your success stories...I was feeling a little down I just needed some uplifting and encouraging words/examples I do feel better now :-)

[aliciar6]

yes, last year about this time (actually on the 23rd) i was on travel for work..i was still married and had a trip out to another sister organization planned with a co-worker on my program. we really never talked and didn't think much of each other, but the 90 minute car ride there and back, we had a great time, stopped at a winery, got to know each other more and were inseperable the rest of the week.
i went home that weekend and did what i should have done years ago and said "I want a divorce", a month later, I was divorced.
I have been with FI ever since, we got engaged in FEB and will be married in AUG. I could never find someone more right for me.

[halfbrit]

After ExH and I separated in 2006 and then subsequently divorced, I spent a lot of time on my own. I pursued certifications within my career, spent more time with family, and extended my social network by joining a young adult group through a church I was introduced to. I started to make my own life which was amazing for me because I never really had my own life before my ExH and I got married. I was 22 and just out of college.

I remember that evening before I first went out with my now DH (who was a set up, btw!) wandering around my apartment and asking myself why on earth I was getting ready to go out with someone when I was so happy with the way things were. Did I really want to let someone new into my life and shake everything up? It was then that I realized that, in a relationship or not, I was happy with my life and could finally let someone in a healthy way. We have been married for just about the same amount of time that I was married to my ExH and I have never contemplated divorce (at least not seriously! :-) I consider that a win.

[marigoldgirl]

I think everyone's success stories are going to be a little bit different. My success story is that I got out of a 24 year marriage and worked on myself and started to love who I am.

I did find a man that showed me that not all men are loud, drunk, verbally abusive, controlling and mean. We have been together for a year and half and I do not know what the future will hold for us but I am just enjoying what I have right now.

[Deleted]

Married for 13 years and divorced, remarried for 5 years now...never happier!!!!
Oh, and my X and I get along great! He is a great dad and he gets along great with new H.

[formerlyak]

I was married for 8 years. We got divorced in October 2009. I met my bf exactly a year later (to the day) from when ex walked out. I was sick of dating and having fun with my friends. I almost cancelled the date, but figured it was just lunch and whatever. That was Oct. 2010. We now live together and plan on getting married next summer.

[fuzziebunnie]

I took time for myself, dealt with the issues that developed because of my marriage. I got back to who I really was. I am so much happier now than I was the whole time I was married. I took time to find me. Now I am in a great relationship with a wonderful guy. I'm so glad I took the time to get better before I started things with him. It made a huge difference I think.

[leahmel]

I also agree with meetup.com being a great way to meet people! I have met so many people on there and gotten involved in so many new things. It has been great.