Well, it's been a crazy past few days. The kids will not leave me alone. The ones in school wanted to stay home on Wednesday, so being parent of the year I let them. I took all of them to the museum, we had lunch and just hung out. It was nice.
H and I had counseling last night. It was not good. The counselor was fantastic, kept us on task, but H was just being a major douche. He refused to open up, refused to listen, he was acting like a 2 year old. I was embarrassed.
So of course that set the tone for us talking last night. He was being an ass the whole time, so after 15 minutes of getting nowhere I gave up. I asked him to move out for a while if he can't treat me with respect and stop blaming me for everything. (Apparently it's my fault he was laid off, how I have no idea but that's what he thinks. It's also my fault our bills are higher right now. It couldn't be that we are having the coldest winter I can remember. I decided to "blow" the money to have an abortion. It's also my fault that we got pregnant in the first place. Apparently it was immaculate conception.) He said he would stay with a friend until "I decide to stop making bad choices for our family", meaning I need to fix everything wrong and make him happy. And undo the abortion.
Well, news flash H: I have been the only one keeping this family functioning the past few months since he was laid off. I pay the bills, deal with the day to day stuff and work. All with little to no help from him. I know he feels like a failure for not having a job, but OMG do something about it then. You have kids and a wife- you don't get to mope and be a dick for months because of it. And you certainly don't get to take it out on me.
Honestly it was exactly what I expected. I was fully prepared mentally for him to lash pit at me, so I was not as fazed by him being an ass as he thought I would be. I will not put myself and the kids in this environment with him. So, that's where we are at. I'm ok with it. He needs to get off whatever douche canoe he's riding and start fixing the things that need to be fixed. I can't and won't live like this. I can support the family on my own. It's tight, but I would rather be piss poor than piss poor and miserable.
Oh, and everything looks really good physically. I've almost stopped bleeding. My hormone levels are dropping fine and my breast milk is clear so I can BF baby.
Wow. I don't really know what to say except I am so sorry. You've had a really traumatic couple of weeks. He's really acting childish and seems to be completely refusing to accept any responsibility for...well, anything.
Did the therapist say anything about him potentially being depressed? It would be so sad for him to get better and realize he lost his family over something that he could have gotten help for.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there.
I'm sorry that you are having to go through all of this and your DH is being a major jerk. I hope he eventually comes around. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and doing what's best for your family. My thoughts are with you.
Post by twodogsandababy on Mar 7, 2014 11:51:29 GMT -5
Your strenght and attitude are amazing. I'm sorry you are having to deal with everything and agree that you should probably consult an attorney at this point and begin preparing yourself. Keep strong, your children are so lucky to have such a selfless mom.
I think he could be depressed, but he won't open up to fix it. And I will not put our lives on hold until he addresses it. I understand depression, been there myself, but if he's not going to fix it I'm just enabling him by walking on eggshells and ignoring it. Maybe he needs to hit the wall before he gets help, and at the rate he's going it won't be long.
This person he is right now is not who he normally is. I know life has been beating us down the past few months, but if I can be responsible enough to deal with it he can too. I don't get to mope, avoid responsibility, not go to work, not take care of the kids, not pay bills, not be an adult so why the hell should he? Especially doing it all a few months after giving birth and then being pregnant. (I'm not trying to martyr myself, but really, it hadn't been a cake walk for me either.) Using an illness like depression, while not seeking help, is a cop out.
I am honestly just doing what I need for my kids. They are my #1 priority. I see them tiptoeing around H and it makes me sad. They don't deserve to be collateral damage from my and H's problems. We gave them life and in doing so promised them a good life. I'm not reneging on my responsibility just because life is the suck right now. Hell, that's life. Good, bad, ugly. It ebbs and flows.
I have a friend I used to work with that is a family lawyer, he also does divorce, and I have spoken with him a few times. I need to talk to him again though. I might end up using someone else, on his referral, if needed since I don't want to mix personal with business.
THIS. Let them be all miserable and harrumph-y together. In the meantime, you will carry on being awesome.
I'm so sorry that your H is acting this way, when what you really need is support and someone to be on your team. I am amazed at how well you are handling things, though, and very glad to hear that you're feeling better.
I know he's having a hard time with everything, but he refuses to go to counseling on his own, refused to cooperate last night in counseling and won't do anything to help himself. Really, why should I be picking up all the slack here? What if I didn't? What if I did exactly what he is doing? It would be a massive fail, on every level. And not only would I suffer, but the whole family would.
I know I sound like I'm being a bitch, but I've been through hell the last few months. It has been extremely trying emotionally, mentally and physically. I am getting more resentful that I'm the only adult in this house, even when he's here. It's not fair, and I know life isn't fair (obviously) but well I married a life partner. Not a "well as long as everything goes our way, nothing bad happens and there are unicorns and puppy dogs and rainbows" I will be your equal, adult, responsible partner.
Whew. I think I needed to get angry. It felt good to type that out.
Post by gullterre15 on Mar 7, 2014 13:02:32 GMT -5
Ugggg men can be such tittie sucking, life sucking babies. I'm glad you told him to GTFO until he grows up. Hopefully he will realize what he is in the process of throwing away.