Post by starrieskies on Mar 13, 2014 10:30:43 GMT -5
mmm... I love coffee...
I had toast for dinner last night. I didn't get DS home until almost 9 and by the time I got him settled into bed it was late and I didn't feel like cooking anything.
Post by starrieskies on Mar 13, 2014 10:50:43 GMT -5
I like toast. I eat it more often than I should probably.
I also haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks and I'm beating myself up about it a little bit. DST has made getting up in the mornings a little extra difficult and I just haven't been able to do it. Realistically speaking, I've lost a little over 100 lbs total, and I'm only 30 (probably 35) lbs from my ultimate goal. I'm a little angry with myself for stalling out on my progress when I'm so damn close... Summer is quickly approaching and I don't want to spend another season feeling uncomfortable in my summer clothes, but I am really having trouble getting back into exercising.
Post by partiallysunny on Mar 13, 2014 10:54:16 GMT -5
starrieskies I haven't exercised in two weeks either. Tonight, I swear!
I'm not one to make fitness goals, but I've mentally put pressure on myself to feel better about my body this year and I've given myself til my 30th birthday. That's not til December, so I'm sure I can do it!
Post by starrieskies on Mar 13, 2014 10:59:42 GMT -5
I actually caught myself yesterday staring out at the beautiful, mild weather and wishing I had my running shoes... I've never liked running before last summer. I'll have to start C25K from the beginning again to ease myself back into it, but I think I'm going to start again.
I actually caught myself yesterday staring out at the beautiful, mild weather and wishing I had my running shoes... I've never liked running before last summer. I'll have to start C25K from the beginning again to ease myself back into it, but I think I'm going to start again.
I'll be doing this too
As an aside, you have done an AMAZING job in the last year... with everything. You should be so proud of yourself, lady. High fives!
I actually caught myself yesterday staring out at the beautiful, mild weather and wishing I had my running shoes... I've never liked running before last summer. I'll have to start C25K from the beginning again to ease myself back into it, but I think I'm going to start again.
I'll be doing this too
As an aside, you have done an AMAZING job in the last year... with everything. You should be so proud of yourself, lady. High fives!
Post by starrieskies on Mar 13, 2014 13:03:10 GMT -5
Oh, I forgot to mention...
I've had some uncomfortable encounters with stbx lately. I'm not really sure what's going on in his head... This is going to be long, so if you want to skip all the details I'll toss a summary at the bottom.
I ran into a guy that he works with at the bar a couple of weekends ago. I mentioned it to stbx (trying to do small talk), and his response was a snarky "Well, you'd be surprised how many people I know who see you out at the bars." Umm... ooookkkaaayyy?? We were together for 13 years. Why are there people who know my face enough to recognize me as Mrs. stbx that I don't know? This makes me feel uneasy, like he's keeping tabs on me.
He keeps having his friends ask me in round about ways if I'm dating. Nunya damn business!
He also keeps pressing me for information as to why I'm planning on going to New Jersey. I told him I was going to visit some friends, and he wants to know who and why he's never heard of me having friends in New Jersey. My response was "I've always had friends you've never met. We didn't talk about my friends much."
Today is a mutual friend's birthday. There is a party for him on Saturday that I was planning on going to. DS will be with stbx, so why not? Well as I was waiting for DS to put his shoes on last night so we could go home, stbx said that he is planning on going and he wanted to make sure that I knew about it so that I could go if I wanted to. He told me "WE need to get over this awkwardness and not wanting to hang out around each other thing. These people are your friends too." Aaaactually, I do hang out with them sometimes. And the only time I have purposely avoided a social situation because I thought he might be there was NYE. It really rubbed me the wrong way that he felt the need to tell me who MY friends are. Coupled with the questions about the GTG... It just felt like he is still trying to control who I talk to and hang out with.
He also decided to bring up my moving out, and felt the need to tell me that he thinks it would be in DS's best interest if I did not move out of the school district that I'm in right now. HE thinks that it will be more beneficial to all of us if I stay in the same general area as my parents' house. I don't understand why he thinks that he has any say whatsoever in where I do or do not move (aside from his parental rights with DS)!
Super Short Version: I feel like stbx is still trying to control my life from afar and its kind of creeping me out.
Post by captainmel on Mar 13, 2014 13:10:34 GMT -5
starrieskies, I'm not entirely surprised he is still trying to be a controlling douche face. That is who he is. Has he completed the DV eval yet? I am sorry he is such a complete jerk face though.
Post by starrieskies on Mar 13, 2014 13:19:54 GMT -5
TBH I don't know if he's really being a controlling doucheface, or if I'm just hypersensitive... But I know I don't like it either way. I REALLY didn't like the comment about his "friends" seeing me out at the bars... The idea that he has people I've never met keeping an eye out for me makes my skin crawl...
TBH I don't know if he's really being a controlling doucheface, or if I'm just hypersensitive... But I know I don't like it either way. I REALLY didn't like the comment about his "friends" seeing me out at the bars... The idea that he has people I've never met keeping an eye out for me makes my skin crawl...
I do not think you are being hypersensitive. I would feel the same way about this. I'm sorry he's being such an asswagon.
Post by starrieskies on Mar 13, 2014 13:32:39 GMT -5
Ok, I just went back and reread what I wrote in my journal and here... I think it's a combination of two things...
I'm overreacting to his douchiness.
ETA: By allowing myself to get weirded out, I'm giving him power over me. So what if he has people looking for me at the bars? All they're going to see is me out having a good time. This shouldn't be a big deal. I should not allow him to make me feel like I am doing something wrong by living my life. This is what I meant by overreacting, it really shouldn't bother me because he really doesn't have any control... Yet it does.
Post by cuddlyevil on Mar 13, 2014 13:42:50 GMT -5
I'm glad you're recognizing it for what it is Starries.
My stbx went into a tirade about 'no, don't give me the party line--you don't have to feel guilty if you're glad she's leaving" when I was telling him about someone leaving for a better position. I started to try and correct him, but he cut me off and proceeded to tell me how I felt--the whole time I was thinking "this is why I am divorcing you".
Ok, I just went back and reread what I wrote in my journal and here... I think it's a combination of two things...
I'm overreacting to his douchiness.
ETA: By allowing myself to get weirded out, I'm giving him power over me. So what if he has people looking for me at the bars? All they're going to see is me out having a good time. This shouldn't be a big deal. I should not allow him to make me feel like I am doing something wrong by living my life. This is what I meant by overreacting, it really shouldn't bother me because he really doesn't have any control... Yet it does.
Yes! The bolded is key. He really doesn't, and that's probably bugging the crap out of him.
I like toast. I eat it more often than I should probably.
I also haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks and I'm beating myself up about it a little bit. DST has made getting up in the mornings a little extra difficult and I just haven't been able to do it. Realistically speaking, I've lost a little over 100 lbs total, and I'm only 30 (probably 35) lbs from my ultimate goal. I'm a little angry with myself for stalling out on my progress when I'm so damn close... Summer is quickly approaching and I don't want to spend another season feeling uncomfortable in my summer clothes, but I am really having trouble getting back into exercising.
One hundred pounds starrieskies!! That's awesome!!!!!
starrieskies you are doing so awesome! I'm glad you're talking to all of us about this. Honestly, I don't think you're overreacting because he is trying to do what you say. At the same time, what you said about not giving him power is also key and I think you're on the right track. The one thing you said that I didn't like was all the "shoulds." This is my own personal thing (and totally also my work bleeding in) but I don't like shoulds because that's frequently how we shame ourselves/put ourselves down. But you seriously are doing so amazing!
You're not overreacting AT ALL. But I know what you mean in that you feel like it's tearing you up more than it should. It's hard to just be business only and seeming cold to him, but for your own comfort and anxiety level it might be what you have to do for awhile.
And I agree with tiramisu about the "shoulds". They can be really destructive. I get like that sometimes. There is no "should" that is absolute. Give yourself some good credit
Btw, I've been thinking about where to hang the ornament you got me! It fits in the living room color scheme perfectly. I might put it on a hanging shelf.