I just read through this thread completely. I thought we were answering the question of what we hold such strong convictions about we would end friendships over if people disagreed. Apparently I was wrong because I cannot imagine people would end a friendship or sever a familial relationship because a one year old still used a bottle, a parent slipped their kid a puff, or an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House was shown to a toddler...
Or do some of you consider these large enough "sins" to end a friendship?
I think there are plenty on this board who would judge their friends for these behaviors. The way I see it as soon as you bust out judgement you have ended the friendship.
Really? Like, someone has to 100% think you are making the best choices for you to be friends with them?
Judging is like breathing. Making value assessments and choices is pretty much how people form their identities.
I just read through this thread completely. I thought we were answering the question of what we hold such strong convictions about we would end friendships over if people disagreed. Apparently I was wrong because I cannot imagine people would end a friendship or sever a familial relationship because a one year old still used a bottle, a parent slipped their kid a puff, or an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House was shown to a toddler...
Or do some of you consider these large enough "sins" to end a friendship?
I was under this impression too. Maybe I am too self absorbed or something but outside of truly neglectful/abusive situations, I don't really care how other people raise their children. Like I said earlier, I really do think most people are well intentioned and while I might think they are misguided about some things (like vaccines) I'm not going to ostracize someone over what is essentially a difference of opinion.
My only hill to die on is not parenting related. I don't want to be friends with someone who doesn't support gay marriage.
This is a good one. I was racking my brain trying to think of something I would willingly end a friendship over. I couldn't be friends with someone who made racist or bigoted comments or jokes all the time. I don't know anyone who does though so it's never been an issue.
But as far as parenting stuff goes...I mean, I don't agree with spanking but to me that is a difference in philosophy and while I might privately side eye someone over it I would never say anything to their face. And while I don't give my children soda, for example, I don't really care if I see someone else doing it. They might have had the day from hell and are buying themselves 5 minutes of peace. You never know with these things.
I just read through this thread completely. I thought we were answering the question of what we hold such strong convictions about we would end friendships over if people disagreed. Apparently I was wrong because I cannot imagine people would end a friendship or sever a familial relationship because a one year old still used a bottle, a parent slipped their kid a puff, or an episode of Mickey Mouse Club House was shown to a toddler...
Or do some of you consider these large enough "sins" to end a friendship?
I was thinking this same thing. Confession: My name is Lauren and my 18 mo still has 2 bottles a day. She's barely on the charts and its at the recommendation of her ped. #sorrynotsorry
I have exactly zero idea what I'm doing, so I try hard not to judge anything else as right or best.
Can I just say, that one of my favorite qualities about you is that you believe the bolded while everyone else sees you being a fucking kick ass mom? <3
You made me cry you bitch!
Thank you. Really. Still stand by the bolded, but that is pretty awesome to hear unprompted. Needed that. <3
Not my hill to die on, but something that annoys me is people thinking the doctors & nurses have any motive other then to deliver a healthy baby during child birth. one example: they want to put a monitor on your belly to keep track of the heart beat, they must want you STUCK in that bed all day! Like, no, its meant to ensure the health and safety of your baby.
Non parenting related: Guns. I still don't get why regular people should be allowed to have a single tool that could so quickly take anothers life. Law enforcement, military, even security guards, yes. Regular Joe, not so much...
Ehhh - neither of these are my hills to die on, just thoughts in my head
I think my hills are like littlespitfire's- I don't care what you do with your child, except for vaccines, but they are things that are important to me for my own child and I will go out of my way to make them happen/not happen for him. I do think that if I am in complete disagreement with every single thing a parent is doing w/r/t their child, we probably wouldn't get along very well anyway, but I wouldn't end a friendship over it because we'd probably just drift apart naturally.
Also, this isn't MMM related, but saying "you're in Amuricahh, speak English". No. I will, and do, speak up about that one. I live in rural America where the sentiment is quite high w/r/t the immigrants, specifically Mexicans, speaking English.
Not my hill to die on, but something that annoys me is people thinking the doctors & nurses have any motive other then to deliver a healthy baby during child birth. one example: they want to put a monitor on your belly to keep track of the heart beat, they must want you STUCK in that bed all day! Like, no, its meant to ensure the health and safety of your baby.
Continuous monitoring doesn't improve health outcomes, though. It improves lawsuit outcomes.
So I guess my hill to die on is that unmedicated birth isn't negligent and that I have a hard time with women that just blindly follow doctors through their pregnancy and birth without having an opinion or doing any reading.
I sadly don't know that many other parents besides you guys so I have no idea. Lol. Maybe dogs? My kiddo is not playing near your unsupervised dog.
I'm in the same boat. Don't have any super close parent friends as I'm the first one to have a kid. Dogs scare me. I don't care how "oh don't worry, he's so friendly" your loudly barking dog is, don't bring the dog near me and now near my baby. I literally let the dog people go in the elevator without me and I wait for the next one.
My hills to die on, that I'd actually severe relationships over, are safety related or how DD is treated. I demand that DD is kept safe and treated respectfully at all time. Example: DD is scared of dog. She'd run for her life if she sees one. My SIL has a very good and mellow dog. When we go over there, they'd try to get DD used to the dog for a bit by sitting with her next to the dog and try to make her pet the dog. As soon as DD shows she's uncomfortable with it, they'd better stop or I'd get DD and leave, not because DD is unsafe, but they should respect her feelings.
Junk food/soda/screen time for DD bothers me but if it's once in awhile, meh.
What you do with your kids, as long as it's not abusive, I'm cool.
I think there are plenty on this board who would judge their friends for these behaviors. The way I see it as soon as you bust out judgement you have ended the friendship.
Really? Like, someone has to 100% think you are making the best choices for you to be friends with them?
Judging is like breathing. Making value assessments and choices is pretty much how people form their identities.
I think there is a difference between thinking "they are making a choice I wouldn't" and saying "I can't believe they are making that choice".
Post by quickstepstar on Mar 27, 2014 12:27:11 GMT -5
I may silently judge a lot of things that other people do with their own kids, but it is not my "hill", except for vaccines...
As far as my kids: I am pretty strict with most things, like screen time (none of my kids really watch TV or watched TV before they were 2 at all), I will not them play with electronic games when we have family time (restaurants, etc), they eat healthy foods, no drinks other than water, they all have strict sleep schedules and early bedtimes, etc etc. But what you do with your kid is none of my business...
I feel like the only person who doesn't even get worked up about non vaxers. I know too many. Sure, if you don't vaccinate your kids I think you're a dumbass, but unless your kid has red spots I'm probably not going to run from you at the playground. And if you like sushi and wine and I like sushi and wine, we can probably hang out and have a good time. Or at least we did a few weeks ago...
Since there was some question about whether I really meant "sever a relationship" over your hill to die on, I'll say that yes, I am truly willing to sever a specific relationship in my life right now over this whole "who gets to be in the room during labor" issue. I don't care that I have been yelled at, threatened, or called by relatives to reconsider my decision to only have DH and my doula in the room. If people think that they can't appropriately bond with my child unless they see him/her coming directly out of my vagina, then I do not need them in our lives.
Word. But I feel that way in general on MMM sometimes lately. I've wanted to AW pictures of my finished playroom for weeks, but there's a TV in it (not that we ever use it) and I'm afraid people will be all judgy. And I'm planning on ditching the bottle at aged one but I also need my tiny cat to get his nutrients and brother doesn't like table food much so should I starve him?
Mine is full-fat dairy. I really do not like dd to have dairy anything that isn't full fat. Very random, I know, and I'm not super particular about her food.
Post by spanikopita on Mar 28, 2014 7:09:32 GMT -5
I want to add that my dying hills have morphed considerably since my child has grown. He's 4 now. He gets juice and dessert way more than this thread leads me to believe the other kids do, lol.
I blame it on parenting fatigue. It's easier to stick to your principles with a 1 year old.
I feel like the only person who doesn't even get worked up about non vaxers. I know too many. Sure, if you don't vaccinate your kids I think you're a dumbass, but unless your kid has red spots I'm probably not going to run from you at the playground. And if you like sushi and wine and I like sushi and wine, we can probably hang out and have a good time. Or at least we did a few weeks ago...
I do too. Most are doing a delayed schedule but I know a few who aren't doing certain vaccines at all. I just shake my head at them internally. But if I cut everyone out of my life who isn't following the CDC protocol to the letter, I'd have almost no mommy friends to hang out with irl, lol.