Of all the things to judge about

[karinothing]

Why do people judge that my baby isn't STTN. It is like they think I purposely torture him. I don't get it.

To be clear. While I would love for him to STTN, I am not actively sleep training because he wakes up very happy and does not get cranky throughout the day AND because I am apparently a freak of nature where lack of sleep (although annoying) doesn't overly bother me (meaning I can still get through my day and not be a bitch ha ha).

I just don't get why everyone thinks babies fit into neat little molds when it comes to night time.

[Ashley&Scott]

I don't get it either. Stupid social stigmas. Not STTN =/= bad baby.

I would love DS to sleep longer but I'm managing just fine

[karinothing]

I think people seem to think that if my child doesn't STTN early he will be destined to never be happy or have horrible sleep patterns for his entire life. I mean maybe I am naive, but I don't think my kid not STTN at 9 months is going to equal him needing to eat frequently during the night as a teenage. But perhaps I will come back here in 13 years and say I was wrong.

[Deleted]

Ugh. People liked to act like I'd never heard of sleep training or read a book, and that if I just read the magic book the "problem" would go away.

My kid is still up once or twice. And I would like it to stop, but not enough to throw away another week on sleep training. We're all fine the way things are.

[badtzmaru22]

People are weird. My boobs are thankful when my baby wakes up at 3am for a feeding. My brain is not, but I can function on the broken sleep well enough (thank you coffee!) and it's such a short time in the grand scheme of things. Just try to ignore it, and know you're happy.

[karinothing]

Jul 13, 2012 10:14:01 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Ugh. People liked to act like I'd never heard of sleep training or read a book, and that if I just read the magic book the "problem" would go away.

My kid is still up once or twice. And I would like it to stop, but not enough to throw away another week on sleep training. We're all fine the way things are.

Yeah, this is what I am saying. I mean we tried to drop a night feeding once and it resulted in three hours of screaming before I finally gave up. Who has time to listen to their baby scream all night?

[SusanBAnthony]

DS didn't night wean until 18 months, and didn't reliably STTN (meaning all 12 hours) until over 3. Now at 4.75, I am pulling my hair out because he sleeps so deeply that he doesn't wake up to pee, and he floods his pull-ups, and thus the bed.

So yah, I don't think my lack of sleep training ruined his sleep for life.

[mrshandy]

Jul 13, 2012 10:16:00 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Jul 13, 2012 10:14:01 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Ugh. People liked to act like I'd never heard of sleep training or read a book, and that if I just read the magic book the "problem" would go away.

My kid is still up once or twice. And I would like it to stop, but not enough to throw away another week on sleep training. We're all fine the way things are.

Yeah, this is what I am saying. I mean we tried to drop a night feeding once and it resulted in three hours of screaming before I finally gave up. Who has time to listen to their baby scream all night?

He'll drop it when he's ready. 3 hours crying....I couldn't handle that :-( . DS didn't STTN until he was 12 months, when I realized I was getting up out of habit more than anything. One night I just said nope I'm not getting up and he fussed for a little while then went back to sleep.

People like to have stupid opinions about everything.

[karinothing]

Jul 13, 2012 10:23:05 GMT -5 mrshandy said:

Jul 13, 2012 10:16:00 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Yeah, this is what I am saying. I mean we tried to drop a night feeding once and it resulted in three hours of screaming before I finally gave up. Who has time to listen to their baby scream all night?

He'll drop it when he's ready. 3 hours crying....I couldn't handle that . DS didn't STTN until he was 12 months, when I realized I was getting up out of habit more than anything. One night I just said nope I'm not getting up and he fussed for a little while then went back to sleep.

People like to have stupid opinions about everything.

To be fair, it wasn't three hours straight. I sent DH in (since if he sees me he needs boob) and DH would get him calmed down and place him back in the crib and he would immediate start crying again. We didn't just leave him to cry on his own for three hours (which I am pretty sure I could NEVER do).

Yeah, I don't run in there right away when he wakes up. I give him a minute or two, then I go to the bathroom, then I go in. Of course now he is obsessed with standing in his crib so he just wakes up and immediately stands and yells. Oh babies, they be so crazy.

[satama]

That is so weird. I don't know why anyone else would even care, unless you were calling them at 3 am and having them listen to your baby cry, it really does not affect them at all. Parent how you want and they can parent how they want. People are so freaking strange and nosey.

[Deleted]

DD didn't STTN until 18 months

[ECB]

Since I found out this week that people actually judge the use of strollers, I've fully realized that women will find ANYTHING to judge each other over. ANYTHING.

[Ashley&Scott]

MIL asks every.single.time we talk to her if DS is STTN yet. My nephew has STTN since about 8 weeks old. He's FF.

Of course that leads to the assumption that DS isn't STTN because of BFing... ugh

[Brie]

I still don't STTN. I'm up at least once to pee and I'm 28. I'm still a functional member of society though.

[h]

Isn't your baby still pretty young? I have a 27 month old that still rarely STTN, so no judgment from me. We seem to produce terrible sleepers, and I am not comfortable with anything but the most gentle of sleep training. I just quit discussing my kids' sleep with anyone because I can't deal with the judgment or unsolicited "advice." FWIW, my oldest didn't STTN until he was over a year old, and then from 1 to maybe 3.5 or so went through phases every couple months where he would be up at night again for a few weeks. Yet now, at just a few weeks shy of 5, he STTN in his own bed every night and has for the last 18 months, so we don't seemed to have ruined him for life. I think this is an issue where you just need to do what works for your family and not discuss it with others. If you and your baby are happy, healthy, and rested, then all is well.

[anna7602]

I have a friend with pretty bad insomnia that she has battled with for years- going to accupuncture, meditation retreats, taking prescription drugs, etc. She was really militant about sleep-training her kids out of the fear she would end up with two life-long insomniacs on her hands.

I think she's the only friend I gave a free pass to whenever comments about STTN came up. Everyone else could suck it and I had no desire to hear their opinions about when/whether kids of a certain age should be STTN or not.

[niki]

What sort of things are they saying?

[karinothing]

Jul 13, 2012 10:48:04 GMT -5 niki said:

What sort of things are they saying?

They saying

"Don't you understand how important consecutive sleep is for phsyical and neurological development?"

"If you didn't know how to sleep continuously, wouldn't you want someone to show you, wouldn't you be greatful"

"If you don't use some form of sleep training now miracles aren't going to happen"

"don't you understand it is just habit, not nutrition"

"If your baby continues to have overnight feedings, they will continue to want snacks/drinks as a toddler, adult, etc"

[Deleted]

Is this family or friends, kari?

Honestly, either way, I think my response would be "When we want your opinion, we'll ask for it." And if it didn't stop, we'd see them in a year or two.

[niki]

Wow. That *is* pretty damn judgy. Who is staying these things and how are you responding?

I would always stand there in shock and come up with some witty retort the next day.

[sewpinkgal]

I freely admit that I was thisclose to starting to night wean when J decided to drop to 1 feeding a night by himself at 6.5m old and we are now lucky that he generally STTN. But, I was also so severly sleep deprived that I wasn't functioning well during the day and it was starting to affect my relationship with my H and what kind of care I could provide to J. (Up to that point, he was still up 3-5times/night)

I guess I didn't STTN until 18m and when I don't have a newborn or infant around, I'm the best sleeper in my family. LOL I feel damn lucky that J is sleeping so well at night, but I also fully realize that it's not necessarily the norm at this age.

[karinothing]

I get comments from DH's family but those specific comments are from my BMB today (they just kind of set me off) ha ha.

For DH's family I just tell them that we are fine with the way things are. But thanks for the advice. For internet strangers I yell lol.

[h]

Jul 13, 2012 10:55:18 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Jul 13, 2012 10:48:04 GMT -5 niki said:

What sort of things are they saying?

They saying

"Don't you understand how important consecutive sleep is for phsyical and neurological development?"

"If you didn't know how to sleep continuously, wouldn't you want someone to show you, wouldn't you be greatful"

"If you don't use some form of sleep training now miracles aren't going to happen"

"don't you understand it is just habit, not nutrition"

"If your baby continues to have overnight feedings, they will continue to want snacks/drinks as a toddler, adult, etc"

Is this coming from physicians or just judgy moms? My dad is the medical director of a sleep clinic and a widely-published expert in the field of sleep disorders. Interestingly, he was never concerned about my kids' failure to STTN and the impact it could have on their development--he just said things like "they'll STTN when they are ready," "sleep needs are widely variable, and your kids need less than average," etc. My ped said my kids' failure to STTN was only a problem if it was impacting my ability to function. The judgy people were all people who had no actual medical training or expertise in the area, so I ignored them.

[anna7602]

Jul 13, 2012 10:55:18 GMT -5 karinothing said:

Jul 13, 2012 10:48:04 GMT -5 niki said:

What sort of things are they saying?

They saying

"Don't you understand how important consecutive sleep is for phsyical and neurological development?"

"If you didn't know how to sleep continuously, wouldn't you want someone to show you, wouldn't you be greatful"

"If you don't use some form of sleep training now miracles aren't going to happen"

"don't you understand it is just habit, not nutrition"

"If your baby continues to have overnight feedings, they will continue to want snacks/drinks as a toddler, adult, etc"

It must be really hard to suppress the urge to punch them. I feel for you.

One of the most annoying comments I got about DD's sleep was when I mentioned that she liked sleeping in our bed and would rarely wake if she started the night out with us. The comment was something to the effect of, "good luck when she's 13 and still sleeping in your bed" (said in a particularly snotty and superior tone).

As it turns out, DD (age 4) hates sleeping in our bed now. When we were vacationing last week, she nearly flipped when we got to a hotel that hadn't set up a separate cot for her and we had to pay a supplemental rate just to get them to track down an extra bed. This is a kid who bedshared often at home and always on vacation until about age 2.5 or so. I very nearly emailed the "sleeping with you when she's 13" commenter.

[karinothing]

Note, DH's family who is super judgy about sleep basically use a family bed until kids go off to college. . . which whatever that is their deal. But who are they to judge ha ha

[birdmom]

DS doesn't sleep through the night. He's 17 months. AND he sleeps in my bed most of the time. I get judged on that a lot. But he sleeps best there, and DH and I are fine with it. Whatever. He'll sleep in his bed one of these days!

I could never let DS cry it out because he had constant ear infections and I could never tell if he was crying because he was in pain or because he just didn't want to sleep. I would feel terrible if I let him cry and he was hurting. It wasn't worth it to me.

[wordtothewise]

People judge mothers very harshly on everything. It is annoying, but try to ignore it.

[vanillacourage]

People ask me this and act disappointed when I say no. FFS, he's 3 months old and sucks down a bottle when he does wake up. He's obviously hungry, not waking up just to fuck with me.

[jenny1223]

It's like STTN is the holy grail of infancy. I had people asking me if DS was STTN when he was just a month or two old. WTH?! He does now sleep through the night which I am so thankful for, but that happened on it's own. We didn't do any sort of sleep training.

Every baby is different. Every family is different. Whatever. There are way better things to judge about than this.

[EllieArroway]

I just started lying to people who would ask me about it repeatedly just to shut them up. It's none of their business & I don't know why people care so much.