We're starting Ferber tonight

[underwaterrhymes]

Any tips?

I'm so fucking tired. I had a girls' night last night (my FIRST since K was born!!!) so H put K to bed and naturally that meant that K was up all flipping night long wanting to be held.

Also, he still nurses in the middle of the night. Do I feed him and put him back in the crib and do the checks?

I am dreading this. DREADING.

But I'm so, so tired.

For those who can't see my sig, he's 13 months old.

[rupertpenny]

Well, you made it about 7 months longer than I did.

Does he not go back to sleep easily while/after nursing? If not I think you do need to do the checks. If he does just KOKO. I think MOTN feedings are treated differently than bedtime and drowsy but awake is not as important.

I didn't think sleep training was that bad but I may have a heart of stone. In any case it was not as bad as chronic sleep deprivation.

[angelaa73]

Hugs!

[underwaterrhymes]

rupertpenny - Sometimes he does, but he won't let us put him down.

We put him in his crib (asleep) in his room at the start of the night, but usually he wakes up about 11 and won't let us put him back down, so we bring him in our room.

Sometimes he'll eventually let us put him in the Pack 'n' Play we have in there and other times he wants to sleep in our bed.

And nights like last night I have to hold him all night otherwise he won't sleep.

And still other nights he wants to party at 3 AM.

This is our fault. I know we've created this situation. I just want to fix it!

[housewife]

Omg you're going to ruin your child!!!



Juuuusssstttt kidding we did it with DS around the same age and at that point I was just satisfied with getting him to fall asleep on his own that I didn't really push night wakings (or have the energy to listen to a screaming kid at 2am). Once he got the hang of self soothing he kinda took care of the MOTN stuff on his own. Good luck!

[noodleskooze]

All I have to say is to stick with it. I'm a believer. We ended up having to do full on CIO, but it worked. It really is better for him too...he can self soothe in lots of situations now.

[wildfloweragain]

We sleep trained our kids and it was only horrible for a few nights, then, so much better! Stay strong or you're doing it for nothing is my advice. We used Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child.

[rupertpenny]

We ended up doing full extinction too. And I won't lie, she still cries a little bit some nights at bedtime but OMG it is so much better. I never consciously tried to night wean and I've never made an effort to night wean but she wakes up so much less at night and even STTN at least 70% of the time now.

[auntie]

We did this on the advice of DS's pedi at about 5 months. She said you want to do this sooner before they can stand in their crib and call for you.

Best thing I ever did for my sanity. Seriously.

The first night was hellish, the second unpleasant and the third was the first of many easy nights.

One of the things that kept me strong those first two nights was to consider this as a life skill and remember my job was to produce a resilient and independent person.

We did naps first. Getting DS to nap regularly helped because, for him, sleep begets sleep. Then we went onto a nice bedtime routine and falling asleep in his own bed. If you're still nursing him to sleep, it might be better to nurse, and then do a book or song time and then bed. He'll still wake in the bed overnight, but he won't need you to be a part of the back-to-sleep routine. He'll probably stop nursing overnight as well.

[ladygrey]

We Ferbered a few weeks ago and it took 3 nights of crying (with checks) before DD figured it out and was able to put herself to sleep. Up until that point she was still nursing at least once overnight, so I had DH go in to comfort her for nighttime checks. It's hard to hear your baby crying and know that you're responsible, but now we are all sleeping so much better (she consistently STTN for 12 hours now).

Also, wine helps. GL!

[papie]

We did a modified Ferber around that age to wean them from our bed. We would nurse/rock then put down. Back after 3 minutes, pick up, rock/soothe, put down, back after 5, rinse, repeat. It took a few nights. We went to 15 minutes tops.
Hang in there!

[underwaterrhymes]

Thanks, you guys.

This is going to suck a whole lot, but I know it's really for his own benefit (and ours too!)

We are DEFINITELY buying wine tonight.

[ClaireOtoms]

Ferber was great for our kid. We did it at 11 months when he was waking every 45 minutes (those were dark days).It only took two nights for us. By the third night he was asleep in under 5 minutes and slept 12 hours. 1 year later he *asks* to go to bed and sleeps 7-7 most nights.

Honestly I think the checks are more for parent's sanity than the baby. It makes you feel better that you're not just leaving your kid. We learned pretty quickly that if he wasn't in full-on meltdown mode we should just leave him be, because the checks really just pissed him off and got him wound up again.

Consistency is the most important thing; when he had been going for 2 hours and I really wanted to throw in the towel my H would remind me that there was no point in letting him cry (with checks) for those 2 hours if I caved at the end. It feels really hard but you just have to remind yourself that you are doing the right thing.

[marshmallowmars]

We did it around 7 months. It was 4 brutal days of crying, but it worked like a charm. I think in the beginning he was still waking up 1x/night to nurse, but he always fell back asleep afterward. So I did keep up the 1x/night feeding for a while longer and after a few weeks or months (?) he eventually just stopped waking up to eat and slept all the way through.

[cville]

Earplugs. We just did this with O. We'd put in earplugs, turn the sound off on the monitor, and watch the clock. We could tell he was still yelling because the little sound bar color coding things on the monitor were in red. I'd NEVER, ever, have made it the intervals if I could hear him.

Also, you'll want to go in, pat pat pat soothe soothe until he STOPS crying before you leave again. He won't. It will KILL YOU. So wear the earplugs in there too.

Also also, if it's like horrible first night, better the next few nights and then there's one night a week or so later that the wheels COME OFF THE FUCKING CART again--don't despair. O did that, and I was like "shiiiiit." But we just redid the intervals (longer ones) and he was back on track a night later. I swear to you, he woke up this morning at 5, cried for 2 minutes FOUND HIS OWN PACIFIER, stuck it in his mouth and went back to sleep until 7. It will work.

[jaycee]

Good luck to you, uwr. It'll be a great thing for him.

We did it with my oldest son and it took a few weeks (not just 3 nights like some of the pps). A few weeks of whining/crying/yelling at bedtime and then being able to self-soothe was so worth it. He carried way, way less in the long run.

[redheadk]

We did it at 6 months to get her to go to sleep so a slightly different experience but I continued to nurse her when she woke during the night. At 12 months, we started working on night weaning. I would just set the timer on my phone for 10 minutes every time she woke up MOTN. If she was still crying after 10 minutes, I'd go in and nurse her but she very quickly started falling back asleep within 3 minutes then had dropped all MOTN wake ups by 14 months. DD is extremely small (2% on the girl WHO chart, tiny) so it made me nervous to nightwean.

Anyway, it was so worth it. Our lives improved so much and the quality of her sleep really improved, IMO.

For you, a glass of wine, a tv show that you enjoy (I watched Friends reruns) and something mindless to do with your hands (I tackled the laundry mountain) in between checks. Something to keep yourself busy and distracted but that you can easily put down.

Good luck! And the best advice I read was to really commit. If you are going to do it, stick with it for a week or so. Give it a chance to work.

ETA: DD still cries for 1-2 minutes every time we put her down for a nap or bedtime. She just does. It doesn't matter what we do so we just ignore it now. Mean? Maybe, but she will literally be standing in her crib crying then will just lay down and be sound asleep. It's strange but it works.

[redheadk]

Apr 18, 2014 8:58:08 GMT -5 @stilljustash said:

Good luck!!! I hope you're all sleeping like babies by next week!!

I kind of want to do this but she's only 4.5 months and I think that might be too young. She still rarely naps if she's not held. We are in for hell, I know.

Start reading and prepare yourself now. We did it at 5 months, 3 weeks out of sheer desperation. NO REGRETS.

[sunshineluv]

Good luck. It worked like a charm for us at 7 months, minimal crying and the results were lasting.

My only advice is not to sit outside his room and listen to the crying. Try to stay busy washing dishes, laundry, plucking eyebrows, whatever. If you just sit and listen you will be more miserable.

[daisybuchannan]

Godspeed.

First night sucks majorly.

At 13 mo I wouldn't feed. He might put up a good fight but remember this (it helped me get through sleep training)- the checks are for you not the baby. If they make it worse, stop them. Also, if you do the crying out thing and then cave bc you can't handle it, it's much more confusing for the baby and reinforces what you're trying to break. Not to say I haven't cracked more than once!

Sleep training is a bitch, and you'll likely have to train at random times in the future too.

C is 19 mo and has started waking up crying at around 10:30 consistently. We're doing CIO after going in for a few nights bc we were so out of sleep training mode.

[nancybotwin]

We are doing this tonight too! DD is having a sleepover at the grandparents because I don't want to worry about her waking up. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

[underwaterrhymes]

Apr 18, 2014 9:31:38 GMT -5 nancybotwin said:

We are doing this tonight too! DD is having a sleepover at the grandparents because I don't want to worry about her waking up. I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

Let's hold hands and drink wine together.

[ClaireOtoms]

Apr 18, 2014 9:00:03 GMT -5 sunshineluv said:

Good luck. It worked like a charm for us at 7 months, minimal crying and the results were lasting.

My only advice is not to sit outside his room and listen to the crying. Try to stay busy washing dishes, laundry, plucking eyebrows, whatever. If you just sit and listen you will be more miserable.

This is all brilliant, except I could envision plucking my browline completely bald in a fit of anxiety.  Better off scrubbing or folding!

[mommytutu]

I don't have experience on older babies. When I did my 3 they were all closer to 7 months. I wouldn't listen to the crying though.

Maybe I'm a bad mom but I would turn the tv on loud and check the video monitor at the appropriate times. I might have drank a glass of wine while waiting too. They left that part out of the book.

[noodleskooze]

Apr 18, 2014 9:48:32 GMT -5 mommytutu said:

I don't have experience on older babies. When I did my 3 they were all closer to 7 months. I wouldn't listen to the crying though.

Maybe I'm a bad mom but I would turn the tv on loud and check the video monitor at the appropriate times. I might have drank a glass of wine while waiting too. They left that part out of the book.

This was our method as well!

[sewpinkgal]

Sending you lots of luck tonight!

I did some sleep training pretty early just to get him to fall asleep on his own while keeping all MOTN feedings because he still needed them. It a crummy process, especially the first night, but you'll get through it. I'm glad to see you'll have wine - that'll help!

[soozy87]

What do you do when they go to sleep just fine in the beginning of the night but then wake up 8 times in the middle of the night? Let them scream for an hour at 2 a.m.?

[underwaterrhymes]

Apr 18, 2014 9:58:54 GMT -5 soozy87 said:

What do you do when they go to sleep just fine in the beginning of the night but then wake up 8 times in the middle of the night? Let them scream for an hour at 2 a.m.?

I have no idea.

We were desperate when this happened when he was about five months old and wound up going against everything we thought we would do and bringing him in to bed with us.

For the past eight months this has allowed us some nights of decent sleep, but mostly just enough sleep so that we are functional.

We enjoyed cosleeping quite a lot more than we expected and we are able to get more sleep than we were getting before, but it has obviously not solved our sleep issues. Most nights I'm getting fewer than 5 hours. And although K goes down at around 7 and wakes up around 6, he's still waking every 3 - 4 hours.

[sugarbear]

I think everyone else has given excellent advice. Loud television, ear plugs, and a constant mantra of "he needs this. He needs this. He needs this..." helped me. You might even leave for a bit?

With DS2, DH did the first bedtime by himself. I had parents' night at school, and by the time I got home, DS2 was sleeping.

6 months later, he still wakes to eat 1-2 times per night (he has STTN one time), but I feed him and he goes right back to sleep. I don't mind feeding him because, frankly, I'm just too lazy to night wean and I like the cuddles. But it's no big deal since it takes 10 minutes and he goes right back down. This is where Ferber made a huge difference for us.

Good luck!

[callalily]

Apr 18, 2014 8:16:30 GMT -5 cjoy said:

Stay strong! The first night is definitely the worst.

[br

So this. The first night is brutal. But if you stay strong each night after gets much better.