Help me with DS1

[meltoine]

DH is on an extended TDY and this is the first trip he's taken where ds1 has really noticed that he's gone. Before he'd ask once or twice a day when daddy was coming home, but since DH left he asks literally every 10-15 minutes he asks me if it's time to go to the airport and pick up daddy. He's acting out too and being uncharacteristically mean to DS2. 

What do you do with this? We made a calendar to cross of days until daddy gets home, but he just went and crossed off all the days when I wasn't looking. 

NomadicMama

[Deleted]

Is your H somewhere that he's able to phone or skype?

[meltoine]

May 7, 2014 13:15:41 GMT -5 @villainv said:

Is your H somewhere that he's able to phone or skype?

Yes. We FaceTime every night while we eat dinner. 

[NomadicMama]

How is DS1 during FT with his daddy? My LO was angry at DH and would not look at him or talk to him…until the day "Muppet" showed up. DH ordered a (ridiculous) Muppet puppet to entice LO, but, it worked.

As for the constant questions about when Daddy comes home…I'm not much help, my LO didn't ask (thankfully). Can you redirect DS1? Draw a picture for Daddy, send him a kiss (blown into the air), look at a picture of where Daddy is.

Can you talk to him in term of "sleeps"? Ten "big sleeps" (if he still naps) until Daddy comes home! You could find a picture of a bed, print out ten copies (or how ever many you need). Put all of the picture on one side of a chart. Each morning, DS1 gets to move a bed to the other side of the chart. When the beds are all on the other side of the chart, DS1 can see that's the day that Daddy will come home. He could still move the pictures on his own, but it's easier to "fix" and allows for conversation more readily that dealing with a calendar with premature Xs.

Good luck! I hope, for your sanity and DS1's sake, that your DH gets home soon!

[meltoine]

May 7, 2014 15:06:23 GMT -5 NomadicMama said:

How is DS1 during FT with his daddy? My LO was angry at DH and would not look at him or talk to him…until the day "Muppet" showed up. DH ordered a (ridiculous) Muppet puppet to entice LO, but, it worked.

As for the constant questions about when Daddy comes home…I'm not much help, my LO didn't ask (thankfully). Can you redirect DS1? Draw a picture for Daddy, send him a kiss (blown into the air), look at a picture of where Daddy is.

Can you talk to him in term of "sleeps"? Ten "big sleeps" (if he still naps) until Daddy comes home! You could find a picture of a bed, print out ten copies (or how ever many you need). Put all of the picture on one side of a chart. Each morning, DS1 gets to move a bed to the other side of the chart. When the beds are all on the other side of the chart, DS1 can see that's the day that Daddy will come home. He could still move the pictures on his own, but it's easier to "fix" and allows for conversation more readily that dealing with a calendar with premature Xs.

Good luck! I hope, for your sanity and DS1's sake, that your DH gets home soon!

He's great during FaceTime. We FaceTime with the grandparents every couple of days, so he's used to it and he likes it. 

I like the the bed idea, thank you!

[nsl]

We made a paper chain to count down to H's homecoming from deployment when DS1 was three, and it worked pretty well in terms of directing his anxiety towards something productive. We made a link every day, DS colored it as much (or as little) as he wanted, and then we added it to the chain.

FWIW, once the novelty of having Daddy gone wears off a bit, I'm willing to bet that your little guy will be a lot less anxious. He'll likely still be angry, though, and I'd give his preschool teachers a heads-up (if he goes to preschool) so they know to watch for problems and how to get him to talk about what's really bothering him.

[Deleted]

Those of you who count "sleeps" or days until daddy is home, how does this work with schedule changes? I know I rarely return on the day I'm supposed to...aircraft break, etc. TDYs are somewhat more predictable than deployments, so that helps.

I just imagine a child being devastated because they counted down sleeps, but mommy or daddy still doesn't come home.

[NomadicMama]

meltoine, how's DS1 doing?  Any better?  I hope so!  Thinking of you and your family!

[meltoine]

May 16, 2014 7:54:17 GMT -5 NomadicMama said:

meltoine, how's DS1 doing?  Any better?  I hope so!  Thinking of you and your family!

Thanks

hes doing sing a bit better. He still asks about his daddy constantly, but he doesn't get super sad when I tell him it will be a while longer. He's kind of shrugs it off but then occasionally gets really depressed sounding, which is actually kind of cute because it totally sounds fake. 

[traveljunkie13]

DH is currently deployed and what seems to be working so far with DD (3yrs) is our paper-chain and her "kisses from daddy" (chocolate kisses in a jar that she gets to pick out one each night before brushing her teeth for bed). DD does better with a long paper-chain that we break off each day. We told her that when all the paper was gone daddy would be home .....she seems to get it since she is always telling random people that her "daddy ployed and be home when all paper gone!" Same with the kisses.

This also lets me sneak a few on towards the end to account for travel or typical delays!

(I did have to make sure both were high enough that she had no way of reaching it without help!)