How to tell a 9 month old "no."

[alias]

E is nine months.  He can definitely understand some things we say.  If he is playing on the floor and grabbing something he shouldn't, I use his name and I tell him no or stop it or don't do that and he will stop and then test me to see if I'm serious.  Buuutttt, when I am changing him, he grabs at the mirror on the wall and pulls it (which is dangerous) and he constantly is turning over, squirming, grabbing stuff.  It's impossible.  And If I tell him no, raise my voice, use a stern voice, swat his hand, whatever, he just giggles uncontrollably and immediately does it again.  It is infuriating.  The only thing that *kinda* works is to stare him down.  Then he knows he's in trouble and stops, but he'll do it again when I stop.  

What do you do with a kid this age?!?

[alias]

Thanks. I know he doesn't fully understand and I just need to be patient. But, it's especially frustrating when it's dangerous and he just laughs at me. He literally rolled OFF the changing table the other day, but I was standing right there, so I "caught" him. But, it still scared the shit out of me.

When I feed him he likes to do raspberries and spit his food everywhere. It is hard not to laugh. I stop feeding him and set the food aside. Eventually he gets upset b/c he's hungry and he stops, but I don't think he really gets it yet.

This is such a fun and cute age, but frustrating too b/c they can get into so much trouble and don't really understand what not to do.

[dana86]

I think you are on the right track. It is a bit of a hard in between stage of them understanding and not. Consistency is what worked for us and depending on what he is doing saying no and moving away from said item. It can get frustrating and as they get more mobile it will probably get worse before better but it will get easier.

[karebear219]

I think you are on the right track. I would honestly take down the mirror for now. It's just too dangerous and they don't understand. It's only temporary. You can put it back up again later.

[shevacc]

I agree with spunbutterfly that around then we started setting limits with G and telling her no/taking things away. But we often still fell back on redirection and distraction especially at first.

[7costanza]

One thing that helps us during diaper changes is giving him something to hold that only lives on the changing table (Aquaphor, jar of bottom balm, etc) and lots of positive reinforcement for laying there calmly. We have also started doing lots of changes on the floor, he's so squirmy I worry about rolling off the table too.

[alias]

May 10, 2014 0:10:17 GMT -5 7costanza said:

One thing that helps us during diaper changes is giving him something to hold that only lives on the changing table (Aquaphor, jar of bottom balm, etc) and lots of positive reinforcement for laying there calmly. We have also started doing lots of changes on the floor, he's so squirmy I worry about rolling off the table too.

I try to give him something to distract him, but it doesn't always work. Or, I forget. Today I couldn't take it and just moved him to his crib.

[Deleted]

May 9, 2014 12:18:26 GMT -5 alias said:

E is nine months.  He can definitely understand some things we say.  If he is playing on the floor and grabbing something he shouldn't, I use his name and I tell him no or stop it or don't do that and he will stop and then test me to see if I'm serious.  Buuutttt, when I am changing him, he grabs at the mirror on the wall and pulls it (which is dangerous) and he constantly is turning over, squirming, grabbing stuff.  It's impossible.  And If I tell him no, raise my voice, use a stern voice, swat his hand, whatever, he just giggles uncontrollably and immediately does it again.  It is infuriating.  The only thing that *kinda* works is to stare him down.  Then he knows he's in trouble and stops, but he'll do it again when I stop.  

What do you do with a kid this age?!?

Remember, children don't automatically know what words mean, they learn the meaning through repetitive use and cues from their environment. So your 9 month old, even though he may recognize the sounds of "no" does not understand that it means you want him to stop what he is doing. A great way to work on that at this age is a simple "no" paired with redirection. Kids also strongly respond to tone of voice and facial expressions (well before understanding language) so using a stern tone with your "no" can help to reinforce. I tell parents I work with to think about using language that is "1 step ahead" of where their kids language is. At 9 months, E probably has no words or is just beginning to use words so you might want to think about using 1-2 word phrases with him. So for the raspberries, you could say "no blow" or something else short and simple and try to keep the phrase the same so he begins to associate that phrase with the consequence of the spoon being taken away or something. Hope that makes sense.

[alias]

I say no, use a stern voice, and serious face. And mostly he just laughs (when he's on the changing table or eating). I'll keep trying. It's confusing b/c sometimes it seems he dies understand. Like when he's playing with something he shouldn't a say his name and no or something and he stops and waits and watches me then grabs for it again to see if I'll say something.

Taking the food away for a moment seems to help. I redirect when he's crawling somewhere he shouldn't, but I wasn't regularly on the changing table. He has a stuffed alligator that lives in the changing table, so I've been giving him that to distract him and redirecting when he grabs stuff he shouldn't and it seems to be helping.

Thanks for all the suggestions.