I can't really regret my biggest mistakes, because I like where I am now, and I love my kids, and if I'd made the "right" decisions (in retrospect), I would be living a totally different life.
Of course I have small regrets day to day. I try not to dwell on them. ♪♪ Let it GO, let it GO... ♪♪
This is exactly how I feel. Basically my whole life from 1998-2005 was a giant bag of shit but I am very happy with where I am now so I guess I wouldn't change it...
I can't really say I regret anything. Do I wish I had done some things differently? Yes, I do. I think I regret not taking my schooling more seriously in high school for sure, but I also know that I learned from that and appreciate my school work more now.
I think something is only regretful if it had no value and you didn't learn from it.
I agree with this sentiment. However, most of my regrets have significantly affected my life today. I have certainly learned from them (as in, I know what I did wrong in the past) but they're things I can't change now. The schooling/financial ones for me are the reason I'm constantly worried about money. I highly regret those decisions I made as a young adult.
Is it possible to go back to school? How far away are you from graduating?
Instead of beating yourself up, what small steps can you take to make progress towards your goal?
I guess so. I mean, blah blah I wouldn't be where I am now without my choices, but there's plenty of crap I could've done better. Like when Leslie (who was cool and also my friendly acquaintance) asked me if I wanted to go to that house party in 11th grade and I said no because my other, closer friends weren't also invited and that felt disloyal. That was dumb. I should've asked if they could come too. Or gone without them; at least 2 turned out not to be long term friends so who cares if they'd been annoyed with me at age 16. And then I may not have felt so lame in high school. And had more life experience. Such that I could've avoided the first two losers I dated in college.
But, overall, provided that you don't get mired in the regret and move on, it is what it is.
But the last few months, I have been having ~feelings~ about not pushing my family harder to allow me to attend high school, and not trusting myself enough to go straight to a university. I think that I will always carry a bit of sad wondering about who I would be if those two things had been different. I am very, very happy with my life as a whole but I wonder what would be different for me on a micro level to have had those experiences and trusted my skills more. I don't want to change anything about my life, I just wonder sometimes what that sureness in myself would feel like.
Post by lolobeth802 on May 15, 2014 12:36:24 GMT -5
Yep. I have lots of regrets. I spent my high school years and even some of my 20's making mistake after mistake. I was really good at burning my own bridges. Very confused, didn't know who I was. I also suffered from depression and impulsivity. At 34, I am FINALLY secure, confident in most of my decisions and really know who I am as a person, wife and mother. But holy hell, it was a rough ride.
I regret any time I've been mean to others, but as for life choices, I am good. I made many mistakes in the past but , I am at a good place now and and anything I did before got me here...and I am happy.
pantsparty Yeah, I could go back. However, scraping the money up to re-register would be a difficult task. Plus I've been out so long now, almost three years, that I feel like I'd have to start over again. I'd be jumping into the second level classes at this point and that makes me very nervous, but I hate to start over and take out double the loans for classes I've already taken. I also left the school when DD was born with a 4.0 (amazing, considering what I left high school with!), and I want to maintain that. I do still plan to go back, but I'd like DD to be a little older before I do so I can focus a little better on the classes. At the age she's at now, I'd be too distracted and getting interrupted constantly. My H has a work schedule that's ever-changing as well, and it would be difficult to get homework done when he doesn't get home until 9:30 or 10 at night most weeks.
I know, sounds like a lot of excuses. When I do go back to finish what I started, I want to do it well and really know what I'm doing when I graduate. This particular point in my life is not a good time to do that. I figure once she's in kindergarten, we'll hopefully have the money and I'd have a little more time to finish.
Post by pantsparty on May 15, 2014 12:44:04 GMT -5
Yes, I do hear excuses. This is a post you started about regrets. Ultimately you regret not finishing school. It will not be fun, or easy, to go back, maybe re-take some classes, devote all your extra time to studying - but where do you want to be 5 years from now? Don't you think if you were making this post 5 years in the future you'd say something like, "I wish I hadn't let these concerns stand in my way of getting my degree." There will never be a perfect time to go back to school.
Maybe you don't register for 2 or 3 classes, maybe you take one. Get the ball rolling. You can do it!
We shouldn't have refinanced to a 15 year mortgage two years ago. We had a pretty good rate on our 30 year but rates dropped further. We did a cash in refinance to a 15 year at less than 3%. Yes, it will be advantageous to have paid our mortgage before DD goes to college, but it is about 1K/month more. We can swing it okay. Throw in the other extra 1K/month in expenses for DH's not yet functional private practice and money gets tight. We can make ends meet, but we shouldn't have done it. I don't care enough to undo it now that rate are higher.
ETA: I've made other bad decisions. Sometimes I think those decisions are shaped by who I am. While a different, better person might have done otherwise, I didn't. Refinancing is one of those concrete decisions with a specific impact. I don't think it reflects who I am or shaped anything other than our monthly budget.
Post by DotAndBuzz on May 15, 2014 12:52:15 GMT -5
I regret not recording my grandmother telling me all sorts of incredible family history before she had Alzheimer's. My aunt knows a fair amount, but my grandmother had stories of her grandparents, how they settled, daily life, intimate family stories and anecdotes that can't be found online or in a records book. I remember some, but not even close to the detail that she had.
Not really. I don't think I'd be who I am today without past decisions, good or bad.
I tend to agree with this for the most part. BUT, there were a few choices I've made that in hindsight I wish I had done differently - I opted not to spend a semester abroad in Germany studying engineering because of a stupid boyfriend (who ended up cheating on me with my sorority sister/roommate, asshole), and I will 10000000% encourage E and M to study abroad if ever given the opportunity.
I do regret not being in town when my dad had the open heart surgery from which he ultimately passed - it was a "routine" valve replacement, and he'd had one 10 years earlier with no issues, so I stayed in Chicago with the plan of coming home when he came home so I could help my mom. Needless to say, I ended up rushing that evening when my mom called and said there had been complications. My last words to him were over the phone and not in person, and I regret that decision pretty much all the time.
Yep. I wish I had stuck to my guns and insisted on attending UCLA instead of UCI, where I got a higher scholarship. My parents talked me into the latter for financial reasons but I think I would have had a very different college experience had I gone to the school I really wanted. There are other things to but that one's the biggie.
I try not to dwell on the "if only" - but sometimes it's hard not to.
I regret not recording my grandmother telling me all sorts of incredible family history before she had Alzheimer's. My aunt knows a fair amount, but my grandmother had stories of her grandparents, how they settled, daily life, intimate family stories and anecdotes that can't be found online or in a records book. I remember some, but not even close to the detail that she had.
Yessss. I wish we had paid more attention to my great-babcia and my dziadzia when they told stories about Poland and my dziadzia and great-dziadzia being coal miners in W.Va. It sucks that by the time we were old enough to appreciate all of the stories, people were gone or older and had forgotten details.
Trying to trace back my family to Poland has been so fricking hard because nobody remembers anything.
I regret going to the college I went to. I could have gone to a much better academic school with a better reputation and it probably would have been a better experience and led to more career opportunities.
I regret going to grad school for what I went to school for - there were other programs that would have led me more directly to a job I wanted. I didn't like my program and I think most of what I learned isn't really helping me at this point.
I regret living with and then marrying my XH. That whole relationship was a series of stupid mistakes and I wish I had wised up earlier and never gone down that path to begin with.
That said - I have a degree and relatively little debt from my undergrad, got one of my dogs there, and a lot of great memories. I met my best friend and adopted another dog during grad school, and I can't regret meeting the two of them. My marriage ended at the right time to meet my current BF, and at this moment I'm really glad things worked out that way because if the situation was different, I might never know my BF and probably wouldn't be dating him. I do mostly like my job and again, the series of events related to my grad degree/job led me to this point in my life. I am happy with most things in my life right now so I guess I should regret nothing because everything would be different if I hadn't done the things I regret.
i like the way my life has turned out even with the really bad stuff that happened. if the bad didn't happen i wouldn't have learned so much about myself.
I regret getting into credit card debt and leaving the house when I left xh. I should have fought harder to make him leave, but I felt sorry for him, and paid for it big time.