Let's play validate Copz. Wawa, here is your first

[shadow]

This reminds me of my hs bf's mom who insisted on a curfew when I took him to MY prom (not his). We had to leave the school-sanctioned after party at the mall early and I missed out on winning a fridge!!! (my name was called and I wasn't there to claim it) It didn't have any muscat in it, so what's the point, right? :-P

And they did love me, btw...even though I "taught him the ropes" so to speak. So I still vote don't take it personally. Does she seem to like BC otherwise?

Also, everytime I see BC in this thread, I think of birth control!

[cookiemdough]

Completely random, but Copz do you really want BC to date this guy all through college? Part of you is not cheering for her to try something different?

[brookles]

Jul 18, 2012 11:11:28 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Completely random, but Copz do you really want BC to date this guy all through college? Part of you is not cheering for her to try something different?

Hmmm that's an interesting point. I dated a high school dude all through college and wish I hadn't.

[heyjude]

Honestly, you both sound a little too involved in the relationship. They are adults and will figure this out.

[downtoearth]

I didn't read all the responses, but when I was 18 I dated a guy who's mom was the head of Right-to-Life in my state and very Catholic. We didn't work out, but in the course of our dating, she went from tolerating me, to midly annoyed at me, to outright calling me a slut and whore to her son (we hadn't slept together), to making me an ammends blanket to take to school out of state (that I called my "whore blankie"). She wasn't the reason we didn't work out, but any slight deviation or rebelious act from her son and she just assumed I was the reason. Maybe I was a bad influence, but for an 18 year old virgin who was going to a prestigious university, I was a very mild "bad" influence. Then again the dude did end up going to college at a very religous-right place and married a totally great Catholic girl to bear him many a Catholic children.

From my personal experience, I'd say, you're probably right to think BC's boyfriend is a bit of a mommy push-over, but I doubt there is anything you can do or say that will change that. Instead, I'd just hope that the relationship runs it course and that you don't end up sharing grandparent time with the weirdo mother of the boyfriend in a decade.

[copzgirl1171]

Jul 18, 2012 12:04:13 GMT -5 brookles said:

Jul 18, 2012 11:11:28 GMT -5 cookiemdough said:

Completely random, but Copz do you really want BC to date this guy all through college? Part of you is not cheering for her to try something different?

Hmmm that's an interesting point. I dated a high school dude all through college and wish I hadn't.

Oh, I want her to do what makes her happy. Like I said earlier, I don't want him or how he was raised make things difficult for her to have typical experiences of a college student.

[Deleted]

Eh, I can sort of see his mom wanting a curfew so her 19 year old son isn't coming and going as he pleases. It still is her house, you know? And the twin bed, I don't see this as a big deal. Maybe she doesn't want him taking his bed from home and doesn't want to spend money on a bigger bed that may get trashed in a college apartment.

[basilosaurus]

MrsDL, we had the same father. There was no reason for me to be out past midnight! And that's when the drunks start driving! Nevermind that I was usually just sitting on the beach chatting with a friend.

Surprisingly, despite their strictness, no curfew when I came home from college. I guess they thought I'd been trained enough by that point to know not to run the water more than a trickle b/c it would wake my mom, so it didn't matter when I was home.

Add me to those that shared a twin bed every night for a year until I got out of the dorms I had to buy my own bed, then, so I could get whatever I wanted.

[heightsyankee]

Jul 18, 2012 9:26:27 GMT -5 pixy0stix said:

Jul 18, 2012 8:46:56 GMT -5 wawa said:

You know what though, I will say this, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if this lady does have BC painted in her head as some sort of harlot. (that's right, I said harlot) But I still woudln't call that personal since she'd probably feel the exact same way about ANY girl A brought home. If you can't let go, you can't let go. There is no logic to it.

I'm here. I don't think it's any reflection on BC, rather just a reflection of a mom that doesn't want to let her baby go.

Me, too. And as a mom, I would say your job isn't to intervene so much as it is to make sure that BC doesn't get the same vibe that you're feeling. That could be really hard on her and, I've seen this ironic shit happen, make her feel like she has to try harder and hold on forever even if it isn't right because if it's wrong it's because of her. Not that it is, but she may internalize it, KWIM?

[Deleted]

I think we just found our resident helicopter parents folks!
This has absolutely nothing to do with you copz, sorry!

[StrawberryBlondie]

I had a curfew in high school when my parents didn't like the douche I was dating. The curfew magically went away when I broke up with him.

Then they tried to give me a curfew when I was home for the summer after my first and second years of college. It was probably horrible of me, but laughed at them and called it "cute."

[pescalita]

Jul 18, 2012 16:33:29 GMT -5 @bunnybean said:

And also, not that you want to think of this, copz, but for A's mom, a single bed is no impediment to college sex. I had a single all my years of college, and sex all years of college in it. H and I slept in that single bed together for our last two years of college nearly every night, and I'm not cute and tiny. We managed just fine. That's part of what college is about. A's mom is delusional if she thinks a single will keep that from happening.

If that isn't the truth.

Ah, the parking lot of the UPS depot...

[ringstrue]

As for the queen sides bed, maybe yall got the world's biggest dorms out there in Ohio, but where I've seen them the rooms are pretty darn small - even the *bigger* ones. I don't know that I'd read into that issue horribly, especially since she might not want the good, bigger bed to get trashed in a party accident or something else. Though we usually had furnished dorms on campus. You really have to bring your own bed??

I didn't have an in-town BF in college so summers were sort of a non-issue with sleep overs. Maybe I'm just a darn prude but midnight doesn't sound like that big of a deal? I mean, it's not 9:30pm. IMO, this issue will work its self out when he gets his own place so I still say, whatevs.

So summary: I don't think I'd read into those 2 things as "A's mom thinks your daughter is a harlot"

[Deleted]

She is a crazy pants who won't cut the apron strings.

I would recommend most women tread lightly here. Who wants to deal with a momma's boy?

[eclaires]

Ditto IIOY. She sounds like my mom (Irish-Catholic, btw), who was fucking BSC about pretty much everything my brothers did, ever. Less so with me, but that's because I was an anti-social bookworm 1/2 the time. My mom is a total control freak and my brother is currently staying at their house b/c he bought a house and it wasn't quite habitable when he had to be out of his rental. She blows up his phone on the regular if he isn't home when she is home. AND HE IS 27.

She also claims she can't sleep if she doesn't know where everyone is. I personally think she'd benefit from some anxiety meds and perhaps some other drugs.

Anyway, as for advice, I'd mostly stay out of it, but just keep reinforcing babycopz's confidence in the decisions she makes. It's okay for her to grow up and be an adult, etc., even if the boyfriend's mom wants to try and impede that with her own kids. There's nothing wrong with wanting to grow up and wanting more grown up things as you age. I think (reading between the lines) you may think that if BC wants to do typical college stuff, her BF may resist and potentially make her feel bad for wanting those experiences b/c of the way his mother is. I think all you can do is be there for her and validate that growing up is normal, natural, and that she should be confident in that, even if she makes mistakes along the way.

GL!