Please don't make me go to The Bump

[Deleted]

Told my mom last night that we're expecting. She's upset and said "Your father and I have done everything we could to make you successful, why you choose to be unsuccessful is beyond me."

She continued on about how I've ruined my life until I cried and got off the phone.

She texted me about an hour later apologizing, saying "I did hurt your feelings and I'm sorry I realize I had wrongly had some goals I had set for you and that is totally NOT my place so I will just be happy and supportive of you You will be an awesome mom!!!!!!"


This is the first time she's ever apologized for anything she's said or done, I just don't understand why she acts this way.

[poppyseed]

Why would she be so upset? That was a little harsh of her.

Oh, and congrats!

[bcv513]

How is having a baby unsuccessful? I'm confused

[jenn1298]

Aww, I'm sorry that was her reaction. At least she came around and apologized.

Congratulations!

[cbwm1]

Is having a baby really ruining your life? How is having a baby going to make you unsuccessful? What amazing goals did she have set for you that you won't fulfill now?

You're an adult. You live your own life. It was really unfair and douchey of her to act like she did. I'd stear clear for awhile until she can fully realize how badly she hurt your feelings and truly apologize instead of, "i'm sorry, BUT...". Because that's bullshit.

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2012 7:58:14 GMT -5 bcv513 said:

How is having a baby unsuccessful? I'm confused

I have no idea- my assumption is that she thinks it'll slow my career or I'll become a stay at home mom (like she was)

[Deleted]

I feel like my mom is a really unhappy person, and she misplaces a lot of her own shitty feelings about herself onto me, and it sucks.

[peachykate]

I'm glad she apologized but that was awful of her. I'm sorry!

Congratulations!!!

[Deleted]

First off, congrats!

Second, wth? That was a really crappy thing for her to do/say. I don't think you'd be out of line to take some time off from her.

[hi725]

I'm sorry your mom is such a snatch. She was totally out of line, and her "goals" for you are most likely hang-ups over her own failures. Try not to let it bother you. If you are happy about your pregnancy, that's all that matters.

[ktkl09]

What a terrible reaction .

Congratulations on your baby though!

[tulip]

First Congratulations!!!

Second, I don't know what happens to some people when a baby is announced. I'm glad she apologized but you won't get over the hurt for awhile.

My H is still pissed at MIL over her reaction. He even brought it up again to her recently when he confronted her on another issue.

A baby changes your life but it doesn't ruin it or goals. I'd put some distance between you two for a couple of weeks so you can deal with the disappointment of her reaction.

[idoinjuly]

I would have a very hard time getting past what she said. I think I'd need a break and even after that, I wouldn't share many details of my pregnancy with her. Congratulations to you!

[Deleted]

I think distance is a good and healthy thing, especially for me right now.

I hate that I can't just have a civil conversation with her and talk about things rationally, that I have to resort to not interacting with her.

[cleo29]

Congratulations!!

I'm sorry your mom could not just bite her tongue and be happy for you. I do think as parents, many times, we have tons of dreams for our children and want them to avoid any of the mistakes that we made and perhaps that is where she was coming from. Not that being a mom or having you was a mistake, but maybe she is sad that she kind of gave up her other dreams too.

And, my mom acted less than thrilled when I told her I was pregnant with C and it was hurtful, so I get you on this. I'm happy that she apologized to you and without any prompting from you at all, which I do think is big and makes it sincere.

[partiallysunny]

Jul 18, 2012 8:03:51 GMT -5 @bettyhomewrecker33 said:

I feel like my mom is a really unhappy person, and she misplaces a lot of her own shitty feelings about herself onto me, and it sucks.

I was going to suggest this, but it seems you already know.

I'm sorry, my parents can be like this and it's very frustrating.

[margarita]

That was pretty harsh. How does having a baby = being unsuccessful?

And, congrats!

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2012 8:21:38 GMT -5 @booby said:

how old are you?

I'm 25 - the same age she was when she was pregnant with me.

[cleo29]

Jul 18, 2012 8:23:54 GMT -5 @bettyhomewrecker33 said:

Jul 18, 2012 8:21:38 GMT -5 @booby said:

how old are you?

I'm 25 - the same age she was when she was pregnant with me.

yeah, i think she is projecting her regrets on to to you.

[Deleted]

Yeah my thoughts too, but I'm sad for her that she has so many regrets. She quit working when I was born and became a stay at home mom. I won't be doing the same. I feel bad that she feels so low about herself and her accomplishments.

[Deleted]

Don't let her feelings of inadequacy reflect on you. Harder said than done, I know.

That sucks major. I am sorry. My FIL had a less than thrilled reaction when we told him we were pregnant. It sucked. I could not imagine if my mother said that.


And congrats! There is a baby on the way, and that is all that matters!

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2012 8:29:45 GMT -5 @booby said:

Jul 18, 2012 8:23:54 GMT -5 @bettyhomewrecker33 said:

I'm 25 - the same age she was when she was pregnant with me.

i agree that she is projecting. but let's be honest for a second. this isn't the 70s. 25 is kinda young.

either way, it's certainly not too young. and she'll come around.

I agree that 25 is young, and I can understand how a mother would feel that way especially about her own child. I think if she didn't always project like this I'd feel differently about her delivery of words.

[Kit]

Congrats!

Way harsh of her, but it's nice that she apologized. I don't think you should feel bad about taking some time away from her. I would have a hard time if my mom said something like that to me, too.

[Deleted]

Congratulations! Wow. I would be seriously hurt if my mom did that, even with her apology it still stings. I agree with the pp that she is projecting what she seems as her failures in life onto you.

This too shall pass and I hope this doesn't sting for too long.

[Cayl]

Congratulations!

And don't let her feelings sway you one way or another - if things change and you decide that you want to be a SAHM, that's perfectly fine. I know some people who had said they were going back to work and then changed their mind and love being a SAHM. It's not for me, but don't let her influence any of your decisions with her regrets.

[bostonrunnah]

Jul 18, 2012 8:06:07 GMT -5 idoinjuly said:

I would have a very hard time getting past what she said. I think I'd need a break and even after that, I wouldn't share many details of my pregnancy with her. Congratulations to you!

This. She seems just delightful.

Congrats!

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2012 8:44:01 GMT -5 @astrid said:

I think that if she keeps commenting like that, you should build in some distance. She seems unnecessarily hurtful. I think you'll be a fantastic mom. <hug>

Thanks Astrid!

[julez]

Jul 18, 2012 8:03:51 GMT -5 @bettyhomewrecker33 said:

I feel like my mom is a really unhappy person, and she misplaces a lot of her own shitty feelings about herself onto me, and it sucks.

It sounds like you hit the nail on the head.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Deleted]

Jul 18, 2012 8:03:51 GMT -5 @bettyhomewrecker33 said:

I feel like my mom is a really unhappy person, and she misplaces a lot of her own shitty feelings about herself onto me, and it sucks.

My mom does this too, it sucks.

[Deleted]

Congratulations!

Sorry your mom had such an insensitive reaction, but I think it's good that you can look at the situation and know that it is about her not you and that distancing yourself is healthy.