I think we can also probably agree that the wedding stuff is highly regional.
People will probably flame me for saying this- but there are a lot of things that people say about weddings that are NOT normal for weddings here. Just like you may have never thought to change outfits in between, I would never think to bring my kid to an evening reception. It just doesn't happen. I think weddings in the midwest might be more laid back? One of my bff's family is from the midwest, and there were a lot of obvious differences in her family vs those from where we live at her wedding last year. One of her cousins wore a baby in a bjorn during the evening reception.
Midwest weddings I have been to also include: dollar dance cash bars chicken dance outdoor weddings at 90+ degrees gaps between ceremony and reception registry info in the invites
I had a gap. Ceremony was from 3-4 at our church, reception cocktail hour started at 6:30 at the catering facility. People can entertain themselves. I've only ever been to 1 wedding that didn't have a gap and the whole time my parents were complaining that it was weird.
I've never been to a wedding where I had to change oufits.
i only fel like i HAVE to if the ceremony is daytime and the reception is night time. it's really hard to find an outfit that works for both. so, instead of sweating it, i just wear day-wear for the ceremony and evening-wear for the reception.
i didn't make this up. this is how people do, here.
I need to find a therapist but I have no idea on how to go about finding one. When I saw one for my PPD, I found one that specialized in that. My issues now aren't related to PPD.
I am feeling pretty shitty about myself these days. I am not cut out to be a mom at all. I love my kids and go through the motions and do fun stuff with them, but I am pretty sure I shouldn't have had kids. I am tired all the time, irritated with them and it's not their fault. They are just kids. And good ones at that.
I want to enjoy my time with them and love to play with them and love to be with them. I want to be one of those moms who loves being with their kids 24/7 instead of counting down the minutes until bedtime when I can have some quiet.
I know this sounds awful and I will probably get flamed to hell for it.
I have been to casual weddings and to black tie weddings, to all-one-venue weddings and church followed by reception weddings. On the east coast, west coast and the Midwest. I have never been to a wedding at which guests changed clothes between ceremony and reception. Except for maybe putting on flip flops when heels started hurting.
And the longest gap I ever experienced was about 2 hours.
Changing for the reception sounds like too much of a hassle to me. Especially when a lot of friends all have weddings around the same time. That's a lot of new outfits.
my confession: I am bored out of my mind at jury duty, but still a bit glad I didn't have to go to work today.
Thanks. It's so hard bc I get pissed off and bitch about it, but it only hurts my H further bc he sees how shitty it is. My H is literally the best husband and dad, and so outgoing and fun to be around. If you ask anyone that knows him they will literally rave about what a great guy he is. If anyone compliments him in front of or to his mom, she will either act surprised or flat out ignore it.
i feel our H's are really similar. i have always detected a distaste from my MIL and FIL - as in, they aren't proud of how amazing H is. in fact, when he is going through hard times (with his health, or when he lost his job), they seem to enjoy it. as soon as he is successful at something or someone says how great he is, it's like they are annoyed. or jealous.
it is SO fucked up to me. they take the fun out of dysfunction.
My confession is that I'm sad that people seem to favor one of my babies over the other.
Aww, both of your babes are darling (and L too, of course!). I'm sorry favoritism is being shown That would make me sad, too.
About 10 min after my parents picked the kids up that afternoon, my mom called me asking to clarify a few things because Weezy was telling her about the twin babies she met, but they didn't really match because they "had different colors." lol. I had to explain that she did indeed meet twin babies but they didn't match b/c they were boy/girl and they had different colored eyes.
Thanks. It's so hard bc I get pissed off and bitch about it, but it only hurts my H further bc he sees how shitty it is. My H is literally the best husband and dad, and so outgoing and fun to be around. If you ask anyone that knows him they will literally rave about what a great guy he is. If anyone compliments him in front of or to his mom, she will either act surprised or flat out ignore it.
i feel our H's are really similar. i have always detected a distaste from my MIL and FIL - as in, they aren't proud of how amazing H is. in fact, when he is going through hard times (with his health, or when he lost his job), they seem to enjoy it. as soon as he is successful at something or someone says how great he is, it's like they are annoyed. or jealous.
it is SO fucked up to me. they take the fun out of dysfunction.
Assholes.
The kicker is, MIL's favorite son (yes, there is a clear favorite) is very short with her, somewhat socially awkward (25 and never dated) and the exact opposite of my H. His therapist said that it seems like she shows outward distain for those that embody what she wishes she could have been. It makes so much sense. My H is her opposite. I am also her opposite. She has made a lot of comments before about how I'm such a "skinny minny, size NOTHING, etc" (her words not mine lol). She makes it seem like any interest in fashion/appearance is shallow. She doesn't wear makeup, wears all ll bean, eddy bauer, and (sorry) lands end, etc.
We were approached for Connor to model, and went on a "go see" in ny a while back. She never said anything positive about it, and actually said (trying to make it seem like a joke) "well you know what they say about people that are so beautiful when they're young..." Indicating that they grow up to be ugly. WTF.
I need to find a therapist but I have no idea on how to go about finding one. When I saw one for my PPD, I found one that specialized in that. My issues now aren't related to PPD.
I am feeling pretty shitty about myself these days. I am not cut out to be a mom at all. I love my kids and go through the motions and do fun stuff with them, but I am pretty sure I shouldn't have had kids. I am tired all the time, irritated with them and it's not their fault. They are just kids. And good ones at that.
I want to enjoy my time with them and love to play with them and love to be with them. I want to be one of those moms who loves being with their kids 24/7 instead of counting down the minutes until bedtime when I can have some quiet.
I know this sounds awful and I will probably get flamed to hell for it.
I hope no one flames you b/c it sounds like you're depressed. Maybe not PPD, but definitely depressed. Does your insurance have a phone number to call? Ours has a number you call, you tell the person a tiny bit of what's wrong and where you're located and they give you a few dr's in the area. Kind of like a broker. I hope you're able to find someone to talk to. ::hugs::
My confession is that I'm sad that people seem to favor one of my babies over the other. It's lame, I know, but it makes my heart hurt. One of my babies is outgoing and smiley and generally happy most of the time. My other baby is more particular and doesn't like to be held by others. Because people don't usually get to hold the one baby, I think, they tend to favor the other. The grandmas call and ask all about one baby and gush on and on about how cute this baby is, but don't say a thing about the other, even when I offer updates. My MIL was in town last week and kept saying over and over how much she loves the one baby, but never once said the same about the other.
I'm sure it will all even out over the years, but for now, I feel protective and sad for the overlooked baby.
I love all THREE of your babies cause holy crap they're all adorable
I need to find a therapist but I have no idea on how to go about finding one. When I saw one for my PPD, I found one that specialized in that. My issues now aren't related to PPD.
I am feeling pretty shitty about myself these days. I am not cut out to be a mom at all. I love my kids and go through the motions and do fun stuff with them, but I am pretty sure I shouldn't have had kids. I am tired all the time, irritated with them and it's not their fault. They are just kids. And good ones at that.
I want to enjoy my time with them and love to play with them and love to be with them. I want to be one of those moms who loves being with their kids 24/7 instead of counting down the minutes until bedtime when I can have some quiet.
I know this sounds awful and I will probably get flamed to hell for it.
Post by daisybuchannan on Jun 5, 2014 12:47:18 GMT -5
oregonpachey Def see someone, bc it sounds like you're depressed. Motherhood is hard, and I would guess that you're focusing your depression/fears on motherhood. I bet you're a great mom, you just need a little more confidence. Any mom that hasn't counted down until nap or bedtime is a liar.
i feel our H's are really similar. i have always detected a distaste from my MIL and FIL - as in, they aren't proud of how amazing H is. in fact, when he is going through hard times (with his health, or when he lost his job), they seem to enjoy it. as soon as he is successful at something or someone says how great he is, it's like they are annoyed. or jealous.
it is SO fucked up to me. they take the fun out of dysfunction.
Assholes.
The kicker is, MIL's favorite son (yes, there is a clear favorite) is very short with her, somewhat socially awkward (25 and never dated) and the exact opposite of my H. His therapist said that it seems like she shows outward distain for those that embody what she wishes she could have been. It makes so much sense. My H is her opposite. I am also her opposite. She has made a lot of comments before about how I'm such a "skinny minny, size NOTHING, etc" (her words not mine lol). She makes it seem like any interest in fashion/appearance is shallow. She doesn't wear makeup, wears all ll bean, eddy bauer, and (sorry) lands end, etc.
We were approached for Connor to model, and went on a "go see" in ny a while back. She never said anything positive about it, and actually said (trying to make it seem like a joke) "well you know what they say about people that are so beautiful when they're young..." Indicating that they grow up to be ugly. WTF.
Ugh, I want to come there and kick her ass for you!!! She sounds toxic and awful. We need polka to come and give her a verbal beat down!
ETA I extend my services to @booby and @lazerus24 as well. Who the fuck do these people think they are?!?
You're talking a girl who wore these under her wedding dress:
I wore flip flops with my wedding dress (ETA, my dress was knee length too) the second time around. But I had to walk on a dirt road/path and through a maze of trees to get to where we actually help the ceremony. Plus I was 7 months pregnant and that was NOT happening in heels. Although, I don't think I would've worn heels if none of that other stuff were factors anyway.
Post by daisybuchannan on Jun 5, 2014 12:52:22 GMT -5
calamity I can be a bitch, and will speak up. I'm pretty sure she's been really quiet and cold around me after I did speak up. Connor was sick and I had to teach 2 classes, too late to get a sub. I asked if she could watch him for a few hours (this was maybe 4 months ago and the last time I'll ever ask). She came over and then when I said I'll be back around 11:30, she was all of a sudden really put out and surprised. She said she didn't know it would be that long, and she didn't pack lunch (wtf). I told her we had food, showed her where it was, and after she still acted put out (she has 0 friends, literally sits at home all day) I asked if she had plans that we were interrupting. She hesitated and said "well, no" and I said "because if you have somewhere you need to be, please tell me now so I don't feel guilty the entire time I'm out."
I think she was pissed I dare say anything to her, and she's holding it against me.
I need to find a therapist but I have no idea on how to go about finding one. When I saw one for my PPD, I found one that specialized in that. My issues now aren't related to PPD.
I am feeling pretty shitty about myself these days. I am not cut out to be a mom at all. I love my kids and go through the motions and do fun stuff with them, but I am pretty sure I shouldn't have had kids. I am tired all the time, irritated with them and it's not their fault. They are just kids. And good ones at that.
I want to enjoy my time with them and love to play with them and love to be with them. I want to be one of those moms who loves being with their kids 24/7 instead of counting down the minutes until bedtime when I can have some quiet.
I know this sounds awful and I will probably get flamed to hell for it.
daisybuchannan I didn't mean to insinuate you can't handle her yourself, I am sure you can. I'm enraged on your behalf is all!
My MIL is actually very similar, and my H has to deal with her with very clear boundaries and responding similar to your interaction with your MIL. His therapist keeps telling him, "You keep going to the well expecting a different result. The well is dry. It will always be dry. Learn to accept and change your expectations". Very wise, but it's not an easy thing to do.
I know this sounds awful and I will probably get flamed to hell for it.
It does sound awful, but not in the way you mean. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this Please don't feel badly about yourself. Ask your current therapist for a referral for someone with a diff specialty. Or talk to this one and tell them your issues are different and they will hopefully shift their focus to suit your current needs.
Here's a really, really stupid confession. An irrational annoyance of mine. It bugs me to no end that MM still entertains or responds to bliss. Her newest SN was created to tell the board to fuck off. She flaked on SS, then pops back in a few months later with the same stupid questions and they respond like she's going to take their advice. I just cannot understand why they even bother responding to her, especially after her fuck off post and the fact she stiffed Farmville on SS.
Stupid, irrational annoyance, I know. Not even my home board, so I probably shouldn't care.
I've never been to a wedding in a church, they have all been wedding/reception at the same place.
For my wedding I did the pictures beforehand. There was a 15 minute gap so the guests could get booze and get seated. People were perfectly welcome to dress like whores for my wedding. No slut shaming!
Here's a really, really stupid confession. An irrational annoyance of mine. It bugs me to no end that MM still entertains or responds to bliss. Her newest SN was created to tell the board to fuck off. She flaked on SS, then pops back in a few months later with the same stupid questions and they respond like she's going to take their advice. I just cannot understand why they even bother responding to her, especially after her fuck off post and the fact she stiffed Farmville on SS.
Stupid, irrational annoyance, I know. Not even my home board, so I probably shouldn't care.
I don't get it either.
Plus, she's a pathological liar so it's not like anything she says is true anyway.
My confessional is that some people are weirdly smug about weddings and it's not very becoming.
Post by trafficgirl on Jun 5, 2014 13:24:55 GMT -5
julez - that is one of my biggest fears. It hasn't happened yet, the boys are treated pretty equally by all. But I can tell one is more smiley and outgoing (right now) and the other is more subdued/finicky. I'm hoping it's not an indication of their permanent personalities.
Thanks. It's so hard bc I get pissed off and bitch about it, but it only hurts my H further bc he sees how shitty it is. My H is literally the best husband and dad, and so outgoing and fun to be around. If you ask anyone that knows him they will literally rave about what a great guy he is. If anyone compliments him in front of or to his mom, she will either act surprised or flat out ignore it.
i feel our H's are really similar. i have always detected a distaste from my MIL and FIL - as in, they aren't proud of how amazing H is. in fact, when he is going through hard times (with his health, or when he lost his job), they seem to enjoy it. as soon as he is successful at something or someone says how great he is, it's like they are annoyed. or jealous.
it is SO fucked up to me. they take the fun out of dysfunction.
MY ILs are like this. My FIL is extremely jealous of my husband. It's the most bizarre dynamic. Anytime my H accomplishes something great at work, or anyone tells him what a great dad he is, my FIL just does not have the ability to compliment or encourage him. It's really sad.