::eye roll::

[meltoine]

A friend from high school, just moved out to 29 to live with her Marine BF. This morning on FB she's congratulating herself for packing him a lunch everyday and "OMG why don't all the other wives take care of their men? They work so hard! I even baked cookies for his unit! Yep! I'm that girl who's just so awesome!"

OMG. I feel like I'm irrationally angry about this but um, just because my H is a grown adult who packs his own lunch doesn't mean I don't love him. Maybe I just have my own job and two kids to deal with and he loves me enough to do it himself instead of adding to my to-do list. 

[pennylane]

Um, what? No. Just no.

I had a friend like that who bragged about getting up early to make her husband breakfast every morning and pack his lunch. She thought I was horrible for not doing the same. No thanks, he can figure out how to feed himself. I hate the "i love my husband more than you love yours" shit.

[Deleted]

Man, I wish my husband would pack my lunch. Except that I'm a grown adult who can do it myself.

If that's her biggest accomplishment, then I feel kind of bad for her.

[maebyfunke]

Lol! I think I've packed H's lunch twice in four years of marriage. And that's because he was getting everything else ready the night before a 4:30 show. Feel sorry for my man, beebee girlfriend!

[Dory1988]

You are not being irrational. That's just annoying.

[amaristella]

Yesterday I was only 20 minutes late picking DH up from work because I lost track of time trying to find chicken bouillon at the commissary that wasn't already expired. Yep! I'm that girl who's just so awesome!

Oh. And I put gas in the car too!

[nsl]

I'm clearly the least awesome wife ever because not only have I never once packed H's lunch in 11 years of marriage, but he actually packs lunches for the boys and me before he leaves for work every morning.

[beans]

I would probably respond (if I responded) with some kind of rant on patriarchal bullshit or gender roles or my H didn't marry my to be a maid/cook. Plus I've always worked. I must hate my h.

[beans]

Jun 13, 2014 17:35:50 GMT -5 Stan said:

Jun 13, 2014 16:42:23 GMT -5 beans said:

I would probably respond (if I responded) with some kind of rant on patriarchal bullshit or gender roles or my H didn't marry my to be a maid/cook. Plus I've always worked. I must hate my h.

When you outrank him I hope he makes you dinner! Lol.

a lady can dream

[meltoine]

I did respond saying that my husband loves me enough not to add to my workload when he knows I take care of both kids, the house, and work part time.

She was all "well I work part time and I manage to find time" yeah... Talk to me when you have kids and/or a full time job, and when you've been living together for more than 10 days.

The sad part is that she has a master's degree, has traveled all over the world, lived in Asia and Europe for years at a time....this is not an uneducated or super young bee bee. I thought she was normal!

[amaristella]

Jun 13, 2014 18:12:11 GMT -5 meltoine said:

She was all "well I work part time and I manage to find time" yeah... Talk to me when you have kids and/or a full time job, and when you've been living together for more than 10 days.

We need an emoticon that represents rolling on the floor laughing. Now that my kid is older I can find time to pee. Sometimes.

[meltoine]

Jun 13, 2014 20:53:44 GMT -5 Stan said:

Jun 13, 2014 18:12:11 GMT -5 meltoine said:

I did respond saying that my husband loves me enough not to add to my workload when he knows I take care of both kids, the house, and work part time.

She was all "well I work part time and I manage to find time" yeah... Talk to me when you have kids and/or a full time job, and when you've been living together for more than 10 days.

The sad part is that she has a master's degree, has traveled all over the world, lived in Asia and Europe for years at a time....this is not an uneducated or super young bee bee. I thought she was normal!

Sometimes the beebee pull of military love can be too much.

I wonder sometimes what it is exactly about servicemembers that attracts the beebees. 

[maebyfunke]

Jun 13, 2014 22:36:30 GMT -5 Stan said:

meltoine It's the ability to be an AW. To be able to talk about how HARD it is without actually having to do it yourself!

Lol attention by proxy. Thank you for your "service."

[meltoine]

Jun 13, 2014 22:36:30 GMT -5 Stan said:

meltoine It's the ability to be an AW. To be able to talk about how HARD it is without actually having to do it yourself!

Sad but true. 

[NomadicMama]

I'm relieved to know that my Army DH won't be working with is particular Marine. If DH learned how well your friend takes care of her Marine, DH might leave me for her! I am a pitiful excuse for a SAHM/W. Not only do I not make DH's lunch, but he does his own laundry, too.   ^o)

I do remember being a bit more gung-ho about "taking care of my soldier".  But then real life settled in.  I love my DH, I am proud of his work and who he is, but there are no pedestals in our marriage! 

Sadly, I think a reason that the "attention by proxy" is so prevalent is the challenge for the trailing spouse to maintain her identity year after year, duty station after duty station.

i knew a woman who tried to reinvent herself with each move.   (huh)   One location was "fitness", another was "social".  By the time I met her, she was running out of ideas.  (Interestingly, while at that duty station, she decided to leave her husband, so I guess that she found an new identity after all.)

[meltoine]

Jun 15, 2014 4:21:33 GMT -5 NomadicMama said:

I'm relieved to know that my Army DH won't be working with is particular Marine. If DH learned how well your friend takes care of her Marine, DH might leave me for her! I am a pitiful excuse for a SAHM/W. Not only do I not make DH's lunch, but he does his own laundry, too.  

I do remember being a bit more gung-ho about "taking care of my soldier".  But then real life settled in.  I love my DH, I am proud of his work and who he is, but there are no pedestals in our marriage! 

Sadly, I think a reason that the "attention by proxy" is so prevalent is the challenge for the trailing spouse to maintain her identity year after year, duty station after duty station.

i knew a woman who tried to reinvent herself with each move.   (huh)   One location was "fitness", another was "social".  By the time I met her, she was running out of ideas.  (Interestingly, while at that duty station, she decided to leave her husband, so I guess that she found an new identity after all.)

I remember wanting to take care of him like that early on too, but I never dreamed of being stupid enough to judge women I had never met for not doing the same. 

As as to reinvention lady, that sounds exhausting. But I do understand the motive. It's tempting to create projects like that for yourself to carve out a shred of identity. 

[Dory1988]

I just wanted to add to this by saying today I saw "I <3 my MSgt" on a car decal. Someone really wants people to know she's married to MSgt...

[prettyinpink]

The fact that she feels so accomplished by it bothers me otherwise I make DH lunch periodically. Like I throw the container of leftovers in his lunch bag with a yogurt and utensils. Sometimes if he's running late and I'm making my lunch I'll make him a sandwich if we don't have leftovers and throw it in his bag. But that's only so he has lunch and doesn't have to try and run out on his 30 min lunch to get something. I don't do it to be awesome, that's silly.

[brandienee]

The identity thing has always bugged me. It's partly why I don't have much to do with spouse groups on base. I don't want to be seen as Capt. So and So's wife, it is only a small part of who I am. And unfortunately, a lot of spouses can't seem to go beyond that.

Also, he is a grown ass man, he can make his own lunch. I am not his babysitter/mother. (another identity thing, I suppose, lol)