I want to talk about the boy

[montereybride]

Yesterday he texted me to ask me if I had plans that night. He's never done that. I've always been the one to text or email and ask if he wants to do something or hang out. He's said that he's never the one to make plans because he figures if people want to hang out with him, then they will get in touch with him. Part of it is a little self-esteem issue on his part. Part of it is he was beat to hell by his ex-wife and made to feel worthless so it's hard for him to put himself out there.

Just now, he unexpectedly stopped by my office. He was driving home, saw my car in the lot, and stopped by to say 'hi.' He's also never done that. Yes, I'm still at work. I have a HUGE project that I need to finish by 3pm tomorrow. Bleh

and omg the kiss he laid on me in the parking lot. Wowza!

Here is what I've done in the last few days... I have been very breezy and cool toward him. I've emailed like normal, shared funny stories and pics, BUT I have not asked to hang out even once. I have not texted to see how his night is going. I have not texted him good night. I've given him some space.

Part of me thinks this is a very smart move on my part.

I like him. A lot. Which means I need my head examined because, hello, going through a divorce.

Discuss. Flame. Whatever.

[montereybride]

42 of you have nothing to say about my shenanigans?

Sweet!!

[spitforspat]

Ok, so I didn't want to be another viewer and leave you hanging. So I googled "the boy" to find a funny pic to post. But, that apparently leads you to a bunch of naked men. Hmm.

[So_Fetch]

Jun 13, 2014 0:53:58 GMT -5 montereybride said:

42 of you have nothing to say about my shenanigans?

Sweet!!

Silent approval. Go with that.

[MrsAggie]

I vocally approve

[Deleted]

Breathe mama. Slow down and enjoy the ride. Eyes wide open and you'll be fine.

NO SUDDEN MOVEMENTS. lol.

But for reals, just have fun. Lots of fish in the sea - you play that breezy game for a while before you get all shacked up again, ya hear me?

[sonrisa]

Yay for a fun rebound, right?

[Linie]

No flames at all. Enjoy it!

[underwaterrhymes]

For a casual relationship, this sounds fine.

But he sounds like a game player to me. Be cautious with anything more.

[livinitup]

I'm glad he's a great kisser. Enjoy that. The rest sounds like a lot of work and head games.

I hope you get to kiss a lot of great kissers.

[bab]

Sounds like a lot of game playing which is totally fine as long as you are aware of it and are just in this for a fun, rebound type thing.

[kaybee85]

Jun 13, 2014 5:55:32 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Rebounds are fun!

But, him stopping into your office because he "saw your car" is a bit weird to me, especially given the time of night.

yeah that part and the insecurity part sent ioff clingy alarms, but I agree with everyone to have fun while being aware that you both have to heal from a major emotional trauma.

[sapphireblue]

My exH moved out two years ago, I started meeting guys (OKCupid) about a year after that. In my 20s (I'm in my 40s now) I was always of the mindset that I needed to take time to get over a relationship, reflect upon it, etc. before dating again. Plus, I just get attached and would be pining for my ex in some ways.

Anyway, last year I was dating a guy from OKC for five months and he broke up with me. I was really sad, I really liked him. However, this time, thanks to the magic that is OKC, I had lots of other guys lining up wanting to meet me or have sex with me. So I went for it! And I learned something--it is a great way to distract yourself from the pain, and stop ruminating.

I met a guy three weeks after that breakup and now we are in love. So go for it, enjoy it, it's fun and it makes you feel good about yourself. MUCH better than the shitty feelings associated with your marriage ending, right? Life is short! I am happy for you!

ETA: and I like your strategy about being friendly and breezy but not bringing up getting together...it should be more even and it sounds like it's evening out now!

[Deleted]

Just teasing - I agree with those who say don't jump in, too much, too fast, but keeping it light and fun sounds good to me...and enjoy the hell out of those new kisses from him and any other boys you like. 

[Deleted]

Hmmmmm.

Enjoy the fun part. Don't play games.


He sounds a little exhausting. Both in the fun way and the not fun way.


Enjoy him for the fun exhaustion

[FastHands]

Jun 13, 2014 5:55:32 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Rebounds are fun!

But, him stopping into your office because he "saw your car" is a bit weird to me, especially given the time of night.

Yes, I thought the same. It honestly would come off as stalkery to me. You pull back a little and suddenly he wants to know what you're doing tonight and just happens to swing by your office late at night..?

[alzi]

I love hearing you so happy:)

[cheeseandcrackers]

i don't know your back story.. but if you like him then enjoy him

[cinnamoncox]

I've been out of the dating scene for 15 years, basically since I was 20, so take this with a grain of salt.

I don't see his actions (as described) as clingy or game playing. I don't know what time he came by your office, but only you can determine if that was weird or not.

You've both been married before so just taking it easy and going with the flow seems like a pretty safe way to approach it. I remember from here, you've had a rough go of it nearing the end of your marriage, so if this is making you happy, that's the important thing at the moment.
Good luck

[cuddlyevil]

I would just take it easy and go with the flow. As long as your eyes are open, then it's fine.

Things have been pretty much crap for you in the relationship department for so long that this is probably a refreshing change. Just remember that it may not last.

I'm happy you're having fun again

[ECB]

I can't speak to the "rebound" aspect of it. You're having fun... nothing wrong with that.

I'm glad to see that after a few days of you pulling back, he stepped up. I have a friend who never, EVER initiates anything because of VERY VERY VERY low self esteem. I hardly ever see him these days, and even so, he can still be exhausting. Even through the grapevine.

So - if this guy is able to do a bit of "self analysis/reflection" or whatever it is and realize he needs to step up - good.

[Deleted]

Happiness shouldn't ever be something you should seek approval for. I'm happy for you

[vanillacourage]

Driving by your work to see if your car is there before a relationship has really established itself would freak me out. He may be a lovely person but my red-flag-o-meter would be on high alert for a while.

[Deleted]

I also married my rebound, so no judgment here for the quick dating. However, I wasn't willing to date anyone who gave me any crap. If he gets his act together quickly, keep having fun. If not, reflect on what positive vs negative things he is bringing to your life and re-evaluate.

I don't know your whole backstory but for me, I got married the first time in my mid-20's and lived alone in a city pursuing a grad degree for years before that, and was single from 18-25 before I met my first H. I had a solid sense of who I was without my H, so I didn't need a ton of time to find myself or reconsider my priorities. Still, dating so early after the death required a lot of self-awareness to be sure I was doing it for the right reasons.

[luvvy]

Jun 13, 2014 0:53:58 GMT -5 montereybride said:

42 of you have nothing to say about my shenanigans?

Sweet!!

Apparently you do not recall the beginning of my relationship with my H.  I say have at it.

[shopgirl07]

I don't think stopping by your office is a big deal at all.

I do think seriously dating someone while you're still living with your H (who is giving you a hard time) is a recipe for disaster.

[Waffles]

I think you're right to keep things light and I would say you keep doing that at least until you've moved out.

In light of what you said about his self esteem issues, I'd maybe chat about how things need to stay light/go slow so he doesn't get the wrong end of the stick or end up broken hearted.

You like him, he likes you, it's all good as long as you don't rush things IMO.

[sugarbear]

My response depends on whether your office is in a tucked away building in an industrial park in the outskirts of the city, or on the main street of town in the middle of all the other goings-on.

Former? Weird.
Latter? Have yo'self some fun. Sounds like you deserve it.

[flex]

Just don't use him as a "bandaid" for the damage done in your marriage and you'll be fine.

Plusandalso, I prefer men who are a little more self assured. The "if people want to hang out with me, they'll let me know" sounds very odd to me.

[montereybride]

Jun 13, 2014 7:52:55 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

Driving by your work to see if your car is there before a relationship has really established itself would freak me out. He may be a lovely person but my red-flag-o-meter would be on high alert for a while.

I'm still reading responses but want to address this ... My offce is on a main one-way thoroughfare and one that is the most logical route home for him. He has to either drive past my office or go a really stupid way home. So, not weird or stalkerish imo.