Would you give this guy a second chance?

[doriswe]

So a few months ago, this guy, from Match, had been emailing with me mutliple times a day. I wasn't sure if I was digging him or not, but conversation was always good and fun. Anyway, we were sort of planning dinner over Easter weekend but then he ended up not being able to make it. And then NOTHING!

He suddenly emailed me, totally out of the blue, yesterday, and is all "we should get together". I'm a little put off by the whole disappearing act, to be honest, so I'm not really sure if it's worth the effort to actually meet up with him. Thoughts?

[Deleted]

I know some ladies would say.. well, something could have happened and he might have a good reason, but not me.

Dropping off the face of the earth is not a good sign make. I think it is rude to make someone think you will be making palns and then just disappear.

My vote is no, but I have a feeling I will be in the minority.

[callunafirefly]

It sounds like he was talking to you and someone else. He met her, things worked for awhile, and now they aren't so he's back to wanting to talk to you again.

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 9:52:16 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

It sounds like he was talking to you and someone else. He met her, things worked for awhile, and now they aren't so he's back to wanting to talk to you again.

This....all of it!

[ECB]

For the fact that you aren't sure if you were digging him or not, I probably wouldn't. And I think calluna is probably right - he started dating someone else and it didnt' work out.

If you're even thinking about it, though, I'd out and out ask him "what was up w/ the disappearing act?".

[halfbrit]

Ehh...if you're just looking to have fun and make a friend, then maybe, but he doesn't sound like a serious prospect. I'd probably just go with it as long as you aren't too emotionally involved.

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 9:55:52 GMT -5 ECB said:

If you're even thinking about it, though, I'd out and out ask him "what was up w/ the disappearing act?".

I would do this either way....just to see what he says. Cause I am a sadist like that.

[Deleted]

May 15, 2012 9:55:52 GMT -5 ECB said:

For the fact that you aren't sure if you were digging him or not, I probably wouldn't. And I think calluna is probably right - he started dating someone else and it didnt' work out.

If you're even thinking about it, though, I'd out and out ask him "what was up w/ the disappearing act?".

This. Call him on it, see what he says. If he wants to try again with you, he'll be honest in his reply. If he disappears again, write him off completely.

[doriswe]

If I throw in that he's not yet divorced (on the horizon) and works with his soon to be exwife every day, does that change your opinion?

I'm kinda "ehh" about it. I'm going to assume he was seeing someone, and good for him, but to just assume I'm still open to hanging out. And he's yet to say "oh I feel off the map because of....."

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 10:01:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

If I throw in that he's not yet divorced (on the horizon) and works with his soon to be exwife every day, does that change your opinion?

I'm kinda "ehh" about it. I'm going to assume he was seeing someone, and good for him, but to just assume I'm still open to hanging out. And he's yet to say "oh I feel off the map because of....."

Two words for you....Vroom Vroom.
That is all.

[doriswe]

May 15, 2012 10:03:50 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

May 15, 2012 10:01:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

If I throw in that he's not yet divorced (on the horizon) and works with his soon to be exwife every day, does that change your opinion?

I'm kinda "ehh" about it. I'm going to assume he was seeing someone, and good for him, but to just assume I'm still open to hanging out. And he's yet to say "oh I feel off the map because of....."

Two words for you....Vroom Vroom.
That is all.

lmfao....you make a valid point!!

[missbetty1]

May 15, 2012 10:01:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

If I throw in that he's not yet divorced (on the horizon) and works with his soon to be exwife every day, does that change your opinion?

I'm kinda "ehh" about it. I'm going to assume he was seeing someone, and good for him, but to just assume I'm still open to hanging out. And he's yet to say "oh I feel off the map because of....."

Delete the email and keep it moving!

[ravenb1111]

I wouldn't, so many other people.. Not one who just falls off.. Who you be ok if a friend did this? I wouldn't. Plus not divorced AND working with his ex wife... No go..

[bullygirl979]

May 15, 2012 10:06:22 GMT -5 doriswe said:

May 15, 2012 10:03:50 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

Two words for you....Vroom Vroom.
That is all.

lmfao....you make a valid point!!

Don't make me come out there...
I think the disappearing act is shady. When I was on match, if there was someone that I wanted to see where it went, I just sent an email to the other guys I was chatting with and told them such. It is common courtesy. Okay, so maybe I could give this guy a tiny pass on that.

But not even divorced and working with his STBXW AND you are eh about it....why are you wasting your time?

[halfbrit]

May 15, 2012 10:01:28 GMT -5 doriswe said:

If I throw in that he's not yet divorced (on the horizon) and works with his soon to be exwife every day, does that change your opinion?

I'm kinda "ehh" about it. I'm going to assume he was seeing someone, and good for him, but to just assume I'm still open to hanging out. And he's yet to say "oh I feel off the map because of....."

Seriously? I retract my previous advice. Forget him and keep it moving!

[stephbfan]

If he had a valid reason for disappearing like that, he would have said something BEFORE and not after.
Delete the email and move on to someone better.

[doriswe]

May 15, 2012 10:09:53 GMT -5 bullygirl979 said:

May 15, 2012 10:06:22 GMT -5 doriswe said:

lmfao....you make a valid point!!

Don't make me come out there...
I think the disappearing act is shady. When I was on match, if there was someone that I wanted to see where it went, I just sent an email to the other guys I was chatting with and told them such. It is common courtesy. Okay, so maybe I could give this guy a tiny pass on that.

But not even divorced and working with his STBXW AND you are eh about it....why are you wasting your time?

Maybe this is my plan for you to come hang out with me?!?

I know....you guys are all right....next!!!!

[achase123]

Sounds like you were his back-up plan...I'd give him the same brush off he gave you.

[turtle1120]

May 15, 2012 10:46:38 GMT -5 achase123 said:

Sounds like you were his back-up plan...I'd give him the same brush off he gave you.

Exactly this! Delete and move on! Then for shits and giggles, email him two months from now about getting together even though you have no desire to. I'm in a bitchy mood today

[starburst604]

I've definitely dropped off without explanation when I have something going on that I want to pursue. Probably not the nicest thing but I've done it. Then when it doesn't work out I've gone back and thought "Hmmm wonder if I should contact that other guy I was talking to...." but then realize that would be obnoxious so I don't do it. So no, don't allow yourself to be someone's Plan B (or C, or D, etc.)

[Deleted]

May 15, 2012 9:52:16 GMT -5 callunafirefly said:

It sounds like he was talking to you and someone else. He met her, things worked for awhile, and now they aren't so he's back to wanting to talk to you again.

Bingo. This is always the case in my experience.

[explorer2001]

No.

[sigir]

Since he is still married, he may have even dropped off the face of the earth to give things 'one last try' with his wife. You never know- and that's too much potential for baggage. No to a second chance from me!

[doriswe]

May 15, 2012 12:25:48 GMT -5 sigir said:

Since he is still married, he may have even dropped off the face of the earth to give things 'one last try' with his wife. You never know- and that's too much potential for baggage. No to a second chance from me!

It's funny you say that...early on into our conversations he told me that he put "divorced" in his profile because "seperated" means you aren't certain you are heading towards a divorce and he was "absolutely certain". I thought it was an odd way to think!

[prettyinpearls]

Nope.

Like the others have said, I'm willing to bet he was seeing someone else and things didn't work out with her. He's not worth your time, especially since you were just kind of "ehhh" about it to begin with.

[nextchapter]

This guy has 'serial cheater' written all over him. Delete and run.

[BookLover]

No I would not give him another chance. For one thing, he has the signs of talking/dating multiple people at once. Talk with you set up plans then disappears. He found someone a little more to his liking. You were a back up.

Still married and on a dating site...hell no! CHEATER!!!!!!

[BookLover]

May 15, 2012 17:23:52 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

May 15, 2012 15:52:07 GMT -5 BookLover said:

No I would not give him another chance. For one thing, he has the signs of talking/dating multiple people at once. Talk with you set up plans then disappears. He found someone a little more to his liking. You were a back up.

Still married and on a dating site...hell no! CHEATER!!!!!!

Hmm. I fall into every one of these categories. Talk to multiple people at once, still legally married because my state requires a year waiting period, and occasionally peace out on a guy with no warning, and my ex and I still have a great relationship. I am the very last person who would EVER cheat. I wouldn't jump to that conclusion.

I'm going from experience. One guy who I was talking to really just wanted a booty call, googled him and found out he was engaged, and talked to multiple girls. Another guy, he was a friend of a friend and found out he was desperate to date. He was talking to me and about 4 other girls and on multiple dating sites. He talked to me then disappeared then tried to contact me again recently, for a little while then tried to hook up with another girl. I talked with him because I was bored and knew what he was doing.