When DH's ex had a baby with #2 DH ( now also her ex) the baby needed to be flown to a special hospital. She let them take the baby w/out her because she wanted to go see her other son ( my SS) to be sure he was okay, and THEN drive 4 hours to the other hospital the next day. Um......your first born was fine, he was with his father. Not a stranger, his father! ( there has never been issues with him being with us and we have a cordial relationship, so I cant understand why she wasn't glued to her newborn's side!!!)
Because last I checked, the location of parents during surgery has nothing to do with the outcome for the child.
Because the point isn't the outcome, the point is BEING THERE FOR YOUR NEWBORN. What if they need to consent to a particular procedure?
I agree. It isn't that being there can make things go better but the what if senarios that might come up. I would have to be there just in case something came up.
Post by greenscreen on Jun 18, 2014 13:42:20 GMT -5
That seems like a very strange reaction. From a practical standpoint, I have had hospitals require someone to be available during surgery for last minute decisions. I wonder if they have thought about the logistics or let the surgeon know.
It sounds like major denial and avoidance. A selfish person would say, "I'll stay there until the nurse takes him back, but after that, there's nothing I can do. I might as well do something to keep my mind occupied." Which is true...and the baby doesn't know the difference. Was baby really early, too? Like maybe they had this scheduled before baby's arrival & now aren't clear-headed enough to see the absurdity of their decision?
Thinking of the baby. Hopefully her surgery goes well and her parents make better choices in the future.
Post by shopgirl07 on Jun 18, 2014 13:46:31 GMT -5
Come on people, you don't go house hunting while your child is having open heart surgery. You don't have to be there every minute of every day they're in the NICU, but open heart surgery, you be there.
It sounds like major denial and avoidance. A selfish person would say, "I'll stay there until the nurse takes him back, but after that, there's nothing I can do. I might as well do something to keep my mind occupied." Which is true...and the baby doesn't know the difference. Was baby really early, too? Like maybe they had this scheduled before baby's arrival & now aren't clear-headed enough to see the absurdity of their decision?.
My gut reaction to fear is flight. 10 times out of 10 when something horrible or scary is happening, my instinct is to run away and not look back. I imagine I am not alone in that response.
However, this is one of those times you fight your instinct and you do what you have to do, no matter how hard or scary it is. To do anything else is pretty fucked up and sad, IMO.
Come on people, you don't go house hunting while your child is having open heart surgery. You don't have to be there every minute of every day they're in the NICU, but open heart surgery, you be there.
I certainly wouldn't, but it's not my place to judge other peoples reactions to grief.
Also, I feel like there is a lot to this story we are missing.
Come on people, you don't go house hunting while your child is having open heart surgery. You don't have to be there every minute of every day they're in the NICU, but open heart surgery, you be there.
I certainly wouldn't, but it's not my place to judge other peoples reactions to grief.
Also, I feel like there is a lot to this story we are missing.
I couldn't imagine leaving my newborn in the hospital to have open heart surgery while I went house hunting. But do you know what else I can't imagine? Going house hunting 3d PP. Between the lack of sleep, the hormones, the pain and the PP bleeding, the last thing I would want to do was go out in public. House hunting would be the last thing on my mind. I would be praying I wouldn't bleed out everywhere.
OMG this and this and this.
I would be afraid I would bleed all over someone's white rugs.
Come on people, you don't go house hunting while your child is having open heart surgery. You don't have to be there every minute of every day they're in the NICU, but open heart surgery, you be there.
I certainly wouldn't, but it's not my place to judge other peoples reactions to grief.
Also, I feel like there is a lot to this story we are missing.
It kind of is when it constitutes child neglect. Which this will be if the parents are not available to make life altering medical decisions for their child. If they can't even sit at the hospital while their child is having major surgery, how equipped are they to parent this child day to day?
I certainly wouldn't, but it's not my place to judge other peoples reactions to grief.
Also, I feel like there is a lot to this story we are missing.
It kind of is when it constitutes child neglect. Which this will be if the parents are not available to make life altering medical decisions for their child. If they can't even sit at the hospital while their child is having major surgery, how equipped are they to parent this child day to day?
Ok, seriously, when people say shit like this, it makes me wonder if they REALLY know what neglect looks like.
While I understand that everyone reacts to grief and to stress differently, my (overgrown, patchy) eyebrows would go ALL THE WAY UP to my hairline if I heard about someone going house hunting while their 3 day old baby was in surgery.
All.the.way.up.
Would I report them to CPS? No. But I'd sure as shit cross them off my babysitter list.
It kind of is when it constitutes child neglect. Which this will be if the parents are not available to make life altering medical decisions for their child. If they can't even sit at the hospital while their child is having major surgery, how equipped are they to parent this child day to day?
Ok, seriously, when people say shit like this, it makes me wonder if they REALLY know what neglect looks like.
Shit like this? It's neglectful to not be at the hospital while your child is having major surgery. Period the end. There might be other things that parents do that are more neglectful, it's not a contest. And, really, if they can't be there for the surgery, how are they going to deal with taking care of a sick child?
While I absolutely think they should be there no matter what, I understand the NICU shock. You go from being pregnant to having a NICU baby, having had no time to bond or prepare for this outcome. It's very natural to want to escape from it and try to gain some emotional detachment just to keep yourself sane.
There is such a thing, however, as too much emotional detachment (I know, understatement).
It's rough sitting in waiting rooms for hours waiting and waiting. I'm not sure I'd go house hunting, but the day of H's major surgery my parents and I went to Best Buy when ICU had a no visitor time for 2 hours each evening. I couldn't handle sitting in a waiting room any longer. We bought a tv to be delivered and set up before H got out of the hospital (ours had died a couple weeks before his surgery). We'd been at the hospital for over 12 hours at that point, so it was just great to get away and breathe for a bit. And the nurse called to have us come back before the visitor time ended.
My dd had surgery 2 days ago. When we signed in, I had to sign a form stating I was aware I needed to stay on site the entire time.
You know, I was just thinking along these lines. Would a parent/guardian HAVE to stay during this type of surgery on a baby, whether they wanted to or not.
Come on people, you don't go house hunting while your child is having open heart surgery. You don't have to be there every minute of every day they're in the NICU, but open heart surgery, you be there.
I certainly wouldn't, but it's not my place to judge other peoples reactions to grief.
Also, I feel like there is a lot to this story we are missing.
Well, here is what I know: there is 3 day old baby who is having open heart surgery. Her parents are choosing to be 40 min away comparing light fixtures and cabinet finishes. This is really all I need to know to judge the shit out of them. PARENTING FAIL.
Post by EllieArroway on Jun 18, 2014 14:18:04 GMT -5
I can't imagine that the hospital will allow this to happen.
I don't judge the paternity thing because there could be more to it that you don't know. Maybe they used a sperm donor but don't want to tell anyone? Maybe he told you before that he was infertile when really he just had low counts? Who knows. But I totally judge wanting to leave the hospital during the surgery. That's awful.
Come on people, you don't go house hunting while your child is having open heart surgery. You don't have to be there every minute of every day they're in the NICU, but open heart surgery, you be there.
I can't imagine the Dr nor hospital staff allowing the parents, AKA the responsible party for a minor child, to NOT be present during surgery.
I have and WTF at going house fucking hunting while your child is in SURGERY. Some things are okay to judge. Really.
And OP: is the baby a boy or a girl? I kind of bristle at the "it" stuff, especially knowing his/her parents aren't even there.
That bothered me too. The 'it' would be your niece/nephew.
If it's the same poster that posted before about the infertile brother getting the woman with a child already pregnant, she (the poster I'm referring to) said something to the effect of not being excited about the baby and the family being excited and she just couldn't care less, so maybe she isn't sure if it's a girl or boy?
Ok, seriously, when people say shit like this, it makes me wonder if they REALLY know what neglect looks like.
What?! If leaving your newborn with NO LEGAL GUARDIAN equipped to make important medical decisions during OPEN HEART SURGERY isn't neglect, what is?
Exactly! You never know what can happy during a big sugery like this. There is something wrong with you if you don't see that staying is the only option.
I'm surprised the hospital is ok w no parent/guardian present for decisions that may need to be made quickly. I suppose they can keep cell phone nearby for a call, but this is just weird to me (note- I don't have kids and don't know the hospital rules on being physically on site).
As to paternity, that has nothing to do w this situation at all. I get that you probably added it in just to show brother's behavior pattern but I kind of bristle at the implication that he can't/shouldn't be stepping up to parent the kid if it's not his biologically.
As to paternity, that has nothing to do w this situation at all. I get that you probably added it in just to show brother's behavior pattern but I kind of bristle at the implication that he can't/shouldn't be stepping up to parent the kid if it's not his biologically.
I never implied that he shouldn't step up. In fact I'm surprised he's not taking more responsibility for the baby because, you know, he's planning on not being at the hospital at a very important time.