I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente
Post by VeryViolet on Jun 25, 2014 14:06:23 GMT -5
Holy shit. I am so sorry that happened to you. I will never understand what makes people think they have the right to comment on someone else's appearance. What a miserable bitch.
Listen. My DH say I'd know when I had lost enough weight when bitches would start saying shit like that. So, feel proud you've arrived. You don't have to justify anything to her or us. Smile inside and move on. You know you got here the right way and it should make you feel proud. That's it.
Listen. My DH say I'd know when I had lost enough weight when bitches would start saying shit like that. So, feel proud you've arrived. You don't have to justify anything to her or us. Smile inside and move on. You know you got here the right way and it should make you feel proud. That's it.
I don't even know what I would say to HR. I feel paralyzed.
"I want to report an inappropriate and wholly unprofessional comment made by X" and then state what happened.
That is so ridiculous. I cannot STAND it when people feel license to comment on eating/weight/etc.
The bolded pisses me off too. I lost quite a bit of weight a couple of years ago and there were several people at my old job that were constantly commenting on what I ate and how I should "eat a burger" sometime. It was incredibly frustrating. I'm 5'4" and about 145 pounds so a completely healthy weight. Of course I was too chicken shit to call anyone out on it at the time.
Post by pittsmcgee on Jun 25, 2014 14:12:41 GMT -5
What a complete snatch. I'm so sorry. I go through the same thing at work because I bring my own lunch and skip cake on birthday celebrations at the office. I have dealt/deal with ED issues, so I know it makes me much more sensitive to these things. I honestly can't stand it and it makes me rage when people comment on my food or eating habits. Nunya. Get thee to HR. She needs to be educated.
I wish I had said something to HR about a certain colleague who had made the same types of comments to me after the boys were born. Instead, I brushed them off or gave some kind of response for a year and then I kind of went off on her saying something about having 2 month premature babies, their small size, the NICU, pumping, hospital salads, etc. and that I would have rather had 2 healthy babies and a FUPA if I had the choice but I didn't so please stop commenting on my weight.
I haven't heard another comment from her.
I'm proud of you (hope that's not weird) as someone else witha history of an ED, for not giving in to the dark thoughts that can happen around pregnancy. ((betty))
I know for a fact that last year when I was battling depression and major issues with my marriage that a group of female colleagues all stood around and discussed my weight and why I was losing weight. Fuck them and fuck this chick at your work.
I would go to HR (I would have, but we are a small company, and the HR person was one of the bitches gossiping!).
Post by jennistarr1 on Jun 25, 2014 14:21:29 GMT -5
Let's say you really were struggling with an eating disorder and you no one reached out to help you, no one expressed concern...that's not good either. I think it took a lot for her to come to you. Of course, I don't know how caring of a conversation it was, you mentioned she said motherly instinct which sounds good but super aggressive sounds bad...your perceptions are what matters here and it sounds like it didn't come from a helpful place...
Post by pantsparty on Jun 25, 2014 14:22:33 GMT -5
I am so sorry, betty I am always shocked when I read posts about how many co-workers comment on what others are eating - to comment on your weight loss is fucking insane. (((hugs)))
It sounds like your previous struggles have made you sensitive to her level of bullshittery.
She could have been well meaning, she could have her own disordered eating or is just a hater.
Anecdote: I once worked with a very overweight woman (she was in her 30s or so, I was about 20) corner me in a stack of medical files and tell me that I needed to go home and eat a cheeseburger, and she meant it.
Nevermind that I was just naturally thin (AND YOUNG), and I was always eating the catered lunches at work. (they were FREE).
Some people project their own unhappiness unto others. It might make her feel better to think you are going to fail on some crash diet. And for that she is a crazy bitch. At the very least, she's a nosy/misinformed bitch.
I'd ignore.
I completely agree.
My own anectdote - At a work outing, I ordered a sundae and this woman was telling everyone that I was probably going to throw it up after. Some people have a real nerve.
If it were me I'd ignore, but if you're really bothered by it, I'd say something to her.
Let's say you really were struggling with an eating disorder and you no one reached out to help you, no one expressed concern...that's not good either. I think it took a lot for her to come to you. Of course, I don't know how caring of a conversation it was, you mentioned she said motherly instinct which sounds good but super aggressive sounds bad...your perceptions are what matters here and it sounds like it didn't come from a helpful place...
Let's say you really were struggling with an eating disorder and you no one reached out to help you, no one expressed concern...that's not good either. I think it took a lot for her to come to you. Of course, I don't know how caring of a conversation it was, you mentioned she said motherly instinct which sounds good but only you were there for the whole conversation.
I wasn't there, so I don't know the CW's tone, but it doesn't sound like she was coming from a place of actual concern but of snarky jealousy since Betty was eating right in front of her and is at a healthy weight. I'm sorry Betty, I agree with telling HR what you said here.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Let's say you really were struggling with an eating disorder and you no one reached out to help you, no one expressed concern...that's not good either. I think it took a lot for her to come to you. Of course, I don't know how caring of a conversation it was, you mentioned she said motherly instinct which sounds good but super aggressive sounds bad...your perceptions are what matters here and it sounds like it didn't come from a helpful place...
Let's say you really were struggling with an eating disorder and you no one reached out to help you, no one expressed concern...that's not good either. I think it took a lot for her to come to you. Of course, I don't know how caring of a conversation it was, you mentioned she said motherly instinct which sounds good but only you were there for the whole conversation.
I kind of feel had the woman approached Betty appropriately, she wouldn't have reacted so viscerally to what this woman had said. But the fact of the matter is, this woman acted inappropriately in a professional setting and made Betty feel uncomfortable and to use her word "discredited". Reading Betty's post you don't have to have overheard the conversation to understand that it might not have been a very caring conversation. Especially if this is a woman known to gossip around the office.
I called down to HR, the lady I would talk to isn't in today so the secretary asked me to email the woman what had happened. Secretary did say the woman will be in tomorrow, so I suppose we will talk about it then.
I'm really sorry. My coworker said similar things when I lost the baby weight with my first. She kept asking me if my doctor's were concerned that I was sick (like if I had cancer or something). I kept telling her that 125lbs at 5'3" is perfectly normal. I chalked it up to her being jealous b/c I honestly couldn't figure out why she was so concerned with my weight.
That sucks, Betty. People accused me of having an eating disorder from time to time back when I was a skinny, skinny thing. It always pissed me off because, other than being thin, there were no disordered behaviors to see, because there weren't any, and anyone who spent any time around me at all would know that.
People can make up some weird shit about you in their minds based on the last Lifetime movie they saw.