enough...it's just another perspective...I am in agreement with you guys, not the enemy here. She needs to look out for herself and I, like everyone, am supporting that. But sometimes coworkers are the ones to notice when something is wrong and they can be helpful. OP has made it clear that is not what is happening here. I do think that coworkers look out for one another and can show concern appropriately (and I hear you when you say you disagree with that but that's where I'm coming from)
NO NO NO!
I did a 6 month run of steroids due to my multiple sclerosis. Do you know what that does to your body? You gain weight, no matter what you eat or how much you exercise. It is fucking awful. Do you think I needed a coworker to tell me that they "noticed something was wrong"? No, because IT IS NOT THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS. It is not helpful to EVER comment on a coworkers weight. You have NO FUCKING CLUE what could be causing that weight loss/gain.
Betty, I am glad you went to HR. Fuck her. And congrats to working so hard to get your body back! I bet you look smoking hot!
Let's say you really were struggling with an eating disorder and you no one reached out to help you, no one expressed concern...that's not good either. I think it took a lot for her to come to you. Of course, I don't know how caring of a conversation it was, you mentioned she said motherly instinct which sounds good but super aggressive sounds bad...your perceptions are what matters here and it sounds like it didn't come from a helpful place...
No No No No No!!!!!
Unless a person is your BFF for life and has known you since you were a wee babe, you do not bring this type of thing up in the office. Not professional. Not appropriate. Full stop.
WTF is going on here? Jennistarr - what you are offering as another perspective is actually an excuse a LOT of people use to shame/armchair diagnose weight gain and loss. Don't feed the dragon. And Marle, just no.
Let's say you really were struggling with an eating disorder and you no one reached out to help you, no one expressed concern...that's not good either. I think it took a lot for her to come to you. Of course, I don't know how caring of a conversation it was, you mentioned she said motherly instinct which sounds good but super aggressive sounds bad...your perceptions are what matters here and it sounds like it didn't come from a helpful place...
No No No No No!!!!!
Unless a person is your BFF for life and has known you since you were a wee babe, you do not bring this type of thing up in the office. Not professional. Not appropriate. Full stop.
And I wanted to add that this is just one of a myriad of things that are none of one's coworkers business.
Whether or not the inquiries are coming from a place of "concern." Concern is just another word for nosy in the workplace to my mind.
Our buyers are driving me up a fucking wall and I need a release. Want me to drive to your office and put the smack down on her? I'm in the mood. Or we can drink. Either way.
Post by captainobvious on Jun 25, 2014 15:22:40 GMT -5
"Hostile work environment" gets thrown around so much that I'm often wary, but this, THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES. Damn. I hope the HR person responds appropriately when she returns tomorrow.
enough...it's just another perspective...I am in agreement with you guys, not the enemy here. She needs to look out for herself and I, like everyone, am supporting that. But sometimes coworkers are the ones to notice when something is wrong and they can be helpful. OP has made it clear that is not what is happening here. I do think that coworkers look out for one another and can show concern appropriately (and I hear you when you say you disagree with that but that's where I'm coming from)
Coworkers can become friends. Coworkers can express concern about one another. Coworkers can be the people who notice things first due to the sheer quantity of time that they spend together. But it is not appropriate, ever, for any coworker (friend or no) to "confront' another coworker with a direct concern like that, which has EXACTLY NO bearing on the workplace relationship or job performance. ESPECIALLY a non-friend coworker. Especially.
"Are you doing okay?" "How's everything going?" These are things that can be said to a coworker with concern and affection without crossing a line. Especially if they're followed by RADIO SILENCE when the response is anything like "fine." "I'm okay." "I'm good."
ANECDOTES: Not that this is the same root issue (or any root issue here), but I have worked with DV victims. Some have mentioned the concern of their colleagues as a good support etc. Not a single one has mentioned how a coworker intervention or direct question/confrontation totes opened their eyes and change their life.
Woah! Ok my comment was in a cheery tone, tongue in cheek and all that. Maybe it wasn't the time and my ESL didn't really help to express what I meant. I apologize if I appeared insensitive or demented.
Your co-worker's behavior was absolutely unacceptable.
I'm not sure what going to HR is going to accomplish, though. Such comments, while hurtful and inappropriate, are likely not actionable.
If possible, avoid her. If you're not quick on your feet re comebacks, you may consider thinking ahead of what you'll say to her when she makes another rude remark (because we all know this woman will do it again). I hope you come up with an articulate smackdown to end these comments permanently.
Oh, fuck that bitch, Betty. And fuck anyone else in this thread that's trying to defend the CW or give a "take it as a compliment, they're just haterzzzzzzz!" response. There is absolutely nothing about this situation that's appropriate for the work place! Don't feel bad or worried about talking with HR! Your twat of a CW is a twat and being called to the carpet with HR for her twatty behavior is exactly what she deserves. You've worked hard to lose this weight in a healthy way ... and even if you hadn't? Well, who the fuck is this bitch to confront you in her place of work about it? Oh, that's right: nobody.