What's a stupid secret you've kept for years?

[meggers5]

When I was about 6 I locked my bathroom door and then closed it with no one inside. This meant that tools were used to unlock it and the door handle was never the same again.

My mom babysat my cousin who is 2 years younger. I said it must have been him who did it. She believed me.

I never told my mom this and don't plan to.

[zoidberg]

One time I was at my mom's and let a particularly noxious fart (this was before I was diagnosed with celiac, things could get bad) and she apologized to me because she thought it was her cat using the litterbox. I never fessed up.

[FastHands]

Slightly relevant to recent events here -- I once hit a pedestrian with my car. Not a 100% secret because my parents know, and I think I may have told DH, but no one else. Until now. heh

[Deleted]

Jul 3, 2014 12:33:19 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Slightly relevant to recent events here -- I once hit a pedestrian with my car. Not a 100% secret because my parents know, and I think I may have told DH, but no one else. Until now. heh

Like, I Know What You Did Last Summer- style? Or just a love tap?

[Bernadine]

I fell through a glass coffee table in high school. My parents thought I was drunk, but actually, I was on E.

ETA- and they still believe this.  Everyone else knows the truth.

[Serenity9]

When I was a kid, I had a doctor's appointment, and my dad was going to take me. Because of the timing, he just kept me out of school in the morning and took me to work with him before the appointment. On the way in, he stopped at a gas station and got a doughnut. When he got back in the car he said "We don't need to tell your mom about this little stop, okay?" I'm sure he was probably half-joking, but as a kid, I thought this was the most serious, stressful thing ever! I had a secret that I couldn't tell my mom! I just remember being all paranoid about what I said to my mom for about a week before I forgot about it.

It did come out later at some point that my dad stopped for a doughnut on his way to work every day for decades, and at that point I remembered our little "secret."

[Deleted]

I would cat sit for a neighbor-couple when I was around 12 years old. I went over a couple of times a day to run the water (would only drink from running faucet), feed it, pet it and clean out the box. Sometimes it'd be a 15 minute stay. Sometimes I'd sit down and watch a show or movie if the cat obviously wanted to play or snuggle.

Perusing their movie selections once, I noticed they had these movies on the shelf in black boxes - no labels on the box or tape. Popped one in. PORN. Totally would go over there and watch porn and learn about thesex. Luckily, they were p in v sex and I didn't learn about anything too wild at such a young age.

[FastHands]

Jul 3, 2014 12:36:56 GMT -5 @lorelaireadsagain said:

Jul 3, 2014 12:33:19 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Slightly relevant to recent events here -- I once hit a pedestrian with my car. Not a 100% secret because my parents know, and I think I may have told DH, but no one else. Until now. heh

Like, I Know What You Did Last Summer- style? Or just a love tap?

LOL
Love tap. We had one family car in HS, and I dropped my parents off at the curb at their train station to go to work, and someone coming out of the station crossed in front of me as I pulled away from the curb to leave. There were some weird circumstances that made the police/insurance think it may have been exaggerated if not planned by the pedestrian, but idk how it eventually played out in terms of official "fault." Insurance handled it and I know I never had points on my license or charges brought or anything like that.

[VeryViolet]

We had this stacking side table thing that the top was glass but wasn't really secured it just sat in the table top. I used to rock the table back and forth with my feet and my mom would tell me not to because I might break it. Well one day I was doing it and the table crashed to the floor and the glass shattered everywhere. I somehow managed to get across the room with haste and my sister who was around 2 or 3 at the time just stood there crying because it scared the shit out of her. My mom came running in the room and the first words out of my mouth were "she did it". My sister got in trouble and I just went and hid in my room. For months after my mom would bring up the broken table.

I actually did confess in high school when I had to write a paper about a secret. My teacher told me he would give me extra credit if I told my mom and then told him how she reacted. She laughed and laughed but I am pretty sure my sister still hasn't forgiven me.

[bcv513]

When I was 6, I was playing at a friend's house. We decided to try to swing across the top of the swingset like they were monkey bars. It was one of those 80s style metal swing set. Of course, I fell. On my down, I caught the small of my back on an uncovered screw. It took seven stitches. I didn't want my mother to know what I had been doing, so I insisted that the bottom of the slide was rusty and I got caught on that. I never told the truth. Looking back, I'm a little scared by how well I could lie at six!

[macmars45]

Jul 3, 2014 12:33:19 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Slightly relevant to recent events here -- I once hit a pedestrian with my car. Not a 100% secret because my parents know, and I think I may have told DH, but no one else. Until now. heh

Same. I was in a parking lot going 10mph so she just had a bruise on her arm from my side mirror. I cried for 20 minutes after she left.

[FastHands]

Jul 3, 2014 12:46:57 GMT -5 macmars45 said:

Jul 3, 2014 12:33:19 GMT -5 FastHands said:

Slightly relevant to recent events here -- I once hit a pedestrian with my car. Not a 100% secret because my parents know, and I think I may have told DH, but no one else. Until now. heh

Same. I was in a parking lot going 10mph so she just had a bruise on her arm from my side mirror. I cried for 20 minutes after she left.

I hadn't even put my foot on the gas yet, so I can't imagine I was even going THAT fast.

I passed out. LOL. I got out of the car to check on her and started shaking, and by the time the ambulance got there, I started to go down and had to be caught. My dad (who heard the commotion and came running back out of the station) still laughs that the pedestrian was trying to be dramatic and get a bunch of sympathy, but the EMTs were attending to me, and she was greatly displeased. heh. I was too out of it to know how she was acting, but it's vaguely comical to hear my dad tell it.

[cville]

One of the first few times I ever borrowed my parents' car (the maroon Taurus station wagon I eventually bought from them years later), I went to a friend's house in a dicey part of town (for the suburbs, lol). I wasn't paying attention on the way home and hit a curb. This caused the hubcap to pop off and roll away. I parked, found it, and it was totally scraped up.

I came home and got so worked up about how I never was going to be able to use the car again, I walked into the house carrying the hubcap and crying. My mom was like "oh no, did someone try to steal the hubcap? I'm so glad you found it. I've heard a lot of cars have parts stolen over there."

I just continued to cry and then eventually nodded.

They still don't know.

[RoxMonster]

When I was in 2nd grade or so, I really liked playing with those kneadable erasers, for some reason. My mom was always telling me to stop because I would carry it around the house kneading it, making shapes out of it, etc.

One time I was playing with it in front of her faux flowers that sat in our front window for probably 15 years, it fell out of my hands and way down into the flower arrangement (this thing was pretty big). I just left it in there and never said anything. The faux flowers have been gone for awhile now, though, so it doesn't matter anymore!

[lilafowler]

I can't type on my phone with two hands.

Signed,
Is it because I was born in the 70's?

[amandakisser]

Jul 3, 2014 12:53:18 GMT -5 @crackhabit said:

My mom was an avid reader of romance novels (the red ones). She would hide them under her bed. Around 5th grade or so I started sneaking into their room when they weren't home and reading the dirty parts of her romance novels and then re-hiding them under her bed. I used it as inspiration to write my own
horrible (illustrated!) pornographic novellas in secret  in my room and then I hid them under my mattress for years. I finally ripped them into teeny tiny pieces and flushed them down the toilet sometime in middle school or high school.

I used to read my mom's trashy books, too! I would go into the basement where she kept boxes upon boxes of them and try to find just the dirty parts. It's how I learned about oral sex LOL.

I used to babysit for my church choir director's two kids. One night, after they went to bed, I was scanning the tv and found a porn station. I would watch it a little bit every time I was there, until about two months later the station suddenly didn't work anymore. I was SO worried that they somehow knew I was watching it. I was scared they'd tell my parents LOL!

[amberlyrose]

When I was baby sitting my cousin, she fell off the bed when I was playing peek a boo with her. I tried catching her, but wasn't quick enough. Thankfully she didn't hit her head!

She's fine now at 17 and an honor student, so I guess I didn't do any permanent damage.

[cville]

OMG. I just remembered that I totally wrote a letter to Casey Kasem to have a song dedicated to my 5th grade crush (Whitney Houston, I Wanna Dance). And he read it. On the air. Except I used a pseudonym for my crush and for myself. LOL.

I'd completely forgotten about this until reading jamie.1022's confession. Because I also stole a stamp from my mom's wallet (where she kept them) to send the letter. And hid it in the car and mailed it from the drop box in the grocery store parking lot.

[fryjack2]

littleduck. I'm laughing so hard over here. Your Gpa sounds hilarious!

I was on a dig with my mom in the Middle East when I was about 10. They let me dig in a random spot with one of their tools. I dug and hit a rock. It broke the tool. I buried it and pretended I had put it back in the box of equipment. someone's going to find it in 300 years and think its amazing

[wildfloweragain]

I have a bunch. My parents were super strict. Here's one.

I wanted to go to Rocky Horror Picture Show, but it started at 12 and my curfew was 11:00. So I said it was this big event that friend's brother was in charge of (responsible bro, actually raising said friend because his parents died.) The brother was doing no such thing. We were on our own. I also said for that same night, I was sleeping over at my friend Tracy's house. Tracy said I could say that. I was really sleeping at my friend Ben's house. But I wasn't allowed to sleep at boys' houses.

So in the morning I was called into work. My parents called Tracy. But she was called into work too (we worked for different supermarkets) and her parents told my mom that there was no girl sleeping over.

My mom called Ben. I was right there sleeping in the same room. I heard him say "I don't know, Mrs. Wildflower, but I'll find her."

I called my mm back and she asked where I was. I blurted out "Melissa's, because Tracy's mom wouldn't let anyone sleep over." Mom asked where, I gave her Melissa's address. Mom said she was on her way with my work clothes because I had been called in. Crap!. I brushed my teeth and Ben drove me to Melissa's fast. She was NOT happy. In fact she still doesn't talk to me.

Mom picked me up and as I was changing in her car she asked why I didn't just sleep over at Ben's house to make it easier for everyone.

I said because I'm not allowed to and my mom said I'm allowed to sleep over at Ben's because he is gay. Which was news to me. And to Ben. But it was true.

[bornbaker]

This is kinda lame but...

When I was in Jr. High I used to walk to/from school. We had a piece of chalk and my friend dared me to draw a penis on the sidewalk. I went to draw right as my mom pulled up (early from work, thought she'd give me a ride. She knew the route I took). I told her I 'fell' because my knee gave out. She believed me, and told my dad what happened and tried to convince him to take me to the doc because my knees had been doing that a lot (which they kinda had, but I was a dancer and I was growing!)

[deanlicker78]

My HS Bff and I went to a music festival together that my parents had told me I couldn't go to. A tall, overweight man was attempting to crowd surf and fell right on top of us. I dislocated my shoulder. I told my parents I fell down the stairs at bff's house.

[sapphireblue]

Jul 3, 2014 13:01:52 GMT -5 @licia said:

My mom and dad had this cuckoo clock when I was little. It had a little girl on a swing that would bounce up and down on a spring with the ticking of the clock. My niece and I (we're only a year apart) got the bright idea one day to pull the girl on the swing all the way down to the floor and let it spring back up.

Of course, the swing sprang back up, smashed into the clock, knocked it off the wall and shattered the clock into a bunch of pieces. My niece freaked out and ran off to hide. I pulled out ELMER'S GLUE of all things and glued it all back together. Miraculously, the spring was barely stretched and I was able to bend it back into place.

That clock is still working, hanging in my dad's house. No one will EVER know. Taking it to the grave!

That's amazing that you were able to glue it all back together and it still works and no one noticed! I'm impressed!

[W.T.Faulkner]

That I post here.

[ginger]

IT WAS ME!!!!

I was the one that farted at the retreat!

Thanks Jake for taking the blame.

[meggers5]

Jul 3, 2014 13:56:46 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

That I post here.

Oh yes I will take this to the grave.

So any future g2gs will involve yet more lies.

[Deleted]

In fifth grade I stole $5 out of my mom's purse to pay a lost library book fine. I didn't want my parents to know I had lost it. My mom worked at home doing nails. She thought one of her clients took it. I came clean to her when I was about 22. She didn't speak to me for a week.

[TrickyBob]

I have an entire box full of letters from a military friend (who isn't my friend any longer) full of erotic stories and letters. No one knows about them and I keep the box in my childhood bedroom.

I keep meaning to burn them but then I think "this dude wrote these letters through various tours through Iraq and such, this was his escape, how do I burn that?" So there they sit. To clarify, I haven't looked at them since I got them.

[cuddlyevil]

That my Dad knows my Mom likes the Moody Blues. He found out when we were in college, he and I went to the bookstore and while we were having coffee he told me--he was shellshocked (Mom is a Gloria Estefan, Celine Dion kind of lady). He was like "Okay, we've been married forever and she can still surprise me".

[speckledfrog]

This is truly stupid secret - In 8th grade I walked home from school with a boy and my om saw me (stop spying on me!) and when she asked me who it was I wouldn't tell her. I still haven't.