Dh wanted to know but I didn't want to find out so we compromised. The reason I didn't want to find out was purely selfish,I didn't want a bunch of pink clothes at my baby shower. I wanted the things we registered for. For both girls we found out but didn't tell anyone. The first time for the reason stated and the second time because I didn't want people to comment on us not getting a boy to "complete" our family. I heard enough of that after she was born,I didn't need to hear it during my pregnancy as well especially since we both wanted another girl.
Post by gibbinator on Jul 13, 2014 13:14:22 GMT -5
I wanted to know because I had a slight gender preference for girls both times and wanted to make sure I got used to and excited about the idea of having boys well before they arrived.
We also have terrible times agreeing on names, so by finding out early we at least get to skip reading half the baby names book and hashing out potential girl names. I'm almost 35 weeks and we still haven't found a name we can both be happy with.
Lastly, I like to be mentally prepared for all the big life changes. Finding out early is still a surprise, just one that happens when we can still plan for little brother rather than little sister.
I really didn't bond with the baby until it was a he or she. I was pretty detached from pregnancy, and knowing made it seem real rather than just a ongoing illness of some sort.
Post by dulcemariamar on Jul 13, 2014 13:26:23 GMT -5
I wanted to be team green. However, that plan changed when we went in for the 12 week scan. I thought it was way too early to worry about finding out the sex so I didn't say anything.
I don't think five minutes passed before the tech said that it must be obvious to us the sex. I asked if it was a boy since I thought that the more obvious sex would be a boy. He said no that it was a girl. So my team green plan was killed then because just asking us if the sex was obvious would make me to think that he was telling us it was a boy.
Post by waterchurch on Jul 13, 2014 13:45:49 GMT -5
I am the kind of person who calls my DH and says, "I just bought your Christmas present! Wanna know what it is? I'm so excited!" I do not have the stamina to not find out. Waiting until the 20 week ultrasound and talking myself out of paying for an elective one is hard enough, haha.
Post by salliekate on Jul 13, 2014 14:02:57 GMT -5
We didn't find out with the twins because I didn't want to. H thought I was nuts but played along. For some reason, I always felt like I didn't want to find out while pregnant. (We're also the weirdos who knew what we would name our children but didn't tell.) I'm not one who feels a real "bond" while pregnant, so even after finding out with our third that he was a boy I didn't feel "more bonded" with him than with the twins. I just felt weird that I knew a boy named William was inside me. My sister says I'm strange.
My BFF struggled with finding out at 20 weeks or not, and I told her that if she or her H had ANY sort of gender preference whatsoever, it might be best to find out at 20 weeks. That way, you'll have the rest of the pregnancy to digest the new and get excited about the boy or girl who will be joining your family. Just my two cents.
Post by dragonfly08 on Jul 13, 2014 14:27:04 GMT -5
For me, I don't get the whole surprised v. not thing...IMO, you're always surprised. It's just a matter of *when* that happens, and for me getting the surprise at 20 weeks was just as exciting as waiting until 40. There was enough going on in the delivery room both times that I definitely didn't miss any "it's a _______" announcements!
Never had a desire to be team green. Plus, I conceived #1 a few months after a chem. PG and was feeling a bit detached about the pregnancy, so knowing helped me bond a little better. With #2 we wanted to know in order to help #1 with her transition. Talking about her little sister rather than just "the baby" made things a bit more realistic and easier for her to understand. And in both cases, choosing one name was hard enough (#1 didn't get named until the 3rd tri, #2 until five days before my scheduled induction). DH and I likely would have come to blows if we'd needed to choose a boy's name each time, as well!
Post by scribellesam on Jul 13, 2014 14:37:33 GMT -5
I felt much more connected to my babies after knowing their sex. For the first 18/19 weeks they were just this theoretical parasite inside me messing up my life. After I knew, they were my sons. The "big surprise" was just not important to me, and labor/delivery is already so overwhelming physically and emotionally, I couldn't handle the idea of another big thing like sex reveal at the same time.
Post by moopoint17 on Jul 13, 2014 15:34:21 GMT -5
Both of us wanted to find out. H was on the fence to find out when we did IVF and we had our embryos tested, but he ended up deferring to me and I wanted to know.
Post by redpenmama on Jul 13, 2014 15:37:06 GMT -5
We both wanted to know, so it wasn't a debate. I'm not patient enough to wait, and quite frankly, I didn't want to convince myself that it was a boy or girl and then be surprised and potentially disappointed (even without having any real preference) at birth. We still were surprised with both -- the surprise just came 20ish weeks earlier.
We plan on having a third, and if H wanted to, I could be convinced to wait this time around just to see what the experience was like. But, he is more impatient than me, so I know that'll never happen, which is fine.
We didn't find out with DD and aren't this time either. I didn't want to find out initially because I knew I and everyone else would overbuy gendered things if we found out. Now we're easily able to reuse everything we bought with DD. You need the same things if it's a boy or girl, so I don't fully understand the preparation argument.
This is the main reason I don't want to find out. Both MIL and SIL insisted that we find out last pregnancy and they said we were weird for not wanting to know. BUT they both would buy everything in either pink or blue and I don't like pink, so I don't want anything pink.
I am the kind of person who calls my DH and says, "I just bought your Christmas present! Wanna know what it is? I'm so excited!" I do not have the stamina to not find out. Waiting until the 20 week ultrasound and talking myself out of paying for an elective one is hard enough, haha.
Yep, this exactly. I got H something cool for Father's Day about three weeks ahead of time and drove him crazy with "Are you sure you font want to know what it is?" "Can I give it to you now?"
Finding also helped me connect more to the pregnancy and baby. Also, I'm not a huge fan of GN clothes- all my gear is GN, but I didn't mind the thought of getting boy or girl specific clothes.
I REALLY did not want to find out with the first, and at first I got him to agree not to find out at the big halfway u/s, but we could decide together to call the dr and ask later. Ended up not doing that, and H said afterward it was awesome being the first and only one to know upon delivery.
Second time I didn't want to find out, but I told DH it was his decision since I had kind of pushed him the first time. He was happy to be surprised again too.
Personally I don't get wth people are planning for with the gender. You are having a baby, big change is a- coming! I don't get how the gender makes a difference at all, but different strokes.
You could try to sell it to him as "you can be the first to know, and to tell everyone in the big moment!'
FWIW we found out with C and had no trouble getting neutral gear. Our car seat is gray, swing and bouncer are beige, crib sheets are white, glider is gray. The only gender specific stuff we have is clothing, really.
I wanted to know because I wanted to start thinking of the baby as a he or she and I wanted a gender-specific nursery. All our gear is neutral (bouncer, swing, stroller, car seat, etc) but I wanted to tailor a room for a boy or girl. That's what makes me happy.
DH didn't argue because he saw his cousin make a fuss about not wanting to know the sex ahead of time, but his wife did. So cousin's wife knew and couldn't tell anyone in the family so her husband wouldn't find out. It was pretty ridiculous.
I'm of the camp that it's a surprise no matter when you find out. And honestly, I was so emotional, overwhelmed and exhausted at the delivery that I didn't need yet another "surprise".
Eta: there are so many things to still discover about the baby - who they look like, hair/no hair, eyes, etc. - that I didn't feel in any way that it was "old hat" or not exciting because I already knew she was a girl.
I think this post solidified that I don't want to know
Despite all of the benefits of knowing that y'all mentioned (most of which DH said too) I still think it would be fun to wait. We'll see what happens...
We both wanted to find out for ODS and YDS. It definitely helped me bond with the baby (calling him by name), and I enjoyed buying gender specific stuff once I knew. I think if we go for a third though, I will be team green. Just because I want to try something different... ;-) Plus, I am 110 percent sure it will be our last, so it is my last chance to be team green. If you do team green though, be careful during the ultrasound. I saw YDS was a boy before she told us because it was so obvious.
There are a few medical reasons it's good to know. For instance, I wanted to know that DS's testicles had dropped or not, and boys can have some urination and kidney concerns in utero. I want the u/s tech and OB to communicate openly and fully with me about my child's body, and not try to edit for the sake of me wanting a "surprise".
I also want to be able to hash out details like circ decisions if it's a boy, and just generally be ready to deal with whatever may be thrown at us once the baby is born, and not be trying to adjust my mindset to getting used to it being a boy or girl during that time.
But, we will have only 2 kids and will have one of each, so I can see it being different if you already have all gender neutral stuff and already have both boys and girls and you give the OB the caveat to not avoid gender revealing if needed for potential medical concerns.
We will find out as soon as we can. DH not I ever seriously considered waiting. I can't even wait until my birthday to open presents. No way I would I make it without asking what the baby's sex is.
We had to know. I hate HATE surprises, I have my whole life. I want to KNOW what's happening in my life. I don't like/believe in chance or luck. Team Green was never an option for us.
I do find the anecdotal overlap between not finding out and preferring a med-free childbirth to be interesting.
Yeah, I do think there is an overlap to this. No one I know that had a med free birth found out the sex ahead of time. I guess maybe it is sort of seen as one less intervention? Even though it is not an intervention so that is a weird way to say it.
We were team green and I loved it. Having DH tell me the sex was such a wonderful memory.
ETA: It is weird because I am an uber planner, but I didn't need to know DS sex to plan anything. HIs room was done in a "you are my sunshine" motiff
We are team green. I have never wanted to find out early and while H would prefer to find out, he was willing to wait. It is funny, because I hate surprises, I am a planner, and I have a sex preference, but I still want the big surprise!
Post by wanderlustmom on Jul 13, 2014 19:16:30 GMT -5
We did it both ways and I hate to be obnoxious but it was so, so, so much better finding out the day of delivery for us. We aren't having more but I am a huge fan of team green. Honestly, finding out with DD felt like we opened our Christmas presents early. I will probably get flamed for that--but it was not comparable in our experience. I know a lot of people think it's not a big deal when you find out--just felt like one to us and I wish I hadn't pushed to find out with our second.
Post by countthestars on Jul 13, 2014 19:25:22 GMT -5
We just didn't care to know before birth. I had an eli and pit.
ETA: I didn't read all of the responses but I think that team green/med free "data" goes one way but not the other - med free people tend to be team green but team green =/= med free.
We were team green. And I'll say, I'm a planner. I hate surprises. So that whole, 'I could never because I need to plaaaannn' never really was a determining factor for me. We planned for a baby, not necessarily for a boy or girl. The nursery and major items are all gender neutral with the intention of using it for future kid(s).
We had some gender neutral clothes to start, and I'm pretty sure people started buying DS gender specific clothes about 5 minutes after he was born.
It was nice to have a surprise to look forward to at the end. I had a scheduled c-section, so I knew it was baby time, Monday at 8 am. We lost a lot of the surprise or unknown of delivery. I would have been bummed to know the sex/name too. I can't imagine calling up my BFF and being, 'Hey, I'm going to have a little boy named Samuel on Monday morning'.
I'd like to be team green in the future, but am open to finding out if DH had a preference. I can see where it would be helpful to know whether to keep DS' clothes or pass them along.
Post by curbsideprophet on Jul 13, 2014 19:40:00 GMT -5
We did not find out with DD. I felt strongly about not finding out and DH went along with it. Finding out in the delivery room was amazing. I also like being able to plan for either. I would not have done well with being told one thing and having the opposite arrive in the delivery room.
DH wanted to find out the second time around. I said okay since he let me have my surprise the first time around. It was exciting finding out at the a/s, but overall it was more exciting to find out in the delivery room. They really do not compare, so I don't really buy the it is a surprise no matter when you find out.
I would definitely recommend team green to anyone considering it!