Not that she needs to do activities, but our Y leagues now have some teams that practice on the weekends in addition to the Saturday games. We ended up busing DS to the Y for after care instead of the school program because we have the option to send sign him up for classes and they will walk the kids down. We use the regular town school bus, they just pick up and drop him off at the Y.
That said, he wants to do more and I've had to say no due to timing, money, etc. When I was in high school I ended up getting rides form a friend's parent all the time. If it were for her, I wouldn't of done anything.
If you just moved there, give yourself and your kids some time to meet people. I have to ship my kids with other parents all the time because we can't always get the time off. And sometimes it's for full weekends out of town. Other parents get how hard it is and, from my experience, are always happy to help out if they can. And then I help in return, when I can. Once you settle in you don't really even have to be friends with the other parents, if you explain your situation odds are they will help, especially if the kids are friends. But don't let guilt rush you into it. Once you establish yourself and your kids create a circle of friends it will come easier. But it is hard to juggle all of it. You aren't alone....
And for what it's worth, I hated sports growing up, and I am not over weight or inactive. That's complete crap.
Maybe you can explain to her that with the new house, school, and community, you can't make it work this season. But hopefully she will soon make friends and you will get to know other families who may be able to help you make that happen for her. It's true that it often takes a village to raise kids...but when you move, you lose your village and have to find a new one. You'll get there, it just takes time. The older she gets, the less of an ordeal it is to have another parent help with pick-up and drop-off. As a SAHM, I know that I'll be happy to (& plan to) help shuttle other kids to/from other activities to help families where both parents work...hopefully you can find the same.
I think this is a good suggestion.
Cut yourself a break here. You've just moved, you work opposite shifts of your spouse, and you are juggling the schedules of 3 kids.
Take some time to settle in, and you may find some options that aren't obvious to you at the moment.
Um ok? I don't recall this prior feud but you KOKO.
Lol at feud I'm just saying even back on old ml you were not my biggest fan. I'm not saying it was a sharks v. Jets type deal
And the whole point was why choose my post? Several people said similar things. Mom guilt is hard I get it, I also get that kids don't understand that most parents don't have a choice about whether their parents work. Op already pointed out that her dd wants her to quit her job so she can do activities. Kids don't understand.
Maybe I was just a genius, but I understood this fully because my parents explained it to me. As did my siblings. I have no intention of running myself ragged during the week for my kid's activities.
Lol at feud I'm just saying even back on old ml you were not my biggest fan. I'm not saying it was a sharks v. Jets type deal
And the whole point was why choose my post? Several people said similar things. Mom guilt is hard I get it, I also get that kids don't understand that most parents don't have a choice about whether their parents work. Op already pointed out that her dd wants her to quit her job so she can do activities. Kids don't understand.
Maybe I was just a genius, but I understood this fully because my parents explained it to me. As did my siblings. I have no intention of running myself ragged during the week for my kid's activities.
Man. I already apologised. I reread my shit and I can see how it sounded assholish.
The op stated her daughter wanted her to quit working so she could do activities so maybe she doesn't understand the struggle.
As far as the gas goes we talked this out. I didn't know how to use the new style pumps that take cards. I figured that shit out I pump my gas and handle my life shit as much as possible with out wanting to run and hide in a cave.
I meant no ill will and the comments about my sister were pretty tongue in cheek. And yes in my personal experience sports, student council, art club all of those made it easier to make friends for me. I was a horribly shy preteen/teen
And ftr I didn't say my sister was fat she is out of shape and its a health concern.
Is there a number of times I can say "sorry I was a dick" that will stop this from dragging out? Or like some other form of repentance? Ill do it. Do you want a video of me doing somersaults in my front yard? A song? Name it.
I'm not afraid to say I was an asshole or see how what I said could be easily taken not how I meant it.
Post by aprilsails on Jul 22, 2014 21:09:34 GMT -5
I think you have the opportunity to look into your options in your new town. If there's any specific activity you know she would like to participate in I would suggest you contact the club in advance to find out if there are any opportunities for a direct bus drop-off or if there are other students from your daughter's school who participate.
I went to figure skating lessons after school for years and was dropped off directly by the local school bus. I was supervised by the coaches, and then had a deal set up with the canteen to pick up dinner. My parents came out to get me around 7pm. If they were running late I went across the street to the library. This was in a super small town club, so I know my parents were comfortable with the arrangements. I recognize that may be a limiting factor for you in a new place.
It never hurts to look into your options. Otherwise, your daughter will make new friends in her new school and you may find other options to get her into group activities through the school.
My parents had limited funds and time. I was only allowed to choose one activity per year. Nothing during the summer due to my parent's baseball and visiting grandparents. I knew what the limits were growing up and I can now better appreciate the lengths that my parents went to to keep us in each activity.
I have 3 kids and we have yet to do any planned activities other than my older son joining cub scouts. Which is generally every other week plus maybe 1 weekend activity a month. My middle son has Autism and with the tandrums, elopement issues, generally not wanting to sit, we could never do soccer type activities. My son does 1-2 hours of therapy a day after school that we either have to be at home for or me driving him to + a husband who works late, just doesn't allow those activities.
We just try to do a lot of family activities or do playdates where all my children can attend and the oldest can interact with school friends.
My older son has come to understand that his younger brother needs the therapy to help him and that sometimes we can't do things that his friends are doing. Yes he is disappointed, but then we try to do somethings that aren't a weekly planned activity (ie going to library, going to a park he likes)
I hope you can find a way for your kid to do the activities she wants to do, but please do not feel guilty about having to work.
You are doing your best to support your family, and working is a necessary part of that. Not everybody has the luxury of having a flexible schedule, and you are certainly not "choosing" to work over taking your children to activities. Your work is a necessity. You cannot leave in the middle of it to play chauffeur.
Your kids may or may not understand this now, but they will later, and they will appreciate how hard you worked to feed, clothe, and house them. These things come first. These things are musts.
Activities are not necessities.
Hang in there.
Thank you so much for this. I even teared up reading what you wrote because I truly do wish to be the best mom for my kids and when I'm constantly telling them I can't chaperone their field trips or attend playdates after school it makes me feel like I'm failing and depriving them of a fun childhood.
Your kids might not truly understand what you are doing for them, today, but they will someday. They really will.
I was raised by a single father who often worked 12-14 hour days. I was enrolled in very few activities, and even those were through after school care. I'm sure that I asked my dad to stop working at some point, and god knows I gave him shit when he was late to my (rare) game or meet. But at some point in my twenties, it hit me like a ton of bricks, that he sacrificed so much of himself and his time to support us, and I'm incredibly proud of him today.
Give yourself some time to acclimate, and keep your eyes open. An opportunity will present itself.
We lived so far away from everything (an hour and a half to get to school), I left school 15 minutes early to be able to walk almost two miles to get to my piano lesson on time. My grandma drove 45 minutes round trip to get me and bring her back to her house. Then, mom drove half an hour out of her way after work to come get me, then drive 45 minutes home. She thought she was doing the right thing, but I feel more guilt as an adult for all that they sacrificed... for something like piano lessons (which I sucked at lol) After years of that, I did gymnastics, which was only on weekends, way closer to home. Moral of the story - don't overthink this. If you find a solution, awesome. If not, either something may present itself while making new friends, or, they'll live without Guilt is a terrible thing. Wishing peace for your heart
The only activity I did as a kid was t-ball when I was 4 yrs old. My sisters & I went to a weekly (Wednesday afternoon) church thing but carpooled with another family. That was it for me outside of school choir that met during school hours. I turned out just fine.