My only recommendation is that if you stick with your maiden name, you should try to come to peace with the fact that people who don't know you may assume you took your husband's name. My BFF's mom kept her maiden name and would get so mad when people would accidentally assume she had her husband's name. Just seemed like a waste of energy
Given that you want to use your maiden name professionally and do not want to go through the formal name change process, it sounds like you should just keep your maiden name. If you want to be Mr. and Mrs. Jones socially now and then, you can always do that without legally changing your name. It's not like Social Security Administration will come after you yelling "that is not actually your name!" if you send holiday cards from The Jones Family or don't correct your kids' friends when they call you Mrs. Jones. You would, obviously, have different surname than your kids on school and medical paperwork and things like that, but schools and doctors are so used to dealing with different last names among parents and kids that I can't imagine it will be an issue.
FWIW, I changed my last name and kept my original middle and surnames both as middle names. I like it fine and have no regrets, but if I was marrying now with an established career, I would definitely not change my name.
I kept my maiden professionally until we moved out of state. Legally, I changed to Mr. P's. Hyphenating was not an option. Our last names together have 23 letters. There are no forms with space for that.
We moved to a new state and then I changed my last name all around. We joke that we should have switched to mine.
kept my maiden and my middle. partially for professional reasons, mostly because I just didn't want to change my name. I think the whole thing kind of weird.
I've recently started to entertain the idea of changing my name though. mostly because MH has a super common last name and you cannot google that man. me on the other hand? you google me and it's me! race times, wedding registries, family tree, publications, addresses, everything.
we haven't talked about kids last names too much. I'm starting to lean towards giving them H's last though because I can definitely see a big advantage to internet anonymity.
My friend gave me the advice when I got married: either keep your maiden or change it, don't hyphenate. She hyphenated hers as a compromise with her H (she really didn't want to change it) but she said it is a PITA and she pretty much just goes by her maiden now.
I kept my maiden name. I knew I didn't want to change my name since I was younger. I'm really glad I kept it. It has cause ZERO problems, except once in while people being surprised we are married to each other.
My sister has kids and she kept her name, her kids have her H's name. Again, no real issues with it. I feel like as it becomes more common for women to keep their names, these questions will become moot.
You can always wait a while, too, and see how you feel.
I legally changed my name over six months after we got married, although I started using H's name socially right afterward. We had an overseas trip booked for a few months after our wedding and I didn't want to mess around with changing my passport/legal docs until we got back. We got back home and I still waffled on the decision, partly because I didn't want to change my name at my job and go through the hassle of a different email address and all that. Then I got laid off, so I figured I may as well change it since I had the free time to wait on line at Social Security and the DMV, plus I could start fresh at a new job with H's name.
My friend didn't change her name right away because she just didn't get around to it. They had a baby about a year after their wedding and the baby took Dad's name, and according to her there were no issues - they just had to keep an eye on the paperwork. About two years after their wedding she decided once and for all to change it, and she told me that she had apparently JUST squeaked under our state's deadline for a woman to freely change her name upon marriage ... had she waited any longer, she would've had to go to court to petition and pay for a name change. I don't think she would've been refused or anything like that, but it would've been a much bigger PITA than just quickly changing it at SS and the DMV with your marriage certificate.
So if you plan on waiting a while to think it over, you may want to check on your state's statute of limitations.
Professionally, I use both non-hyphenated. My DL is hyphenated bc the dmv couldn't do it any other way. My SS card, bank accounts and CCs are all in my maiden name.
This must be by state because I just added DH's last name on the end and my DL has all four names.
I wish I hadn't tried to change my last name at work and if I had any idea idea how much of a PITA it would be, I wouldn't have tried. And I only tried because there was another employee with my same firstname maidenname and she'd get tons of huge e-mails mean for me over the weekends (and I wouldn't get them when I needed them)--of course, she left a couple months after I attempted to change my name :^) I now have my maiden name still as my e-mail (because access to everything here is based on e-mail and if I change that, then I lose access to everything and have to request access to things individually, and they don't allow any overlap time at all--no way that is happening). My married name is what is in the company directory. I end up introducing myself with both names and have both in my e-mail sig so people can find me. The people I knew before marriage mostly still use my maiden name because they'd known me with that name for 10+ years before I changed--and know I don't care. Every project I start now includes several conversations about what me name really is and what people should use.
I feel like an outlier because I changed my name. Most of my friends and the mothers of DD's friends kept their maiden names. I don't know anyone who hyphenated. I know very, very few children with hyphenated last names, but the ones that do have nice, simple last names (think Abby Jones-Smith v. Abby Kulikovsky-Nachtigall) or follow the Hispanic convention of using the father's last name first and the mother's last name last.
I haven't read the responses, but if you plan on JUST using your current name at work, it's probably best to have your legal name match up with that, since they need your social security card and other documents in order to put you on payroll and legally report your income. So you'll either end up using 2 names at work, which can be confusing, or you'll slip into whatever you decide on legally.
My last name is long and would be even harder to spell/pronounce if it was hyphenated. Plus, my name would be unbalanced if I added anything to it. Plus, I admit I have a bit of an attitude of, "why should I change anything if my husband isn't willing to do so?" (My husband has a first name, 2 middle names, and a last name. He wasn't willing to change or add anything, let me tell you!)
We do plan on having children and they will have 2 middle names, like my husband, and the second will be my last name. It's a compromise (I wanted to smush our last names into a portmanteau, but my husband isn't enthusiastic about it). I have a different last name from my mother. Plenty of children have single parents, divorced parents or remarried parents with different last names than them. It's not confusing to the kids, and it sure as hell shouldn't be confusing to adults.
I've had a few people assume that I'm not married, just living together or engaged I guess, because we don't have the same last name, although we both wear wedding rings daily. Whatever. It's not MY problem that they make assumptions based on an archaic tradition.
Probably not helpful, but I just read your post and thought about introducing you ... "oh and this is my good friend, Erica Mustigan Hyphen Whatabook, she's a photographer!" And it just seems like a mouthful to say all of that. So think about if you'd get upset if someone didn't say it correctly, OR if your random new coworker met your H and said "oh you must be Mr Mustigan" would he be ok with that, or would he get upset?
*names changed to protect the innocent
PS I thought about hyphenating my last name and DH said "you're either a HisLastName or you're not." Lol
My husband got called Mr. Mylast at the vet's office well before we were married (after taking in my cat, whom I had adopted before we even met). I don't know why someone would be UPSET by a mistake like that. It's not the end of the world. I don't know if my husband even corrects people if he's not going to see them again (although he does correct people if they assume my last name is the same as his. "Actually, her last name is ____." Or, "Hi, I'm Jack Jackson, and this is my wife Mary Smith" if we're just meeting someone.)
I became my first name maiden name his last name....but i only go my my firsy maiden at work and professional settings. I don't do all three names as it is a mouthful. In hindsight in should havr just kept my namr entirely but this has been working.
i be typing from me phone. typos and grammer dont count.
Let's say my name is Susan Elizabeth Smith Jones. I go by Elizabeth Jones in most situations. My driver's license, SS card, and passport show all four names.
I forgot about this. I did the same. One of the countries I travel to semi-regularly does not recognize name changes by marriage, so my passport must have my maiden name on it (the name with which my visa is issued). This is probably the only situation in which I use my mn, but it is nice to have the option.
I wish I'd kept my maiden name. My married name sucks.
same! but my DH was pretty adamant on it so i changed. in retrospect OP, i'd just keep maiden for professional/legal, and just refer to myself as "mrs. XX" for social.
i do, however, have 4 names - first, middle, maiden, last. so technically i could just go by my maiden name if i really wanted to.
Post by hopenotlost on Jul 30, 2014 10:25:09 GMT -5
My oldest daughter was adopted by my DH (he's been with me since I was pregnant with her, but she isn't biologically his). When she was born her name was Firstname Middlename MyMaidenName. After DH adopted her, she is FirstName MiddleName MyMaidenName DHLastName. Her original last name became a second middle name. Maybe you could have your maiden name be a second middle name?
Professionally, I use both non-hyphenated. My DL is hyphenated bc the dmv couldn't do it any other way. My SS card, bank accounts and CCs are all in my maiden name.
This must be by state because I just added DH's last name on the end and my DL has all four names.
This is so true.
The state where DH and I were married did not have enough spaces in the DMV records for all four of my names, so they just entered First Middle DHsLast, and dropped my Maiden name. But my SS card has all four. So when we moved to our current state, I had a terrible time getting a new driver's license. I was raising all kids of red flags in the computer system and eventually a supervisor had to come out and override all kinds of things to get me in the system without needing new written and road tests. My current license, thank goodness, does have space for all four so it matches the SS card now.
Hyphenating would have been the only thing worse than keeping my 9 letter, 4 syllable German last name. I ditched my maiden name in a heartbeat, and if I ever needed to revert to another name, I might actually go with my mom's maiden name because I like it much better.
I'd just keep your maiden name legally and use your husband's last name socially if it's convenient. Don't hyphenate the kids unless you feel REALLY REALLY STRONGLY about it.
This must be by state because I just added DH's last name on the end and my DL has all four names.
This is so true.
The state where DH and I were married did not have enough spaces in the DMV records for all four of my names, so they just entered First Middle DHsLast, and dropped my Maiden name. Â But my SS card has all four. Â So when we moved to our current state, I had a terrible time getting a new driver's license. Â I was raising all kids of red flags in the computer system and eventually a supervisor had to come out and override all kinds of things to get me in the system without needing new written and road tests. Â My current license, thank goodness, does have space for all four so it matches the SS card now. Â
My SS card has all four names, but the last three states I have lived in have only allowed for three names on DLs. I have just used First Maiden Last. It hasn't ever been problematic for me, though.
Probably not helpful, but I just read your post and thought about introducing you ... "oh and this is my good friend, Erica Mustigan Hyphen Whatabook, she's a photographer!" And it just seems like a mouthful to say all of that. So think about if you'd get upset if someone didn't say it correctly, OR if your random new coworker met your H and said "oh you must be Mr Mustigan" would he be ok with that, or would he get upset?
*names changed to protect the innocent
PS I thought about hyphenating my last name and DH said "you're either a HisLastName or you're not." Lol
My husband got called Mr. Mylast at the vet's office well before we were married (after taking in my cat, whom I had adopted before we even met). I don't know why someone would be UPSET by a mistake like that. It's not the end of the world. I don't know if my husband even corrects people if he's not going to see them again (although he does correct people if they assume my last name is the same as his. "Actually, her last name is ____." Or, "Hi, I'm Jack Jackson, and this is my wife Mary Smith" if we're just meeting someone.)
I'm good friends with redredwine and her FI. I wasn't suggesting that he *would* be upset if someone called him the wrong name, just asking if he would be. Some people get hung up on people calling them the "right" name. OP said her ex-MIL was one of those people that would be bitchy about it. I wouldn't want to deal with that on a regular basis so that would impact my decision to change my name or not.
For the professional reason alone, I wouldn't change it and just keep your maiden name. I would not want to reestablish myself with a new professional name at this point in my career.
You an always go by your husband's name socially.
I'm not going to change it at work no matter what.
I think I'm going to keep my maiden name. Simple, easy, no paperwork and heck, I can always hyphenate later if I wanted to.
Post by pinkdutchtulips on Jul 30, 2014 11:12:56 GMT -5
I kept my name legally - DMV, SSA all have my maiden name on them. Socially I went by now xh's last name and no one was the wiser that I didn't change my name. Professionally I used both - I got married at 32, I had a decade of contacts in my industry that I didn't want to lose simply bc I changed my name. Also when dd came (she's get xh's last name) it was handy to use both bc if anyone called me at work about her there was no confusion.
now that we're getting divorced, I am SO FREAKING GLAD !!!, I never changed my name. in the unlikely event I ever get married again, I won't change my name then either. even as a little girl I always saw myself adding his name to mine or not adding his at all - changing my name was never an option to me. ironically of my sisters, only of the 3 of us changed our name - my baby sister and I refused to give up the palindromes (spelled the same forwards and backwards) yet out younger sister gladly traded it in.
I am not much a fan of hyphenated names. I think I'd just stick with my maiden name if I were you.
Personally, I changed my name with my first marriage but hated doing it. I think I'm going to stick with my maiden name going forward, though I may change my mind I guess. If I marry my BF, our last names are actually somewhat similar (think Jones/Jonston) so I think they kind of go together anyway.
Post by LoveTrains on Jul 30, 2014 11:39:56 GMT -5
I will add that my H was given a hyphenated name by his parents (along with his siblings). They all have considered it to be a huge PITA and as adults all have gone through considerable time and effort to drop the hyphen and only go by one name. And then it's also caused family tension about which name they pick.
I kept my maiden name and DH sometimes gets called Mr. Nomad. It makes him laugh a bit since when we moved back to my home city he jokingly said he should change his name to mine since my family names is recognizable.
DH offered to do this when we got married, but stupid me thought, "It's tradition! I'll take his name!" Now I really regret not taking him up on his offer...