Post by scribellesam on Jul 30, 2014 9:45:25 GMT -5
I was one of those who had a switch flipped in my late 20s. I was utterly indifferent to babies for the first ~28 years of my life, then my friends started having babies and suddenly I wanted ALL THE BAYBEES!!! I had DS when I was 29. Luckily DH's switch flipped around the same time as mine.
I came down with a bad case of the baby rabies at 26. I got pregnant right away and had DS1 at 27.
In retrospect, we should have waited a couple of years. Now I have major wanderlust that I need to exercise and can't because of my little munchkins in tow
Post by shellbear09 on Jul 30, 2014 10:01:42 GMT -5
I definitely didn't have that omgiwantababy feeling ever. I knew it just wasn't in me but I finally got to the point where I thought I wanted to at least try so we went for it. Started trying after two years of marriage and almost 5 together and probably would have waited a bit longer if not for age. I was 34 then and didn't have dd until 36.
I personally am all for waiting to do things like travel, get into a good place financially etc. as long as age is on your side and for you it is. Most don't have trouble getting pg within a year so I wouldn't fact that into this dccision.
Post by simpsongal on Jul 30, 2014 10:06:05 GMT -5
NO baby fever, but like you everything just sort of fell into place. We've been settling into our house for a couple years and we had plenty of time as a couple - it just felt right. We're tired but it's been some of the best ~ 6 months of our lives!
Post by kittycatlove on Jul 30, 2014 10:14:38 GMT -5
I never had baby fever, actually never really thought about having kids.
But our choice was definitely age related. I didn't meet DH till I was 37, got married at 39. We started trying after a few months of being married and then realized we needed help. After several rounds of IF treatments I had DS(IUI baby)just 2 months before I turned 42.
We waited until we'd been married a few years and for H to have a permanent job. We kinda went with the idea that we didn't want to wait until we were desperate for it to happen in case it took a long time.
For TTC #2, we will probably wait until next summer because we want to do an anniversary trip with out LO #1 and without me being pregnant.
Ours was a totally logical decision. I was 29, H was 35. We'd travelled and could cash-flow the expenses. We had a narrow timing window, and got lucky and got pregnant the first month we tried.
H wanted to delay it a few months, but by the time it came to just do it, I was pretty emotionally attached to the need to have a baby. I started getting envious of friends who announced they were pregnant.
I'm finding having the second one much harder to commit to. I waffle back and forth. Last week I made an appointment to pull the IUD. Now we're planning a second trip to Europe in the spring instead.
Did you wait for the omgiwantababy right.now. feeling?
If we had waited for that, we never would have had a baby
When we were first married, we'd decided we wanted to be married for three years before we decided whether we wanted to TTC. Then when we were drunk one NYE, DH suggested we start trying the following New Year's, so we did.
Like you, we had plenty of leave, were in a good spot financially, and had done a lot of travel. Even with all of those elements in place, I am not sure I would have ever felt 100 percent ready - I wasn't convinced I wanted a kid, but I also wasn't convinced that I wouldn't regret it if we didn't have one. We basically decided we weren't getting any younger (I was 31 and DH was 36 when we started TTC) and that we might as well give it a shot and see what happened. DD made her appearance almost exactly one year later
I could have written the post myself! We were married for 6 years before TTC, (today is our anniversary) and had C just shy of our 7 year anniversary. He has always wanted kids, but I was so/so. We bought our house, had savings, traveled a ton, so I ran out of excuses! I was 30 He was 32 when our son was born.
The nice thing about pregnancy is that you do have nine months to develop the squishy baby!! feeling, if it's not there before.
And if you still don't feel that way while you're pregnant, that's okay, too. I didn't really fall in love with DD until she was a few weeks old.
FastHands and I were just talking about this on GP yesterday. I am due this week and feel completely unconnected to the alien growing inside of me. Glad to hear that you didn't turn out to be a monster mother who hates her baby.
Post by spunkarella on Jul 30, 2014 10:48:03 GMT -5
Something else to add...I have always pictured us as "younger" parents. Younger in quotes because at 27 I still consider myself young, but many, many people from my rural high school are posting first day of kindergarten pics already.
Also, a lot of our friends are having babies right now. I don't necessarily feel pressure from them, but I think parenting could be more fun if we have several close friends in the same boat. Then I think "because everyone else is doing it" is a really lame/dumb reason to have a kid.
ETA: This fall will make 4 years married and 10 years since we started dating.
And if you still don't feel that way while you're pregnant, that's okay, too. I didn't really fall in love with DD until she was a few weeks old.
FastHands and I were just talking about this on GP yesterday. I am due this week and feel completely unconnected to the alien growing inside of me. Glad to hear that you didn't turn out to be a monster mother who hates her baby.
Also, a lot of our friends are having babies right now. I don't necessarily feel pressure from them, but I think parenting could be more fun if we have several close friends in the same boat. Then I think "because everyone else is doing it" is a really lame/dumb reason to have a kid.
Ehh...I don't think it's dumb. I mean, if you're ready in other ways and this is the push you need to pull the trigger, I wouldn't have any problem with it. I would love to be pg with my BFF!
FastHands and I were just talking about this on GP yesterday. I am due this week and feel completely unconnected to the alien growing inside of me. Glad to hear that you didn't turn out to be a monster mother who hates her baby.
WAY TO TELL EVERYONE I'M A MONSTER. GEEZ.
(wilted) I was trying to refer to myself as a monster, but clearly my grasp of the English language leaves something to be desired.
We always said, "Minimum one, maximum two", wrt babies. I think I was on board with baby stuff before my H. We made sure we could live on a post-baby budget (including nanny expenses, etc.), we researched how far we would be willing to go for biological kids and what adoption options we would pursue if it came to that (I am adopted), we waited for a year due to my H having some health issues that were interfering with his daily life.
I told him in the spring that I was going off OCP and he could buy condoms if he wanted to avoid for a while longer. Then we decided together to try after we finished our summer travel.
It was fairly logical and not at all, OMGBABEEEEEEES!
We are also older and likely OAD (barring some IUD mishap!).
My H who was on the fence is SOOO in love with Caramini it is scary. He loves her so much and so fiercely, sometimes I feel like a jaded bad mom when I am exasperated. He ADORES her.
And if you still don't feel that way while you're pregnant, that's okay, too. I didn't really fall in love with DD until she was a few weeks old.
FastHands and I were just talking about this on GP yesterday. I am due this week and feel completely unconnected to the alien growing inside of me. Glad to hear that you didn't turn out to be a monster mother who hates her baby.
When DD finally popped out and they put her on my chest, I remember thinking, "Huh, there really was a baby in there." Obviously, I knew I was going to have a baby but it was still so surreal the entire time I was pregnant. It was really hard to wrap my head around the idea that there was an actual little person in there.
I also remember DH telling DD that he loved her sometime in the first week and being a little taken aback, because I didn't really feel that way yet. I thought she was cute and I cared about her and I even liked her most of the time (there were definite exceptions to that though, usually in the middle of the night), but I wouldn't say that I felt like I loved her until we'd had a few weeks together. I definitely was not one of those women who fell in love with their baby from the moment they got their BFP.
So not to worry, you and FastHands aren't monsters - unless I am one too and just don't realize it
FastHands and I were just talking about this on GP yesterday. I am due this week and feel completely unconnected to the alien growing inside of me. Glad to hear that you didn't turn out to be a monster mother who hates her baby.
When DD finally popped out and they put her on my chest, I remember thinking, "Huh, there really was a baby in there." Obviously, I knew I was going to have a baby but it was still so surreal the entire time I was pregnant. It was really hard to wrap my head around the idea that there was an actual little person in there.
I also remember DH telling DD that he loved her sometime in the first week and being a little taken aback, because I didn't really feel that way yet. I thought she was cute and I cared about her and I even liked her most of the time (there were definite exceptions to that though, usually in the middle of the night), but I wouldn't say that I felt like I loved her until we'd had a few weeks together. I definitely was not one of those women who fell in love with their baby from the moment they got their BFP.
So not to worry, you and FastHands aren't monsters - unless I am one too and just don't realize it
My aunt got me a picture frame that says "We loved you before you were born." I'm like "can I still display this if it's a lie?" :?
I guess I'm the odd duck because I had intense baby fever since before we were married. We got married young, at 22, and waited two years to TTC just to give ourselves some time to be married and travel. Even though I was emotionally ready, we made sure that we had good jobs, a house, and sufficient (maybe not for MM) savings before trying.
If you decide you do want kids, I think almost everyone is happy they decided to have them, regardless of if they were so excited or hesitant to try or if it was an accident.
We never really had the OMG I need a baby now type feeling. Or at least I never did. We actually decided a year before that we were going to start trying in May the next year. We both wanted kids, but I had changed careers and went back to school at 27, so we were waiting for me to be done with school and in my job for a year.
Now we're discussing trying for #2 and I feel like it's one of those things we just have to decide to do at a point, because otherwise I'll be waiting for the timing to be perfect forever.
Post by wanderlustfoodie on Jul 30, 2014 11:06:39 GMT -5
Hi, hope it's OK if I butt in from MM but spunkarella's post hits home for me, too. We don't have baby fever, aren't really "newborn" people, and are both only children who have never spent any time around children. However, we're 33 (and not getting any younger) so we kind of feel like if we're going to do this, we should do it soon-ish. Logically, I know we'd be "good parents" but it's so hard for me to fathom going from being "meh" about babies to being totally in love with mine even though I know a lot of people (including my own mother) who say that that's exactly what happens.
So, for all of you who said you weren't interested in other people's babies but are obsessed with your own, does that just happen naturally? Should I be worried that we will end up with a kid and that instinct won't kick in? Nervous, party of one over here... These stories about all of you who never had baby fever but are now so in love with your children are really great to read given that this is kind of the situation MH and I are in. Any thoughts as to why your feelings changed once you had your own child?
I was 27 when we got married and neither of us was in a hurry. We decided to TTC when I turned 30. I think over those 3 years we slowly got to a place where we were more excited to actually do it. We did delay an extra 6 months so we could take a big trip to Australia, so obviously we weren't super impatient.
FWIW, we decided when to TTC#2 while I was pregnant with #1. Part of me is so glad because I feel like making that decision now would be so much harder. Or maybe I just need years to get used to the idea of having a kid.
Post by turtlegirl on Jul 30, 2014 11:10:31 GMT -5
I always knew I wanted to be a mom and probably a "young" mother as well. DH and I started dating when I was 17, he was 20. We dated for a while, did long distance due to college/military, lived together for a while and got married at 23 and 26. We bought a house the following year, got a dog and settled into married life for about a year. I had DS1 at 25, DS2 at 27 and we are currently TTC#3 and I will hopefully have another baby at 30.
Pretty crazy when I write it all out like that, but we just knew we were ready and jumped right in.
Hi, hope it's OK if I butt in from MM but spunkarella's post hits home for me, too. We don't have baby fever, aren't really "newborn" people, and are both only children who have never spent any time around children. However, we're 33 (and not getting any younger) so we kind of feel like if we're going to do this, we should do it soon-ish. Logically, I know we'd be "good parents" but it's so hard for me to fathom going from being "meh" about babies to being totally in love with mine even though I know a lot of people (including my own mother) who say that that's exactly what happens.
So, for all of you who said you weren't interested in other people's babies but are obsessed with your own, does that just happen naturally? Should I be worried that we will end up with a kid and that instinct won't kick in? Nervous, party of one over here... These stories about all of you who never had baby fever but are now so in love with your children are really great to read given that this is kind of the situation MH and I are in. Any thoughts as to why your feelings changed once you had your own child?
Yeah, it's weird because as I said above I had baby fever but am not a huge kid person and hadn't spent much time around babies. For me, it did just happen naturally- of course, there is a learning curve on parenting, but I just think my LO hung the moon. Can still take or leave other kids!
When DD finally popped out and they put her on my chest, I remember thinking, "Huh, there really was a baby in there." Obviously, I knew I was going to have a baby but it was still so surreal the entire time I was pregnant. It was really hard to wrap my head around the idea that there was an actual little person in there.
I also remember DH telling DD that he loved her sometime in the first week and being a little taken aback, because I didn't really feel that way yet. I thought she was cute and I cared about her and I even liked her most of the time (there were definite exceptions to that though, usually in the middle of the night), but I wouldn't say that I felt like I loved her until we'd had a few weeks together. I definitely was not one of those women who fell in love with their baby from the moment they got their BFP.
So not to worry, you and FastHands aren't monsters - unless I am one too and just don't realize it
I had the same feeling (bolded text)
It was surreal to have the actual little person there in front of me.
For me, I wouldn't say that I didn't love her from the start, but it was more of an animal type protective instinct. I felt very much attached to her from the beginning, but not 'in love'. Now I'm completely head over heels. If that is what some women feel like while pregnant or just after delivery, it must be really overwhelming!
Logically, I know we'd be "good parents" but it's so hard for me to fathom going from being "meh" about babies to being totally in love with mine even though I know a lot of people (including my own mother) who say that that's exactly what happens.
This is so me, too. I have a thread about this somewhere but I can't search easily from my phone. I don't dislike other people's babies, but I get bored of holding and interacting with them in about 90 seconds, lol.
So, for all of you who said you weren't interested in other people's babies but are obsessed with your own, does that just happen naturally? Should I be worried that we will end up with a kid and that instinct won't kick in? Nervous, party of one over here... These stories about all of you who never had baby fever but are now so in love with your children are really great to read given that this is kind of the situation MH and I are in. Any thoughts as to why your feelings changed once you had your own child?
I am not sure why it is different with your own kid but it just is. Remember all those times that you've wondered why people are making such a big fuss over their baby sleeping or smiling or farting? Chances are, someday it will be you making that fuss and thinking that your child is the best thing ever.
I won't lie and say that everything is unicorns and rainbows all the time, because there were definitely a few moments (again, usually in the middle of the night) when I would have given her back if possible. But overall, I have zero regrets that we had DD. I think she is adorable and hilarious, and just keeps getting cuter and funnier as she gets older. She is definitely one of the best things in our life. I have no doubt that we could have had a great life without kids, too, but now that we have her, it really is hard to imagine life without her.
Someone please remind me of this when she is age 11-17 or so and making my life a living hell.
Post by jeaniebueller on Jul 30, 2014 11:22:09 GMT -5
We had been married 3 years, together for 7, H was almost done with grad school, we had just moved into our new home so we figured it was time. I was 28 and H was 34 when we started TTC DS.